Calorina's woefully sporadic diary

[Calorina]

Right. I'm tired of being too busy with work and freelancing to come onto the forums, because they really help to keep me motivated and on-track. So I am now pledging to maintain this daily blog. My entries will be brief, but they will hopefully keep me sane.

I am on day 17, and 7.5lbs down (I'm quite happy with this loss as I'm only 5'), and it has been going SORT OF well.

I think I got a bit bored, and have been piddling around with Coke Zero, Slim & Save bars on non-Slim & Save days (I prefer S&S bars to the Exante ones -- plus for some reason the Exante bars affect my ketosis), which means I've been having fewer calories on some days (I know this is a stupid idea - I've still been doing it though, urgh) and have been dipping in and out of ketosis as a result.

Spending half your week hungry, weak and dizzy is no fun AT ALL, and affects how much water I feel I can drink. And then yesterday I had some milk in my coffee(!) and came out of ketosis AGAIN.

So this has to stop. Hence these new rules:

- No Coke Zeroes until I'm firmly in ketosis
- Only one Coke Zero a day
- No milk! Unless something dramatic happens, cows will still exist when I'm at my goal weight
- Plan my day's packs the day before
- No Exante bars - only shakes - on shakes I'm in ketosis, energetic, not hungry, etc.
- I can only have S&S bars on an S&S day

That's it for now. Also, when I started Exante I thought I'd only do it for a month - now I think I might do it for two, or maybe 10 weeks -- this sort of changes the shape of things a bit, and I have a bit of thinking to do.

 

[Calorina]

Today has been a mix, but more wins than failures. Back in ketosis and on the way to better habits. Also cooked dinner for my BF tonight - salmon, lemon(!) and rocket pasta with creme fraiche. Was very careful with the lemon - must have washed my hands four times. Also saved my Coke Zero for dinner, am sipping it out of a wine glass. Got my taster pack of Slim & Save shakes today and will be having S&S days this weekend.

- Hot chocolate shake with coffee
- Cold chocolate shake at work
- S&S bar (that's one of the fails. Still, the trend is up!)
3 litres of water (so far).

 

[PrincessKat]

Hey Calorina. Well done you on starting a diary/blog. Sounds like you've got it all straightened out now.
How did you survive making a dinner? I know most people on here have families they still cook for but sounds like torture to me. My flat is a food free zone about from 2 carrots a week for my ratties ha ha.
I'm biased and saying go for the 10weeks, it's only 70 days, the chart on my fridge days so. That means your already about 1/4 of the way through.
I think its a good thing to be busy, once you've got your packs organised. Don't know about you but I find evenings when I've got some free time the hardest.
You've been a great support to me and it'll be fab to see how your doing.
-x-

 

[Calorina]

Hey Kat! Thanks - hoping that the diary will keep me honest and give me perspective. It's easy to get bogged down in the day to day stuff. I like the idea of your chart! Might nick it.

Weirdly, cooking makes me feel a bit better - all that "well I COULD eat this, but then how awful would I feel about myself?" stuff becomes more immediate.

To be honest I find the office worse to bear - it's always full of cake! Also my BF likes to bake a lot, so weekdays and weekends are the hardest for me. In the evening I'm either conked out on the sofa or working from home so not too tempted! Also we have no treats in the house so if I even wanted to cheat I'd have to make a cake from scratch or go to the shop - and I live on top of an enormous hill, so there's no chance of that...!

PS: thanks for the brilliant support x

 

[Calorina]

First full S&S day today (I know this is an Exante forum - only doing S&S at weekends - if at all - so hopefully no one will eject me). Also did a giant clean.

- S&S crispy choc shake - weird! Had rice bits in. Also gave me the runs
- Choc truffa bar
- chili con carne - actually quite nice
- hazelnut shake - hot, with coffee

3 litres water
1 litre in green tea and Coke Zero.

 

[Calorina]

Hmm, hazelnut shake and crispy chocolate shake from S&S don't agree with me AT ALL, and Exante bars take me out of ketosis! Who knew I was such a delicate flower?

I think I will stick with Exante shakes and get some veg soups with my next order, to mix it up a little.

It's almost as though I like making life difficult for myself....

 

[PrincessKat]

Have you tried the Tesco Ultraslim bars Calorina? They are slightly higher in carbs but may still be worth a try as they are yummy. I'm only buying enough Exante bars for one a week and then getting the Tesco ones when I order again. -x-

 

[Calorina]

I haven't - but I've read about them on the forum and been curious. Thanks for the tip! Will pop into Tesco on Tuesday and check them out

 

[Calorina]

Today I've been working all day - not fun for a Sunday but good for temptation. Still S&Sing today but I'm not convinced. Although there's a greater variety of shakes than Exante, they taste (to me) a bit weird and fatty. Might just stick to Exante and Tesco Ultraslim bars (if I like them) as PrincessKat suggests.

So far today:

- S&S cafe latte shake - hot, with coffee
- S&S vanilla shake - hot, with coffee (didn't agree with me at all!)
- S&S milk caramel shake - hot with coffee (I'm so cold!)

2.5 litres in water and green tea. Hoping to top off 4 litres by the end of the day.

Will have an S&S bar (dark chocolate and coconut) chilled and chopped up for dinner.

 

[Calorina]

3pm on day 20 and I've already had all my packs! I have an appointment tonight and hadn't brought enough packs to work with me, so went out and got three Atkins bars at lunchtime (one for dinner, and emergency ones for my bag and desk drawer). It was okay - felt quite rich. One thing I will enjoy about not being on this diet is the odd texture of all the food (that's true of all VLCDs though, I guess).

Not feeling brilliant today - work is busy and I've had a sick migraine threatening all day. I have had moments of weakness and wooziness (post-getting into ketosis) this whole time and I wonder if I'm sodium deficient? When I get in tonight I'll have some bouillon with extra salt and see if that helps. Generally, bleh. I really need to get more sleep!

Boyfriend is missing cooking for me(!) so, during the last couple of weeks of the diet, I might switch to WS at the weekends so he can prepare a meal. Have sent him the list of ketogenic foods from the super-helpful FAQ thread. Should keep him happy for a while.

Today:

- Chocolate shake
- Chocolate shake
- Atkins bar (chocolate decadence)

So far: 2 litres in water, coffee, green tea and Coke Zero.

ALSO although I'm not feeling great, I did manage to go to the gym this morning. I've been feeling a bit weird about it - I love my gym (it's very posh and also a spa) and I did get into lots of cardio when I first started to lose weight, but kept hurting myself. I didn't want to go back doing intense cardio while on a VLCD and what with popping out of ketosis a lot last week I haven't been much. Today I bit the bullet and went first thing, and did a circuit of strength and resistance. I did feel a bit weak and woozy on the way, but it didn't last and I completed my circuit! It's a win for me, as not going to the gym was becoming a bit of A Thing.

 

[Calorina]

Whee! Week 3 weigh-in - lost 3.9lbs despite all my ups and downs. That's over 11.5lbs in three weeks! And I'm only 5' tall. Quite pleased. Really miss food and getting in and out of ketosis (and feeling weak and feeble at the gym) not fun, but so glad I'm losing the bulk.

 

[PrincessKat]

That's fab! Have you taken measurements too? I bet you'll lose loads of inches as muscle takes up less space than fat (god knows why people say it weighs more a lb is a lb no?). Go you! I've decided that maybe the gym is a bit ambitious, I'll keep walking and buy a Wii fit lol. -x-

 

[Love Lips Lisa]

Well done you!! My weigh in tonite, dreading it as I help at ww but hopefully it will be a loss. I have been swimming as it doesn't seem as hard as other forms of exercise and you can go at your own pace lol!! Keep up the good work everybody xx

 

[Calorina]

I'm still alive and still on track. The week has been crazy - boss has taken 3 weeks off so I'm doing his job and mine, then come home and work here until about 11pm every night. I am KNACKERED. Will update properly tomorrow

 

[Calorina]

Kat - no idea about my measurements (I'm, um, not very good at reading tape measures. Get wildly differing results all the time!). Am comfortably down one size, so all going well I hope. Hope you're feeling better, too xx

Hey Lisa - thanks! How are you doing now?

Day 25(!) here and I am so tired! Been doing two jobs at work - plus doing a massive project - plus working until about 10 or 11 at home every night.

The last two days I literally haven't had a spare moment - people coming up to my desk every few minutes. I was at work from 7.45 to 7pm and I even had to extricate myself from a conversation (and it was hard, they wouldn't let me go) to make my packs! Properly knackered today. To be honest I'm glad I'm in ketosis as I don't think I'd have coped as well or had as much energy on normal food.

Ugh. Anyway. On my first day doing two jobs I was SO STRESSED, came home and... went to the pub. It was a bit naughty, but I only had a vodka and slimline tonic (no lemon!) and stayed in ketosis. Weird being in the pub - BF had a big fat burger (I had a bite of the bacon) but having a drink in front of me was nice. I was worried it would precipitate some sort of binge/food fallout but it was fine. Phew.

So started back at the gym - did two sessions this week (just strength and resistance). Saw my trainer for the first time in two weeks and he said the weight was falling off me! So that was nice. Been looking everywhere for Tesco Ultraslim Bars but couldn't find any. I live in London and don't drive, so there are no proper Tescos near me, just Tesco Expresses. And I didn't want to ask anyone in the shops (they were already giving me funny looks for stalking around the place peering at every shelf).

Had a period where I got seriously bored of the packs and was considering coming off (it's just food! what's the harm! etc.) but my tastes have changed and I'm enjoying the shakes now. I think planning helps, too. So now I've ordered more packs for the month ahead. Exante shakes and a few soups per week so I can eat dinner with my BF. Slim & Save bars for gym days, and S&S bars and meals (they do a soy "chili con carne" thing that's quite nice) for the weekends.

Being able to drink Coke Zero really helps though.

Odd to notice that normally, now I'm so tired this weekend I would have allowed myself a "massive blow-out" - not binge eating exactly, but letting myself have big meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now I can't do that I almost don't know what to do with myself! So I'm just sitting around and taking it easy but it sure is weird without food. And also weird to think that I'd overeat to 'relax' when surely that's just taxing my body even more by digesting something so massive?

Something to think on, anyway.

 

[Calorina]

ADD A MEAL WEEK! I'd completely forgotten. Initially I wasn't going to do it, but I really don't want to fail on this diet through silliness or self-sabotage, so I'll just add a meal once a week from now on.

Excited, and nervous that it might inspire a fall, especially as I'm taking a day off next Saturday. It'd be all too easy to think "I'm thinner now!" and slip. But I WON'T. It's just not worth it. I've worked so hard to get just to this point and I'm not even halfway through.

Anyway, tomorrow my meal will be steak(!) with mushrooms and green beans. I figure if you're going to do it, do it in style. Not slipping after that is going to be SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING!

 

[Calorina]

Another unwelcome discovery this evening: water flavourings give me wind and an upset stomach Had to throw mine away.

 

[Calorina]

Not sure what's going on today - stomach still not happy - achey and have had to run to the loo twice. Just drinking the water and hoping it'll calm down soon. Steak, mushrooms and cauliflower mash for dinner tonight! Can't wait.

- vanilla shake
- chocolate shake
- chocolate shake again (last of supplies before next month's delivery(
- steak, grilled mushrooms and cauliflower mash

Urgh

 

[Calorina]

Okay, I can confirm that steak is still delicious - had it medium-rare with a big grilled portobello mushroom and cauliflower last night. BF enjoyed cooking for me and I enjoyed eating! Weird eating actual food after 3 weeks on the shakes, though. Seemed to take ages and couldn't get my head round how much cutting was involved. All the tastes and textures on my tongue were amazing, though. Loved it.

This morning I ran into a problem - not really doing AAMW properly (one meal on Sunday, then taking the day off next Saturday) so thought maybe having a splash of milk in my morning coffee might work. Taken me slightly out of ketosis Never mind, just no milk for me! Still nervous about next Saturday. Have asked to work from home on Monday and Tuesday so I can get back into ketosis with minimal drama.

Stomach is growling. Time for my lunchtime shake.

 

[Calorina]

Interesting thought processes this morning. It's weigh-in morning and I felt a bit down-hearted because I "only" lost 2.2lbs. I worried that it was because I added a meal on Saturday, or because I had a splash of milk in my coffee yesterday and it took me out of ketosis.

Then I was late to the gym and couldn't do all of the sets I normally do because it was so full. This, combined with my "poor" weight loss, made me start to doubt myself. Before I started on the diet I was miserable, I avoided looking at myself in the mirror and generally felt that I was a massive failure. I haven't felt like that for the last four weeks, and today I felt like that again.

Lately I've been pinching at all my fatty bits in the mirror and watching them diminish, but today I just looked at myself and thought "you don't look that good at all". A fat day.

The thing is, it's literally the day before my TOTM, so I'm probably retaining water (in fact, I am, my belly's a bit swollen and I feel uncomfortable). 2.2lbs isn't a loss to be sniffed at, and I *went* to the gym and did what I could. I'm NOT a failure.

I haven't lost the stone in 4 weeks I was hoping for, but 'm doing pretty well.

I have to keep telling myself this, because it's this sort of "I'm crap" thinking that's led me into a spiral of bad eating in the past. Another two thoughts like that would have been licence, in the old days, to eat the unhealthiest food possible all day. And that helps no one. It's hard to remember this, though, and hard to break a long-held bad habit.

Ugh.