MidlandsChick
Full Member
RIGHT. Where do I start? Food has been my friend since I was little. It's the first thing I turn to when anything goes wrong. Or right. Or when I'm bored. Or sad. Or happy. Or tired. Or full of energy. Or it's a day with a Y in it.
As a result, I ended up over 13 stone at the age of 20, met my now husband, got pregnant, and kept gaining after I had our son until I joined Weightwatchers with a friend in June 2011, and stepped on the scales to see 16 stone 4 looking up at me. I cried, my leader told me I'd never have to see that on a scales again, and I went home with my starter pack and my head swimming with propoints. Over the next 8 months I lost almost 3 stone, and started to feel guilty about it because the friend I'd joined with wasn't losing. Every pound I lost, she put on, and I felt bad for losing weight. I didn't have a particularly good leader, either. She didn't like cooking and didn't like drinking water, didn't see the point of exercise. Eventually my friend stopped going and so did I (so did the leader), because I felt lost on my own. I don't drive so I also felt like a burden on family by asking them to bring me to my meeting. I continued the plan at home for a while, but then life got in the way. My father-in-law was terminally ill and needed care from us all. I was also getting married that October (2012)- and I gave up smoking in June after seeing what it had done to him. He died 6 weeks before our wedding, and I got married at just over 15 stone. I tried again with Weightwatchers a few times - I even updated on here - but I would always last about 3-4 weeks and then get really sick of it. Sick of pointing, counting - I got completely obsessive about food and I was spending points on my old friends crisps, alcohol, chocolate, pastries, crackers, coke. Then in February 2013, I found out I was pregnant.
We were overjoyed - our eldest was 9, so it was such happy news to finally be able to give him a little brother or sister. I decided to knuckle down and stop treating my body like a dustbin, but I indulged every single Kebab craving. I didn't weigh myself throughout my pregnancy, I didn't want to know. In July 2013, I went for a routine scan and heard the words - "I think I see another head". At 7 months pregnant, I found out we were having twins (totally outed myself there to anyone who knows me). What followed were 2 months of shock, panic, exhaustion and finally a planned c-section at 38 weeks that resulted in two healthy non-ID baby boys in October 2013.
For the first 12 weeks after they were born, food went out the window. We lived on stuff grabbed from the chipper, or sandwiches, or a packet of chocolate digestives split at 4am. I needed instant energy - both my husband and I put on weight. I tried again with weightwatchers, but I wasn't able to do the grocery shop for the first 4 weeks so you can imagine what my husband came home with. I don't mean to insult any men, I'm sure some are excellent at doing a weekly shop - mine is unfortunately not one of them! When I did get back on my feet, I went overboard with soups & salads & stir fries for about 3 weeks, then the novelty wore off again. I lost and gained the same 6-10 lbs several times over the past few months. The few cans on a Saturday night, chinese on a Friday, and Fry on a Sunday became more of a routine than I'd like to admit. I'd buy packets of things specifically to eat when my husband wasn't at home. I was basically having an affair with jumbo packets of Thai Chilli Crisps, rolls of mini cheddars, and bags of pistachios. I'd eat them so quick I didn't even taste them.
So where does it leave me now? I weighed myself last Thursday and I was 17 stone 4. Something clicked - the same thing that clicked when I gave up smoking (I haven't smoked since the day I stubbed out my last one over 2 years ago) - if I keep doing this, there's a possibility I could die. I could get a heart attack or a stroke and leave 3 young children without a mother. I read a piece from a man who had lost his wife to cancer 6 months earlier and his pain lept off the page. That woman didn't have a choice - I do. I can stop this cycle now, and I need to.
I'm not even sure if anyone will read this (fair play to you if you've read it all), but I need to waffle and ramble for my own sanity. I'm a Stay-at-home-Mum to the boys (eldest is 9, twins are 9mths) and I want to be here to see them grow up. I don't want someone to have to show them one of the very few pictures of me and ask them if they remember me.
A few weeks ago my son came home from school and said "I don't like that boy Jamie". I asked why, and he replied "Because he said you were fat".
Heartbroken.
No more Fat Mam x
As a result, I ended up over 13 stone at the age of 20, met my now husband, got pregnant, and kept gaining after I had our son until I joined Weightwatchers with a friend in June 2011, and stepped on the scales to see 16 stone 4 looking up at me. I cried, my leader told me I'd never have to see that on a scales again, and I went home with my starter pack and my head swimming with propoints. Over the next 8 months I lost almost 3 stone, and started to feel guilty about it because the friend I'd joined with wasn't losing. Every pound I lost, she put on, and I felt bad for losing weight. I didn't have a particularly good leader, either. She didn't like cooking and didn't like drinking water, didn't see the point of exercise. Eventually my friend stopped going and so did I (so did the leader), because I felt lost on my own. I don't drive so I also felt like a burden on family by asking them to bring me to my meeting. I continued the plan at home for a while, but then life got in the way. My father-in-law was terminally ill and needed care from us all. I was also getting married that October (2012)- and I gave up smoking in June after seeing what it had done to him. He died 6 weeks before our wedding, and I got married at just over 15 stone. I tried again with Weightwatchers a few times - I even updated on here - but I would always last about 3-4 weeks and then get really sick of it. Sick of pointing, counting - I got completely obsessive about food and I was spending points on my old friends crisps, alcohol, chocolate, pastries, crackers, coke. Then in February 2013, I found out I was pregnant.
We were overjoyed - our eldest was 9, so it was such happy news to finally be able to give him a little brother or sister. I decided to knuckle down and stop treating my body like a dustbin, but I indulged every single Kebab craving. I didn't weigh myself throughout my pregnancy, I didn't want to know. In July 2013, I went for a routine scan and heard the words - "I think I see another head". At 7 months pregnant, I found out we were having twins (totally outed myself there to anyone who knows me). What followed were 2 months of shock, panic, exhaustion and finally a planned c-section at 38 weeks that resulted in two healthy non-ID baby boys in October 2013.
For the first 12 weeks after they were born, food went out the window. We lived on stuff grabbed from the chipper, or sandwiches, or a packet of chocolate digestives split at 4am. I needed instant energy - both my husband and I put on weight. I tried again with weightwatchers, but I wasn't able to do the grocery shop for the first 4 weeks so you can imagine what my husband came home with. I don't mean to insult any men, I'm sure some are excellent at doing a weekly shop - mine is unfortunately not one of them! When I did get back on my feet, I went overboard with soups & salads & stir fries for about 3 weeks, then the novelty wore off again. I lost and gained the same 6-10 lbs several times over the past few months. The few cans on a Saturday night, chinese on a Friday, and Fry on a Sunday became more of a routine than I'd like to admit. I'd buy packets of things specifically to eat when my husband wasn't at home. I was basically having an affair with jumbo packets of Thai Chilli Crisps, rolls of mini cheddars, and bags of pistachios. I'd eat them so quick I didn't even taste them.
So where does it leave me now? I weighed myself last Thursday and I was 17 stone 4. Something clicked - the same thing that clicked when I gave up smoking (I haven't smoked since the day I stubbed out my last one over 2 years ago) - if I keep doing this, there's a possibility I could die. I could get a heart attack or a stroke and leave 3 young children without a mother. I read a piece from a man who had lost his wife to cancer 6 months earlier and his pain lept off the page. That woman didn't have a choice - I do. I can stop this cycle now, and I need to.
I'm not even sure if anyone will read this (fair play to you if you've read it all), but I need to waffle and ramble for my own sanity. I'm a Stay-at-home-Mum to the boys (eldest is 9, twins are 9mths) and I want to be here to see them grow up. I don't want someone to have to show them one of the very few pictures of me and ask them if they remember me.
A few weeks ago my son came home from school and said "I don't like that boy Jamie". I asked why, and he replied "Because he said you were fat".
Heartbroken.
No more Fat Mam x
Last edited:
I can really relate to a lot of what you said especially the eating multipacks of stuff without hubby knowing,im guilty of this too & of binge eating.I wish you all the best on your journey x
