Once upon a time, in a far away land there lived…ok, not quite..So how did I get to be like this? I hate to use the words fat gene and fat family, but there’s where I’ll start. All of my family members fit into the category of fat, fatter and fattest…me I’m fatter still. I wasn’t born fat, but I blame my mother for making me fat and myself for letting it happen.
I was heavy as a child, and I’ve always been broad and big set, as many of my family members are. I’ve always been a picky eater, meat and fish I would never eat (I still don’t eat it now) but I loved cereals, and vegetables and bread…I loved anything starchy and loaded with carbs and cheese. I loved my nans bread and butter pudding and cheese and potato pie was my favourite.
My diet as a teenager was pretty much that, cereals, door wedge sized cheese sandwiches, cheese and potato pie with bread..doesn’t sound too bad, but that doesn’t include the sweets, the chocolate and the cakes…ooh the cakes,and the trifles! A cake didn’t last long in our house, not if I got to it first anyway..I put Bruce Bogtrotter to shame!
I hated sport, any exercise I just hated, I had a bike that I hung my coat on and a skipping rope that I used to try and strangle my brother with ha ha.. I loved books, and reading and so I would sit and read and eat, sit, read and eat.. I became and bigger and bigger, a bit like how Harry Potter blows up his Uncle’s sister in The Prisoner of Azkaban! I ballooned, I lived to eat..
I don’t know how much I weighed, but by the time I was 16 I was probably a UK size 16/18, I was easily a 22/ 24 by the time I was 20. At 21 I became pregnant with my first child, I ate non stop throughout the pregnancy, after my son was born,(aged 22) I was at my heaviest, still unaware of my actual weight, but I was a 24/26. During my heaviest time I was in a emotional blackmailing relationship with my sons father,amongst other things he was unsupportive, unreliable, he was in and out of the relationship,he wasn’t there for me or my son, after the relationship ended, I rejoiced at the freedom I had..and so I went off the rails, ever so slightly..
I was going out and having fun, I wasn’t dieting but I noticed I had changed shape, and I was back into 20′s. I was having a little too much fun,I was so busy during the day with my son, that I barely had time to eat, in the evenings I went out while my mum had my son. I was partying with friends, and the weight was just running off me..hardly eating and drinking was having an effect on my size and within months I was 14/16. By this time I was 25, pregnant again and something had switched in my head, and I decided to change.
I moved house,quit smoking and cut myself off from the people I called my friends (we aren’t friends anymore), as the pregnancy went on I was literally eating like a pig. When my son was born I just never stopped eating, I ate myself to a size 26/28. In August of 2010 I noticed that my knees hurt, they creaked more than ever, they would swell up, my back ached, my old disc injury and sciatica was just aggrevated by the sheer weight of me! One morning in late August, my knee went funny as I walking down the stairs, I fell just over half way down the stairs and landed like a beached whale at the bottom..splat!!.. only with a broken wrist.. 2 weeks later I decided enough was enough.
I took my fat ass, sore back and knackered knees to the doctors. She sent me for blood tests and put me on Xenical. I had various tests done, checking my blood sugar, thyroid, bone factors..the whole nine yards! My cholesterol level was 2.5!…a complete shock, as that’s very good..don’t think the doctor could believe the mammouth sat in front of her could have a healty cholesterol! The doctor won’t send me further help with my knees until the weight is off..my knees creak, crunch, swell and sometimes even walking can hurt, there is a problem there, thats masked by my fatness and I can’t be helped until I reduce my weight.
It’s not been easy having to watch the fat and the carbs, and the exercsie really kills, but it’s not that, that’s going to kill me. Being so overweight it hurts will kill me, I have 2 lovely children that I want to watch grow up and the thought of leaving them early devastates me, so this is for them as much as it is for me, to make them proud of me and for me to get me back, to stop hating myself, let go of the past and the fear and to live the life I was given.
The last 2 months has been a struggle to loose any weight, something isn't working and I'm so sick of food and eating, that I'm ditching the Xenical for Exante, hoping that I can shift this weight once and for all!
Bloody hell..that was a long story!!
