kingleds
Gold Member
Hi Ladies. Need some advice please.
I went to one of my friends hen dos this weekend and it has left a bad taste in my mouth on a number of levels. I need to know if I am overeacting or if I am justified in my anger. Bit of a longish story so please bear with me.
The hen do was for one of my ex housemates. There was a group of 11 of us going, most of whom I knew, but there was a fairly apparent split in the group from the beginning (not surprising I suppose as most of these things turn out that way).
No one had loads of money, so when it was organised it was decided we'd do 1 night away, city centre hotel and comedy club, with nightclub afterwards. Booked via one of those events companies. All good
Last week we got told we were meeting at someones house for breakfast, could we all bring some stuff, and then we were going to out out of lunch at a posh restaurant, before we went and got ready to go out. Bit worried about the finances now as I didn't really factor in the expensive lunch, but managed to figure that out. Then got asked to stump up an extra tenner for some Cava and dressing up the hen. But still, all asked a week before so at least I had a bit of notice.
The best mans girlfriend was coming with one of her friends (hereon in refered to as the outcasts), but it turns out they did not get told about lunch until the friday evening, so they didn't have the cash for it and had already planned something for the morning, so couldn't make it - but they might join us for drinks. Perfectly understandable as far as I can see as they had not been told about it.
So, we get to the hotel, which is nowhere near the city centre - a £20 cab ride each way from the city centre. No one is best pleased about that, but not a lot you can do really at this stage, so off we go to lunch.
The outcasts phone to ask where we are so they can meet for drinks and gets told not to bother as we are leaving soon to cone back to the hotel. Once off the phone the hen starts complaining about how this girl isn't making an effort to come to lunch blah blah blah.
The hen then fails to tell the outcasts what time they need to be ready to go out in the evening, when they did turn up, doesn't introduce them to anyone (they really only knew me & 1 other person), and then proceeds to ignore them all night, and me as well - as I decided to sit with them. I felt like i had to because they had been made to feel so unwelcome (plus they are both a proper good laugh)
At the end of the comedy the hen tells me I need to go & get a tenner of both the outcasts for the cava etc (which they did not drink) and it turns out they have not been told about that either. I know neither of them can afford it, and refuse to ask them for it, saying its not fair for them to be expected to pay for stuff like that when they weren't told. Think nothing more of it.
I left fairly early @ about midnight (not a big drinker anyway so not unexpected), and the outcasts came with me - both very upset about the way the hen had treated them.
Next morning, I get a phone call from my OH who is on the stag do, asking why I went home early - apparently, the hen has phoned up her fiance and complained that I left at midnight, complained that the outcasts left early and didn't speak to her, and owes a tenner for stuff . It then turns out she put a rude note under the outcasts door asking for the money - they know nothing about this requirement to give over a tenner as no one has told them about it. I managed to retrieve the note before they read it and was planning to have a quiet word with the hen and say it wasn't fair to expect them to pay it, and certainly not on to put the note under the door. I also owed these 2 girls the cab fare home so was going to pay it for them, hopefully without them knowing. Best laid plans and all that - the hen then phoned them up to chase the money before I can have a word with her about it. THe outcasts then ask me whats going on - I told them not to worry, it was all sorted, and then gave the hen the £20.
The hen then starts moaning at me about how the outcsts got so drunk they had to leave early (not the real reason), and why did I leave so early (I should point out that I actually talked to her and said I was knackered before leaving, and she was fine with it - even made a joke about me staying out as late as I did) so not sure why it was such a problem, but I decided to hold my tongue. In fact, for most people I'd have thrown a few cans of red bull down my neck and soldiered on, but I didn't really see why I should for someone who was acting the way she was.
I got home on Sunday to find that she has been *****ing to her OH about me & the outcasts, who has then been telling my OH that I didn't make an effort. In total I spent £250 to be basically ignored by one of my supposed best mates, whilst she was rude to 2 of my other mates. At no point did I pull her up on it, or try to explain that she should be spending time with everyone who was there - but somehow I'm the one who didn't make an effort?
I am so angry about the way she treated both me & my other 2 friends that I do not even want to go to the wedding. But I have no choice at all as my OH is the grooms best friend.
So - my question - at the end of all that explanation is. Do I have a word with the Hen and get this all off my chest before the wedding, or am I just being a big girls blouse about it?
Hubby thinks I am not overreacting, but does not think I should say anything to her as it won't help matters.
For those of you still awake thoughts would be apreciated.
And I DO really want your honest advice and opinions on this one - please don't sugar coat it.
I went to one of my friends hen dos this weekend and it has left a bad taste in my mouth on a number of levels. I need to know if I am overeacting or if I am justified in my anger. Bit of a longish story so please bear with me.
The hen do was for one of my ex housemates. There was a group of 11 of us going, most of whom I knew, but there was a fairly apparent split in the group from the beginning (not surprising I suppose as most of these things turn out that way).
No one had loads of money, so when it was organised it was decided we'd do 1 night away, city centre hotel and comedy club, with nightclub afterwards. Booked via one of those events companies. All good
Last week we got told we were meeting at someones house for breakfast, could we all bring some stuff, and then we were going to out out of lunch at a posh restaurant, before we went and got ready to go out. Bit worried about the finances now as I didn't really factor in the expensive lunch, but managed to figure that out. Then got asked to stump up an extra tenner for some Cava and dressing up the hen. But still, all asked a week before so at least I had a bit of notice.
The best mans girlfriend was coming with one of her friends (hereon in refered to as the outcasts), but it turns out they did not get told about lunch until the friday evening, so they didn't have the cash for it and had already planned something for the morning, so couldn't make it - but they might join us for drinks. Perfectly understandable as far as I can see as they had not been told about it.
So, we get to the hotel, which is nowhere near the city centre - a £20 cab ride each way from the city centre. No one is best pleased about that, but not a lot you can do really at this stage, so off we go to lunch.
The outcasts phone to ask where we are so they can meet for drinks and gets told not to bother as we are leaving soon to cone back to the hotel. Once off the phone the hen starts complaining about how this girl isn't making an effort to come to lunch blah blah blah.
The hen then fails to tell the outcasts what time they need to be ready to go out in the evening, when they did turn up, doesn't introduce them to anyone (they really only knew me & 1 other person), and then proceeds to ignore them all night, and me as well - as I decided to sit with them. I felt like i had to because they had been made to feel so unwelcome (plus they are both a proper good laugh)
At the end of the comedy the hen tells me I need to go & get a tenner of both the outcasts for the cava etc (which they did not drink) and it turns out they have not been told about that either. I know neither of them can afford it, and refuse to ask them for it, saying its not fair for them to be expected to pay for stuff like that when they weren't told. Think nothing more of it.
I left fairly early @ about midnight (not a big drinker anyway so not unexpected), and the outcasts came with me - both very upset about the way the hen had treated them.
Next morning, I get a phone call from my OH who is on the stag do, asking why I went home early - apparently, the hen has phoned up her fiance and complained that I left at midnight, complained that the outcasts left early and didn't speak to her, and owes a tenner for stuff . It then turns out she put a rude note under the outcasts door asking for the money - they know nothing about this requirement to give over a tenner as no one has told them about it. I managed to retrieve the note before they read it and was planning to have a quiet word with the hen and say it wasn't fair to expect them to pay it, and certainly not on to put the note under the door. I also owed these 2 girls the cab fare home so was going to pay it for them, hopefully without them knowing. Best laid plans and all that - the hen then phoned them up to chase the money before I can have a word with her about it. THe outcasts then ask me whats going on - I told them not to worry, it was all sorted, and then gave the hen the £20.
The hen then starts moaning at me about how the outcsts got so drunk they had to leave early (not the real reason), and why did I leave so early (I should point out that I actually talked to her and said I was knackered before leaving, and she was fine with it - even made a joke about me staying out as late as I did) so not sure why it was such a problem, but I decided to hold my tongue. In fact, for most people I'd have thrown a few cans of red bull down my neck and soldiered on, but I didn't really see why I should for someone who was acting the way she was.
I got home on Sunday to find that she has been *****ing to her OH about me & the outcasts, who has then been telling my OH that I didn't make an effort. In total I spent £250 to be basically ignored by one of my supposed best mates, whilst she was rude to 2 of my other mates. At no point did I pull her up on it, or try to explain that she should be spending time with everyone who was there - but somehow I'm the one who didn't make an effort?
I am so angry about the way she treated both me & my other 2 friends that I do not even want to go to the wedding. But I have no choice at all as my OH is the grooms best friend.
So - my question - at the end of all that explanation is. Do I have a word with the Hen and get this all off my chest before the wedding, or am I just being a big girls blouse about it?
Hubby thinks I am not overreacting, but does not think I should say anything to her as it won't help matters.
For those of you still awake thoughts would be apreciated.
And I DO really want your honest advice and opinions on this one - please don't sugar coat it.
)
