I've not yo-yo dieted.. my eating behaviours haven't got worse over the years.. they've improved.. they've just improved in stops and starts. I've had phases of being better at these things and phases of being worse.. thing is though.. I don't really want it to be able "being good" because that's the language of being judgemental about myself. It's the language of criticising and praising myself.. which doesn't sound so bad.. sounds like it could be helpful. But I don't think it is. I think that I don't criticise myself or praise myself for brushing my teeth or for putting petrol in the car. They're just things that I do. I want to do them, and I do them. End of. I don't praise or criticise myself for doing or not doing them.
Likewise I want to be eating a healthy diet and being active simply because that's just the life I have, and that's what I want to do. I want it to be that simple rather than over complicating everything with layers of over-thinking and being overly focussed.. Obviously I have to be focussed on my goal while I get there. and what is my goal? well it's not a set weight or a set look. It's a goal of being genuinely happy with myself whilst making the right choices because I want to make the right choices. It's about free-ing myself up from doing things that I don't really want to do, by working out what I'm ACTUALLY needing at those times.
For example, sometime I take a break from my desk at work and go to find food because I'm fed up, or I'm bored, or I'm feeling unloved. Sometimes I'm feeling tired and lacking energy and what I'd most benefit from would be a brief walk outside.. Or I'd benefit from sticking better to my work hours so that I'm not at work late and not trying to push myself through by eating. Or.. If I am doing that, it can be planned into my day's eating plan so I have something with me to tide me over which is part of my day's intake.
This is my longer term aim. In the meantime, I also have one eye on the shorter term plan. I need to check what the minimum BMI is for SS+ so that I can work myself down in to it and be on it for a while if I'm allowed.
I like the sticky on CD returners about working your way down into SS+ the easy way. I'm going to reduce my carbs this week so that I can find it easier. This will be the third time of doing Cambridge.. the first time changed my life (over three years ago now), I didn't get to goal because I went travelling, and while travelling developed health problems that disallowed cambridge. I had lost a lot of weight though, and I mostly kept it off.. the second time was earlier this year, and did what I hoped it would do. It kick started me back into it for a limited time, and I planned for it to be 'part one' of a two part programme.. maybe even a three part programme.. I haven't decided yet.
So, here I am.. I originally told my CDC that part two would be around september time, but I'm starting to gear myself up to it now.
Right - I've just looked it up - I can SS+ until I'm 11.11 so I have over a stone to loose before I get there.. It might only take me a few weeks!! :/
OMG I've just realised/remembered just how fast the weight goes when you're on cambridge! according to my scales at the mo, I'm 13.2 so I can SS+ for a few weeks, and then 810 the rest of it.. should work... I hope....
