An apology to you all and myself!!

[Mini Mum]

Last year in July I joined Minimins and I said it was the start of the new me. I did really well and was attending regular sw group meetings etc and then my health became really bad. Friends started leaving the group, I started a new business, I have given up smoking and the list goes on...

The above statement is typical of me, I blame everything apart from myself! I sabotage myself and my weight all of the time. I am unhappy with myself and so I eat (now I am not the most intelligent person in this world but even I know that is not a good sense of logic!)

I had the support of people on this site and I abandoned everyone and went away from the site. This is also typical of me to bury my head in the sand and not admit when things aren't right.

I have always been known as the girl with the good sense of humour, who is fun and bubbly and helps others. I put myself down constantly and I find myself making fat jokes about myself when we occasionally go out with friends. That is another issue for me as well... I HATE going out anywhere now as I feel like the token fat friend. Nobody really knows all of these insecurities of mine as I always laugh afterwards and people think I am happy because I put a front on it and yet I am constantly crying when I look in the mirror and see what I have become. I am finding things difficult to do now such as doing up my shoe laces as my belly and boobs get in the way. I am glugging on Gaviscon like its going out of fashion and most of all... I never get a good nights sleep anymore as my breathing is horrendous. I haven't weighed in about a year and I am scared to because I know I am bigger now than I have ever been.

I am sorry to all of the people who supported me and helped me through my last journey. I really hope you can forgive me and start again. I need this journey to start and I need to seem some hope for me, my health and my state of mind.

Michelle x

 

[WinkOfPink_]

Hi Michelle, firstly can I just say - my hearts goes out to you (hugs). So many of us have been through this situation and so by no means do you need to apologise to us or yourself. It has obviously taken a lot of courage for you to face your demons and log back onto the site, let alone writing this post.

If I could give you any advice, I would definitely suggest that you attend your next local SW group. I know that first weigh-in will be very difficult for you… but just think how you will feel a week from now, back on plan and re-starting your journey. I remember when I first joined SW and my consultant said to me "Just think, seven days from now and you could be a whole new slimmer you"

I also think it might be a good idea to start a Food Diary here on Minimins. I've found that food diaries are a great way to keep track of what you're eating and if your eating enough super/free foods. I've found that it also helps if you've had a week where you've gained - you can go back and see where you've gone wrong (it also makes us face up to what we've had that day and that those chocolates we managed to pop in our mouth whilst making dinner DO COUNT even if we could fit them in all in one go). You can also receive a lot of support and encouragement from other members, which is always an invaluable thing.

I'd print this thread, stick it on your fridge/in your SW diary, just so that every time you doubt yourself or need encouragement, you can look back at it and see your reasons for re-joining SW and when you achieve your first 1/2 stone, 1 stone sticker - just think how great it will feel to be able to look back at how far you've come.

Also, you shouldn't keep your feelings to yourself hun, i'm sure if you opened up to your friends they would, more than anything, want to be able to support you. You may even find that a friend is in the same shoes and would like to join with you.

I know and you know you can do it, you've done it before, you can and will do it again!
Best of luck hun and if you do start a diary, let me know so I can subscribe xxxx

 

[Mini Mum]

Thank you Wink of Pink.
I read what I had written out to my husband when he got home and although he knew I was unhappy with my weight he didn't know I was that unhappy inside. We have sat and spoken this evening and although he only has about a stone to lose he has said he will do this with me and support me 100%.
I have been through my cupboards this evening and sorted out my childrens snack items and moved them to a different cupboard so I don't have to see them when I am raiding the cupboard for something to munch on. I have also written down many of the meals I will be having this week so here goes. No more stopping myself and being my own worse enemy... I need to do this and tomorrow starts right now.

 

[WinkOfPink_]

That's fantastic Michelle! It's great that you've let your husband in on how your feeling and that he is so supportive and willing to do this with you. It'll definitely help you to keep on track if you can both enjoy the same meals, instead of cooking separately. That's a great idea to plan your meals in advance, I always try to plan my meals for the week ahead as I find my biggest downfall is when I don't know what to have for tea and then I end up choosing something quick and convenient, which ends up also being high in syns.

I really do wish you the best of luck hun. You already sound very determined so I know you'll do it! xx