nutter nikki's - the push for Xmas

i'm starting yet another new diary. i'v been struggling with getting my head round things since the death my mum, 2 months ago. i've decided i need a new diary and a new start.

i'm a horrific 14st and i need to get back to 11st 7lbs, minimum. i need to loose a much as possible in 5 weeks as i'm getting my eyes lasered on the 19th july!

today i've started with a pint of water and a black coffee. i love my milk and it's been holding me back as i've been drinking too much of it. i tried a black coffee yesterday and it was nice. no milk, no sweetner just coffee and water. also i'm having an outright ban on cheese, nuts and wine. the wine is being used as a way of just knocking myself out of a night when i feel very low about things. it's also one of the biggest contributory factors to me NOT loosing anything at all. if i don't act now i wil just get fatter.

i hav the race for life in 2 weeks time and for once in my life i am totally not ready! i can run the 3 miles but i will not beat my personal best of 29 mins. it looks like it will be more 33 mins. i also have the great north run, a half marathon in september and if i don't get my lazy butt moving then that will be a flop too! my problem with running right now is two fold. 1) i'm tired all the time, i can't seem to get enough sleep and 2) i can't run as i want to as i feel so heavy, it's such a massive effort, where before it wasn't such an effort and was quite enjoyable.

i had pains in my chest yesterday, not heart but like i'd pulled something. it got my thinking that i would have a heart attack at any moment in time. i'm 38!

my dad's 73 and doing ok with the death of my mum but yesterday he got his results from his stool test back and he need to see someone about it. he had a camera up in november so i'm thinking that it's not going to be too bad and is probably his tablets.

the worry is that there's so much illness in our family. cancer being one, diabetes being another and heart problems, blood pressure problems to name a few. i need to get my weight off to feel better and to be able to battle against some of the more preventable illnesses!

it's got to be done and no other diet can work the same.

i think the nightmare point is that i've had to buy some new clothes in bigger sizes. i have a wardrobe of beautiful clothes that i can't wear as they're too small. i'm cross with myself. i just need to do it! go for it! suffer the pain of not having what i want, cause what i want is killing me at the end of the day, not now, it won't show now, but i don't want to end up like my mum and hav her problems. i don't want to inflict this on my kids. my biggest threat to my health right now is diabetes. this is the one i must not get!

Morning Nikki -

Wonderful introduction. I am on my phone so I'm not sure where this diary is located. Are you on the members section?

In addition to avoiding your Mother's health issues (to include her amputation) you should probably have mentioned that your children are very young. Ems and lil Dude (Matthew) need their lovely devoted mummy and you do need to set a good example for them. They are good motivation

I am glad to see you back. Are you going with CD? A lot of us are having good results with JUDDD. Dieting every other day - including having your nuts, cheese and wine - but counting the calories is very workable. It might not be as fast as CD, but it is a way of eating that you can adapt to management and the rest if life. I could see this putting a stop to the YoYo cycle.

I think it would work for you. You have social things and Zumba class days where your fitness and low calories probably muck up your metabolism.
I think when I get closer to goal or am at goal I am going to get a Fitbit and strive for balance. But by then I might have a handle on this calories in, calories out.

Good luck, Nikki. I'm here for you.

P.S. Is the half marathon in Peterborough? If so, I might be able to pop up and provide support. I live just south of there.

Thanks mel. Nope doing ss now. 4 a day. Half is Newcastle to south shields. This will be my 3rd time now!

I think when I'm closer to goal I will go low GI. I need a plan, a get out clause. I will incorporate cd still but I need to really keep it off.

I am trying to use slim and save on Down Days and low carb/ low fat healthy choices on up. So as you get closed to goal you can refeed in an UP/Down fashion. Because like me, I suspect, you are an all or nothing kind of girl.

I've not been 109% even with the flexibility of JUDDD. So, I am breaking out the Beck and going to work on "Getting my head in the game".

Bummer you're not running closer. And next time you're going to bd in Brum or London let Shannt and me know ASAP - and we might be able to meet up.

I want to take DD to see the illuminations. I'll let you know if I work it out.

Hiya Nikki, first of all don't panic!! You know you can do this. I'm in the same boat, in the 14's and really don't want to be, I'm on a mission to get rid and get to 12st by 5th September the day before we go on holiday. I have 12 and a half weeks to achieve this. And I'm convinced it's do able!! You have less to lose so you'll be fine too.

As for RFL, I've done zero training so I'm just going to be fast walking/jogging, which is a serious disappointment to me, but with one thing and another training just hasn't been an option for me. I SHOULD have been at or very near my goal right now but life (and death) got in the way.

We can do this together, I'll make that promise!!

PS milk!! I'm going to have to stop having my tea with milk, I only have a splash but I think it could well be what causes my small losses! Light bulb moment thank you!!!

Hey Nikki im here too sounds as if you are getting back into the zone which is smashing... try and take it day by day chick.

Always remember, Diet is a way of mind not a period of time!!

Big hugs x

feel like i'm struggling today but i'm not giving in and it's just the way cd ss is anyway!

so far i've had

1 choc mint shake
1 maple porridge
6 pints of water
3 black coffees. really liking the coffees.

peeing loads. finished my planning too. off to cinema tonight. have a bar left for this. will drink water instead of coke zero pop.

Good luck with your restart

been glugging the water like crazy. i think my hardest times of the day is from 3-5pm. once i get to past 5pm i am fine. it's now 6.30pm and i feel ok.

i've had about 8 pints of water today. i can feel it glugging around in my tum. it's been a hard day as the kids have really gone for it. big time! hurting each other. matthew crying. planning to do. mess to clear. i'm also very tired. hubby's been at work all day, apart from the 12 lunch when i'd had it with the kids so i phoned him as i was about to seriously loose the plot!

i've also remembered that when i drink the water i also GO...and i mean GO to the loo! i have eaten a couple of nuts, i was desperate. not a big problem as i haven't gone bonkers like i have done in the past. it got me through. still have 2 shakes to go. not sure if we are going to the cinema now either. up to hubby! i can't be bothered as i'm so tired. just want to fall asleep watching rubbish on the box!

Do you know what, I feel like a freaking junkie today. I am constantly thinking about food, haribos and cakes in particularly. I feel like I'm crawling the walls!!! I keep telling myself that the craving will only last 20 minutes, but it's still there. I've already been to the shop once to buy a card, so at least I know I won't dare go back to stock up on sweets. I'm going slightly insane here!!!

"Food is not comfort if you're not comfortable!"

Surfhunny said:

Do you know what, I feel like a freaking junkie today. I am constantly thinking about food, haribos and cakes in particularly. I feel like I'm crawling the walls!!! I keep telling myself that the craving will only last 20 minutes, but it's still there. I've already been to the shop once to buy a card, so at least I know I won't dare go back to stock up on sweets. I'm going slightly insane here!!!

"Food is not comfort if you're not comfortable!"

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Me too. I am constantly thinking about what I want to be eating and drinking right now. I really want nuts, crisps and wine!

I've come upstairs out of the way. Hubby has come home eaten the tea I made him and is now watching F1. I've had a time of it with the kids do ive escaped. Only dude has just spotted me know! Well maybe he hasn't as he's eating a bath bomb! Nom Nom. Even I wouldn't eat a bath bomb no matter how hungry I was!

9 pints of water plus my coffees (3 black).
2 porridge cd
1 choc mint shake
...

and
...

some stupid
...

NUTS

Forget about the nuts!! As nuts and cheese are your vices couldn't you keep them out of the house so you're not at all tempted by them?

"Food is not comfort if you're not comfortable!"

Surfhunny said:

Forget about the nuts!! As nuts and cheese are your vices couldn't you keep them out of the house so you're not at all tempted by them?

"Food is not comfort if you're not comfortable!"

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That's what I've had to do. I stopped buying the huge containers of mixed nuts. I have cheese for the kids, but I tell myself it's theirs.

You are doing well. Especially as you were home alone with a lot of stresses.

And I dunno - I have coconut bath bombs that smell like they might be pretty tasty.. Dude might be on to something.

I did say to hubby that I wasn't going to buy any more nuts but he's insistent that he wants them. So I've told him he has to hide them but he hasn't! I won't be buying him any more!

Day 2. Heads killing me again! Black coffee x 3 water x 2 pints. Cd maple porridge. Not bad but I've been busy. Off to tesco's soon. Home, got swimming with dude at 4pm ems to collect so I'm busy today which should help me!

P.s. not sure I feel hungry but then again I'm not sure how I feel at the min. Only thing I do know is that I'm tired and my head hurts.

Aren't you working?

MinnieMel said:

Aren't you working?

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Wednesday and Thursday this week mel. Usually do Tuesday pm too but this week I'm not but I'm doing all day Tuesday next week.