Am I being weird about this?

[Jezebella]

Picture it... Sicily 1922 - lol if you get that joke then you are showing your age!! But no, seriously, picture it.. facebook 2009.

A random girl I knew in High School, not even a good mate, more just someone you know has me added on FB. Obviously she browsed my page and made a really nice comment that I looked great - so tall and slim. I laughed and told her I was a real shorty. Well it obviously showed up on other old friends pages so they all came along with comments etc... And all really nice, then it seemed to turn into a whole tell us what you did because "I have a whole 5kg -that is less than a stone- to loose" Which for some reason really pissed me off. Most of us on here have struggled with weight issues all our lives, or at least most of our adult lives. We go through this as a very serious attempt to loose our weight once and for all and to address our food issues. It is not an easy diet (although really easy if your mind is right) and these people are complaining about 5 small kilos!! Which realistically you can drop with good diet and a bit of excercise. Am I being a bit odd about it it all. For most of us this is a massive journey/change. 5kg is barely noticable.But I suppose perhaps I am being harsh and they feel major pain from that 5kg????

To put the final nail in the coffin, the dreaded ex fiance - who is now married - yes the same one who told me he would never marry me, because he was never going to be a thin man married to a fat woman!!! Anyway I digress, he obviously had a gander, and posted to my page "Well done, now why don't you smile next time?" This is the same pic as my profile pic on here, and a typical comment of him positive but laced with negative critical parent!! I feel f**k**g angry about his comment. Perhaps I am over reacting because of our negative history??? But it feels like he is all parental concern over me and it makes me feel hugely rebellious!!!

Arrghh, sorry, just needed to get it out.. probably I am over reacting about it all.

Thanks for reading

Jez
xx

 

[Blonde Logic]

Jez, I wish I had more time to reply now, but I have to go to work - I dont think you are over reacting.....I know what ex's comments are like - no matter how much water under the bridge it can sometimes sting and ruffle our feathers....

WIll post more later - but don;t let them get to yoU!! Rise above sunshine!@!

xxx

 

[Blonde Logic]

I am at work now. With regards to your friend who have 5kg to lose - I can understand how you feel. BUt as you said, those 5kgs may be just as awful to them as our 5+stone were to us, as hard as that is to get our heads around. Mine anyway. But it does feel a bit of a slap, as if what you have accomplished is nothing like losing just 5kg. They can not be compared. It sort of feels like they belittle our amazing acheivements with comments like that.

As for your ex, ugh. Mine was a bit of an idjit, as you know , and he has made some horrible comments to me over our history. When I sent him a pic showing the new me, and reminding him what painful comments he'd made which led to the whole over the top weight gain, that and a few other things, but that was the beginning, I got back from him *nothing* other then, "wellllll.....you know, that was a long time ago" or some such nonsense. Is "sorry" so hard to say?? I mean, come on!!!!

Some men just don't get it, and don't understand what and how they say things can have lasting effects.

Sod him girl - you are gorgeous, and he has lost out! And I bet he is kicking himself now!!! And so he should be!

xx

 

[Jezebella]

I think part of what bothers me is that most of these people gave not spoken to me or gad any contact with me in over 20 years! And it would appear that now I have lost weight it is fine to talk to me again after all these years. Pity none of them bothered about my life before now. It just seems rather insincere.

Jez
xx

 

[kenshin112]

People like that ain't worth it, and your ex to say that what a numpty, you've done so well, and people who only talk to you because you lost weight is just not worth it

 

[LL Gal]

Hi Jez,

Ditto to what BL said ... some people do feel the need to belittle the achievements of others, they may have felt superior for not having a weight issue, and your amazing success has pierced their smugness! I saw one of my school friends a few weeks ago. He didn't know I'd been dieting and he's been skinny all his life. He did not make one comment about my weight loss, not one. He has a competitive nature, and I think the fact that I am succeeding in this area - something he's never struggled with himself - has stuck in his craw :-( We'll see what he says when I see him down the line.

Re: the ex ... OMG, how dare he? So ungracious! All I can say is I pity his wife for being with someone so lacking in self-awareness and empathy ... good riddance.

 

[thin_inside]

Hi Jez

Looking at it from a slightly different perspective - Sometimes something raises the profile of a past friend/acquaintence and reminds you of their existence outside the day to day mundane and can provide a reason to get in touch. I know I have loads of folk that I would love to be in contact with, but due to stuff, just life really, we have lost contact and with no specific reason to get in touch or seek them out, time just passes. The fact they haven't been in touch in the past may not have anything at all to do with your weight. I often think about people I knew in the past and wonder how they are getting on in life.

Mind you - the ex is definitely one you can do without. He sounds like the sort who always has to feel good about himself by putting others down.

You'll find Mr Right at the right time - probably trip over him when you aren't looking .

Don't dwell on the negative comments of others. You look fab and feel amazing - that's what counts . xx

 

[katalena]

You are gorgeous darling and look fantastic. I would take the positive out of all of it. All those lovely comments about how well you have done.

Your ex commenting on you smiling next time would seem to me to be his way of avoiding telling you how great you look because he thinks you are hot honey his loss so sod him! As for his comment about being a thin man marrying a fat woman - enough said, you have had the last laugh on that! As much as it was a wicked and cruel thing to say at the time, you are so moved away from that now! I wouldn't want to be with someone so insensitive and unkind no matter what so you lost nothing as much as I am sure at the time you didn't feel that way.

As for those that have so little to lose moaning about it. I still have fat days and I have to "check" myself and say don't be so bloody stupid you have done so well. But those feelings of not being happy with ourselves whether it is 5lb or 5 stone are "our" feelings which we have to address. Try not to let them bother you.

Your journey has been an incredible life changing one and no one can take that away from you honey. Be so proud of you.

Kat xx

 

[peony]

Hi honey
my take on the ex's comment is that it was deliberately said with the aim of upsetting you. In that small comment (and what he said when you were bigger) it is very clear that he is one of those twisted extremely controlling types. Made me shudder on one hand an rejoice on the other that you are free of such an unpleaseant person. Feel sorry for his wife - but hey that's her path.

In your shoes I would not even dignify his comment with a response - to do so would validate the idiot.

Hugs to you doll.
xxx

 

[Foxtrot]

Good job he said the fat thin thing in the first place really or it could be a case of an intelligent woman married to a brain dead moron.

He was obviously grasping at any straws to have a snipe back at you. Smile?? sheesh.

I only have facebook simply as it's another avenue to keep in contact with my far flung kids. I don't really post on it and when I do I delete my history very soon afterwards. I find it, like blogging, very voyeuristic and I like my privacy! Take it all with a huge pinch of salt, smile () graciously and let it all flow under the bridge.

 

[Jezebella]

Thanks everyone for your great replies As always you put my mind at ease and give me things to think about and help me to look at things from other perspectives.

I guess it was just that people who I was never that close with, even back at school now wanted to talk to me, which smacked a bit of insincerity to me. Also people that were good friends who I tried very hard to keep in contact with that never responded, and now jumped on the "Jez got thin" bandwagon. Yes the compliments were great but, I suppose it is kind of an irritation like the men thing is these days. Men paying more attention, which is fabulous, but also makes me cross because I am still the SAME person I always was, they just didn't bother to try and get to know that me before the weight loss.

Re the ex. You all summed him up extremely well. He was an abusive and horrible man and it was a situation that I was stuck in for far too many years of my life. I am so glad I have moved on and I absolutely would never dream of responding to his comments. He still likes to dig the knife in now and again because he is actually really insecure. He caused me a lot of heartache, financial loss, loss of friends and caused me a breakdown into the bargain!! Lol good riddance I say. I suppose he is a lot of the reason I don't trust men very easily, and he is one of the reasons I comfort ate to begin with. I am so glad it is gone forever now, and I am ever hopeful of meeting one of life's nice guys

Once again, thank you all. This was not a situation I could easily explain to people, as I think it is only something people who have been on a serious weight loss journey would understand.

Big Hugs

Jez
xx

 

[Morticia]

Hi Jez,

Just back catching up and this is the first thread I've read.

Seems like everyone else has managed to put things into perspective for you. The ex sounds a right charmer...

Anyway, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Re the facebook thing. I've not quite got my head round all the social networking sites. I do have friends on them and feel a bit left out when we get together and they all talk about what's been posted etc. I think I must be odd as I really get quite unnerved by the thought of my life being an open book for all to see, or at least that's how it seems. I swing from thinking it's a good idea to thinking that the past is the past and I really don't want to catch up with people from school etc. If I had wanted to stay in touch then I would have...ohh god I've made this post more about me than you and that's not how it's meant so I'll shut up now.....