Friends/Enemies

[Claireybella]

Didn't really know what to call this post. Just kind of want to get it off my chest, if you don't mind?

Cut a long story short, last Christmas I found out my friend was having an affair, with someone I used to go to school with. It all came out on Christmas Day (it's like Eastenders, I swear!) with my friends hubby going nuts, for which I don't blame him. Anyway, it had been going on for a few months, and in that time, my friend changed. I knew something was going on, just not what, and I hated myself for thinking all these horrible things about her. Anyway, it all came out and in January, she sat me down to explain it all. I didn't agree with what she had done, or the excuses she used, but I tried to brush it under the carpet and get on with us being friends. Our kids were in the same classes at school, y'see.

Then she announced that she was moving, and away. Turns out, hubby wanted to move her away from all the so-called friends who helped her hide the affair (I wasn't one of them) and secretly, I was pleased. I couldn't cope with the pretence anymore, so on the last day of term, I secretly danced a dainty jig and thought phew!! She moved, we exchanged a few texts, end of.

I had a mutual friend round for lunch on Monday, to which this other friend found out and started airing it all on Facebook, about how she had been betrayed etc etc. I thought nothing of it. Then last night, I saw her. She was in her car, with her kids. Her kids were waving away, grinning, and my two did the same back. I grinned and waved at her, to which I was returned with a filthy look and nose in the air! Now, what I want to know, is what I'm supposed to have done? But at the same time, it's made up my mind about being friends with this so-called person. I went home and totally deleted her - out of my phone, off of Facebook etc etc. And you know what, I actually feel much better for doing so! My problem is that I don't like upsetting people, maybe when I found out about the affair, I should've ended the friendship then, instead of pretending? I dunno!

Anyway, like I said, I just wanted to get it off my chest. What do you guys think? I'm not one of these people that air my entire life on Facebook, I actually use it for what it was intended for - friendships, bands, etc.

 

[Tinytootz]

I'm the same, Facebook is used for me to contact my friends, upload pictures, and put the odd random status. I never have, and never will, use it to air opinions on other people. I would try and forget about the whole thing, and move on. In the end, she did the wrong thing, and has to stand by her choices. Of course not everyone is going to like her after she cheated, it's human nature. In time, she may contact you again, like nothing has happened. Maybe when you noticed she was being different you should have asked her what was wrong, but hindsight is a wonderful thing! Chances are she wouldn't have told you anyway. And when I see someone airing their laundry on Facebook, they go a little lower in my estimations. But maybe I'm a prude!

 

[Claireybella]

Tinytootz, thank you! You've basically said what has been going round in my head, and made me realise that I'm not in the wrong! I did actually ask her if something was going on with this person and she said no! What a fool I felt when it came out that there was! Anyway, I'm gonna do what us SWers do when we've had a bad day, draw a line under it and move on! Ha ha!

And thank god someone has the same views as me regarding Facebook! I do go on it every day and I do post status' but they tend to be music lyrics, something I feel is funny, counting down days till seeing someone/doing something etc etc.

 

[jaylou]

Bl**dy Facebook.

Nightmare.

Does more harm than good.

Grr.

That said, you've done the right thing hun. xx

 

[jaylou]

PS I have only closest friends and family on FB and use it to share photos and post the odd silly status, other than that I don't do anything else on it.

 

[chris_s]

Facebook is just plain evil! I've been subject to it's nastiness by people who don't even know me.

All you can do is try to act how you feel best. If other people can't deal with that it is their problem.

There is no clear cut right and wrong sometimes, it can all be shades of grey and messy. Be amicable and if that is met with scorn you can rest assured you've done all you can.

If someone has an affair that is their own choice, not yours. It gets difficult when you know and are friends with more than one party involved. I don't envy anyone in that unfortunate position.

What's done is done. No one is dead. If someone wants to blame you for something that is not your doing let it be their problem. If they can't understand you were in a difficult situation and didn't know what to do at the time so kept quiet, well again it's their problem.

The fault and blame, if any, lies at the feet of those involved in the affair and those only.

Do understand that she is feeling hurt and betrayed and may not see clearly, don't hold a grudge and just leave her to it.

 

[Claireybella]

Bl**dy Facebook.

Nightmare.

Does more harm than good.

Grr.

That said, you've done the right thing hun. xx

Omg, I thought my nan was on here then! That's her entire view on Facebook too! Hee hee!!

Thank you though, for commenting, it's making me not feel so alone in all of this, ya know?

 

[Claireybella]

PS I have only closest friends and family on FB and use it to share photos and post the odd silly status, other than that I don't do anything else on it.

I signed up to Facebook years ago, when it wasn't the "in" thing, and nobody really knew what it was. I used it to find band members, friends I followed bands with and lost contact with etc. I never really did like it when family joined, they could see what I was up to! Ha ha!!

 

[Claireybella]

Facebook is just plain evil! I've been subject to it's nastiness by people who don't even know me.

All you can do is try to act how you feel best. If other people can't deal with that it is their problem.

There is no clear cut right and wrong sometimes, it can all be shades of grey and messy. Be amicable and if that is met with scorn you can rest assured you've done all you can.

If someone has an affair that is their own choice, not yours. It gets difficult when you know and are friends with more than one party involved. I don't envy anyone in that unfortunate position.

What's done is done. No one is dead. If someone wants to blame you for something that is not your doing let it be their problem. If they can't understand you were in a difficult situation and didn't know what to do at the time so kept quiet, well again it's their problem.

The fault and blame, if any, lies at the feet of those involved in the affair and those only.

Do understand that she is feeling hurt and betrayed and may not see clearly, don't hold a grudge and just leave her to it.

Thanks Chris, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not one to go round being nasty to people, and I couldn't have a proper argument with anyone, cos I'd cave! But I'm glad to see that you all think that what I've done is correct and the right thing.

 

[*EB*]

My little CB! Its a good job you have real friends like me in your life at times like these.

I think her behaviour of snubbing you is rude - but she knows she is the one that caused the situation, so i can only think that she doesnt want to be reminded of what an idiot she has been - and by ignoring everyone who knew about her affair she can achieve that, and sweep it under the carpet.

Just remember i love you loads, and you dont need rotton apple friends in your life. xxxx

 

[fillymum]

Your *friend* is obviously hiding behind her own guilt by treating you like that. If she didn't want you to know, she should not have told her. All she has done is unburden herself and burden you.

You really are better off without her. Life has enough real problems just in ordinary, every day life without it being added to by someone who has no regard for you.

Face-book.............. another topic altogether. I dislike it intensely. I am on it but rarely go there and am thinking of deleting myself.

Well done CB for standing by your own beliefs.

 

[Claireybella]

Thanks honey! I think it's bothered me the most cos A) it was done in front of the kids and B) I thought we were okay, but clearly not. As I said in my original post, just means I don't have to pretend with her anymore. Now, if everyone in the playground could stop asking me about her, I'll be happy! Ha ha!!

Love you loads too honey!

 

[Claireybella]

Thanks Sue. The more I read everyones replies, the more positive I am feeling about this whole ugly situation. I'm one of the kind of people that, if there is a problem, then tell me, don't pussyfoot around.

And you are right, everyday life has it's own problems and dealing with them is more than enough for me at the moment!

 

[*EB*]

I will put the champagne in the fridge for your arrival on Saturday CB!!! sounds like we need some (oh and its syn free....honest!!!) lols! xxx

 

[Claireybella]

Sounds good to me honey! Ha ha! Gonna need you two this weekend, I think!

 

[jigglymum]

you've don't totally the right thing!!

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

think of her as someone you where reasonable acquainted with and now that acquaintance has passed. real friends would say that they where hurt or upset and discuss it with you. i think you've had a lucky escape not having to get involved.


(i have to be honest i love FB been on it for a long time. i used to move around a lot (pre kids) so it helps me keep in touch and the only ppl i have on there are real friends and know me well enough to know that anything i say on there will have been said in person face to face.)

xxx

 

[Claireybella]

Thanks Jigglymum, means a lot!