Beating the demons in my head

[lemonblondie]

My weight has fluctuated my entire life and I now know why. I've been diagnosed with a condition where eating is a form of punishment so I have to quiet the demons in my head in order to lose weight.

So this is where the journey starts again, I've gained a stone since I've left therapy and I am starting to feel and see it so I shall begin once again, but with better knowledge this time. I have a few things helping me this time weight watchers as slimming world was actually making me gain weight, Judith Beck's The diet solution: psychological program to help dieting becoming easier, not a diet plan itself. Helps in preparing person to think differently about dieting etc, can be used with any plan successfully. I also know that eating for me is a way to punish myself rather than comfort.

My ultimate goals are to exercise 5 out of 7 days as this is where keeping the weight off is invaluable for me and I will slowly reintroduce WW along the way. One thing at a time and that they they will all get accomplished. I'll document things here so that way if I don't exercise someone might encourage me to do so etc. I can use all the task masters that I can get and if I am accountable to someone even if that is just on here writing then I will make it.

Today's task is to do a 20 min butt exercise video that I love, but I will admit it is boring and repetitive. However, if I do this video most days for a fortnight I will easily see the difference. A bit of compromise boredom for a nicer butt! Task 2 is to read a chapter in Beck's book and write what I need to down here, and task 3 is to walk to pick up my data that was being recovered from the computer shop.

Task 1: exercise done, feel decent for that 20 min workout, well done me!

Task 2: creating daily card (ie index card) to read to instill X into your mind for when you face difficulties, want to stray. Basically to learn how to deal with the sabotaging voice in your head. Set a reminder system for when you need to read the card as sometimes you'll believe you don't need to read it as having a good day, and to post these advantages somewhere else

card 1: advantages of losing weight (can add more along the way) order them in terms of importance
1. reduce the risk to health
2. increase chance of getting pregnant
3. reduce risk during pregnancy
4. run around after children
5. clothes will be looser
6. feel more confident
7. feel sexier
8. others admire my achievement
9. show others how beautiful I am

I set a reminder system and I shall read them before I get out of bed, before meals, and last thing before going to bed.

I've written these in another journal and I will put these on a piece of paper to post in the kitchen so I can see it when I might be tempted to open the fridge or cupboard


Task 3: I did walk up to get my data, but I walked a lot more places before and after that. I did over 11300 steps which translates to 8.58 km and 640cal burned

food:27 pts

 

[pommychic]

Hi lemon,

I'm brand new to the site and have restarted myself today but I just wanted to say good luck with your new start and from the sounds of it, new mindset. I like the idea of setting yourself daily tasks as I can see how you would feel so good that you are organised in that way, plus a real sense of accomplishment too.

 

[lemonblondie]

Thank you and good luck to yourself. I'm sure we'll be able to do this and get to where we want to go.

I do like planning which is why I CBT works well with me as I'm very cognitive oriented. I know the Beck's book will help keep me on track as well, easy read, and can easily make the difference between being successful or not for me personally.

 

[lemonblondie]

missed my breakfast yesterday due to walking all over the place. That wasn't my intention, but by the time I got back home it was already past 12 so just went with it.

Today's tasks are to do that 20 min butt video and another 20 minute video as I won't be going anywhere today as I need to get some work done in the flat. Task 2 is I will read and do my second daily card, and task 3 is to spend a bit of time cleaning flat so bit more activity there

Task 1: did 2 20 min videos

Task 2: read and did my second card which is about choosing 2 healthy nutrious diets. The reason for this is if the first one doesn't work out you have another one to fall back upon.

Task 3: cleaned the flat so a bit more calories burned after that

total points: 30

 

[lemonblondie]

So my partner was over for tea last night and I told him I couldn't eat anything else as I had used all my points. His response was 'not this again' as he hates that I am not flexible ie I don't use my weekly cheat points and if I reach my points for the day that's it. Wasn't really impressed as didn't find that response very helpful or supportive.

Today's tasks are to do some exercise and task 2 read and do another card.

Task 1: I walked at least 3 hrs (part of my job) but didn't have my phone on me so no idea how many calories burned in that time, but I'll use the stats from the other day to give me a rough idea. So depending on how I feel later I might not do my video, but see how things go

Task 2: today is about eating sitting down. Basically when you nibble things while you are cooking or clearing up you're adding calories that you don't need. Today's cards are about how to remind yourself only sit down to eat, and if you feel like standing up to eat what you're doing to do to combat that.

total points: 30

 

[lemonblondie]

A bit late today, but better late than forgetting.

Today's tasks were to do some exercise, clean the flat. Task 2 read and make another card/

Task 1: didn't manage fully my video as was a bit late in getting up before having to run off. I'll do a longer one or two tomorrow to make up for it. Having said that I did some cleaning so a few calories burned there.

Task 2: read my cards and did the new one. Today's card is about giving yourself credit, there is a sentence the book uses so I put that down, and you also have to put down a reminder on how you're going to give yourself credit. Can be anything such as well done me for excercising for 10 minutes, go me for reading my cards etc. Belief is if you give yourself credit then dieting will be easier.

Total points: 30

 

[lemonblondie]

I shall start tomorrow's tasks early in case I get busy studying. I shall exercise more tomorrow to make up for slight miscalculation on my time frame today, task 2 is to read and do another card, and task 3 will be to not partake in the biscuits that will be out for tea break from studying with a few people who are coming to mine.

Am feeling a bit hungry today, but have managed to be good and not do anything that will affect my eating plan. Well done me for not eating junk and having an apple instead. I also stopped thinking about it and did something else so keeping in mind when I can eat again might be helpful for me.


Task 1: did my exercise video first thing so well done me!

Task 2: is all about mindful eatin, so making cards about if I forget to eat mindfully I will, and when i feel like eating quickly i will... done those and have read my cards as well

Task 3: did not eat biscuits during the day or at night when I was at a presentation, well done!


Total points: 30

 

[lemonblondie]

I've known for a while bread and certain other carbs pile the weight on me. Thing is I love these things, but have managed to not buy any today even though I was really craving it. There is a show on tele that is coming on I believe Monday night with people trying out different diets and the results from this. I think I will watch this as this is always very interesting to me. I know some eating plans work better for certain people so I shall see what the findings are for various plans on Monday night.

task 1: almost 4 hrs of walking at work, forgot phone again to use health app so sort of using the other day as a rough guide. I'll try to remember tomorrow for sure

task 2: read and do my cards. Today's card is to find a diet coach which is basically someone who you can be accountable to. So I guess in effect I am using this as my diet coach as I will be accountable to anyone who read this. Yikes, that could be a lot of people.

Total points:

 

[lemonblondie]

Missed writing this down yesterday so better do that now. Apparently I need to write these things down in advance and then all I need to do is fill them in and add things.

So task 1 yesterday was to exercise, task 2 was to read and do another card

Task 1: I didn't do my video, but I still exercised. I managed to remember to take my phone and yesterday I walked8.46 km burned 638 cal and did 112 min of active walking in my 6 hrs shift. So that gives me a good indication of roughly what I do on shift.

Task 2:

Total points: 29

 

[lemonblondie]

I'm having a bit of a bad day today which is where I would normally eat to punish myself for feeling. Don't ask! I have been doing shopping today and I have managed not to buy any rubbish even though I was tempted quite a few times. Well done me for not picking rubbish or eating any rubbish even though i still do.

Task 1: managed to walk 64 active minutes 5.34 km and burn 386 cal. I'll try to do a video tonight, but something tells me because of my mood that will not happen. So I shall congratulate myself for doing the exercise I did and be happy with that for today.

Task 2:

Total points: 26

 

[lemonblondie]

Task 1: exercise walked at work as usual but didn't take my phone to measure things, but more than an hour of decent exercise

Task 2: cards need to fill this in later

Total points: 28

 

[lemonblondie]

Task 1: exercisedid a bit of walking to day not much as had an exam first thing

Task 2: cards haven't had a chance to do this yet today either totally falling behind in reporting

Total points: 27

Feel like I lost a bit of motivation by studying so hard for my exam. Also had some news that my rent might be going up and that doesn't help as I'm a student and that is going to really to hurt the finances that are already hurting. I dont' fee like eating rubbish just yet about it, but it does make me worried about being homeless again

 

[lemonblondie]

Ok I might have to reavaluate how I'm going to use this. As my motivation has waned since studying for my exam. May I shall just write here in general a few times a week.

My partner gave me some money for christmas and some for my birthday which isn't until next month. The Nutrininja is on sale at work so I used that money along with discount to get it. I have to say I am enjoying it and have used it twice in about 3 hrs.

I have stayed within my points limits all this week which is good as my partner is having a belated bday for himself at a restuarant so that will use all my points tomorrow as well as my treat points. I shall try to off set that will exercise etc, and be sensible when out tomorrow.

Weigh in is on tues which might not be so great since dinner is the night before, but will make up for it the rest of the week for any gain I have

 

[lemonblondie]

Goodness, didn't realise how long I had been gone from here. Very busy with uni work as having a major paper due last week. I've been quite good as a few times this week I was asked did I want some treats from others and each time I said I would like some, but I wasn't going to take any. It felt quite nice to acknowledge that I would like some of the treat, but also being able to say no thank you. That has been a nice little learning exercise for myself.

I've been keeping track of my food intake as well, and I have tried to walk most places if I can. I am also continueing to do my videos in the morning when I'm not working/uni and wednesday after work. Very difficult to do exercises on Thrs/Fri night as commuting from another city from uni and when I get home super tired. I allow myself those days off so it should balance out.

also lost 8lbs since starting again which is nice. Getting closer to a better weight for myself

 

[PandaNate]

Hello OP.

I just wanted to pop my head in and say hi.

I too eat to punish myself although I've been out of the cycle for about a year and a half, once I recognised that the feeling I caused myself when I over ate wasn't a feeling I liked, I thought, why am I doing this and slowly but surely, I managed to stop it, doesn't mean I didn't over eat, but not to the same extent. I got a job at McDonald's and thats where my bad health and EXTRA weight has come from the past 3 years. I work in the NHS now and I put it to myself 4 weeks ago to get my head into gear to lose weight.

I have similar reasons, health, babies etc, etc.

Good luck on your journey, you sure seem to have put all the tools you may need in place.