Countdown to a fabulous confident ME !!!

as the title suggests I'm really lacking in confidence at the moment .. I've just spent my maternity leave in PJ's (well perhaps not all of it, lol) getting bigger and bigger and more miserable by the day .. feeling sorry for myself and taking everything out on my loved ones .. not a pretty sight, and not the ME I ever dreamt I would be!

I return to work in about 2 weeks time and am dreading it, as I'm more over weight than when I left for maternity leave! not embarassing enough, and working with a load of girls I just know they're going to be talking behind my back - so I've got to do it, for myself, my family, my health, my confidence .. I will hopefully then feel ready to give up my job and embark on the new career in beauty that I have just spent a small fortune training in!

So I give myself 12 months to lose 5-6 stones, fine tune my treatments, and morph into the fabulous, confident ME I have always dreamt of being!

A good, healthy 'confident' .. wanting to get out there and take part in things, accepting party and wedding invites and actually looking forward to going, taking the kids swimming and basically not shying away from all the things I have been missing out on

So, in anticipation on joining slimming world next week I'm going to count calories for the next 8 days and will start recording my food intake in this diary - good and bad

day 1

bfast - 2 weetabix, skim milk, cup tea - 250 cals
midmorning - small apple 50 cals
lunch - cornish pasty - 560 cals (ouch!)
midafternoon - bag crisps - 120 cals
dinner - 1 egg on toast - 200 cals 1 small apple 50 cals
snack - 2 toast marmite 200 cals

Total: 1400 cals (ish)

Bless you, your title caught my attention. I would guess you are much younger than me but I feel for you, losing your confidence. When you are at home it can happen so easily and especially as you are on maternity leave, and busy with your family. Try to be positive, people may not think what you think they are thinking! You can tell I am having Contive Behaviour Therapy can't you!
Give Slimming world a go as it will boost your confidence as you will see all shapes and sizes and ages and you will realise we are all in it together.
I am learning to feel more positive but it's a day to day thing,that will gradually improve as your thoughts become less negative.
Good luck x

You can do this! I am pretty sure I am much older than you but many many years of working from home has zapped my confidence totally plus having 5-6 stone to lose so can really sympathise with you.

A fab little book to read to help you back on your road to a confident you is 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' a cheap paperback but very very well worth the read. Someone suggested it to me and by the time I was a third through it I felt I wanted to make the effort and do things, kind of like 'I can do this' ... again alot of it is positive thinking.

Will follow your diary, and here to offer support if you need it. Hopefully by the end of our journeys we will both be more confident xxxxx

JackieN said:

You can do this! I am pretty sure I am much older than you but many many years of working from home has zapped my confidence totally plus having 5-6 stone to lose so can really sympathise with you.

A fab little book to read to help you back on your road to a confident you is 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' a cheap paperback but very very well worth the read. Someone suggested it to me and by the time I was a third through it I felt I wanted to make the effort and do things, kind of like 'I can do this' ... again alot of it is positive thinking.

Will follow your diary, and here to offer support if you need it. Hopefully by the end of our journeys we will both be more confident xxxxx

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My feelings exactly and that book is really good, I have a few self help books like that on my ipod as audio books!

Good luck D'lashes...I'm sure most of us can relate to your post

Hi D'lashes. Good for you joining Slimming World - sounds like it might be nice for you to be with a group of different people outside of your family and work, where you're able to be open and have a bit of a fresh start. Noticed "feel the fear and do it anyway" has been mentioned. I like that book and also am a fan of Michael Neill who has a radio show on Hay House Radio (internet) on a Thursday night. He is a Brit who now lives in LA. He's a coach and much of his philosophy is about returning to your natural state of well-being. He has a subscription-based website and has published some books but I usually listen to him for free via the radio station - the latest show is available to listen to for a week.

hey d'lashes welcome aboard slimming world (best diet ever) hehe u will suceed hunni we all behind you we can motivate each other to get those pounds off good luck xxx

wow, what a lovely response thanks everyone!!
i will look into those self help books, the feel the fear one has been recommended to me before so will deffinately look into buying it!
had a tough day yesturday, my husbands step dad passed away .. he'd been ill for some time but it was still a shock - he was actually seperated from hubbys mum, so a little estranged - but he still brought him up as a child and my husband has all sorts of feelings going on, sadness, regret, guilt etc .. so it just goes to show life really is too short, we should grab bull by the horns and really live our lives the way we want to - instead of letting things like weight issues hold us back. but ive put this pledge online and im going to stick with it.
after this sad event, the old me would have given up
(to start another time!)before id even started .. but im going to try and hold everythingfor my hubby, and keep chipping away at my goals because as harsh as it is life goes on, and i cant use my step-father in laws passing as another excuse, besides he would have been pleased to see us as a happy thriving family, and i really believe the key to that is me losing weight
thanks again every one for your support, it means a lot
.. and dont be fooled by the fact ive just finished maternity leave, im probably older than all of you @ 42 years young !! i have a 12 year old daughter and harry is almost 1 .. belated fourtieth birthday pressie, lol x

ght

Welcome D'lashes

You have made the best step ever by joining sw and like Jackie says you will get loads of help and support on here, everyone is lovely and so friendly. Whatever you're feeling someone will have been there, done it and got the t-shirt I can guarantee you so you are not alone!

My one tip would be don't set yourself massive goals, just small ones such as half a stone, get into the next stone etc this way they are so much more achieveable than saying you have X amount of pounds to lose. I find that works anyway.

Sod em at work, if they are going to be talking about you behind your back then they are small minded horrible to$$ers - there you go said it for you

Oh and congrats on the belated 40th birthday pressie!

Good luck, we're right behind you xxxx

day 2

bfast: fried egg and mushrooms on toast - 500 cals ?
2 cups tea / sugar - 100 cals
midmorning - waggon wheel - 170 oopsie!
lunch boots meal deal sandwich - 300 cals large banana 100
midafternoon - slice soreen cup tea - 250
dinner : ready meal roast - 400 & yogurt - 150 cals
extras : 2 baby rusks - 150 few sweets - 100

TOTAL : 1700 cals - ouch, but kind of balances out yesterdays deficit lol

not going to be too hard on myself as havent touched chocolate bar in the fridge and turned down slice cake and some biscuits, which would have taken me way over 2000 cals

update: i succombed to the chocolate bar in the fridge, so around 1900 - but still under daily calorie recommendation i guess - but no excuse!

thanks

thanks saddle bags
i know you're right, and usually wouldnt care what people thought about me, been around the block few times at my age after all .. but i guess its this confidence thing, plays funny tricks on you lol
think i read some of your diary when i was in 'lurking' mode
have you been on your girly holiday yet? jealous, much!

D'lashes said:

thanks saddle bags

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D'lashes said:

i know you're right, and usually wouldnt care what people thought about me, been around the block few times at my age after all .. but i guess its this confidence thing, plays funny tricks on you lol
think i read some of your diary when i was in 'lurking' mode
have you been on your girly holiday yet? jealous, much!

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Not yet honey, 16th September or 8 weeks tomorrow, not that I'm counting - honest I'm hoping to have lost another stone by then so need to get my arse into gear big time and get some serious exercise done - I do nothing at the minute except walk a mile 3/4 times a week. I did race for life on Sunday and realised how unfit I was, I was knackered!

I have found as I have lost weight, albeit only 2 stone (nearly) that I am more confident in myself and you will do too. Then you can tell them to sod off and grow up and move onto doing the beauty treatments you've trained for. Sounds lovely. What sort of things you going to be doing, I love having my nails done and pedicures and massages - could just nod off thinking about it.

xx

Really sorry to hear you had such sad news. :cry:

At 50 I have finally realised life really isn't fair but to stop fighting it: just take each day at a time now

Saddlebags: Did you say only 2 stone?

Take care

Sorry to hear about your husband's stepdad - now I guess you'll be extra busy with emotional support for him and perhaps some practical things as well. Good for you to say you're going to stick to SW - it's for you. If you can get through this without emotional eating, then you'll be better prepared for other things life throws at you.

Was just thinking about your work colleagues .... one of the things that I sometimes do when people are being right old cows is to love-bomb them. It completely throws them - "wow - that dress really suits you - where did you get it?" or "You've done such a good job on that - you should get a promotion". And don't let them know anything about you that you don't want them to - protect yourself and share that with people who really care about you.

Anyway, hang in there. Making a cuppa - will send you a virtual one.

I've just found your diary. Firstly I'm sorry about your loss.

You've received some brilliant advice from everyone.

The only thing I wanted to add was in regard to confidence. I think we all feel that we will lose the weight and our lives will begin. But we don't have to wait til the end of our weight loss journey cos as we lose the weight our confidence grows and we start doing things we never thought we would

Good luck with it all

Hi, I just wanted to wish you good luck on your weight loss journey and to say that I could relate to a lot of what you wrote. I too am due to go back to work soon after almost a year off on maternity leave (I go back a week on tuesday) I'm also dreading it and a lot of it has to do with the amount of weight I've put on since I went off to have the baby. I also work with females and they can be very *****y. I have no doubt that many of them will be commenting to each other about my weight but hey, at least we're doing something about it now. Let them say what they want I think.

Really sorry to hear about your hubby's step dad. A stressful and emotional time for all I can imagine. Hope you find the strength you need to get yourself and your husband through this difficult time.

I have just started my own diary on here and so far (well today anyway) it has really helped me stay on track. I will be following your diary with interest to see how you get on at work and with your weight loss. I wish you the best of luck. xxx

aww thanks everyone and thanks greenwich girl for the virtual cuppa, dont have any virtual wine going spare do you? lol

saddlebags, i trained with CND in spa mani and pedi, minx and shellac gel/polish but its a bit slow going, hard to practise round little one at the moment
also working through my eyelash extension case studies (hence D'lashes - D for my initial, lol) and am planning to train in threading - perhaps I can torture a few of my work colleagues, let the thread slip couple times, lol

tillymax - thats great advice, i was always one for 'my life wont start until im size 10 etc' so im starting to take small steps out of my comfort zone, because as my signature says : life is what happens to you when you are busy making plans.. i joined mother and baby group this morning, not a big deal but i was nervous as hell - of course worrying about what people what think of me, my clothes (evans jeans and t-shirt uniform at the moment! lol) and my weight .. and as i type this, i realise how completely ridiculous i was to deprive harry of 'play time' because of my weight issues .. he absolutely loved it and im so glad i made the effort, looking forward to next weeks session already

greenwich girl - thank you for your kind words, and will deffinately try that trick - they wont know whats hit them, lol .another piece of advise was given was 'fake it until you make it' although easier said than done ..
i'll start by walking back into work with my head held high instead of what the old me would have done - gone in and said 'well im back, and look at me - I still look 9 months pregnant' .. trying to make a joke of it before someone else did - some of the foreign nurse are very blunt and straight to the point . ie i was once told , cant believe you're 40, you look ten years younger mind you you're fat and probably pads out the wrinkles, lol .. nice!
btw - I love greenwich, you're so lucky to be living there .. we try and visit every summer, my husbands aunt lives in islington and we usually house sit for her over a long weekend and take in the sights, always go to greenwich market and my daughter has a little henna tattoo .. didnt go last year as harry was premature so had enough on our plates but the year before remember making a mental note to myself if had another baby to buy some baby bits from that lovely baby clothes shop with the funky bibs in the market lol - is it still there? xx

thank you x

hi tooty frooty

ive just re-read through the posts, and somehow missed yours the first time round - sorry!

funny we're both counting the days to go back to work and dreading it having put on weight (well, not funny ha ha! funny coincidence!)
i officially go back 8th aug but am doing couple odd days leading up to it to break myself in gently .. cant say as im looking forward to it, will just focus on my pay cheque!
have the pleasure of going shopping for black trousers for work at the weekend .. thats going to be fun, will probably have to buy 2 sizes bigger than i left in
we can perhaps support each other on here - do you have a link to your diary, still finding my way around minimins and not sure if can save to favourites - will have to have a good read through the tutorials
how old is your little one now, and is he/she your first? i have a daughter age 12 and son who will be 1 aug 3rd
anyway thank you for replying to my post, we will get there .. just have to take one step at a time X:hug99:

Lol...yes it is a coincidence. I'm back on the 2nd of Aug and had such a nightmare getting my bosses to agree to give me set working days but I eventually got them to agree which Will be a lot less stressful for me.

I can't believe that horrid nurse said that to you. I remember when I went back from mat leave when I had my first little boy....he'll be 3 next month, someone asked me How long I had now till the baby was due. I was mortified!

I haven't got a link to my diary on my profile but will get on the laptop tomorrow and try to figure out how to do it. It would be nice to have someone to share this journey with so we'll look out for each other.

My baby boy Will be 1 on Aug 27th. I can't believe it's came around so soon. Where does the time go eh!

Look forward to chatting more. Night night x