Emzy22
Full Member
Hello all,
I'm emzy, back again for another try at getting my weight down to my goal for good. I didn't keep a diary last time, and i'm not sure why but this time it just feels like i should, like it will help in some way. I've had a long standing chaotic relationship with my weight and body image for as long as i can remember; being over weight as a child then developing and ED in my teens, taking 2 years to recover from that, before developing another ED, which unlike the first one led me to pile on the weight. After talks with doctors, friends and parents i decided enough was enough and this year in Janruary i started lighter life with my start of weight as 14 stone, amazingly i got down to my then goal of 9 and a half stone, on my second week of refeed one of my best friends passed away, which sent me into that emotional out of control eating that started my rapid weight gain in the first place. So the other day i made myself get on the scales and face the music. To see i had put on just over a stone already was absolutley gutting, but not something i could blame anyone for but myself, which i think just made me feel worse, the fact that i had got so far then messed it all up. I know that i need to go back on VLCD if i want to get back to the weight i want to be, it is the total cut off from food that allows me to not revert back to my binge eating ways, and although i know of course that when i reach my goal i will need to introduce food, this time i hope to make a proper plan of it and stick to that, so that my metabolism and mind can get uses to slowly eating healthily again. This will be my new start. I've decided to do slim and save instead of lighterlife again mainly because of the price. I'm starting my postgrad at uni in September and still need to save up a tiny bit more for that, so spending £75 a week on food isn't something i could easily justify. I am slightly nervous about this decision, with LLT costing so much that was added insentive not to stray, as well as the weekly meetings meaning we would get weighed in, but i'm just going to have to be extra aware of my thoughts and what i do (in the long run this can only help because it's more like what it will be like when i've reached my goal in terms of having to cope on my own, but for the time being it is a rather scary thought). My goal weight this time is slightly lower than that of last time aswel. I set 9 and a half stone last time as that was something other people said they were comfortable with me being at, but i think setting a goal of what others wanted may have hindered me, it meant that even when i reached it i wasn't happy with it in my own head as i know i wanted to be about a stone lighter (being 8 and a half stone is the only time in the past that i remember being happy with my body) so this time i'm going for what i want, as apposed to what others feel comfortable with my being.
Well that was a lot of rambling on! I'm starting my morning with a banana shake, then going to do a load of dish washing with a trusty bottle of water at my side to fight of any first day sugar cravings! I'll write again tonight on how my first day went, fingers crossed it will be a good one xxx
I'm emzy, back again for another try at getting my weight down to my goal for good. I didn't keep a diary last time, and i'm not sure why but this time it just feels like i should, like it will help in some way. I've had a long standing chaotic relationship with my weight and body image for as long as i can remember; being over weight as a child then developing and ED in my teens, taking 2 years to recover from that, before developing another ED, which unlike the first one led me to pile on the weight. After talks with doctors, friends and parents i decided enough was enough and this year in Janruary i started lighter life with my start of weight as 14 stone, amazingly i got down to my then goal of 9 and a half stone, on my second week of refeed one of my best friends passed away, which sent me into that emotional out of control eating that started my rapid weight gain in the first place. So the other day i made myself get on the scales and face the music. To see i had put on just over a stone already was absolutley gutting, but not something i could blame anyone for but myself, which i think just made me feel worse, the fact that i had got so far then messed it all up. I know that i need to go back on VLCD if i want to get back to the weight i want to be, it is the total cut off from food that allows me to not revert back to my binge eating ways, and although i know of course that when i reach my goal i will need to introduce food, this time i hope to make a proper plan of it and stick to that, so that my metabolism and mind can get uses to slowly eating healthily again. This will be my new start. I've decided to do slim and save instead of lighterlife again mainly because of the price. I'm starting my postgrad at uni in September and still need to save up a tiny bit more for that, so spending £75 a week on food isn't something i could easily justify. I am slightly nervous about this decision, with LLT costing so much that was added insentive not to stray, as well as the weekly meetings meaning we would get weighed in, but i'm just going to have to be extra aware of my thoughts and what i do (in the long run this can only help because it's more like what it will be like when i've reached my goal in terms of having to cope on my own, but for the time being it is a rather scary thought). My goal weight this time is slightly lower than that of last time aswel. I set 9 and a half stone last time as that was something other people said they were comfortable with me being at, but i think setting a goal of what others wanted may have hindered me, it meant that even when i reached it i wasn't happy with it in my own head as i know i wanted to be about a stone lighter (being 8 and a half stone is the only time in the past that i remember being happy with my body) so this time i'm going for what i want, as apposed to what others feel comfortable with my being.
Well that was a lot of rambling on! I'm starting my morning with a banana shake, then going to do a load of dish washing with a trusty bottle of water at my side to fight of any first day sugar cravings! I'll write again tonight on how my first day went, fingers crossed it will be a good one xxx
