Anna Morey
Member
Hellooo!
I've been meaning to start this all week but things keep getting in the way (summer holidays!!)
I've got one hell of a mountain to climb. I weigh the grand total of 19 stone 13 lb. I keep saying "I don't know how this happened" although I do - a lovely mix of eating too much, dodgy ovaries and crapola genetics. But let me start from the beginning.
I've always had a love affair with food. I was the second of 3 children my ma and dad had together. Dad was a policeman, mum was a care assistant by day, shopworker/tomato picker/cleaner/anything she could get during the nights and weekends. money was always tight. Bit OT you may say but this is where the fatness started. Mealtimes were things which were cheap (at the time) and plentiful - cheesy mash potato, cauliflower cheese, whatever meat my parents could afford, lots and lots of eggs from the 8 or 9 chickens and ducks we had at the bottom of the garden. When you're skint with 3 kids to feed you serve up big portions of whatever you can lay your hands on. I can remember my 2 sisters used to leave food on their plate and it made my parents cross (at the time i thought it was a big bad evil thing to do, i now realise that it was because they had to scrape and scrimp every penny, so any waste was huge) - so i used to scrape every morsel off the plate and sometimes lick it clean. i got praise for clearing my plate. and thats where it started. as the middle child i rarely got praise, i was just kind of there iykwim - big sis could do no wrong, little sis was the angel baby, i was generally the black sheep, so i took praise where i could get it. I'm not blaming my parents for my weight problem, it just started there and got out of control quickly. I would eat anything and everything in sight - not necessarily hungry, usually out of boredom tbh, but i loved it. My mum took me to the doctors at one point, cant remember how old i was but i must have been in year 6 or 7, so lets say 12 years old ish? i weighed ten stone. naturally I had been the subject of horrendous bullying at school, I still remember the chants on the school bus "She's fat, she's round, she weighs 500 pound" being one of the favourites. and the charming friend of my elder sister who convinced me that he fancied me and wanted to go out with me which i joyously accepted, only for him to turn round and rip into me in front of the whole middle school at the end of the day. I was mortified, got home and tucked into chocolate to feel better. High school was worse. I didnt fit in anywhere, so I tried hard to fit in. too hard. all the key players at school hated me and saw me as an easy target, and high school being high school 99% of everyone else followed them. I had some very very good friends at school, and I wish i had kept in touch with them. High school turned into 6th form and my parents divorced, thats when i started drinking alot. not in an alkie kind of way, i just loved getting plastered! I would bunk off school, get leathered with mates drinking cheap gin from the local threshers. it was fun at the time. i got booted out of 6th form and spent a couple of years drifting around, going out on the lash with mates, being the "fat friend", not really doing anything. the drink was putting more and more weight on me. i ended up in college where i discovered make up, hair, non dykey clothes etc. going out a few times a week dressed like a fat kat slater, sleeping with whoever would have me, again always the "fat friend" (quite often being the subject of pull-a-pig but being so plastered not realising til the next day). I eventually left college, and met my husband at the pub we were both working at. I had ditched all of my mates a few years ago because the drink made me an idiot, so i didn't really have a lot to do except work (and eat!). I probably weighed around 15-16 stone when I met OH, but he made me feel so confident and loved that I didn't care anymore. Unfortunately with boyfriends come boyfriend portions
and we were both skint so would eat whatever was cheap from iceland or leftovers fro the pub. I put on a couple of stone and eventually fell preg with DS. I didn't change my diet at all while preg, so didnt really put any weight on, but because I weighed around 18 stone at the start of my pregnancy all I heard about was BMI this and BMI that it made me feel sick. all the way through my pregnancy i was treated like a crack addict because i was overweight. It even nearly caused tradegy when I gave birth - When you are over a certain BMI they like try and give you an epidural straight away into your labour because they assume you wont be able to give birth properly and will end up needing a c section or w/e. because i was first timer, didnt know what i was doing, didnt have the confidence to say no, and was scared into doing it by an awful doctor, i ended up having a epidural, and consequentially couldnt feel a thing to push DS out - i ended up, ironically, needing assistance and had to have a ventouse suction cup put on DS's head to pull him out. Due to the doctor being crap and not applying it properly, it needed 3 goes, and tore my son's scalp open. he ended up in NICU with a nasty blood infection from the wound and it was touch and go for quite a while. I ended up with horrendous PND and PTSD. i comfort ate and my weight shot up to just under 22 stone. i felt vile. i bit the bullet and put myself on a 1200 cal a day diet. it worked great for a few months, and i lost 2 stone. then i went on holiday and ballsed it all up lol. shortly after i cam back from holiday i fell pregnant, so came off diet. i mjst have eaten my body weight in cheese weekly, but somehow didnt put on weight again!! Again because i was over a certain BMI i was constantly patronised and scrutinised throughout my pregnancy. I was told i wasn't allowed a homebirth, i would "probably have to have a c-section or assisted birth again" and was even given a lecture about post birth weight loss by a skinny chinese lady doctor. sailed through my birth this time, had a mobile epidural so i could feel what i was doing, and pushed her out in about 3 big pushes since having my daughter i've realised that i could drop dead of a heart attack aged 40, and i dont want to leave my husband expaiing why mummy's being carried out in a coffin.
So that brings me in a very concise way to a few weeks ago. Inspired by a fab lady on my pregnancy forum and her weight loss on cambridge i decided to give it a crack myself. sounds like the perfect diet to me, no hunger!! so i signed up with the lovely Tina, and am due my first weigh in tomorrow. Have tried all the flavours of shake and soup except mushroom soup (i hate mushroom flavoured stuff), mango, and fotf shakes - i hate both these flavours too! - all nice except the banana and strawberry shakes - think theyre a bit yeasty iykwim? OH has been really supportive. he was a bit concerned at the start because of the low cal aspect, but once i explained he's fine. He says he doesn't mind me weight but i know he does. but tbh i'm not doing it for him, i'm doing it for me, and for my kids future. my family are all concerned, i've explained but they dont listen lol. they say it can't be healthy, but i say being 20 stone isn't healthy. I'm not naive, i know i will never be a skinny minnie, and because i've been huge for so long i will probably have saggy skin and look awful in a bikini, but heck i look awful in a bikini anyway so i might as well be healthy and doing it
My start weight is 19st 13lb, my target weight is 10st. so i literally am going to be halving myself. this target is flexible to a degree, i have no idea what i'm going to look like at a certain weight because i've never been thin - i might get to 13st and look emaciated. i've gone for 10stone as that will make me a healthy BMI.
So it wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be the first few days, if anything i've been hungrier on day 5 and 6 than the first few days!!
Have had the runs quite a bit, and headaches but those went after the first 3 days. I think the biggest thing for me was realising what's going to happen to me. i'm not going to lie, i freaked out. for the first time in my life i am going to be "normal". i will be able to shop in normal shops and wear normal clothes. will i look alright? will i look old? will i be attractive? there are so many things flying round my head its really quite scary. but i know it's best in the long run health wise. Now i'm excited. I can't wait for weigh in tomorrow. just hope it's good news!!
Thanks for reading!
Anna x
I've been meaning to start this all week but things keep getting in the way (summer holidays!!)
I've got one hell of a mountain to climb. I weigh the grand total of 19 stone 13 lb. I keep saying "I don't know how this happened" although I do - a lovely mix of eating too much, dodgy ovaries and crapola genetics. But let me start from the beginning.
I've always had a love affair with food. I was the second of 3 children my ma and dad had together. Dad was a policeman, mum was a care assistant by day, shopworker/tomato picker/cleaner/anything she could get during the nights and weekends. money was always tight. Bit OT you may say but this is where the fatness started. Mealtimes were things which were cheap (at the time) and plentiful - cheesy mash potato, cauliflower cheese, whatever meat my parents could afford, lots and lots of eggs from the 8 or 9 chickens and ducks we had at the bottom of the garden. When you're skint with 3 kids to feed you serve up big portions of whatever you can lay your hands on. I can remember my 2 sisters used to leave food on their plate and it made my parents cross (at the time i thought it was a big bad evil thing to do, i now realise that it was because they had to scrape and scrimp every penny, so any waste was huge) - so i used to scrape every morsel off the plate and sometimes lick it clean. i got praise for clearing my plate. and thats where it started. as the middle child i rarely got praise, i was just kind of there iykwim - big sis could do no wrong, little sis was the angel baby, i was generally the black sheep, so i took praise where i could get it. I'm not blaming my parents for my weight problem, it just started there and got out of control quickly. I would eat anything and everything in sight - not necessarily hungry, usually out of boredom tbh, but i loved it. My mum took me to the doctors at one point, cant remember how old i was but i must have been in year 6 or 7, so lets say 12 years old ish? i weighed ten stone. naturally I had been the subject of horrendous bullying at school, I still remember the chants on the school bus "She's fat, she's round, she weighs 500 pound" being one of the favourites. and the charming friend of my elder sister who convinced me that he fancied me and wanted to go out with me which i joyously accepted, only for him to turn round and rip into me in front of the whole middle school at the end of the day. I was mortified, got home and tucked into chocolate to feel better. High school was worse. I didnt fit in anywhere, so I tried hard to fit in. too hard. all the key players at school hated me and saw me as an easy target, and high school being high school 99% of everyone else followed them. I had some very very good friends at school, and I wish i had kept in touch with them. High school turned into 6th form and my parents divorced, thats when i started drinking alot. not in an alkie kind of way, i just loved getting plastered! I would bunk off school, get leathered with mates drinking cheap gin from the local threshers. it was fun at the time. i got booted out of 6th form and spent a couple of years drifting around, going out on the lash with mates, being the "fat friend", not really doing anything. the drink was putting more and more weight on me. i ended up in college where i discovered make up, hair, non dykey clothes etc. going out a few times a week dressed like a fat kat slater, sleeping with whoever would have me, again always the "fat friend" (quite often being the subject of pull-a-pig but being so plastered not realising til the next day). I eventually left college, and met my husband at the pub we were both working at. I had ditched all of my mates a few years ago because the drink made me an idiot, so i didn't really have a lot to do except work (and eat!). I probably weighed around 15-16 stone when I met OH, but he made me feel so confident and loved that I didn't care anymore. Unfortunately with boyfriends come boyfriend portions
and we were both skint so would eat whatever was cheap from iceland or leftovers fro the pub. I put on a couple of stone and eventually fell preg with DS. I didn't change my diet at all while preg, so didnt really put any weight on, but because I weighed around 18 stone at the start of my pregnancy all I heard about was BMI this and BMI that it made me feel sick. all the way through my pregnancy i was treated like a crack addict because i was overweight. It even nearly caused tradegy when I gave birth - When you are over a certain BMI they like try and give you an epidural straight away into your labour because they assume you wont be able to give birth properly and will end up needing a c section or w/e. because i was first timer, didnt know what i was doing, didnt have the confidence to say no, and was scared into doing it by an awful doctor, i ended up having a epidural, and consequentially couldnt feel a thing to push DS out - i ended up, ironically, needing assistance and had to have a ventouse suction cup put on DS's head to pull him out. Due to the doctor being crap and not applying it properly, it needed 3 goes, and tore my son's scalp open. he ended up in NICU with a nasty blood infection from the wound and it was touch and go for quite a while. I ended up with horrendous PND and PTSD. i comfort ate and my weight shot up to just under 22 stone. i felt vile. i bit the bullet and put myself on a 1200 cal a day diet. it worked great for a few months, and i lost 2 stone. then i went on holiday and ballsed it all up lol. shortly after i cam back from holiday i fell pregnant, so came off diet. i mjst have eaten my body weight in cheese weekly, but somehow didnt put on weight again!! Again because i was over a certain BMI i was constantly patronised and scrutinised throughout my pregnancy. I was told i wasn't allowed a homebirth, i would "probably have to have a c-section or assisted birth again" and was even given a lecture about post birth weight loss by a skinny chinese lady doctor. sailed through my birth this time, had a mobile epidural so i could feel what i was doing, and pushed her out in about 3 big pushes since having my daughter i've realised that i could drop dead of a heart attack aged 40, and i dont want to leave my husband expaiing why mummy's being carried out in a coffin. So that brings me in a very concise way to a few weeks ago. Inspired by a fab lady on my pregnancy forum and her weight loss on cambridge i decided to give it a crack myself. sounds like the perfect diet to me, no hunger!! so i signed up with the lovely Tina, and am due my first weigh in tomorrow. Have tried all the flavours of shake and soup except mushroom soup (i hate mushroom flavoured stuff), mango, and fotf shakes - i hate both these flavours too! - all nice except the banana and strawberry shakes - think theyre a bit yeasty iykwim? OH has been really supportive. he was a bit concerned at the start because of the low cal aspect, but once i explained he's fine. He says he doesn't mind me weight but i know he does. but tbh i'm not doing it for him, i'm doing it for me, and for my kids future. my family are all concerned, i've explained but they dont listen lol. they say it can't be healthy, but i say being 20 stone isn't healthy. I'm not naive, i know i will never be a skinny minnie, and because i've been huge for so long i will probably have saggy skin and look awful in a bikini, but heck i look awful in a bikini anyway so i might as well be healthy and doing it
My start weight is 19st 13lb, my target weight is 10st. so i literally am going to be halving myself. this target is flexible to a degree, i have no idea what i'm going to look like at a certain weight because i've never been thin - i might get to 13st and look emaciated. i've gone for 10stone as that will make me a healthy BMI.
So it wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be the first few days, if anything i've been hungrier on day 5 and 6 than the first few days!!
Have had the runs quite a bit, and headaches but those went after the first 3 days. I think the biggest thing for me was realising what's going to happen to me. i'm not going to lie, i freaked out. for the first time in my life i am going to be "normal". i will be able to shop in normal shops and wear normal clothes. will i look alright? will i look old? will i be attractive? there are so many things flying round my head its really quite scary. but i know it's best in the long run health wise. Now i'm excited. I can't wait for weigh in tomorrow. just hope it's good news!!
Thanks for reading!
Anna x
