Keeping it simple...

I'm new here but I love the idea of keeping a daily log of my thoughts about dieting.

I'm trying not to count / control too much this time, but just to keep it simple - eat less and move more. Or more specifically, eat and exercise as if I was already thin...

I've been on every diet under the sun, and I'm always after fast weight loss for a specific date, which kind of blows up in my face when I binge and can't get back on track for days.

Not this time. I'm trying not to focus on a specific date, or count the days, or cut down to the point of desperation. This time, I want to treat my body well, learn to love myself and not obsess about the details. As long as the scale is going down, I'll be pleased.

It may take me a while to adjust to this new thinking, but my obsession with weight and dieting has ruled my life for the last 20 year, and it's time to break that. So here goes...

Yesterday was interesting, and finally pushed me into joining minimins. I've spent the last three days eating everything in sight whilst deciding what diet to try next (I've been lurking on Minimins for a while, watching other people lose the weight you want to is sort of like porn for dieters!), when yesterday I had a bit of an epiphany.

1. None of my diets were working. I've lost and gained the same 10lbs for the last 3 months. I'm not getting anywhere. I wanted to be a size 12 for September, but three months later and I'm still a size 18.

2. My starve-bingeing is getting worse.

3. I'm hiding. Big time. I snuck out on Sat night for junk food, and overheard music I like coming from a pub. And I thought, what has happened to me? Why don't I go out any more? Why do I wear casual / baggy clothes, not put on make up and avoid social situations? I don't want to stand out, and my weight is just another facet of that.

4. I want a new life. I want change.

So for the first time ever, I'm going to lose weight by changing habits, not by dieting. Obviously I've tried healthy eating before, but it always turns into a diet followed by a binge. Not this time. I hope by writing this I'll remind myself of why I don't want to go down that path again.

Anyway, apprentice final now, so more later

zoe. said:

(I've been lurking on Minimins for a while, watching other people lose the weight you want to is sort of like porn for dieters!)

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:8855:That made me laugh! I should've have started by saying hiya. :wavey: You have a really healthy attitude there hon, I am certain you will succeed.

Ahhh thank you guys, that's lovely. I'm touched, someone finds me funny! And that someone's reading this. I kind of thought I'd be alone in cyberspace, particularly as there's so much good stuff to read on minimins.

I know I can do it this time, but it's definitely a mental thing - I have to really think before I eat. Not just make snap decisions for instant gratification.

Someone said that if food is an addiction, or takes up a huge role in your life, you have to replace it with something else before you can succeed. I wonder if this is true?

Anyway, today. First day, but I'm not going to count days from here on in. Weighed in at 12.12 (I've bounced up and down between 12.12 and 12.6 for the last 2 weeks. I've always weighed daily but have put the scales in a draw - it's weekly weighing from here on in.

I got up and thought - hey, I've got a big family lunch on this morning. And this is typical of me, I thought I could either:

1. Get on the exercise bike and have a minimal calorie breakfast

or

2. Stay in bed a bit longer, have a really unhealthy but very yummy breakfast, and sod the exercise...

Well, come on, honestly, if you weren't overweight, which would you choose?

I need a middle ground! It needs to stop being all or nothing. Why couldn't I have an option 3:

Have a lie in, have a light but yummy breakfast and only exercise if I felt like it later...

So I wandered down to get breakfast, was just popping a few extra slices of toast on for me, when I thought, no. I can have a middle ground. So I had yoghurt and berries.

And then, because I wasn't forcing myself to get on the exercise bike, half an hour later I actually quite fancied a bit of exercise, and did 30 mins.

And then, that gave me the confidence to eat well at lunch, but not pig out - I did have three courses, but I didn't have any bread from the bread basket, and I didn't have any potatoes with my roast, and I skipped the cheese course (but I did have a fab creme brulee!). And all my coffees were black - what's that? Compromise? Wow!!!

And I followed up with a light tea - a bowl of soup, a nut bar and a little bit of dark chocolate.

Lessons I am taking forward from today:

- How you start the day really makes a difference to how you finish the day.
- I have a very strong rebellious child: if told I have to, the chances are I won't!!!
- Everything is a choice, and it's those individual choices that will determine my progression along this path. I need to take it one choice at a time.

And a final thank you and all good wishes to Kels and Lynn. I never thought anyone would be interested in what I have to say.

You're talking a lot of sense here, would work as good for someone who has 2st or 20st to get rid off. It's all about the right mindset, I need to take a leaf outa your book.

TBH, its such early days for me. I'm worried the diet demons will come back and demand instant weight loss at a terrible price...that's why I'm keeping this diary. I have to remind myself of what hasn't worked for me - if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. I need to do something different and I need to sort out my head at the same time. And not give in to those whispering voices...

"Do a VCLD, the weight will drop off..."
"You had a chocolate bar, you need to go for a 6 mile run..."
"You can always start again tomorrow..."
"What's one more day...."
"You've blown it now, might as well carry on..."
"You can't start a diet on a Thursday...start on Monday (and in the meantime, eat everything in sight)..."

So, baby steps...

Hi Zoe, just want to wish you all the best on the journey. You sound like you've got the hardest part of it by the short and curlies - the mental part. I really think that's 90% of the battle; getting yourself into the right head space before you start. There's always that temptation to want the quick fix, and why is that anyway? Seems like it's because there's always that hidden little gnome at the back of the mind whispering 'the faster you get skinny, the faster you can have chocolate again!' I guess Slimsteady wouldn't sell as well as Slimfast, though, would it? But it should!

I love your one choice at a time approach. I've yo-yo'ed for years myself, and it was the all-or-nothing mentality that screwed me up many times. It was only when I took my foot off the accelerator and stopped expecting total perfection and inhuman compliance that I got some real results. This is just my own personal opinion, but if it feels too much like a 'diet' I don't think it's going to work in the long term. Needs to be little adjustments you can live with for the rest of your life without going totally nuts.

Looking forward to more diary entries! I think you're going to succeed with flying colours.

Thank you Iris, this post brought tears to my eyes.

I'm trying to keep all my key thoughts in one place (here), and so I just had to copy and paste what you said in reply to another thread because it was just so true:

Wisdom from Iris:

Iris said:

If you go in the ring and try to fight it blindfolded, without really knowing where it comes from, you'll be swinging around in the dark still believing in a tiny corner of your mind that you can do a finite, speedy diet, beat the bulge, and resume life as usual. And that way lies yo-yo madness...

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That is SO true - it's what I've been doing for years, but more this year than any other. I've been so determined to lose weight and not face another year like last year, that I lost sight of the bigger picture.

I've just changed my signature. I've taken it to a monthly weightloss rather than weekly, to try and change my focus to a longer term, slower weightloss. I've also removed my ticker for the same reason.

But, I have got a number 2 written on my hand, symbolising the amount of weight I'd like to lose this week, in the manner of the black team on Biggest Loser this week (they all put their ideal weight loss on their hands to remind themselves of what they were trying to achieve whilst they worked out). Is that contrary to the above?

At first I put that there to add pressure to me (actually, at first I wrote a 4 and was aiming for a 4lb loss - how's that for slow and steady!), but now its a reminder. I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but sometimes I just don't think. I head straight into a binge without even making a choice. The 2 on my hand is there to remind me that I do have a goal, I do want to make wise choices, and whilst I don't mind if I don't lose 2lbs this week, long term, I don't want to remain at this weight.

Perhaps I write something else on there. Actually, ideally I'd like a little tattoo, to remind myself of what I can achieve if I put my mind to it. I wonder what I could put there? Any ideas? Hmmm might post this as a separate thread!

Just been for a 40 min run and am BUZZING! I do love exercise once I force myself out the door! I hate the thought, but once I'm out there. I can definitely feel myself getting stronger too. I even added an extra hill on. Might try and do some weights later but I'll see how I feel.

Time for lunch...

After a light lunch of soup, I decided I would treat myself to a soya latte and jammy biscuit thing in town with my eldest after school. Funny thing was, I sort of wanted to prove to myself that I can eat treats and not binge, and I'd decided on what I was going to have this morning. But when I got to costa I didn't really fancy anything sweet, but ordered and ate it anyway. Oh well, I still need to work on this only eating stuff if I really want it. I'm too ruled by my head on this.

Anyway, on the way back I ran into my CDC. We were talking about diets and she said she dropped 3 and a half stone in 3 months on Cambridge. Oh I so want that weight loss. I could be a size 12 for my new career start (and my impending divorce) in September - how fantastic would that be...

So here it is, pros and cons of going back to Cambridge:

Pros
- Fab weight loss in no time at all
- I don't really struggle getting into ketosis
- I don't have any major plans over the next few months so could do it quite clearly
- I could always do 810 some weeks so that I could eat with my children / if we were going out
- I could lose a stone by my eldest's birthday party in July, and be at a healthy BMI in August...how fab would that be...
- Although I've been unsuccessful at LL and CDC in the past, I haven't tried something like 810
- I can sort my head out after losing the weight

Cons
- I've tried LL once already this year, lost a stone in 2 weeks but fell off the wagon (although I've managed to keep 10lbs of that off)
- I've tried CDC before and as with LL didn't get past the first 2 weeks
- Whilst I don't really suffer going into ketosis, I've always felt cr*p during the second and third weeks - hence I quit
- I'm constantly tempted by different diets - I just can't make up my mind - I've tried 3 diets since April, none of which I've stuck to because the grass looks greener on another diet!
- I love exercise and I'm very active, I can't exercise to any great extent on CD, and I think one of the reasons I suffer is because I am so active and have 2 young kids to look after so can't rest if I need, and tend to rely on food as a stimulant.
- My memory of pain is very short, I'll probably get on CD and then a week later decide I can do it on my own...
- I'm not giving this "do it myself" approach a real chance, am I?

Oh, what to do! Until I wrote this out I was fairly sure that I would continue with the "do it myself" approach for at least another month to give it a good go. But looking at the pros and cons, I'm tempted to start CD. The rational side of me says stop looking at time as a factor, I've been dieting for nearly 20 years without success (or without long term, keep it off success), deal with the issues behind the weight now.

The other side of me wants to be thin, now.

Help!

hi your doing well so far, this is just my opinion and it is up to you but i think you should stick to what your doing I mean alot of people put on weight after doing those shake diets simply because they never educated themselves eating the right food in the first place although a few people on here have had success with those diets, also if you've tried that diet before and failed maybe those sorts of diets arnt right for you.

Hello Zoe! I agree with Georgie. Has to be your decision, but reading through your pros and cons, I think you know the answer! If you like exercise, that's a massive bonus in any weight loss campaign - but if you choose a diet that you feel leaves you too drained to exercise, that has to be wrong, especially if exercise is something you enjoy.

This is just my personal opinion and I really hope I don't offend anyone, but I think a food replacement diet disconnects you from the reality of the problem. Anything that stops you from dealing with food day-to-day and learning how to manage it is surely just storing up that struggle for later. It's like banning a particular food from your house. Yes, it helps because you can't eat it while you're at home, but it also makes your home a false reality, if that makes sense. You'll encounter your demon triggers everywhere on a frequent basis... the more training you can give yourself in learning to deal with them, the better. You're less likely to go away somewhere on a work trip or a holiday or just a day out and decide 'hey, this is a different reality, I can be naughty here and then atone when I get back home!'

You can do it the sensible way, Zoe. You'll also save yourself money, and most likely valuable time and heartache in the long run. You've got your head screwed on, I can tell that from reading your posts - you know what you have to do and what you want to achieve, don't let yourself get sidetracked with seductive distractions!

By the way, I really like the monthly weighing. Long term focus is a great idea. And regarding the latte and biccy - this may sound strange, but I think you did absolutely the right thing in ordering it, even if you weren't hungry for it. You'd made a decision to face up to a tricky situation, not to hide and deprive, and you made a totally reasonable, modest choice. There's a treatment for stammering that involves the stammerer actually deliberately making disfluencies or errors with their speech - the theory is that aiming for perfection all the time adds a level of pressure that actually exacerbates the problem. By deliberately making a mistake, the person finds out how to deal with it and recover from it, and learns not to fear the odd error when it happens. I think a shred of that philosophy might be useful when it comes to losing weight. There is no crime or failure in having a biscuit. One biscuit never made anyone fat - it was scoffing the pack that did that. Pack after pack! So I think you did a great thing in trying out your will and focus in an everyday situation and having that biccy. Just a pity you didn't enjoy it much!

I hope today's a good day for you.

Iris - I am blessed to have you read this blog. Your advice just rings so many bells with me on so many levels. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And you too Georgiestar.

My previous experiences with VLCDs have been tainted by the fact, like you two, I don't feel it's doing it the right way. Rightly or wrongly, I feel like I'm cheating just by being on one. I'm not against them by any means - totally for, to be honest. It's just never sat right with me.

I don't find CD or LL a safe haven from decision making - the opposite in fact. I get obsessed and spend the whole day thinking about nothing else. Until finally I get sick of it and use changing diet as an excuse to binge.

So. Here's my decision for today:

1. Even if I switch diet etc. I choose not to use this as an excuse to binge. Tonight I stuck to my planned meal, regardless of whether I'm going on CD or not, no last meal for me - there's been far too many of them.

2. My decision for the moment is no. I'm doing well. I'm actually have some self esteem for the first time in a LONG time.

I have 12 weeks before I start my course. I could lose around 2 stone and get my head much straighter and my eating in a routine ready for the stress that all the changes will entail.

Or I could lose 3 stone, but risk not have my head much straighter and no food routine to fall back on when I'm working much longer days.

I may feel differently tomorrow, I may feel like doing it for 14 days to skip into the next stone bracket down. But I'll be able to look back on these posts and weigh up the pros and cons. There's no rush.

Thank you both, and to everyone else who responded on the CD thread. The support I receive here makes me feel that I can do anything.

So, another day, another weight loss (hopefully!). What was it someone said? You should make the choice, first thing, whether you want to lose weight, maintain weight or gain weight today.

Given that few of us would choose to gain, if you've got a special occasion, you can choose to maintain - you still have to make constructive choices rather than having a free for all, but you can have a little indulgence.

Anyway, that's off the track (how did I get started on that...), today I choose to lose weight. And to do so, I choose to eat healthily, three meals, 2 snacks, and take some exercise (either circuits or a run) this evening.

Actually, I did hop on the scales this morning (I know, I know, I wasn't supposed to!), but I've lost 3, which is great. No more weighing until Friday now.

Yesterday was fine food wise, but I did have a midnight snack! (I was hungry, ok?!)

Breakfast: porridge, dried apricots, raspberries, yoghurt
Lunch: Beany tex-mex style soup
Snack: Soya latte, jammy biscuity thing (Costa)
Dinner: Sausages & gravy, asparagus
Midnight snack: artichoke hearts (weird, huh?! Dog woke me up and I was starving, and that's what I felt like...)

I'm a bit afraid of carbs still, and given I like intense exercise, I might have to introduce some, or risk a binge.

You're right, Kels. And I do eat carbs at breakfast, always, but I seem to shy away from bread, rice, pasta (even brown) and potatoes. But I'm going to gradually reintroduce them at lunch on days that I exercise, because today I was starving at about 4pm and resorted to a Slimfast shake for a boost (I've never done Slimfast, although I've contemplated it, but I find the shakes brilliant for pre-exercise snacks, as they're not to heavy on the stomach, filling, quick to drink and full of easy to access carbs).

Anyway, today's been good.

B: In cafe: Dorset bar, grapes, latte
L: Chorizo & chickpea soup, 20g dark chocolate
S: Slimfast strawberry shake, apple
T: Pork in mustard sauce, broccoli. Greek 0% yoghurt, raspberries & agave syrup.

Exercise: 20 mins on bike (school run, to gym and back), 60 min circuit class, 12428 steps.

I've just had my tea (not my yoghurt yet) and I'm hungry. Hopefully the yoghurt will fill me up...last night I ended up eating artichoke hearts in the middle of the night because the dog woke me up and I was still hungry...

Hiya hun. Just thought I'd pop by & offer some support. Your first posts on your diary reminded me so much of where I was this time last year.

But here I am 12 months on, over 3 stone lighter & 38 inches smaller all over. Yes if I'd done CD or something similar I'd have done it quicker but would I still be at this point? I'm 100% sure I wouldn't, the weight would have gone back on & probably more beside.

You're doing so well hun. You can do this without doing a VLCD. It may be a slow & steady path and I probably could have done it a little quicker if I'd been stricter but I'm enjoying my life & I know I can maintain this lifestyle forever without any problems so I'm happy with that.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Good luck whatever you decide. x x

Hee hee Frijj, I've just spent the last twenty mins perusing your diary, and here you are on mine!

I've been reading all about you - you've done so well, and it's fab to see someone who is achieving without a specific "diet". And good luck with your race for life. You don't need the gym - become a runner! It's the only exercise I truly enjoy, and now I've run for years, I find it really easy to get my fitness back when I let it slide. And if you can fit in one long walk/run (eventually run) of over an hour, once a week, it burns fat like nobody's business.

And best of all, nobody expects me to be able to run because I don't look like I can. Because although I'm slow, I can run for miles

Anyway, enough about the virtues of running - enjoy your Race for Life and thank you very much for the support and advice for dieting the long, slow, and permanent, route.