Cupcakes fight against the cake tin !

Hi All!

Thought i would bore you all to death with a blogy/ diary thing!

Basically i need to know some one will see if i fail. . .and to motivate me when i feel like turning to the darkside - aka the cake tin/ crisp bag/ chocolate etc etc!

My motivations are I am a bridesmaid in Aug the three other BM's are all size 8's i do not want to be the "fat " one.

Also i am getting married, quite when is as yet undetermined. . . we swap and change ideas of how, where , when and with who like . . well me in a chocolate shop ! It will either be next year or this, depending on if we run away with parents etc so two motivations . . add to the fact my size 14 trousers are faaarrr too small, and i refuse point blank to continue my old routine of buying "one comfy" pair till my others fit. . . i feel i trick myself so this time i am sticking with the soul destroying, painfully tight current trousers until they fit again!

I have a habbit of getting stressed nothing is not happening and starving myself (sort of!) i loose a few pounds get stuck decide to do it properly etc you see the issue!

Anyway this week was going well till two meals out. . .no more syns for me till thurs!

Annoyingly its "that" time of the month so i really dont want to stand on the scales on thurs morning .

Am feeling fatter than ever so am feeling very grumpy!

Any tips hints yummy receipies would be helpfull !!

Well today so far has been ok, last night turned into a bit of a food hunt, we went to tesco and having brought a car this week are a bit tight till pay day so o/h suggested tesco value fat free yoghurts. . . i later discovered they are not syn free *sob* so i now have no yoghurts for that evening *i need a snack of something sweet*, i have jelly in the fridge but as im on a no syns till thursday its no good boo!

Still just today to get through then i can syn again, im just looking forward to flora on my jackie tate and toast yuuuummmm! i feel tomorrow might be a bit of a feast lol!

Im feeling less grumpy to day, also a little less porky, i suspect its all in my mind, but hey ill find out tomo!

Habbits have a lot to do with my eating routine i think, lunch time at work ive been doing really well ( well im not saying tinned spaghetti is great but i havent been picking or tempted to syn) however step into my normal routine of going round mums for lunch and im hunting high and low in every cupboard just to see whats around, buiscuits, cakes etc, ive also discovered thats what i do at home. . if i have a day or an afternoon off, snacking is fine i dont think about it i can have a great day BUT come home from work and start to cook dinner and again im in and out of every possible cupboard. . . i dont get it i know i have to break it really, atm im ok coz its syn free or healthy extra i keep a supply of prunes in for when i really need something sweet and use it as a HE B but i realise its not exactly ideal to be munching the whole time im cooking dinner and tidying up after . . really should think about tackling this, also really need to go back down the gym, im putting it off now a) we didnt have a car for two weeks, b) i fell down the stairs but now i realised ive lost my gym card, it costs £4 to replace which i just dont have and now we have turnstiles to get in the gym so i really have to get a new one ( im waiting for it to get light outside so i can go running before work again. . .hell the first few times, great afterwards.

hopefuly today will go by syn free and the scales will reward me tomo morn! im chucking the water back like no bodys business, have to drink it out of a bottle (water bottle not baby's bottle just incase any of you worry i had a friend who mis understood, very funny when she brought me a sippy cup but worrying lol!) cant drink it out of a glass . . weird.

I heard something on the radio this morning about if you dislike a food keep eating it a little every day for a month and you will like it, got to say i think its true i used to hate cottage cheese but o/h and my mum used to rave about it (admittedly my o/h will only eat it mixed with yoghurt. .. lovely apparantly cant say ive been tempted to try it!) so i tried it little bit each day and now i cant stop eating it. . . good job its the fat free one !

INteresting theory that about eating a little every day. I dont think if I ate a little coleslaw or mayo every day I would ever like it. Heaving at the thought of that, your post brightened my day.!!

Aww thanks Hollys Nan! I must admit i felt the same about Cottage Cheese and cheese in general seems to work, cant see why with most foods though you would choose to make yourself like something you don't lol.

Well weigh in this morning, not a great result but no where near as bad as i thought it would be, i thought after a week or two of minimal eating and then eating everything in sight i normally gain about 4lbs and then with it being "that" time usually a few lbs so i was bracing myself for a 1/2 stone gain. . . but im exactly the same. . so while a loss would have really encouraged me, it was better than i thought and im not discouraged which is a positive. . . next week will be the real test then. . hopefully a nice loss to really set me in is what im hoping for 2.5lbs would be nice!

Still i can Syn again which makes me REALLY happy, so kicked the day off with porridge and an options sachet mixed in. . . i was dubious as im not normally an options fan but OMG! i used the beglian choc one and that is 100% gorgeous, and only 2 syns. . .awesome!! also 100 x better than any choc flavoured ready mixed rubbish ive ever brought, my mum also convinced me to try options mint. . . deffo getting some of that! mmm im so happy to have my syns back. . cinema at the weekend with the o/h so wont go overboard, i prefer to be able to use , "left over" syns rather than ones i havent got to yet. . still treating my self to twix fino later yummmy!

Your breakfast sounds lovely, hadn't thought of that. Will be giving it a try myself, thanks!
Welldone on your sts, I bet you get your 2.5 next weigh in (if not more!).

Ah thank you Sunshine, it was delish, found the idea on here one night when i was browsing . . . putting off doing wedding searches lol! and thought first day i get my syns back im trying it. . dear lord i thought i was in heaven didnt taste at all sweetnery (clearly a made up word but you know what i mean) Im hopeing so if i get any loss ill be happy obv but that would really spur me on. . speaking of which 20 minutes till dinner time.... rumbly tum lol! x

What a good idea! I usually have an options at night and sometimes if I have a lot of HEA milk left over from my allowance I make it with that. I think personally the belgian choc one is the best, but also like the choc one with hazlenut, very yummy.

OOooh i allways have HE milk left over that sounds like SUCH a good plan Hollys Nan! . . . i had another options at lunch . . . naughty naughty still i only ate half of my twix so 9.5 syns down lol, think i might leave it there for today, want to save some for the cinema trip with the o/h lol x

It really is lush

Morning!

Well i cant really say im feeling tip top today, dont know why really though just feeling like a right porker! im really desperate to see a loss next week, im having to force myself to eat coz im getting panicy which is daft as this week was better than i expected . . . guess its just one of those days lol !

I think as well i need to get down the gym, just pureley for my mental state atm, everything seems really confusing at the mo, trying to plan a wedding and getting absolutly no where and swapping and changing between ideas i think i need to feel im actively doing something, time to build up a sweat lol!

ok you lucky lot get two updates today! purely because i feel i need to vent and let off steam! lol!

My hubby to be is most of the time a hilarious, genuine,truthfull and genrally a nice guy. . . however when i say truthfull many people, dont assume i actually mean it . . i do he is truthfull to the bone regardless of consequences . . which 90% of the time is fantastic i.e. when discussing friends stag do's its straight down the line there will be strip clubs, but us girls are having a naked butler so tit for tat, but also with all the other lads shying away from the prominent question is most of the gf's minds and claiming that they "might not even go in" etc mine sits there and proudly claims . . no he is having a lap dance coz he didnt have one on the last stag do .. . the last stag do he didnt have one . . not to protect my feelings because in his words " your smart enough to realise its just a dance and smart enough to know its a guy thing its no worse than watching porn" but his reason for not getting one " well i only had enough money to either get a lap dance or go to the casino. . . . the casino looked like more fun and would last longer" lol he doesnt care what he tells me and he never will which is great. . i have however learned not to ask the question of "do i look fat in this" after a few "weeeellll its not the best outfit you could pick. . maybe something baggyer" lol however when stating that i thought i could see a difference in my face last night stating i thought it looked slimmed his reply " maybe but youve still got those fat wrinkles round your mouth" . . .. gee thanks for the ego boost dear. . . "what im only telling you the truth?!" utterly bewildered as to why i looked ready to burst in to tears and had to go calm myself.

Still at least he is consistant when i look good he tell's me and he tells me hes proud when i loose, i guess hes the ultimate diet test. . forget having your loss or gain announced in a room fully of strangers, try announcing it to someone who is so innocently honest he doesnt think twice about gasping in horror when you tell him a week in vegas has cost you 3/4 of a stone and promtly telling you to get those trainers on and go for a run. . . he is motivation in its purest form . . . the last person on earth i want to dissapoint and the person i crave praise from more than anyone . . . he loves me regardless and tells me so but desperatly wants the girl he started seeing back. . . partly for the looks " i wont lie im a shallow person and i want my nearly bang tidy girl back . . but its your confidence that i miss most and the fact you allways second guess yourself and allways walk behind me that really bugs me "

I dont know why its taken me two years. . . when he origionally started pointing out that my jeans were perhaps not the right size i shrugged him off annoyed he should even mention it and burried my head in the sand. . . this is the time that if i spent a couple of weeks working hard down the gym, and cut out a few bits of junk i would have been fine wouldnt have taken anything at all . . . instead while making out to the rest of the world i cared and i was trying my weight slowly crept up and up and i ate more and more junk . . .. i dont get what goes on in my head. . . i came to the conclusion that i am an obbsessive eater. . . a friend pointed me in the direction one day after talking to her stating certain things i had told her (shes a trainee dr) sounded alot like i was and "obsessive or Overeater" i would go out of my way to hide my eating , binge etc and i think that possibly is part of it. . . but after a few months of blaming that i had to dig my head out and admit. . . regardless of why i eat how and what i eat at the end of the day im the only person who can alter it, i think somewhere i thought one day id wake up skinny and that would be it problem solved . . . . essentially it was the jolt that my size 14's no longer really fitted. . . im not for one instance saying that a size 16 is big or a bad size for some people that their target and good on you. . . but for someone who has been a size 8 and crept to size 10 - fine, crept to a size 12 - not so happy, crept to a size 14 - really not in proportion now and then to find thats too small. . . and im now fatter than my mum who is doing lighter life.. . it made me think, unless i want to be facing the "my size 16's" are too big in a year i need to do something . . which i am, im just really scared im not going to see a loss next week . . . i know im going to loose it if i dont and i cant see that getting me anywhere either grr . . sorry im having an off day and really ranting. . please ignore i just need to get my thoughts out and this seems to be the best place!

Hi your posts are very funny. I know I shoukdnt laugh and you didn't find it funny but what your OH said about the wrinkles on your face made me laugh out loud!! Some ppl really don't think before they speak hehe.
Yoor doing so well keep it up

I can really relate to what you said about raiding the cupboards I'm exactly like that!! I'm awful at home always seeing what's in and I have a son who my mum looks after while I work wen I go round to drop/pick him up I raid her cupboards looking for treats it's awful!!
And I can be so good at work really disciplined but as soon as I'm home I snack I feel so bad after too!!

Like now I've had no syns all day and stuck to plan, been out come home and put my son down for a nap and instead of doing some cleaning or something I raided the cupboards and found some crisps and ate the lot now feel awful for doing it and don't no why I did!!!

Sorry to rant on on your post!! Gotta sort it out! I'm a size 18/20 on bottom and 16 on top would love to be a size 12 or 14!!! X

Hi Happy, rant away i did lol, its terrible isnt it my mum just laughs at me now coz i litrally go hunting through like my life depends on it lol! You will get there!! If you havent had any syns all day im sure the Crisps wont have done too much damage!!

I know me makes me laugh when i think about what he says he just opens mouth and speaks mind lol ! its great in as much as i 100% allways know where i stand with him its just sometimes you'd rather not know lol ! still he's promised me all the clothes and new undies i want if i hit target. .. incentive or what lol !!!

18/20 and 16 you will get down to a 12 - 14 easy i bet! Some friends tell me im daft for wanting to get down but i think its all about what in your mind you feel comfy with, i know ill never be an 8 or even a small 10 my hips are never going to allow that lol but id love to just be back to how i was rather than hating every single photo. . i think its because ive just reached that stage where you can see it in photos i cant really hide it like i used to my arms are showing now and the obvious place. . . my face lol , and my bra's are all too tight round the back wich is bugging me i hate my clothes being tight so it winds me up every day atm coz im making a concious effort to wear the clothes rather than hide behind baggy and pretend im fine. . . its the recent photos that bug me nights out i can no longer look at pics and say ah not that bad i look at them and think ... "bugger" which is a big soul destorying so i think ill be happy when my face and arms are back to normal. . . which again is daft if i hit the gym and did some press ups each day id have toned arms in a month there like the easiest place to build muscle and yet do i?! .. nope lol! haha think you can tell its friday by the way were clearly in fed up mode lol !

Dont worry about the crisps though, they cant have been horrific syn values and if you've been good all day .. hell its friday and its treat time lol ! x

Morning all . . . well i was going to get up and go for a run but the weather looks really nasty. . . so ill skip it, i might take myself down the gym in a bit just reeeallllyy not in the mood.

Takeaway tonight chinese tho so im fairly safe chow mein and a small spoonfull of other stuff and i wont go too far off course can never eat much chinese anyway rice allways fills me up!

Again not a great day really, saying that its only quater to 9 so it can still improve !!! I made the mistake of standing on the scales. . . doh no change yet!

I know i shouldn't jump on the scales every morning but at the moment I have a justification for it. . . well a small one (i can usually find some small justification ) My justification is that at the moment I am feeling more and more frustrated with every passing day and that not knowing isn't going to make me less frustrated . . only more so and that even if i don't see a loss each morning at least i know where im going and if one morning i see that, the magic number has got smaller. . . thats going to give me a much needed boost there and then rather than waiting till thursday and feeling rubbishy till then, so im doing it partly because of that and partly out of habbit lol!

I had overall a pretty healthy day yesterday . . wheetabox for brekkie, a bannana, i did then have my remaining twix fino finger at about 9am . . . mistake. . . i have recently realised some research my mum told me about must actually be true, certain foods/ingrediants do in fact cause cravings etc flour is supposed to be one, sugar another and something else, in me this does prove to be the case, if i steer clear of bread . . . im fine i would like it but i can refuse it, if i have bread thats it i want toast 24/7 etc and the same very massively so with chocolate. . which suprises me as if you ask me if im a chocoholic the answer is no. . cakes, crisps and buiscuits are my downfall and seeing as how all of these are relatively high in syns ive been steering clear for weeks and now im not bothered , my o/h packed lunch crips biig multi pack are sat down stairs and there isnt a single craving to go much them, or the almond fingers my mother so kindly gave me and i found out are 7 syns each!! Still i haven't allowed myself loose on these for syns deciding to save it till i cant control myself . . . and instead im controlling and not craving, however chocolate that normally i can take or leave im allowing my self a treat that isnt in some case's too high in syns, however now i cannot stop thinking about my next choc fix and further proof to the theory , i usually leave my syns as late in the day as possible, and usually its not a problem i dont think about choc till after lunch then i get some and im fine. . . yesterday however after my early morning fix, that came soley out of boredom i could barely control myself, avidly searching on here for a low syn option i could justify to myself so at lunch i raided my mothers 99 flake supply.. oops! still at 1.5 syns each i didnt do too much damage and then went on to have a nice healthy jacket spud with beans. . . i do love baked beans, hot, cold, on toast or more worryingly for my o/h straight out of the tin. . . yes while waiting for dinner to cook the other day the munchies took hold . . rather than reaching for something bad i spied a tin of beans sat in the cupboard, being that there free and "super speed" i felt fully justified on snacking on them. . . . half a tins worth. . . . and that was using a great deal of self control and the look of utter bewilderment of my o/h who simply could not believe i had just done that. . . yum yum though something so satisfying about it .

I am going to try and be good this morning and not syn while doing the house work . . .ive had my wheetabix so i shouldnt need to eat for the next oooh ten minutes lol! No I shall contain myself as soon as i start i wont want to stop so until i am actually HUNGRY! there will be no food, i must remember to drink though im fine at work with my water bottle sat in front of me like a daily challenge . .. how much can i get through before lunch. . but when im home it slips completley out of mind, ive been the whole weekend before with only one cup of tea to drink and that was only because we were round my mums and i was being polite lol i wish i could swich my mindsets and be as obsessive about drinking as i am about food and as unbothered by food as i am about drinking . . i really feel this would make life so much easier lol!!!

Anyway thats enough of a ramble for 9am still i feel better than when i woke up for it, guess this is proving quite theraputic for me. . who knew! lol.

Hope everyone has a good day xx

Morning , well its Monday . . . again. . . it allways seems to come around a tad too quick!

Well my weekend was . . . not the best in sw terms, Saturday was a chinese takeaway with the family to celebrate mums birthday. . . well i started the day off with a few syns but i justified those because i had syns left over from previous days which left me with the whole 15 for takeaway. . ahem should have done anyway had i not devoured two almond fingers at either 7/9 syns each *gulp* anyway i figured one bad night is ok just fewer syns rest of week and i can rest easy. . . you would think it was that simple anyway!!

On friday i brought some little kinder choc bars that are 3.5 syns each with the cinema i mind. . . there were 16 in the pack. . . two got munched on friday.

So far so good, however sunday for god knows what reason. . i "fell" off the wagon . . . and i dont just mean a little bump and up back on, this was . . for lack of a better word spectacular . . i started the day with porridge with an options mixed in. . yummy, i then proceeded to eat three kinder bars in quick sucession, and a peice of home made . . non sw friendly turkish delight. I decided now would be a good time for a shower. . .after wasnt much better, my o/h stupidly left a packet of jelly babies completley unsupervised while he had his shower. . . several of them met with a fateful end. . . and even more depressing this happened whilst watching "biggest looser" - i kid you not!!! however with the o/h returning from his shower i moved on to cooking his roast. . . and myself a little peanut butter and jam sandwich, five more kinder bars, one of which i melted and spread on bread, i then did manage to pull myself together (apart from the mini yorkshire i consumed mixed with home made non bisto chicken juice gravy) ahem after that i was ok till a friend came over with cupcakes. . very little cupcakes and i only ate two!

Come evening time and after having to deal with a drunken o/h ( he hit the pub to watch the match) i had a healthy sw friendly blt followed but a cup a pasta . . . follwed by the remaining kinder bars then bed before i could possibly find anything else to eat.

As you can see i dont like to do things by halves!!! but yes you counted correctly 12 kinder bars in one day.. . .
*hangs head in shame*

I suppose the ONLY positive to come out of yesterday is pureley the fact that i am so ashamed i am going to the gym tomorrow because i feel too horrific not too and that i havent given up compleltly i normally would and yet somehow while having woken up complely sickend with myself i have every intention of following the plan to the letter . . . . this kind of binge would normally incurr a week long give up period of self wallowing so i suppose something has changed which is good but clearly my self control has not improved at all. . . i clearly cant keep choc or syns in the house ill have to keep it so i buy my syns so im fully aware of what im about to eat rather than thinking they may last. . however i do now have to replace the said kinder bars as my o/h spied them before they got opened so if there suddenly dissapeared hes going to question where too and i cant tell him i ate them all lol ! so ill replace them but not open them,. . . that way i cant do any damage . . . hopefully lol ! fingers crossed the rest of the week goes better than yesterday did !!! x

I have just read thru your whole thread and it has made me laugh out loud on several occasions. I think when you fall off the wagon, it's only right to do it in style. And I'll justify the 12 chocolate bars by saying they are tiny, and probs only the equivalent of 4 regular chocolate bars, one with each meal of the day, and one for watching tv at night

My oh is similar to yours, absolutely says it as he sees it. My double chin is his measure of how well I'm doing!!! Don't get me wrong, he is incredibly supportive and gives me the motivation I need to keep going, and I just slag off his fat bits (which are few and far between) to keep things even!!
xx

Thanks Maverick. . . i definately did it in style that much i can say lol ! Ahh im loving the alternaitve thinking 4 normal size sounds so much better than 12 lol ! also i didnt really eat lunch so im sure some of that will go towards that lol, We had a birthday at work today so the guy went to greg's or ordered a sausage roll but managed not to eat it , gave it to my dad instead he appreciated it lol !

Haha yeah i do that i try and poke fun at him but as hes not really got any . . quite annoying lol.

I still cant believe i managed to go through all of yesterday thinking ok last thing and just kept on and on and on lol * must do better* lol!

Im going to have a read of yours when i get a dull moment at work.. . . shouldnt take too long lol, how are you finding sw in general? x

Well i hoped yesterday would be a fresh start. . . getting a bit down about the scale's STILL not having moved and my horrific weekend food wise i thought for the remainder of this week, ill stick to speed foods, salad and veggies to make up for my poro performance this weekend. . well i started off well breakfast, two wheetabix. . yummy, snack apple , lunch small salad and oops 4 sugared almonds and 4 normal almonds figured minute blip so kept calm, then half a choccy bar went down found it at the back of my draw at work i hid it last week to stop me from eating it and remembered it doh, still i had some super speedy melon as a snack and figured my tea of grilled fish and salad would make up for it. . . . .this was when my o/h announced with a HUGE grin on his face that we were picking fish and chips up on the way round to his parents to eat there (i could have declined to eat there BUT seeing as the last few times they have invited us round for a roast i have declined, trying to be good i felt fourth time might start to look rude) so i sat in the car and figured, eat fish no batter and a small amount of chips claim im full and ill be fine. . . oh no didnt work that way at all one chip in and that was it gobble gobble. . . my o/h must have realised what was going on because he suddenly stood up said "wow im stuffed you done as well yeah? good" and walked off with my plate. . bit too late tho the whole fish including batter had been devoured and a good ammount of chips plus a slice of bread and butter, placed on my plate for no apparant reason but i ate it anyway and then a rolo cookie when i got home. . . doh doh doh !!! *bangs head against wall* still im taking comfort in the fact that i managed a reasonably good rest of day!

However when sitting in their living room, thinking ok bad girl but... nothing that will give me the chanve to eat bad for the next few weeks so salads ,salads, salads, my o/h without even asking me sits there and invites both his parents round on sunday for a roast and to watch the footie match. . . knowing full well i had every intention of going out to see a friend when the match was on. .. and now i have to cook a roast for four people and either eat it as well or try and somehow avoid the gravy, roast potatoes, yorkshire puddings and try and only have a plate of veggies. . and i will have to get dessert in and not eat it. . .so im quite annoyed, it wasnt till we got in the car he said "thats ok right" , all i could think was "well its a bit bloody late even if it isnt" grr not that i could say that so i just smiled and said nada. . . i think he realised im a bit annoyed he was super sweet after!

So im kind of stressing about that already which is disheartening me, think im going to have to avoid it full stop make it for them and do maybe a grilled chicken breast with veggies or salad and make out im not feeling very good or something is going to be the only way round it. . .

Still hopefully speedy foods and salads should help somewhat, plus going for a run tomo morn, was going to be today but . . . .well im just lazy lol ! but i really will go tomorrow, o/h wont be getting up before me so ill have lots of uninterupped sleep which will be better.

Fingers crossed i can manage the next 6 days miss hap free!!! x

Maverick - bet moving really put a strain on it, still if your back on it im sure you'l do fine ! x

Make a SW roast - I did it at the weekend and it was lush, the only badness in all of mine was some flour my OH used to thicken up the gravy he made. If you do EE, you can eat as much meat/pots/veg as you want. Syn a yorkie and some gravy and off you go. And if you have to do dessert, make it SW friendly, I'm not a dessert person but there are loads of recipes on here.

Or... Make your OH do all the cooking and leave him to it, go out with your friend as planned. that's what I'd do if my oh made plans for me wityhout asking!! x