ClosetMonster
New Member
Hi everyone! It's nice to meet you all.
My name is Saghra (pro: sara). I'm 23 years old, and 5 foot 8. I come from Toronto, Ontario. I'm a bartender, and a student, and I'm overweight.
I've been overweight my whole life. My family, bless their considerably overweight hearts, did not have the knowledge or skill or willpower to teach me balanced or healthy lifestyle techniques, so by 18 I was flirting with the 200lb mark. Seeing myself at my heaviest (205!), and tired of always being the 'fat girl', especially since I was dating someone who was 120lbs at the time, I took it upon myself to lose weight. Only I did it lazily, and unhealthily, and became a casual bulimic. Within a year, I had dropped 30lbs. Within two, that number doubled. I continued my habit to keep my weight down, but by 22 the weight had stopped dropping, and became a comfortable baseline at 145lbs (my goal was 130). I started throwing up more. Every meal, every snack, every diet soda. The lowest my weight dropped was 143.6.
That's when my darling boyfriend caught me. He had suffered from anxiety related problems in his youth, so after much insightful discussion, and a terrifying ultimatum: "Because I love you so, you're going to have to pick me or the disorder. I'll help you as much as I can, but it will kill you", I decided to cease and desist as best I could about three weeks ago. He was right, after all. I've seen tolls it's taken on me. I have a chipped tooth in thwe back of my mouth that I'm positive is from purging. I have no energy, I get headaches frequently and I have terrible mood swings. He was right, it was time to recover. That's when things became, in my mind, the hardest.
Now that I've started eating regularly, it seems all my body wants to do is store fat. I went from a still chubby 147 to an additionally chubby 153. This doesn't sound like much, sure, but in the mind of an ex-bulimic, it's like a death. There's a mourning period for that weight lost. A sense of depression and self worthlessness sets in. They say that a bulimic's brain acts a lot like a heroin addicts' when they purge, and the urge to "use" again has similar withdrawl symptoms. On top of my overdramatic dispair for the five pounds I have gained, every time I eat my stomach does flips. All I can think is the calorie count, and all I can see is my scale flashing "205... 205... 205".
I generally try to eat healthily. I'm a vegan, so I eat no dairy, no meat, and no eggs. My biggest crutch is bread (whole wheat, never white!), which I'm slowly trying to break up with. I never eat pasta, chips, or candy, though I have an unbelievable weak spot for cookies. I often have one a day. Again, something I'm trying to give up. I fill up, mostly, on veggies and tofu, but I have difficulty controlling portion sizes, due to how I was raised, and 4 years of binge-purge-repeat. I don't drink. I'm a bartender, and I work 6 days a week, usually 10 hour shifts, so I'm always on my feet, either walking, or bending over, or squatting, or carrying things. Committing to real exercise is difficult because I'm exhausted from work, and have never eaten "properly" in my life. I try to time my meals, as well. I only eat big meals before 9 am, medium meals before 1, and I never eat passed 5pm - unless its my terrible nemesis, cookies. Asleep at 2am, and then up for 830 again the next day. Rinse, repeat. I needed help, I needed advice, and I needed motivation.
That's why I'm here, with you lovely ladies and gentlemen. I want to hear your successes and failures. I want to know what has worked for you, what hasn't, how fast you're losing weight, or how agonizingly slow it is. I want you to impart your wisdom on me with how you deal with cravings, or how you say no to self-destructive habits. I'm not looking for some magic cure, I know I'm paying my dues, but a little sunshine would be lovely.
Love, Saghra
Ps: pictures coming soon, to keep me accountable!
My name is Saghra (pro: sara). I'm 23 years old, and 5 foot 8. I come from Toronto, Ontario. I'm a bartender, and a student, and I'm overweight.
I've been overweight my whole life. My family, bless their considerably overweight hearts, did not have the knowledge or skill or willpower to teach me balanced or healthy lifestyle techniques, so by 18 I was flirting with the 200lb mark. Seeing myself at my heaviest (205!), and tired of always being the 'fat girl', especially since I was dating someone who was 120lbs at the time, I took it upon myself to lose weight. Only I did it lazily, and unhealthily, and became a casual bulimic. Within a year, I had dropped 30lbs. Within two, that number doubled. I continued my habit to keep my weight down, but by 22 the weight had stopped dropping, and became a comfortable baseline at 145lbs (my goal was 130). I started throwing up more. Every meal, every snack, every diet soda. The lowest my weight dropped was 143.6.
That's when my darling boyfriend caught me. He had suffered from anxiety related problems in his youth, so after much insightful discussion, and a terrifying ultimatum: "Because I love you so, you're going to have to pick me or the disorder. I'll help you as much as I can, but it will kill you", I decided to cease and desist as best I could about three weeks ago. He was right, after all. I've seen tolls it's taken on me. I have a chipped tooth in thwe back of my mouth that I'm positive is from purging. I have no energy, I get headaches frequently and I have terrible mood swings. He was right, it was time to recover. That's when things became, in my mind, the hardest.
Now that I've started eating regularly, it seems all my body wants to do is store fat. I went from a still chubby 147 to an additionally chubby 153. This doesn't sound like much, sure, but in the mind of an ex-bulimic, it's like a death. There's a mourning period for that weight lost. A sense of depression and self worthlessness sets in. They say that a bulimic's brain acts a lot like a heroin addicts' when they purge, and the urge to "use" again has similar withdrawl symptoms. On top of my overdramatic dispair for the five pounds I have gained, every time I eat my stomach does flips. All I can think is the calorie count, and all I can see is my scale flashing "205... 205... 205".
I generally try to eat healthily. I'm a vegan, so I eat no dairy, no meat, and no eggs. My biggest crutch is bread (whole wheat, never white!), which I'm slowly trying to break up with. I never eat pasta, chips, or candy, though I have an unbelievable weak spot for cookies. I often have one a day. Again, something I'm trying to give up. I fill up, mostly, on veggies and tofu, but I have difficulty controlling portion sizes, due to how I was raised, and 4 years of binge-purge-repeat. I don't drink. I'm a bartender, and I work 6 days a week, usually 10 hour shifts, so I'm always on my feet, either walking, or bending over, or squatting, or carrying things. Committing to real exercise is difficult because I'm exhausted from work, and have never eaten "properly" in my life. I try to time my meals, as well. I only eat big meals before 9 am, medium meals before 1, and I never eat passed 5pm - unless its my terrible nemesis, cookies. Asleep at 2am, and then up for 830 again the next day. Rinse, repeat. I needed help, I needed advice, and I needed motivation.
That's why I'm here, with you lovely ladies and gentlemen. I want to hear your successes and failures. I want to know what has worked for you, what hasn't, how fast you're losing weight, or how agonizingly slow it is. I want you to impart your wisdom on me with how you deal with cravings, or how you say no to self-destructive habits. I'm not looking for some magic cure, I know I'm paying my dues, but a little sunshine would be lovely.
Love, Saghra
Ps: pictures coming soon, to keep me accountable!
how are you? I feel very sympathetic toward your story. I hope it's going better for u now? Well anyway my story is not much but I will try to sum it up. I am 24 years old and since the age of 18 I had started putting on weight due to some issues I was having at school. I had low self esteem and felt ugly as no guy would look at me. My brother pulled me aside one day and told me I needed to do something about my weight (I was 82kg at 5ft4). I started the Cambridge diet in Sept 2012 and after a month left it as I felt sick and was always tired. 
