Protective of food

[lavender]

HI,

As is this my challenge for the next two weks ,I thought I would write a little progress report about how I progress and ask if anyone else struggles with this?.

Have you ever acheived this??.

Have any tips on how best to get there and stay there?

Do ever aynalise the ego state you are in? or reflect afterwards ,when you have made bad choices,What ego state was I in??

I am going to try to do this and see if it helps to get me back on track.

i started LL in jan and stuck 100% to SSing, so i was an adaptive child the whole time!!!

i lost 6lbs in the first month of management but have gone up and down( 1 week ssing in panic!!) about 7 lbs, i would really like to be just under 11 st and as of last night I was 11,7. so not at all an unacheivable thing to do!!

i put 3lbs on while on holiday , not at all bad , as I was away from my " Boundry" scales and didnt even take my adult on hoilday with me!!, while I was out in public I made "GOOD" choices( adaptive child) and when I was at "home" I was a piggy and ate everything in site( rebbelling) against the adaptive child!!!

on my return from holiday my teenage son, threw up some maijor trouble and so I stayed in "child" mode because being an adult has been too painful, so there it is and now i would like to change it!!!

I have ( on the suggestion of my LLC) made some flash cards saying "ADULT, ARE YOU HUNGRY??'DO YOU NEED IT??" to try to remind me of my aim.

will let you know how I get on, if anyone else fancies the challenge please do join me!!

LOVE Heidi x

 

[Shadow]

Hi Heidi

I'm with you on this one. I'm on week 10 and am finding the CBT enlightening....I want to get as much out of this as I possibly can.

Before LL I was very much a rebellious child and since starting I have changed to adaptive child. I have continued to SS 100% but certainly struggle at times with my chatterbox trying to get me back into RC mode.

My biggest fear is that I will not be able to make adult decisions and will resort back into RC mode when faced with conventional food again. The fear is the main reason I have not cheated at all.

Any enlightenment on this subject is of interest to me but sadly I don't have much advice to offer you.

I will however analyse my ego state over the next few weeks when faced with any decisions.

 

[lavender]

HI Shadow,

I was definatly an adaptive child while ssing, I liked the rulesand being told just what to do, that was easy forme and nothing on this earth would have made me eat!!
When others in my group did ,it really scared me because I thought that meant I eventually would!!

I am really stuggling with management at the moment and do seem to feel constantly hungry if I am not out doing things, thats a bit of a problem as its school hols and have 3 kids at home!!! ( 1 of them is meant to be an adult, nearly 20, but thats another story!!!!)

The 13 yr old is happy to ammuse himself and I could pop out and do bits and leave him here, but the 10 yr old is always bored .!!!! i would like to get through the next 2 weeks and not eat for britain because I know its boredom/ frustration and not real hunger!!

My adult self tells me to get on and do all the things I wont have time for once they go back and I will try to listen to her!!!

yesterday I tried to make good choices and thing on the whole |I did ok, i am trying not to obsess about calories as i feel that will but me right back where I started, weighing and measuring and i dont want to live like that!! however I also dont want my 5 stone back!!!

keep up the ssing , thats the easy bit!!! my advice would be dont go to management until you are right where you want to be because although you can lose a bit in management its not easy.

love heidi x

 

[nadhak]

How isyour Adult self doing today?
Hope you are not making decisions in your rebellious or adaptive child?
Keep positive & strong!

 

[Shadow]

Hi Heidi

By the way you describe the stress and boredom of the school holidays, It sounds like you are still allowing your emotions to affect your food choices.

Do you still keep a record of your hot thoughts?

You are right, I love SSing and love that I have rules to stick to and nothing would persuade me to cheat. I am going through similar to you in that lots of group members cheat and this worries me....but I think I'm past this stage now and have more confidence in myself as an individual.

My biggest fear now is Management. I really am not looking forward to having to make food choices.

I don't know anything about management or what you are allowed to eat so I'm not much help for you, but something thats always helped me in the past is a pot of healthy home made veg soup, satisfying, low cal and no fat.

Good luck and keep posting.

 

[nursiedeb]

Oh Shadow, I am so glad you feel scared about management - I don't feel like such a weirdo now! I am terrified at the prospect of eating again. My LLC asked us on Friday how long we thought we had to go on the plan and commended us to start planning for management. I have aroung 8 weeks to go now and I am beside myself with worry. When I go into management I will have lost over ten stones and I reckon I am afraid that even one morsel eaten and I will wake up 20 stone 3 again! Management is very structured though and I reckon it will be good as there are rules to follow although they don't give you portion sizes (help!) Week one consists of two shakes and a protien based meal. Then different foods are added each week over a twelve week period to assess any "trigger" foods. Goodness knows what ego state I am in all the time -I just know I am in a state!!

 

[chicken on a mission]

I like the idea of this thread I have to admit that the ego states section of LLC is the one I least got on with.

In contrast to that I LOVE the thought records and find that far more useful to me.

I am seeing changes in my behaviour already although I know I have a long way to go to retrain myself after 33 years of destructive behaviour, the last 13 of them manifesting itself through food.

I am actually looking forward to going into management but fear it in some ways because like some of you have already posted, I know that I have been in Adaptive Child and that depite the section on crooked thinking I know that I remain an all or nothing gal but now know it and have some tools to fight back with

I'll be following this thread with interest

 

[lavender]

HI shadow,
i ahve to admit to not being very good at the thought record thing, i have tried to do them on lots of occasions but always seem to get stuck half way through!! you are dead right though and I am letting my emotions rule my food choices.
i am trying to get this in check and have made small inroads, however not feeling happy as despite 2 "good "days weight has gone up 1 lb and not down at all!! B*****r!!!

management is scary but no way near as scary as being stones over weight and as along as you go at the right time and not too early as I did , you should be fine!!

keep ssing though until you are exactly where you want to be, i wish i had, i went to management much too early beacause it was shrouded in mystery and I didnt know how flexiable it was and how easily i could have fitted my holiday around it without having to stop ssing before I was where I wanted to be!!! still a bit cross about that really.

good liuck and keep posting

love heidi x

 

[Shadow]

We are all so different yet so very similar!

Those of us who have SS'ed 100% seem to be very much adaptive children but not so good at making the adult decisions.

There are so many stories about people who have put weight back on after LL because they didn't complete management. So, this tells me that the lessons we need to learn are there in the management group.

Lavender, you know that 1lb could be easily put on through fluid retention or TOTM and can be lost within a day! But you seem to feel strongly that you are not ready for management, why not ask to go back to SSing until you are ready? Or is this against the rules?

Chicken and Nursie, I found ego states very difficult to understand in the group, but I also think they are an important part of the CBT and we should try to understand them. By reading posts on here if we give each other examples we will get to grips with it.

Last night I was tired when I got home and even though I know the importance of eating all 4 packs, I couldn't be bothered doing it. By breaking the rules like this I believe that I was in Rebellious Child ego state. This is the same feeling I would normally have on a `normal` diet when I say sod it and eat the bar of chocolate because momentarily for that 10 minutes I convince myself that I don't care if I'm fat!

 

[chicken on a mission]

I think I understand the ego states fully but I just don't understand how the knowledge can be applied benefit me in a practical way?

I find that dealing with the situation by using the thought records actually allows me the distance to be able to work out what happened, what could have happend and how I might be able to make changes in my outlook to make me stronger next time.

I can also use the thought record to determine what ego state the situation was bourne from but how can knowing that I am being an adaptive child help me further?

I have the triggers, immediate response and a new way of looking at things all set out in the thought record what can I practically do with the knowledge of what ego state I am in because the thought record already places you in adult mode which is the desirable state?

What I really like about LL is the fact that although everyone has ended up being obese, how we got there is the result of a very different story and LL is relevant to us all

 

[Shadow]

I'm not sure if the ego states or the thought records help me....I can do them but not so sure that faced with a situation, that either could do me much good.....however to analyse the event afterwards they would both help. But not much good if I've just binged 2000 calories in one sitting!

My aim is to be faced with a situation and be able to turn it round before the event and not analyse the outcome afterwards.

With all that said, I know that I am still guilty of a great deal of twisted thinking and have a long way to go.

 

[lavender]

shadow,
have thought about going back to SSing and may well yet!1( did do a week on it about a month ago as had bit of a panic, lost 7 1/2 lbs in a week but put 5 straight back on so really only lost 2!! need to SS for at least 2 weeks to make real impact)
i may well do that after saturday( day out with boys to waggamammas and have wanted to go since Jan when started LL) i have enough packs and get some more on tuesday!! My head is all over the place at the moment, critical parent is having a good go and rebellious child is of course there,too, also nurturing parent pops up from time to time although not in a positive way i think!!

my challenge from my LLC this week is to notice how much i say "BUT" as this is a big problem for me at the moment so i am trying to be aware of it!!!

lets see how I do!!!
Love Heidi x

 

[chicken on a mission]

Heidi that is going to be interesting experiment for you this week.

Maybe you could set up a the equivilant of a swear box and so how long it takes you to run out of money

 

[lavender]

wel has come and after a really piggy day yesterday, i have decided to go back on ss.
When I first started this all those months ago I sais I wanted to be 10 st 7 lbs and no matter how hard I try to be happy at 11, 7 I am not and I want to be 10, 7 so I am going to go for it!!!!

Hopefully then I can look in the mirror and truely believe I am a slim woman and That I no longer need to lose weight but that I need to maintain!!! This is why I think i have found management so tough because my head was actually not wanting to manage but to lose ao there was always a conflict!!!!

I am going to do it until my trip to london on the 16th of september!! So here we go wish me luck. I have done it before and can do it again!!!

love Heidi x

PS I think this IS an adult decision!!???

 

[chicken on a mission]

Hey welldone for getting into adult mode. I fear I am still in adaptive child bordering on rebellious child.

You go for it

 

[lavender]

HI Chicken,
almost the end of day 1 and so far so good!!I have had 2 1/2 packs and a bar so far, the bar is a meal replacement bar which i found in asda and is virtually the same in composition to a LL nut bar, cals , protein, fat etc BUT only costs 40p!!!! It is really , really delicious and is chocolate!!! It is way more delicious than any other bar I have tasted and because its virtually the same ( has about 20 more cals!!) I am choosing to use these instead off LL bars, cheaper too!! They are made by a company called "SERO" and all my " weightloss " pals really rate them. A friend doing Cambridge also used them and lost at the same rate!!

I am hoping this is an adult thing I have got going on here and that I will be able to use it more and more as I feel happy with myself!!

LOve heidi xx

i havent felt hungry today but have wanted to eat, however i know thats a whole other issue!!
I already feel a little clearer in my head and least the cp/Ad C have shut up!!! A Sigh of relief!!!

 

[chicken on a mission]

Hi Heidi

I am that close to to nipping out and getting a piece of KFC. I am really fed up with my inconsiderate hubby today and I am on a low which isn't making me very tolerant.

I am a mix of controlling parent, adult and rebellious child. Luckily the other 2 are winning...just.

At the moment it is the thought that I can't get to the 99th day and then cheat for the first time ever

I have been trying to think about what all this means when I finally do reach management and I am still confident that I have beeaten enough of my demons so that I only have the ocasional problem and hopefully that ocasion can be limited to a smaller but planned falling off the wagon.

Sorry to be on a downer but the last 3 weeks or so have been so hard and I am so fed up.

I don't NEED the food and it won't solve my problems only increase them but oh god it is hard to break this habit

 

[lavender]

really do understand as my last few weeks of ss were the hardest as i think being that close to the "end" you just start to think food and then miss chatterbox starts!!

i dont think you will weaken, this just a blip and you feel better tomorrow, o/h can piss you off but its you who feel really crap if you eat!! you are on the downward straight now keep going , its so worth it.

chin up.xx

 

[chicken on a mission]

I think you are right. I can't wait for my first developers meeting tomorrow. I hope it inspires me. I have about 43-50 days left of this.

The last few weeks have shot past in relative terms and I'm hoping the next 6 will do the same

 

[lavender]

Hi,
hope then developers meeting did the trick and got you speeding towards your goal.

I have had 2 good days so far and although not 100% ss I have made good choices and last night had a salad and prawns which was lovely.

Today I am 2 lbs down from last week so that spurrs me on, I have decided to stop being so hard on myself and allow myself to make food choices each day based on the here and now, In my adult, AM I HUNGRY?, DO I NEED THIS? Sounds simple but its amazing the tricks my head can play when it wants to!!

I have been putting myself under so much pressure and that has had a negative effect on my ability to know what I really want to acheive and what makes me happy, so I have chosen to be kinder to me and not expect perfection, I wouldnt treat a friend like this so why do it to myself??

Amnyway , my new moto is 1 day at a time!!
off for a food pack now because I am hungry and I do need it!!!

Love Heidi x