"But you don't NEED to lose weight.." - For anyone else who gets told this!

Hi everyone,

My name is Anella & I'm 26yrs old from Anglesey, N.Wales :wavey: more on my stats later, oh wait they're on the side there aren't they.. doh.

Before anyone who has 4, 5, 15st to lose shouts at me, let me explain myself!! We are ALL in the same boat here after all whether we have 10st or 10lbs to lose! This post is for all the ladies in the same boat as me who, basically.. well, we have been told in the past that 'we look fiiiiiiine' and don't NEED to lose weight & so, have given up the diet & thought, yeah they're right - when deep down inside we know we have that 2st to lose, we just hide it extremely well (maybe with some help from spanx or like me, being taller than average) etc. However, when you get home, get into your knickers & bra (or boxers if you're a guy)! - look in the mirror & see yourself & wish you'd never started your 2 year binge-athon on food (although, it was good right)!?

I'm 5'7 (so yeah slightly taller than average) I have long legs & a shortish body but have always carried my weight well. Basically people don't comment when I've put on weight & I don't mean a few pounds - try 2st 13lbs! Who comments anyway, right? But you know what I mean if you're in the same boat as me! My face gets chubbier but I've still managed to TRY and hide it well. I refuse to buy clothes 2 sizes up and try my best to squeeze into the same old (elasticated) clothes!

I have always been the same weight to be honest, which since being in my 20's is between 10 & a half stone & 11 stone (sigh). I got down to the 10 & a half stone mark by doing a diet I'll never do again, called the Dukan Diet. Unfortunately in 2010 my father passed away with lung cancer (he had it for about 5yrs and was 59) while I was away in Salford Uni doing my MA degree. Hardest time ever. I still manager to go back & finish my dissertation and pass with merit, so it's not all bad. Now normally when someone passes away I get the impression they stop eating and lose a lot of weight etc - not me. I did the opposite & started to eat, eat, eat.

I ended up having (my first ever) relationship of 7yrs break up as well - he was controlling & a bully & losing my dad gave me the kick up my butt to ditch him! Luckily I met new partner Colin (who is also doing slimming world with me & has lost over 2st)! We were both happy back then though just eating Dominos, Chinese take aways, chips, chocolate.. drool.. Then one day I decided to weigh myself & SHOCK horror I was a whole 2st 13lbs heavier. My heaviest weight ever nearly 13 stone. I couldn't believe it & wanted to cry! It wasn't so bad because I kept getting told "You look FINE, you don't HAVE anything to lose, you'd look anorexic if you lost 2st" etc etc the list goes on. So, I simply took the easy way out & agreed with them for a LONG time but deep inside I was never happy.

I was also diagnosed with Aspartame Poisoning, which I will write about in a different post (long & awful story). After a long chat, both Colin & I decided to join Slimming World & at first I was scared of going because I thought that the other ladies & men there would be looking at me thinking, pah! What does she need to lose! - Colin was the opposite (his joining weight was 21st 3lbs) & he was worried about people seeing him as a 'slob' just because he was fat.. even though he isn't a slob, at all!! Anyway, I am so, SO, so happy that we both joined. I so far have lost 12lbs officially (Slimming World weigh in last week) but according to my scales, this week after beginning the 30 day shred (URGHHHH I'll write another post about this as well) - my scales say 11st 11lbs! Which hopefully if the weigh in goes good this week, I will have reached my 1st mark! Yay! I am still determined to be back just under 11st - When I tell people my ultimate goal of 10st they gasp and tell me I don't need to lose that much, but I know my body type & I know I *COULD* do it WITHOUT looking ill, at all. I've been there before. I don't think these people I tell realised just how much weight I put on. It almost upsets me when people say I shouldn't lose anymore weight.. (yes, I take it as a compliment as well) but in a way, those people are almost tempting you to stop your journey of becoming happier and healthier! On that note, I thought I was 'fit' before I started the 30 day shred dvd. Oh dear god.

If I'm absolutely honest with you all, my thighs are my worst bit. It's weird my calves (bottom half of my legs) look skinnyish.. but the top, is like cottage cheese, rippling if I wobble them & covered in stretch marks. I can easily grab more than two/three handfulls of fat on each thigh, yuck! I hide them well, but I will NOT be wearing short shorts this summer & I always wear tights with my skirts! I am just sick & tired of *SOME* not all people that judge the girls who like me, might look okay-ish (I'm not saying stick thin) but we still have our goals. One thing to remember though is not to get disheartened over cellulite too much. I have skinny friends who still have those ripples! So we can't have it all I guess!

So anyway this is a REALLLLLY long post & I'm sure some of you have fallen asleep reading this but I'm just wondering if there's anyone that has similar goals to myself (same height or weight loss target etc)! I remember the other week when two girls walked into SW class (just to weigh in and leave) & they looked so perfectly normal (quite thin even) & I myself thought why are they here.. so yeah everyone does it (judge I mean).. but Colin explained to me, maybe they were a stone heavier and just keep coming to keep an eye on their weight. Both Colin & I plan to keep going even when we've reached our ultimate goal.. just to keep an eye on the weight but we have a long time to go! Sigh!

Good Luck everyone arty0011: & we are all in the SAME boat, despite our weight & goals!

"When I tell people my ultimate goal of 10st they gasp and tell me I don't need to lose that much."

People can only comment on your plans for losing weight if you tell them about it. Don't tell them, don't discuss it, just do what you want to do.

Good story and intro, at the end of the day only you can be happy with you, and no one else can tell you what to do or not what to do.... 're weight.... not like robbing a bank lol. I would be very interested to read your aspartame story, I have been avoiding artificial sweeteners for about 2 years now and it's hard because it's in blimmin everything!! Even in full fat versions of stuff! Good luck on your weight loss journey xx

Love this post - people say to me all the time that I don't need to lose weight, that if I did I would look too skinny etc.

It does my head in!!

Like you've said, I've developed techniques to cover it up or dress differently etc. but it's just about being healthier and more confident - a goal's a goal, regardless of how high/low the lb's are.

minxie_minx said:

I'm just wondering if there's anyone that has similar goals to myself

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Yes I do. I know exactly where you're coming from on this. My health was beginning to be affect by my weight. 13+ stone might not sound a lot but it was to me. I couldn't fit in any of my clothes, I puffed and panted when I went out walking, I was snoring at night and yes, I had the cellulite too!!

With a small weight loss, I can fit in a lot of my old clothes and go out for a walk now without slowing down. The snoring has stopped and I'm pleased to say the cellulite is much improved, but you wouldn't catch me in a skirt or shorts.

If I tell my husband my goal is to lose 4 stone, he goes mad. He says I will look ill. But that would make me the weight I used to be before I had the kids, quite a lot of years ago granted, but I looked fine then. I wasn't skinny or gaunt. So now I just say, I'm taking it a stone at a time and seeing how things go. That seems to satisfy anyone who asks me.

Good luck on your journey x

Yep I understand how you feel - I always say to them "you dont see me naked"!!

I'm tall so its easier to hide it too

Good Luck x

*Emsie* said:

Good Luck x

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Thanks & woah, well done with your loss!! That picture is amazing!

minxie_minx said:

Thanks & woah, well done with your loss!! That picture is amazing!

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Thank you

Hey there, I'm aiming for a proportionally similar goal to you (9st 7lbs and I'm 5ft 5), and I've also had the comments from a close friend (my ex SW-buddy - she's now a target member) that I'm aiming too low, which really riled me at the time, but made me really think about why I want to get to that particular weight and validate that it's the right target for me...

1) It will take me to smack bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range (so gives a little bit of flex for those lbs that might come on/off over the years in the future!)
2) Like you, it'll get me firmly past that 11st hump where I always seem to give up too once people start saying I'm looking well (hence the reference to 11st 2lbs as my "normal" weight in my mini targets below)
3) It's low enough that once I get there I'll be past the point of no return with all my "fat" clothes! As I go I'm getting rid of everything that's too big, and there will be nothing left of my old wardrobe once I get to target, so there will be no temptation to gradually fit back into them as the pounds creep back on. If I stop at 11st a lot of my clothes are only a little bit too big, and it'll feel too wasteful to get rid of them all.

Only we can know when we've hit the number that feels right for us - it'll be that moment when we catch sight of our belly in the mirror by accident and notice that it's actually relatively flat, or the photo that someone takes from behind where our bum finally doesn't look big!

Good luck on your journey x

Hi there
tell me more about the aspartame poisining, i have alot of it, now im worried :S

What a lovely intro and good luck on your journey.i am the same height as you and started about the same weight too. I lost some for my wedding but gave up around the 10 st 7 mark. Put some back on and rejoined SW this January at 11st 13. And although not big i wasnt happy. Am now at target of 9st 9 and when I was nearly there lots of people especially my mother in law kept telling me it was enough. I ignored the comments and carried on until I got to the weight I wanted to be. I was fed up of being the largest of my friends. I am 40 next year and decided this was my time. If you feel pressure from their comments don't tell them although I know you want to share your excitement at your success. You will know when it's enough and it's great that you have the support of your partner. You'll get there in no time.

I loved this post. A lot of family memebers have said "but you're fine the way you are". I don't want to be fine, I want to be nice, happy and condient. Not hide behind maxi-dresses as I am too scared to bare my legs.

I am 5ft 10, so at my heaviest 15st2lbs, I carried it well. But as you have all said, its when you take off the layers and look at your pants digging in your sides that you start to think "Hmmm, maybe I should do something about this"

I have never been slim (since a teenager I have always been around the same size, just gradually getting bigger with age) so have NO idea what goals to set my self. I am aiming for my club 10 first, as that is a huge achievment in itself. I then will look at the BMI weight - really good point about getting in the middle of it to have a little "grace".

Really enjoyed this post, so much so this is my first comment! YAY me!!!

Good luck all xxx

MissNix said:

Hey there, I'm aiming for a proportionally similar goal to you (9st 7lbs and I'm 5ft 5), and I've also had the comments from a close friend (my ex SW-buddy - she's now a target member) that I'm aiming too low, which really riled me at the time, but made me really think about why I want to get to that particular weight and validate that it's the right target for me...

1) It will take me to smack bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range (so gives a little bit of flex for those lbs that might come on/off over the years in the future!)
2) Like you, it'll get me firmly past that 11st hump where I always seem to give up too once people start saying I'm looking well (hence the reference to 11st 2lbs as my "normal" weight in my mini targets below)
3) It's low enough that once I get there I'll be past the point of no return with all my "fat" clothes! As I go I'm getting rid of everything that's too big, and there will be nothing left of my old wardrobe once I get to target, so there will be no temptation to gradually fit back into them as the pounds creep back on. If I stop at 11st a lot of my clothes are only a little bit too big, and it'll feel too wasteful to get rid of them all.

Only we can know when we've hit the number that feels right for us - it'll be that moment when we catch sight of our belly in the mirror by accident and notice that it's actually relatively flat, or the photo that someone takes from behind where our bum finally doesn't look big!

Good luck on your journey x

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At the end of the day I suppose some people just worry about what you will look like, maybe they see us as fine as we are now (because like someone mentioned, they err, don't see us naked)! So when we say well, actually I need another 2st off.. it shocks them! I'm just going for it and stopping where I'm happy at! I've also started the 30DS (30 Day Shred) & I am already seeing a HUGE difference in those flabby things and little 'pooch' - the spare tyre under my belly button! On Day 4 so I'm carrying on with it! Good luck to you!! I'm still trying to figure out how to add friends etc on here to keep in touch with people similar to me! x

Pinknails2012 said:

Hi there
tell me more about the aspartame poisining, i have alot of it, now im worried :S

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I will try & post my story today & I'll put the link here - You have no reason to worry, but personally I would tell anyone not to use it after what I've been through. I WAS overdoing it though so DO NOT panic! I was having in the end about 6-7 tablets in ONE cup of tea and then the powdered version in everything, weetabix, yoghurts, etc etc. It got bad. Very bad. I had the same symptoms of MS & was struggling up the stairs my joints were so bad. In the long run, my dr told me aspartame MAKES you put ON weight, because you crave that sugar.. or something like that. Just do a google search of aspartame dangers or something like that & watch how many pages come up. It's ridiculous!

I replaced it with honey, I have honey in my tea, greek yoghurts etc I also am VERY careful NOT to buy any Artificial sweetener products - lucky for me the Alpen light bars are great as well as the Danio yoghurts YUM!

I will put the link up soon! xx

ming2007 said:

What a lovely intro and good luck on your journey.i am the same height as you and started about the same weight too. I lost some for my wedding but gave up around the 10 st 7 mark. Put some back on and rejoined SW this January at 11st 13. And although not big i wasnt happy. Am now at target of 9st 9 and when I was nearly there lots of people especially my mother in law kept telling me it was enough. I ignored the comments and carried on until I got to the weight I wanted to be. I was fed up of being the largest of my friends. I am 40 next year and decided this was my time. If you feel pressure from their comments don't tell them although I know you want to share your excitement at your success. You will know when it's enough and it's great that you have the support of your partner. You'll get there in no time.

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Thanks, I'm SO, SO glad people are commenting nicely & understand what I was trying to say here. It was like I said, a very scary thing for me to join SW because I honestly thought I was going to walk in there & everyone was going to be on average over 15st with a lot to lose & I'd look ridiculous going in.. but it was nothing like that at all! I walked in and there were other girls my age and slimmer than me (some come in just for the weigh in - don't stay for the meeting) & they are just perfectly 'normal'! We all have our own goals like I say! & anyway how do we know that the size 8 girl that we all envy coming to class hasn't once been 15st and unhappy!? We simply can't judge people!

It seems you did the same as me then, reached your ''Yeah, I'm OK with that'' weight & then sneaked the pounds back on, hehe This is what I'm on about, this time I am NOT listening to anyone & I'm carrying on to the weight I WANT to be! I'm not a silly girl either, as in, I know when to stop. I'm not into looking skeletal or ANYTHING like that. I just want to be toned, fit & healthy above all else - I haven't worn a bikini (comfortably) since I was err.. gosh, 18? I'm 26 now. I live literally 2 minutes away from the beach & I'm sick of being the girl who won't even get her arms out because she thinks in her head she has bingo wings & is too scared to get the flabby thighs out! I want to be the girl who in the morning, looks outside, sees the sun shining and without even thinking about it, slips on a vest top and shorts and doesn't even THINK to look in the mirror and worry about appearance!

Thanks for the reply & good luck!

blonde1991 said:

Hi!! I just wanna say thank you for this post. its so true. I get this all the time and its nice to know that there are other people in the same boat, good luck on your journey x

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Thanks! I'm glad people like this post! Like I mentioned in the post above, I was scared of going to a SW class being a more 'normal in everyone else's eyes' size. I came onto this forum BEFORE I joined & on average the ladies & gents here are more than 15st.. So this post is for all the people out there who might just be 12, 11 or 10 stone but still have in their eyes a sufficient weight to shift! I hope someone that was in my shoes sees this post & makes the jump to join SW, because it has been the BEST thing I have done, and that's the truth!

natcat said:

I loved this post. A lot of family memebers have said "but you're fine the way you are". I don't want to be fine, I want to be nice, happy and condient. Not hide behind maxi-dresses as I am too scared to bare my legs.

I am 5ft 10, so at my heaviest 15st2lbs, I carried it well. But as you have all said, its when you take off the layers and look at your pants digging in your sides that you start to think "Hmmm, maybe I should do something about this"

I have never been slim (since a teenager I have always been around the same size, just gradually getting bigger with age) so have NO idea what goals to set my self. I am aiming for my club 10 first, as that is a huge achievment in itself. I then will look at the BMI weight - really good point about getting in the middle of it to have a little "grace".

Really enjoyed this post, so much so this is my first comment! YAY me!!!

Good luck all xxx

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Thanks & well done on the first post. I remember when I first joined here I wanted a picture/profile etc & 50 posts seems so far away but I can talk forever! Haha x
I know exactly what you mean. I remember photographs of me as well, urgh. It's weird isn't it when you're taking one of those pictures of yourself (like we all do, admit it) you can get away with looking alright.. one day Colin showed me some of his favourite photos of me he had on his phone, ones he had taken & I'd forgotten about.. such as me with the two dogs on the sofa etc, me lying on the bed eating some choccies or something - & my face, my god haha. I looked at it & I just looked like a chubby hamster, haha. My avatar picture is me not last Sept, the one before, it's quite normal there!

My hair also went from below the boob length to above my cheekbones length while I was not well with the whole aspartame thing. So yeah, I felt even bigger with the shorter hair!
As for targets, I aim for the SW awards really, as they are 1/2 stone, 1stone etc.. they go up slowly. Rather than just aiming for 10 stone right away if you get me! Otherwise it will seem like FOREVER away! However, I will tell you, the time HAS gone so, so fast. It really has. Sometimes I get those days where I look in the mirror now, after losing nearly a STONE & hear that voice saying "yeah but you're still fat" & I take a reality check. I think hang on, get that weight in a bag & carry it around. THAT is how much I have lost & jeez, I should be SO proud. Yeah there's still a way to go, but always look back & look at how far you have come - so to speak! One week, my second week I lost 1/2 a pound. I felt so crappy, then I thought, that at the end of the day, it was still 1/2 a pound in the RIGHT direction. The week after 2 & a 1/2 came off! EVERY TINY bit that comes OFF counts!!

Good Luck!!

I really appreciate where you are coming from. I get the 'you don't need to diet' comments a lot. I'm not overly tall (1.67m), but I used to do an awful lot of sports and that has left me with rather broad shoulders and musclely legs. For almost two decades I was a size 10/12 which went up to a 14/16 at my heaviest. I know it might not sound too bad, but it's about my personal wellbeing and feeling good again. Therefore I am not bothered in the slightest what other people think it's right or wrong for me, it's my body, my health and my decision. Funnily most of the comments that I wouldn't have to lose weight come from my proper skinny friends and acquaintances. Strange one LOL