A message to drinkers - STOP

[PeggyDee]

To those who say it is hard to say no to alcohol and then come and whinge about the big kebab they had because they lost control I say stop whining. Don't ask for help if you are not going to take the advice. You already know the advice you will get because the advice is always the same...
- decide before hand how much you will allow yourself
- offer to be the designated driver
- alternate your alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic drinks.

Do you think that by saying it is hard or your friends pressured you into it will make me think 'oh, poor you' or justify YOU making the decision to ignore the advice? Do you think that asking for advice is simply enough to make the advice work? Why ask when you know what the answer will be? Does asking show some kind of remorse or intention and lead me to feel sorry for you? Does asking for advice make it okay if you don't take it? Sorry, not in my case. Only acting on the advice will earn you my respect and support.

Sorry if this is preachy, but I am angry. I was made angry by a post doing exactly what I describe above. I was going to reply in the post but it was off topic and would have been unfair to the OP, but I felt I still had to say something so I came here to do it.

I have more experience of alcoholics than I wish to detail right now. Alcohol does NOT make you funner / wittier / better / improved / more charming / more likeable / a better friend / a better dancer. It only makes YOU think so. Alcoholics HURT those around them, and I am not referring to the violent physical hurt that sadly many people experience, there are other ways to hurt (I know).

Rant over, anger still simmering but writing this has reduced it loads. Mods, delete this post if it offends.
(And in case you are wondering - I am not teetotal, and yes I have been drunk)

 

[hexe]

TBH, having the odd night out on the drink does not make anyone an alcoholic. If someone is indeed an alcoholic, I guess they'd have different problems than losing weight.
I am pretty much teetotal when on SW, however, I refuse to let any diet completely rule my life. It's too short for that matter.
I appreciate you are angry about something someone wrote, however, the beauty of forums is that you don't have to reply or even read it. My nana used to say "there's naught as queer as folk", she was spot on. You are only wasting your energy trying to assist people who are not willing to assist themselves x

 

[Blueway]

I understand what you're about the dangers of alcohol but surely if everyone had total self control, took notice of all the good advice and didn't have any slip ups
there wouldn't be a need for this forum?
You could have a post titled "a message to overeaters - STOP", it's pretty much saying the same thing.

 

[PeggyDee]

very good point Blueway. I expected to take stick for my rant (.... no I didn't, I expected the post to be deleted). But what made me angry was a post along the lines of
"poor me, I went out, got completely hammered and ate a kebab, then had a fry up for breakfast to cope with the hangover, screwed up my weight loss. I can't say no to alcohol. How should I cope?"
And I just got angry because it is such a stupid question. If you are NOT an alcoholic then all the more reason to know the answer before you ask the question. Sorry, the anger comes from my life experiences with a drinker. I am fed up with the next day poor me attitude and apologies for the mess I get to clean up, the damaged items I get to replace and the weekends that are spoiled because someone with a hangover would rather spend the day recovering than go out and do something fun.

I know that not all drinkers are alcoholics, but over eating is less hurtful to your loved ones (except when it gets to the extreme point of threatening your life) than drinking too much.

 

[Blueway]

Fair enough, you obviously have personal reasons for not liking alcohol. My post wasn't intended to give you stick by the way.
I do think though that you could apply all you've just said "poor me, I can't say no, screwed up my weight loss etc" to many posts on this forum not related to alcohol. You only have to skim over a few threads to find people making excuses for eating too much/the wrong thing and then getting down on themselves because they haven't lost weight.
I suppose what i'm trying to say is everyones struggles are different, some people eat too much, some never exercise and some might occasionally drink too much.

 

[PeggyDee]

Lol, you have certainly taken the wind out of my sails. You make such a good point about everyone having their own struggles, and I need to remember that (after all I am on this website because of my very own struggle with food). I read that post early this morning and had a reflex gut reaction, taking it out by posting in anger to my personal experience. Perhaps the very act of posting and reading these replies has had the desired effect, which is to remind me to be patient, more tolerant and more understanding, and also to enjoy the rest of my Sunday relaxed rather than angry. Desired effect achieved, job done. Thank you for being so reasonable and for helping me with that.

 

[lardylady]

I can understand addiction- after all, I was seriously addicted to food (and still am, but have it under control right now), but what worries me is how people in general see getting drunk as okay, or acceptable behaviour. I listen to people at work laughing about how they drank 2 bottles of wine the night before or how they got so hammered, they couldn't see straight and threw up. Oh, it's such fun and how everybody laughs! Yet if I told them how I once ate so much chocolate and cheese that I threw up, I don't think they would find that quite so amusing. For some reason, alcohol abuse (and let's face it, if you drink so much that you get drunk, it's abuse) is entirely acceptable in society. God forbid if you smoke, though, and woe betide anyone who dares have a problem with food and is overweight! Sadly, getting drunk is now seen as an acceptable pastime. I also can't understand why people drink because their friends expect or encourage them to.. We're no longer in the playground, people! I'm considered a bit of an oddity at work because I'm teetotal amd have no tales to tell of how I have been 'completely rat arsed'. And that suits me fine.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Everyone has their own journey to take. With different obsticles. - I often say to myself 'All you have to do is just NOT eat the cake at babygroup you silly woman!' .... It seems simple. SOOO difficult in pratice. So it may seem easy to say 'Just don't drink!' but your talking about somebody's lifestyle. A life that has friends and social commitments and peer pressure, ... somebody that if they are HERE on a weight loss forum, trying to address their weight issue.. is vulnerable and learning to find their willpower. Stuff like this takes time. If someone posts, and it angers you then it probably is best you do not reply. But i'd be asking myself why I cared so much about someone I do not know, on a (mostly) anonymous forum, whose life I can't possibly know anything about, or what they've been through, or what they are going through. Don't waste your energy caring. There really is no benefit from getting angry!

 

[lardylady]

Everyone has their own journey to take. With different obsticles. - I often say to myself 'All you have to do is just NOT eat the cake at babygroup you silly woman!' .... It seems simple. SOOO difficult in pratice. So it may seem easy to say 'Just don't drink!' but your talking about somebody's lifestyle. A life that has friends and social commitments and peer pressure, ... somebody that if they are HERE on a weight loss forum, trying to address their weight issue.. is vulnerable and learning to find their willpower. Stuff like this takes time. If someone posts, and it angers you then it probably is best you do not reply. But i'd be asking myself why I cared so much about someone I do not know, on a (mostly) anonymous forum, whose life I can't possibly know anything about, or what they've been through, or what they are going through. Don't waste your energy caring. There really is no benefit from getting angry!

I understand people bowing to peer pressure if they're teenagers, but adults...really?

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

There appears to be a strong sense of holier than thou and smugness on this forum these days.

 

[lardylady]

If you are referring to me, I honestly don't think I am being smug at all, or holier than thou. I suppose at my age - mid 40s- you stop worrying about what people think of you. I wouldn't describe myself as a confident person but I would never allow friends to bully me into doing something I didn't want to do.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

I'm not referring to you in particular at all, but 6 years ago when I first came to minimins.. there were not posts like this. It felt like much more of a loving, understanding and supportive community. The fact that someone posted about SOMEONE else's post and referring to it as a 'stupid' question.. such disreguard for the persons feelings- as if not posting on the orginal thread is any better than the author of that thread and that question finding this and recognising themselves. There seem to be alot of posts, like the one about 'unpaid consultants' .. The fact that people care in such a negative way about other people, so much to post about it is beyond me.

 

[lardylady]

Thank you for explaining that.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

(I should also say, it's not about bullying- and if it is I should hope confident or not those can recognise bullies are not friends!- but it's easy to give in to 'go on, just one!' or the like, when your willpower is shakey and your confidence is low and you are still finding your feet! )

 

[PeggyDee]

Littleslimmingbee, I think I explained that

1) the post that riled me was an off topic reply in somebody else's original post and I felt the writer had hijacked the original thread and I did not want to continue the hijack

2) I reacted in anger based on personal experience of a drinker's pathetic excuses and apologies, which, when you live with daily, do start to wear your patience and compassion. I am not 'caring about somebody I don't know on a (mostly) anonymous forum', but I am caring about what I have to deal with. You said it yourself - I can't know anything about them or what their life is like or what they have been through. But by your own argument why do you care about what I said? You don't know anything about me or what my life is like or what I have been through (although you probably know more now). My post was personal to me and deliberately placed outside of the OP and in the off topic forum. I am not 'caring in a negative way' about them, I am not caring about them in any way at all. I am selfishly caring about me in this case.

3) I felt that the specific tone of that particular post was whining and self-serving (see 2 above - reference pathetic excuses), asking for a magic cure to the irresistible lure of alcohol. Very specifically the way it was worded (and I did not quote it) I felt that the poster did not want to accept responsibility for the fact that he/she had made the decisions which led to them feeling sorry for themselves, choosing very clearly to blame it on forces outside their control. At least other people asking for help admit their own weaknesses and struggles with temptation. This person did none of that.

4) I especially did not quote or give clues to the post, website member, or gender so that they would not be targeted or embarrassed, because in this case I wanted to vent MY anger and frustration at a situation in general and did not want to make it specifically about an individual.

5) I was angry, I vented, I felt better for it. I did not apologise, and I won't because I stand by everything I said, but I do feel that some replies have certainly helped me in dealing with this anger and in reminding me to be tolerant. I have already expressed this in a post earlier.

6) I don't believe a social life needs or demands excessive alcohol. I never said people should not go out, meet friends or have fun (okay, I didn't explain that in anything I have said before, but I'm saying it now)