Just Do It
Full Member
Hi there,
I feel a bit self conscious doing a management thread, it is only my new self confidence and the thought that it may be of help to others who have managed to stay abstinent and don't want to go back on to food.
Anyway, my LL history : I started the year having decided I wouldn't bother with Weight Watchers this year, I was so fed up with hearing myself say - this year I'll do it, and blabbing on to my sisters about the meals I was going to make the exercise I was going to do etc.
I realised that wasn't going to happen, and I gave up, I decided I would be Fat Old Forty (one) and Ugly, FOFU. That thought used to echo round in my head and I could see myself getting older and fatter and just eating whatever I wanted until I died. I lost all ability to motivate myself and only moved from the sofa to get food which I then would scoff in secret. I wore my husbands huge undies as nothing else would go anywhere near my huge backside. Needless to say I was utterly miserable.
I was out having a birthday meal with my mother-in-law when her husband told me his daughter in law had been on a special diet and looked amazing, he had never seen her legs so thin. From that moment something clicked inside me and I wanted to do it.
He didn't know what it was called and got into huge trouble from my Mother-in-law for telling me about it when she had forbidden him as she thought it sounded dangerous.
I was so anxious to do it, I was surprised my husband was willing to allow me to do it knowing the cost, but our relationship was really sufferering with my size, and my low low misery.
I was really worried about everything, what it would be like trying to live without food, could I do it, would I even get accepted by a doctor, how would I get there etc. But on 18 April I finally made it to my first meeting.
From the moment I left the meeting I was saying to myself Just DO IT. And I did. I felt almost no motivation, no huge feelings, I just switched my focus onto LL and have not strayed.
I saw the journey in my head, Foundation, 2 to 3 months of Development then Management. I saw the summer months in my head, me going on holiday with my packs, me staying at my sisters with my packs, me going out for meals with my packs, me catering for parties and then having my packs etc.
In retrospect I think that this helped because when I came to these situations I followed through just doing what I imagined
I switched to a different counsellor for my last couple of weeks of Development and specifically to do Management because she had been a locum at two of our early meetings and had inspired me, she has completed LL and done management and just finished training. In fact I am the first to do management with her.
So on Wednesday night I reached my goal. I felt strangely calm and not elated. I think that is because to me my goal will come when I complete management, that has always been my focus. My LLC insisted I start this week as she is worried my BMI is getting too low! I never thought that would happen. But I feel comfortable on packs and very apprehensive about food.
But I got my books and treated myself to a black coffee at McDonalds to go through them in peace and quiet. Well ignoring the boy racers in the car park, the revving motorbikes and the arguing couples etc, it was much quieter than home!
I feel a bit self conscious doing a management thread, it is only my new self confidence and the thought that it may be of help to others who have managed to stay abstinent and don't want to go back on to food.
Anyway, my LL history : I started the year having decided I wouldn't bother with Weight Watchers this year, I was so fed up with hearing myself say - this year I'll do it, and blabbing on to my sisters about the meals I was going to make the exercise I was going to do etc.
I realised that wasn't going to happen, and I gave up, I decided I would be Fat Old Forty (one) and Ugly, FOFU. That thought used to echo round in my head and I could see myself getting older and fatter and just eating whatever I wanted until I died. I lost all ability to motivate myself and only moved from the sofa to get food which I then would scoff in secret. I wore my husbands huge undies as nothing else would go anywhere near my huge backside. Needless to say I was utterly miserable.
I was out having a birthday meal with my mother-in-law when her husband told me his daughter in law had been on a special diet and looked amazing, he had never seen her legs so thin. From that moment something clicked inside me and I wanted to do it.
He didn't know what it was called and got into huge trouble from my Mother-in-law for telling me about it when she had forbidden him as she thought it sounded dangerous.
I was so anxious to do it, I was surprised my husband was willing to allow me to do it knowing the cost, but our relationship was really sufferering with my size, and my low low misery.
I was really worried about everything, what it would be like trying to live without food, could I do it, would I even get accepted by a doctor, how would I get there etc. But on 18 April I finally made it to my first meeting.
From the moment I left the meeting I was saying to myself Just DO IT. And I did. I felt almost no motivation, no huge feelings, I just switched my focus onto LL and have not strayed.
I saw the journey in my head, Foundation, 2 to 3 months of Development then Management. I saw the summer months in my head, me going on holiday with my packs, me staying at my sisters with my packs, me going out for meals with my packs, me catering for parties and then having my packs etc.
In retrospect I think that this helped because when I came to these situations I followed through just doing what I imagined
I switched to a different counsellor for my last couple of weeks of Development and specifically to do Management because she had been a locum at two of our early meetings and had inspired me, she has completed LL and done management and just finished training. In fact I am the first to do management with her.
So on Wednesday night I reached my goal. I felt strangely calm and not elated. I think that is because to me my goal will come when I complete management, that has always been my focus. My LLC insisted I start this week as she is worried my BMI is getting too low! I never thought that would happen. But I feel comfortable on packs and very apprehensive about food.
But I got my books and treated myself to a black coffee at McDonalds to go through them in peace and quiet. Well ignoring the boy racers in the car park, the revving motorbikes and the arguing couples etc, it was much quieter than home!
