SpursGem CC Diary to lose 8 Stone!!

Hi all :wavey:

I have been a long time lurker of this forum, reading everyone's food diaries, recipes and looking at before and after pics and always felt very envious as i wanted to be a success story but i always found and excuse to put the diet....and most of the time they were pathetic excuses! I suffer from depression and anxiety which to me makes the perfect excuse to emotional eat/binge. 2012 i had a lot of stuff going on in my family life, mainly my mum spreading vicious rumours about me (Yes my mum!!!) which made me reach the lowest point i have every been in my life and subsequently made me the heaviest i have every been.

I didn't know how bad i was until i heard my 9yr old son saying to my 5yr son "i wish mummy would stop eating bad foods so she will be happy and then she would want to take us swimming and she will be smiling again" That was a huge slap in the face to me. There i was crying about how bad my mum was and how she was not like a real mum to me and there were my two boys missing out on their mummy! I sat them down and asked them to tell me how they feel about everything, my depression, my weight, my laziness! after i big promise not to tell them off for saying things they told me that they are sad because their friends mums meet up at the park and they all go out and i don't because i cant face it, The said they want me to enjoy our holiday (Turkey in the summer) but they know i will be sad because i won't go on the water slides because i'm too fat. Then my youngest said to me that he is scared that i will get asked to get off the plane because my fat bum won't fit in the seats!

Why am i doing this to them?? Why am i doing this to myself???

I also suffer from PCOS and Severe IBS (suspected Crohns) but so does a lot of people and they can/are slim and healthy. I need to stop using it as a reason i struggle! I struggle because i allow myself to and i get disheartened very quickly.

I have tried Atkins lost 3 stone - gained it all back, WW for 4 weeks lost 2lb, Slim fast lasted a week, CC lost 1 stone then gave up and gained, SW lost 1.5 stone then gained it all back when i stopped, VLCD lasted 2 days!!, and now back onto CC.

I gained over a stone in weight last year with all the stuff going on but now i know only i can control my weight and emotions (with a little or maybe a lot of help and support from you guys )

After reading Donnajt's food diary i felt inspired to do my own. Sorry for the long message and if you are still reading thanks

Gem xx

Tuesday 5th March

Breakfast:

Scrambled Egg (2 eggs) with 2 Grilled Bacon and 4 Slcies of Toms 294 Cals

Snack
70g FF Natural youghurt with 15g Rasin wheat (Sprinkled) and 0.5 Tbsp of Honey 109 Cals

Lunch

443 Cals

Snack


92 Cals

Dinner

Chicken wrapped in bacon with birds eye Mediterranean rice and salad 666 Cals

snack
Asda Strawberry split lolly 53 Cals

Total Calories 1657 / 1720

Exercise: 10 minute walk at 3mph (70 Cals burned)

Wednesday 6th March

Breakfast

2 x grilled bacon , 1 egg and 2 slices of toast with 1 tsp clover 408 Cals

Lunch

Pizza hut buffet!!! 2 small slices of BBQ chicken pizza, large garden salad with small dollop of Potato Salad 623 cals

Dinner

Plan to have homemade Veg soup and 2 ryvitas. Got a meeting tonight so need to make sure i eat before i go but at the mo i'm still stuffed from Lunch!

My Husband's nan died this afternoon. She was like a nan to me so it's hit me hard. We ended up grabbing a mcdonalds as neither of us felt up to cooking.

Snack

Energy drink 105 Cals

Total Calories / 1720

Exercise: 20 minutes walking at 2.5mph 127 Cals burned

Yeah good luck with your journey , I am off to turkey in September and so is Donna this year so you are in good company

Good luck!! It sounds like you have hit a turning point after the talk with your kids so I am sure you will kick ass!!

Thanks! my boys have strict instructions to tell me off when they see me eating something naughty. My 9yr old Jamie made me write down a promise and sign it!! My husband is being very supportive checking MFP every evening.

Sadly we lost our nan today so the diet as gone out the window but i know she would kick my butt if she knew i gave up so back on it tomorrow as planned.

So sorry to hear of your loss .

Sorry to hear about your news

Thank you ladies, I don't think it's hit me yet. I thought i would wake up and it would all be a dream but it's not.

hi spursgem

good luck with your journey, we have about the same amount to loose. sorry to hear bout your nan. sometimes life takes over and we forget to put ourselves first i learnt that this week. i put everyone happiness before my ownand you have to be happy yourself as your children said.

sarah xx

sarahmun said:

hi spursgem

good luck with your journey, we have about the same amount to loose. sorry to hear bout your nan. sometimes life takes over and we forget to put ourselves first i learnt that this week. i put everyone happiness before my ownand you have to be happy yourself as your children said.

sarah xx

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Thanks Sarah. It's very easy to let life take over my boys made me realise that at the moment i am existing and not living.

When i look at the total amount i have to lose it scares me so i'm focusing on little chunks at a time. My first goal is 42lbs by August, seems much more reachable!

Good luck in your journey, i'm sure we can help each other along

Gem xx

Thursday 7th March

Breakfast:

Scrambled Egg (2 eggs) with 2 Grilled Bacon and 4 Slcies of Toms 294 Cals

Lunch

Ended up having this again, can't quite face eating at the moment but i know i have too

443 Cals

Dinner
Cottage pie with Swede mash 424 Cals

Snacks
1 slice of toast with teeny bit of choc spread 136 cals
Belvita biscuits 232 Cals

Total Calories: 1529 / 1720

Exercise: None today, didn't really move off the sofa to be honest.

So sorry to hear about your Nan spursgem - may she rest in peace - its really good that you have turned something so sad into a positive - you are right she will be cheering you on and pushing you towards your goal

Love that the boys have made you sign a contract, what happens if you break the contract? I think they should make you run naked down the street in broad daylight

Breakfast looks lovely - haven't had scrambled egg in ages

haha my boys would die in shame if i ran down the street naked, plus i think the neighbours may claim compensation for all the distress

She was always very supportive of me, my in-laws are great. I see them as my family not my family by marriage. We are all very close. My 9yr old jamie has taken it very hard, he has asked to go to here funeral but im not sure. I suggested we have our own ceremony and they can write a note or draw a picture and send to heaven on a balloon. He wants to do that but at her funeral. I've never had to deal with this before so i'm lost.

i love scrambled egg, I can't have to much cereal because of my IBS so i tend to go for this on my day off work!

Gem xx

When my Nan died Megan wanted to come along but she was only 4, my in laws took her out for the day and then bought her back to the wake - once the crying had stopped, she thought she had attended the funeral

When my father in law died in 2009 again Megan wanted to come to the funeral but we didn't let her, she stayed with a relative during the service and then we collected her an let her come to the wake - my sis in law took her daughter who was the same age (10) and she was in a terrible state - she screamed when the coffin came in it was awful

When it came to scattering father in laws ashes - we just had all his children and grandchildren attend, we paid to have white doves released - the grandkids all got ribbons to pull to release the doves and the dove lady presented each of them with a little gold bag containing a white dove feather and a poem about how their grandad was watching them from heaven - it was lovely and something that i would recommend x

Thanks Donna, i love the idea of releasing Doves. I suggested we all have a balloon and tie a note on it so we can send a message to heaven.

I struggled today at work, tried to keep it together but has to have a little break to gather my thoughts. I work in a bank so constantly busy serving customers.

I will definitely look into the Doves. The more i think about it the more i am against Jamie coming to the funeral, i'm not sure he will cope very well

Gem xx

Friday 8th March

Breakfast

McDonald's Bagel with 1/2 pot Philadelphia (nothing in the house as i haven't been Tescos) 236 Calories

Lunch

Left of Shepherds pie 318 Calories

Dinner

Old El Paso Tacos (2 shells) with salad and Cous Cous 523 Calories

Snacks

Strawberry Split Lolly 53 Calories

Total Calories: 1130 / 1720
Exercise: None, been at work all day but spent most of my day on my feet

Hi Donna
I remember when my gran died when I was 7 and I wanted to go to the funeral my mum sent want my last memories of her to be so sad so she refused and I'm glad really cause even now after seeing my grandfather die I still have that last image of him. It's gonna be a hard day for you as it is but not having the children there will be a lot easier for you to grieve. I hope he understands the ideas you've had so far are really good
Sarah x

spursgem said:

Thanks Donna, i love the idea of releasing Doves. I suggested we all have a balloon and tie a note on it so we can send a message to heaven.

I struggled today at work, tried to keep it together but has to have a little break to gather my thoughts. I work in a bank so constantly busy serving customers.

I will definitely look into the Doves. The more i think about it the more i am against Jamie coming to the funeral, i'm not sure he will cope very well

Gem xx

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I love the balloon idea and its something you could do every year

What you got planned for the weekend? can't believe the change in weather