Yorkshire_Pudding
Member
So I am 26, female and 5'11. I weigh 20 stone (exactly!) and am a size 24. 
I've always been big: in high school I crash dieted and dropped to a size 14 (which doesn't sound that slim but it was for my frame...) but then, of course, put all the weight back on. Then I felt helpless and just kept piling the weight back on and didn't notice/ignored how huge I was getting.
My weight is affecting my health in some ways, although not others. I had a GP appointment for something minor last week and he took my blood pressure and heart rate and these are suprisingly normal. But I am VERY unfit. I sweat loads! Ha ha GROSS but I do! I also think I have symptoms of Polycistic Ovaries and know weight loss is the best way to help this...
I developed awful bingeing habits, and feel sad that I wasted my best years being fat and miserable and binge-eating. When I was at uni, I didn't make that many friends and so I mostly smoked lots of weed and got even more anti-social and ate loads. I used to go to the supermarket at night, in secret and spend, like, £20 in one go on junk, then sit in my room getting high and stuffing myself. ONE TIME!, I actually bought myself a birthday cake! Eurgh! I remember being quite pleased, though, cos I thought the cashier on the check-out would think less that I was a disgusting loser and more that the junk food I was buying was for a party.
Crikey, this has turned very 'On The Couch' confessional!
So yes, the weight has just crept on and on over the last 10 years or so. I feel like I've just woken up and realised I'm HUGE and that's not really such a bad thing if you're happy in yourself but it makes me deeply, deeply unhappy. I would count myself as a radical feminist (!) and I see a huge amount of gender inequality in the world - and a huge part of that is the way women are judged on their appearance and men on their achievements. I am fully aware that my desire to be slim and desirable is feeding into a system I hate. But I'm so unhappy being fat that I am unwilling to be a martyr for the cause of 'refusing to care how I look'. Because I do!!
And being fat makes me avoid social situations, etc. This makes me lonely and miserable. This makes me eat. This makes me fatter. This makes me avoid social situations. This makes me lonely and... so on!
I'm not sure what clicked for me over the weekend and I HOPE this time it's for real! I went to the pub on Friday and wanted to DIE when the barman told me he didn't serve fat lasses. On Saturday I felt too ill to do my usual ALMIGHTY hangover binge. And on Sunday I thought... Can you keep this up?
I also have a friendship which really soured since she got with this horrid man who disapproves of all her friends and had a baby with him and became a complete stranger. Things have become very passive-aggressive between us and over the last year or so I have felt so resentful and sad and angry about what has happened to our relationship. On Saturday, she posted a passive-aggressive Facebook status aimed at me, that usually would make me depressed all day (and EAT). Instead, I unfriended her. I've felt like a real weight has been lifted and I know it sounds pathetic, but I felt empowered!
And I am a teacher who has been unemployed for nearly a year. THAT has made me SUPER-depressed, poor and lonely. I'm 26 and still living with my parents, still asking for bus fare! And my eating has gone even further bananas. I usually wait until everyone has gone to bed and sneak downstairs and get huge bowls of ice cream, whole packets of biscuits, etc. This weekend I decided: IF YOU WANT A LIFE, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF YORKSHIRE AND MOVE TO LONDON, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
IF YOU WANT FRIENDS AND FUN, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
I now have a one year plan which involves securing a teaching job in London and losing at least 5 stone. Oh, and growing my hair and learning a new language. Lol.
I have a new SmartPhone with a calorie counter app and have been inputting everything into that. Writing down what I eat makes it real - it isn't "just" chocolate, it's 300 calories.
On Sunday I consumed 860 calories and yesterday 710. So far today I have had 369. I'm not starving myself: I don't have the willpower! Every day I've had a huge bowl of Alpen with fruit and soya milk. I'm vegetarian so that makes it easy to count calories - last night for my tea I had a fillet of Quorn chicken with a ton of salad and humous. I snack INCESSANTLY and last night it was late but I didn't want this diet to feel like a punishment because that will make me quit, so I did allow myself a snack at about 11pm - I had a big bowl of 100g watermelon with 75g cucumber (41 calories!!?). Yesterday I even had a G&T.
In true Bridget Jones style, I weighed myself 3x yesterday and have already weighed in today. ALWAYS 20 STONE!! So impatient to see a result!!
And I know that results are going to be slow - that's why I looked for an online forum to share with others, get ideas and feel like I'm doing this WITH people. Wow, isn't this the longest post ever?! Sorry!
Pud x
I've always been big: in high school I crash dieted and dropped to a size 14 (which doesn't sound that slim but it was for my frame...) but then, of course, put all the weight back on. Then I felt helpless and just kept piling the weight back on and didn't notice/ignored how huge I was getting.
My weight is affecting my health in some ways, although not others. I had a GP appointment for something minor last week and he took my blood pressure and heart rate and these are suprisingly normal. But I am VERY unfit. I sweat loads! Ha ha GROSS but I do! I also think I have symptoms of Polycistic Ovaries and know weight loss is the best way to help this...
I developed awful bingeing habits, and feel sad that I wasted my best years being fat and miserable and binge-eating. When I was at uni, I didn't make that many friends and so I mostly smoked lots of weed and got even more anti-social and ate loads. I used to go to the supermarket at night, in secret and spend, like, £20 in one go on junk, then sit in my room getting high and stuffing myself. ONE TIME!, I actually bought myself a birthday cake! Eurgh! I remember being quite pleased, though, cos I thought the cashier on the check-out would think less that I was a disgusting loser and more that the junk food I was buying was for a party.
Crikey, this has turned very 'On The Couch' confessional!
So yes, the weight has just crept on and on over the last 10 years or so. I feel like I've just woken up and realised I'm HUGE and that's not really such a bad thing if you're happy in yourself but it makes me deeply, deeply unhappy. I would count myself as a radical feminist (!) and I see a huge amount of gender inequality in the world - and a huge part of that is the way women are judged on their appearance and men on their achievements. I am fully aware that my desire to be slim and desirable is feeding into a system I hate. But I'm so unhappy being fat that I am unwilling to be a martyr for the cause of 'refusing to care how I look'. Because I do!!
And being fat makes me avoid social situations, etc. This makes me lonely and miserable. This makes me eat. This makes me fatter. This makes me avoid social situations. This makes me lonely and... so on!
I'm not sure what clicked for me over the weekend and I HOPE this time it's for real! I went to the pub on Friday and wanted to DIE when the barman told me he didn't serve fat lasses. On Saturday I felt too ill to do my usual ALMIGHTY hangover binge. And on Sunday I thought... Can you keep this up?
I also have a friendship which really soured since she got with this horrid man who disapproves of all her friends and had a baby with him and became a complete stranger. Things have become very passive-aggressive between us and over the last year or so I have felt so resentful and sad and angry about what has happened to our relationship. On Saturday, she posted a passive-aggressive Facebook status aimed at me, that usually would make me depressed all day (and EAT). Instead, I unfriended her. I've felt like a real weight has been lifted and I know it sounds pathetic, but I felt empowered!
And I am a teacher who has been unemployed for nearly a year. THAT has made me SUPER-depressed, poor and lonely. I'm 26 and still living with my parents, still asking for bus fare! And my eating has gone even further bananas. I usually wait until everyone has gone to bed and sneak downstairs and get huge bowls of ice cream, whole packets of biscuits, etc. This weekend I decided: IF YOU WANT A LIFE, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF YORKSHIRE AND MOVE TO LONDON, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
IF YOU WANT FRIENDS AND FUN, YOU HAVE TO GO AND GET IT!
I now have a one year plan which involves securing a teaching job in London and losing at least 5 stone. Oh, and growing my hair and learning a new language. Lol.
I have a new SmartPhone with a calorie counter app and have been inputting everything into that. Writing down what I eat makes it real - it isn't "just" chocolate, it's 300 calories.
On Sunday I consumed 860 calories and yesterday 710. So far today I have had 369. I'm not starving myself: I don't have the willpower! Every day I've had a huge bowl of Alpen with fruit and soya milk. I'm vegetarian so that makes it easy to count calories - last night for my tea I had a fillet of Quorn chicken with a ton of salad and humous. I snack INCESSANTLY and last night it was late but I didn't want this diet to feel like a punishment because that will make me quit, so I did allow myself a snack at about 11pm - I had a big bowl of 100g watermelon with 75g cucumber (41 calories!!?). Yesterday I even had a G&T.
In true Bridget Jones style, I weighed myself 3x yesterday and have already weighed in today. ALWAYS 20 STONE!! So impatient to see a result!!
And I know that results are going to be slow - that's why I looked for an online forum to share with others, get ideas and feel like I'm doing this WITH people. Wow, isn't this the longest post ever?! Sorry!
Pud x
