A Weigh of Life

Day 1 - A new start

It's time to saddle up and get back on the horse. I'm facing up to the truth. I kind of think I have a reverse form of body dysmorphia - instead of thinking I look worse than I do I'm the opposite in that I can go out feeling amazing but when my mates facebook the pictures the next day I'm shocked at how much of a blimp I've become over the years.

I have a gym membership that's been unused since January. In the time that I've been pretending to be dieting my Mum has hit target. Okay she only had just over a stone to lose and I have 3 and a half, but still, she's completely shown me up.

I completely lack confidence and have spent most of my life telling myself I'll do things "when I'm thin". That's almost 20 years I've wasted waiting for it to all magically fall off me overnight and telling myself that one Tunnock's teacake won't hurt or be that much of a set back. I've really only ever been thin once whenI was about 23. I wasn't even that thin then unless you compare the then pictures to now. I was definitely more confident with it though.

So this is my fresh start. I might be making it hard for myself as I intend to try and cut down on smoking at the same time. Complete lifestyle change. I want my bum to look fantastic in a pair of jeans, I don't want to be able to rest a cup of tea on my stomach bulge when I'm sat down at work and, on the rare occassion a man is nice to me, I don't want to think he's doing it to amuse himself at my expense.

I struggled today. My boss brought me back a milky way from her dinner break and I took it. I had a bread roll with my dinner and a bag of salted popcorn with my cup of tea. BUT, last night, the old me had 2 bread rolls, a tunnocks wafer, two bits of cake and an aero easter bunny thing - so I guess it's some kind of progress anyway.

So here goes. Day one of a new weigh of life......



Zoe

Hi Zoe - welcome to Minimins and good luck with the plan. You just need to get your head in the zone - you can do it!

hello and good luck

I've just eating tortilla chips. I will diary my self loathing later. Very disappointed

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Day 2 - Will.I.Am

How can Tortilla Chips have so many syns in them? I just worked out how many are in the packet we had in the office and there's 24. I'm hoping I did it wrong but, as the only ingredients are Maize, Vegetable Oil and Salt there's no syn free ingredient in there. I only had a handful to be fair, it's what my boss brought herself for dinner but I'm still guessing that's minimum 4 syns. For something that lasted about a minute.
And, going off tangent, do you see what I have to put up with? My boss has chips and dip for her tea. She sits about 10 inches away from me. It's agony.


Anyway, it's time to work out how I get over being a weakling. We've both given up cake and biscuits for lent but I don't want to replace that with something just as bad. I'm considering taking a picture of my backside in the mirror and putting at as my screen saver.

All in all, I'd had a pretty good day. Ready brek and banana for breakfast, a lunch of salad with hot bacon n mushroom pasta and a homemade lasagne for tea. Mid afternoon snacking was cured with a summer berries fruit salad with a bit of melon. Hunger isn't my issue though, it's lack of Will power. I think I need to set myself mini challenges every day so when I crawl into bed at night I can get a daily sense of achievement at beating my Inner Will.

So I've been musing things I can do and the things I don't do that I really should:

• I don't drink water. Ever. Unless it's tea flavoured. I drink diet coke constantly. Try and replace at least 2 cans of coke with 500ml bottles of water.
• Stop squeezing myself into the size 16 jeans that are blatantly too small round the waist and look unbelievably unattractive. Instead, wear baggier clothes that make me look bigger. Then, in a month or so switch to well fitting clothes and look much thinner instantly (I realise this is a selfish and slightly odd personal challenge done only to impress others).
• Go swimming when I say I'm go swimming. Don't sit in bed all morning pondering it and deciding I can leave it another 10 minutes and still make it to work on time. I can't, because in another 10 minutes I'll decide I've had too many cigarettes to swim today. Write a week long swimming schedule ahead of time and stick to it.
• Instead of standing outside the office sneaking a 2-ciggie break cut it down to one and have it whilst walking round the block. And buy a pedometer/walking app.
• Get some decent trainers. My adidas are all lovely and trendy but they're bog all use for proper walking. They're intended for scuffing along in a sulk like my teenage niece does. I'm 20+ years older than her and sulking at my age is as unattractive as my belly bulge.
• Find a new way of rewarding myself for being good (being good here is doing stuff like showing up for work and not dietary related - I tend to reward myself for anything and usually with monster munch).
• Learn that Pret A Manger put that lovely bread on the counter purposely to make you but it. I'm falling for their marketting ploy by even looking at it. And paying 50p for it makes me a mug. Go a whole week without even looking at it and thinking "Hmmm - just this once".
• Go a week without monster munch. They are not the King of all foods. They're very nice and everything but really, again, I'm not 5 any more.

I had more in my head throughout today but night shift has turned my brain to mush. Tomorrow I aim to do the water challenge. And beat my boss up every time she tempts me. She's the real devil plotting against my Will Power. Well I'm taking Will back. I am going to be all about Will Power. Will I Am.

This is absolutely hilarious..! I can tell that I will definitely enjoy reading your diary!

I joined SW in January and have managed to stick to it (almost) religiously. There are a few times where I've been out for work lunches/dinners, but I have honestly found that sticking to the regime has been a LOT easier than I had imagined. I had no control before, but now I find that I am truly conscious of everything I eat. Of course, there are times when I think, "ooh, just one bar of chocolate won't do me any harm, I've been so good!" but then I stop and realise that it was that one bar of chocolate (and the million and one afterwards) that got me in to this predicament. I really LIKE the control that following the plan has given me.

Are you a shift worker? (When you talk of your boss having chips and dip for her tea?) I think the key is to plan ahead as much as possible. When you make dinner, make extra so that you have lunch sorted, too. Make, in bulk, and freeze easy things like soup/pasta sauces that can be used as a base for chilli/spag bol. Make sure that your handbag has a stash of free stuff for snacking - chopped veg/cereal bars/fruit - that, I find, is a saviour!

Also, do you go to a group? I don't think I'd have the willpower to do this on my own. I like the fact that it's not just me I have to answer to. That if I gain, I have to really think about why I did, and then I have to explain it. Sounds gauche, I'm sure, and I've never been one of these happy-clappy, talk-about-your-feelings types, but I know that if I didn't go to group, anytime I saw a gain on the scales at home I'd go and bury my head in a huge cake.

Good luck on your new start! And remember, there are loads of others on here in the same boat as you, all ready to support you/kick you in the pants when the need arises.

x

Love this diary!!

Love your targets too - the one about wearing baggy clothes until you're suddenly slim is very inspired!!

Great diary very very funny. Sort that boss of yours out! Is she thin???

Hi guys, thanks for your comments. It's good to get feedback, although I'm finding just writing my weirdest thoughts down pretty cathartic and a way to express myself without having to watch the rolling of eyes and the glazing over.

I do work shifts, yes, which is why I've opted to follow the programme online. I'm lucky in that my Mum, although she's reached target, still goes to classes every week so she can get my questions answered if needed.

My boss isn't slim, no. But she's not that image conscious so, although I've tried to get her to join me, she's not bothered with it.

LittleSausage - great suggestion for snacks. Thank you. I try to have fruit on me all the time and I am finding the meals I'm having pretty filling. I think I'm devoid of the gene that makes you able to resist stuff when someone's eating it in front of you.

Just in from work and having a chill with a nice cuppa and today's treat (2 mini creme eggs). Bliss.

Day 3 - Sushi Nights


It's gone midnight and I'm hungry. So hungry in fact I'm too weak to push the button on the remote control and switch off the roulette thing on channel Five. Yeah, really, THAT hungry.

I think I've blown today in a major way. I was truly amazing up until about 6pm. Ready brek & banana, huge salad with hot pasta for lunch, fruit salad, an apple.

I got the munchies and genius me decided that sushi was the best option as it's just rice and some fish and maybe some vegetables. Now The Mother tells me it has syns in but she doesn't know how many. So for all I know I could have had about 100 syns. I ate a lot of it. Loads. I was a pig but I *thought* I was being a good pig.

Of course she didn't tell me until after I'd given myself my treat for being good today. Diet good, not going to work good (work was rubbish, I work on a newspaper and with the tsunami today was hard, very hard). I had 2 x mini creme eggs. Now, I can eat a normal size creme egg in: 1) bite, 2) lick out the middle, 3) shove remaining chocolate in, so about 10 seconds all in. I made these last almost 10 minutes.

I also failed on my personal challenge. Although I could change this by getting out of bed and getting the bottle of water that cost me £1 (a quid for water!!! sheesh) back out of the fridge. But as I said I'm weak.

And tomorrow I'm working at my football club where food options are low. I shouldn't write it off already though. I'm just preparing you all so when I'm next here you don't all give me a look of disappointment if I had two bad days in a row. I get enough of that off The Mother (I guess because she wanted a pretty litle girly girl and she got me - a bruiser that likes football).

Right. I'm going to attack the kitchen. I have the world's largest tub of plain rice that I got with my sushi. And when they say plain they really live up to it. I bought the 'small' portion. It's in a tub that's marginally wider than a family size haagen dazs. Strangely, alhough I can eat that much ice cream in one go I only made a one inch dent in the rice. I'll still be eating it next week. (any leftover rice recipes welcomed)

I'm on early shift Sunday so not sure when I'll get back on here. Oh, and advance warning no2: getting up at 5am, on a Sunday, makes me hungry for the whole day. So, Sunday may be a lost cause too.

At this rate I may be the first Sw-er to have put on in their first weak.

Losing the will properly on the 3rd day is not good. *slaps self round face*

Night night peeps

Zoe

Okay. I'm slightly calmer. I just filled in my food diary online and decided to look up sushi. The Tesco 284g box which is probably about the amount I had give or take a bit is 6.5 syns.

With my creme eggs that puts me at 11.5 for the day. Which I can live with. Not quite enough left for a packet of beef monster munch though. That can be tomorrow's treat if I'm a good girl all day. That means being nice to all the young men at football all day. Being nice to very fit guys wearing shorts with lovely thighs and BeeYootiful bums. It'll be hard. But I'll do it for the monster munch

Glad u weren't as naughty as u thought. With sw I think u have to take it a day at a time and just try ur best! U really have a thing for monster munch eh??!! At least it gives u something to aim for today after watching the hot football men, good luck for keeping ur hands to yourself too xx

Maverick said:

good luck for keeping ur hands to yourself too xx

Click to expand...

Now hang on - I can't give up everything at once. Cake, biscuits AND being a lech? That's one step too far

Hmmmm, how many more posts until I can get an avatar pic of a footballer's bum?

Anyway, just thought you'd all love to know that although sushi has syns it goes through your system really really quickly.

Minus3.5 said:

Hmmmm, how many more posts until I can get an avatar pic of a footballer's bum?

Anyway, just thought you'd all love to know that although sushi has syns it goes through your system really really quickly.

Click to expand...

Hahahahahaha!!
Xx

Days 4-6

I survived the weekend. It was actually a lot easier than I thought. A friend at football denied my request for chips and a burger and instead got me a lovely cup of homemade tomato soup. Sunday at work was a breeze as well. It's making me slightly worried that it's all coming too easily for me this time around. Either my head is completely in the zone (never happened before) or my inner devil is on half term.

It helps a lot that I've finally convinced myself that the only person I'm letting down when I cheat on my diet is me. Sneaking an extra packet of crisps out of the cupboard into the bedroom - something I've done on every diet since I was about 10 - might be letting others down but ultimately they don't care. It's not really their life it's affecting in the long run. They may be slightly ashamed of having a fatty for a daughter/friend/other half, but it's not them that has to wheel out old excuses for being overweight in conversation. And also. WHY do I do that. No-one cares why you're overweight. If they make a comment about it to your face then they're blatantly uncaring anyway and if you're just chatting generally about stuff and you drop in your well-worn excuse it probably doesn't convince them.

My brother died 7 years ago. For the first 2-3 weeks I barely ate at all. When I returned home to Scotland where I was working at the time I comfort ate. I lived alone so I didn't have to hide anything. There was a 24 hour Asda round the corner. I was really bloody lonely and I missed him like crazy. I comfort ate like no-one ever comfort ate before. The not having to hide it didn't help. The fact that I could buy packets of tortilla chips for 14p was a bonus.
There you go. That's my tired old excuse. I was lonely after my brother died and I put on 3 stone.
He died 7 years ago next month. I lived alone for a year. I've had 6 years of wheeling out my excuse. Basically, I blame being overweight on my dead brother. That's pretty low.

God, today's diary is pretty depressing. I am trying to be positive. What I'm attempting to say is I'm learning to take responsibility for my own actions. I have 3 and a half stone to lose because my relationship with food is bad. I love food. All food (except celery - I don't get celery. Who knows what Nature was thinking of with that). The hurdle to overcome to get to target is to learn to love the good food as much as I currently love the bad food.
Once I've achieved that I can try loving the nice guys as much as I love a bad boy.

Writing everything down is helping too. My food diary I mean. Before I'd always done a rough calculation in my head and guesstimated same stuff. Now, before I give myself my nightly reward I calculate whether or not I deserve it. Yesterday I managed to go the whole day with no syns apart from my two mini creme eggs. Whoop whoop.

In other news I've yet to do one of my personal challenges. I did start today with a cup of hot water and lemon though. I read on here somewhere that's good and will make me lose weight faster.

Also, I have the week off work so I woke up today thinking it was already Wednesday so I've already weighed in and have a good idea of how I've done. I'm not going to cheat and declare that as my weight loss yet though - I'll do it properly tomorrow.

Now, my biggest question is: Does altitude make a lot of difference to the scales?
I ask this because my scales are in the bathroom upstairs but I've moved into the downstairs bedroom. If I bring the scales down a floor will I put on a pound? I know getting weighed at the top of Everest takes pounds off you but is there any difference in the gravitational pull if you come down 10 foot?

I'm wittering aren't I?

I'll be back tomorrow after my official weigh in. Oh. and I'm taking measurements tomorrow too - so we can all compare thigh sizes if you like. Last time I did it one thigh was bigger than my waist!

I love this diary...you are so funny.
You can do it....you sound like you are in the zone (don't fight it) SW is a fantastic plan that really works. I'm back trying to lose that last stone and a half. I lost five stone a few years ago and it's stayed off (always the hardest part for me)
keep a food diary, plan ahead, always make extra.
I bet once your boss sees you losing weight she will want to join you.
Good luck xxxx