Am i overreacting?

[vicky1823]

I don't really know if writing on here will help... I'm hoping someone could advise me on what to do.

I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for 6 years... We have a gorgeous little boy who is the WORLD to me.. He is 3. My problem is that every time I go out with friends or family (meals, cinema or the pub etc) my husband looks after our son and vice versa, but each time I go out he drinks excessively, last night was the final straw. I got in bed and heard him start to wretch and he threw up everywhere... He lied and said he was feeling unwell but I could smell it on him. It's getting so bad I feel I can't trust him with his OWN son :-( he said he bought a bottle of red wine, but I found that all the vodka was gone so he's even starting to lie about what he is getting hammered off!! I just can't cope anymore and I'm hoping someone can advise me on what to do :-( I'm going on a hen do soon to Paris I'm so so excited but at the same time I'm terrified to leave my son with him.

Vicky xx

 

[interested92]

personally I think he sounds like a closet alcoholic, but unfortunately unless an alcoholic wants to change, they wont/can't. I'd (again personally) not risk leaving my child with someone who can't be relied upon to be compus mentis. what if something happened? you' never forgive yourself either if something did happen.

 

[jamjar15]

Are there any other family members you could leave your little boy with????

 

[Beegee]

I wouldn't leave him in charge again until he could be trusted. I'm a mum of 2 and wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing they weren't in completely safe hands. Have you confronted him about it, what's his defence and why does he think it's ok to put his son at risk? Hugs to you, it sounds awful xx

 

[vicky1823]

Thank you... Yes I've talked to him all day but it feels like the last times I've spoken to him about it... Through one ear out of the other :-( my mum n dad have never helped out but his parents do, so I'm put in a position again...

 

[pandora13]

Does he drink a lot generally or is it just when you go out on your own? If it is only when you are out without him, you need to try and find out what's happening. You're definitely not overreacting though and I would be worried too about leaving my son in his care! Sounds like you both need a good chat when he's sober and you feel more calm. Best of luck, x

 

[kerri-tee]

No u r not over reacting . It's good that you are worried about your child he should understand that !.
Theres always a reason why people lie maybe he knows something isnt right and he is ashamed and that's why he is trying to hide it ?
it's always better if the person isn't blind to a problem it's half the battle done if they know it's wrong
Be careful always put yourself and your child first

Xx

 

[fillymum]

Right, O.K. voice of reason here.

There is absolutely no way you can leave your 3 year old baby with him..............none !! Alcohol is a drug, I drink, I enjoy a drink, so I am not a do gooder but alcohol distorts reality. Do not leave your babe with him.

If you are going to Paris do not leave your child with him.This might have duel benefits. One is that your son is safe , the other that your husband might sit up, wake up and see the reality of the situation between himself and his babe.

He needs help. your babe needs safety.

Off topic, I lived in Pickup Bank above Rosins for 8 years at Top of the Field Farm, above Hoddlesden and the Rankin Arms.

Please, please make your child the first consideration.

hugs xxxxxxxx

 

[*Emsie*]

I too wonder is it only when you go out that he drinks like this or is it a regular thing just that when you are in you aren't worried as you are there to look after little one?
If it is just when you go out does he get insecure about you going out or not like being on his own or something?

 

[kingleds]

Right, O.K. voice of reason here.

There is absolutely no way you can leave your 3 year old baby with him..............none !! Alcohol is a drug, I drink, I enjoy a drink, so I am not a do gooder but alcohol distorts reality. Do not leave your babe with him.

If you are going to Paris do not leave your child with him.This might have duel benefits. One is that your son is safe , the other that your husband might sit up, wake up and see the reality of the situation between himself and his babe.

He needs help. your babe needs safety.

Off topic, I lived in Pickup Bank above Rosins for 8 years at Top of the Field Farm, above Hoddlesden and the Rankin Arms.

Please, please make your child the first consideration.

hugs xxxxxxxx

What she said x

 

[AnnaFaraday]

If you have tried talking to him about it and he is not listening, then stop trying.

Simply tell him that a drunk is not a fit and proper person to be in charge of a child, and that you will make other arrangements in future.

Be blunt, be brutal. No discussion, no argument.

 

[vicky1823]

If you have tried talking to him about it and he is not listening, then stop trying.

Simply tell him that a drunk is not a fit and proper person to be in charge of a child, and that you will make other arrangements in future.

Be blunt, be brutal. No discussion, no argument.

Yep I have done that today! I've said that I will get his mum to have him, in fact I've told his parents today about the drinking thing... I have been extremely blunt! I'm not having this anymore... I must add to this though that he is a very good dad, he is very good with our son... Just does that when I leave to go out! Grrr it's frustrating! He knows how serious this is now. x

 

[vicky1823]

Thank you to everyone... I genuinely did think I was overreacting, thanks ladies for making me realise I wasn't losing my mind!!! I will sort this out! I have to! Xxx

 

[Karen.hat]

Thank you to everyone... I genuinely did think I was overreacting, thanks ladies for making me realise I wasn't losing my mind!!! I will sort this out! I have to! Xxx

Sorry for butting it chick, I've just read all the posts I do agree with everyone on here as to not leaving your son with your hubby while he's drinking, but have you tried to get to the bottom of why he's drinking? You sound very much in love with him and your marriage isn't at risk. I just wondered is he drinking when you don't go out and hiding it better or is it really just when you go out? It could be he's insecure and hides at the bottom of the bottle I mean you are an attractive lady! Or he could be worried about being home alone with your son patental confidence problems maybe. I'm not sure but he does sound like he needs some help of some sort.

Good luck hope it's sorted out for you

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[kelb]

I hope i don't sound like im defending your hubby, but my husband likes to have a few vodka's when i go out, he's normally still sat on the games console when i get back and is "very merry", but i know my kids are tucked up in bed, although my eldest will be 14 this year, and youngest is 7, i have never considered any harm will come to them, as i trust my husband to look after them properly, im not saying you don't either. is it the fact that he is getting so beyond drunk, that your worried or the fact that he is lying about how much he drinks ? my hubby and i do get drunk at home together when we have friends round at a weekend, so i wouldn't ask him not to drink when i go out, i can see your very worried, im glad you have spoken to his parents, as has brought it out in the open, Best of Luck with everything

 

[Shirleen]

I have too much experience of alcoholics!
Anyway just for info he may not (probably not) be an alcoholic, but he IS a problem drinker and has a drinking problem.
Problem drinkers generally, drink to excess, spend alot of money on drink, cannot recognise the signals to stop, do not stop unless stopped by running out of money/booze/falling asleep.
Cause problems with their drinking, ie, not coming home on time, being unreliable, taking time off with a hangover, making an exhibition of themselves in public.

Alcoholics differ in some ways (remember these are generalisations).
Many don't get drunk they keep themselves at a level and stay there. They often don't drink that much surprisingly, this is to hide the dependance. One drink (or in my mums case just opening the bottle) can change their mood considerably. They suffer from extreme memory loss, their appetite for food and sex and social interaction diminishes.
They hide their drinking (which is why they don't get drunk). They are tired despite sleeping lots, because alcohol stops REM sleep.
Their waist thickens yet their arms legs and face stay thin or get thinner (this is because apart from the calories in alcohol the chemicals alter metabolism).
Drinking early in the day is also a sign. As is blaming something else!

So if either apply you need help.
My opinion is that it sounds like a controlling mechanism. NEVER put off going out, always find or pay for a babysitter. If it is a form of control he needs to learn how to behave.