Just had a breakdown at work.

BrittW

BrittW

Timelord
Sorry, it's not normally like me to moan for nothing but i'm not feeling great at the moment.

I'm on Citalopram for anxiety and depression. I ran out of pills about 2 weeks ago but felt fine so didn't do anything about it. The past 4-5 days however, i've been horrible to be around.
I've been arguing with my OH for no reason. Bursting into tears and going mental at people for nothing. Not sleeping cause all i can think is that i'm going to die.

The problem is i can't just book a doctors appointment. I don't have any money left until the end of the month and if i take a morning off to go to the doctors i have to get a bus into work (I normally get a lift) and i simply don't have the bus fare.

I've called my doctors and left a message to see if i can get a repeat prescription so i'm waiting for a call back but i hate feeling like this. And i hate feeling like i'm going to need to be on pills for the rest of my life. :-(

It all started when i was 7 i think.
My brother died of cot death which then caused my dad to have an affair. My parents split up and my mum and i moved in with my nan and grandad. Then my uncle moved in.
And from the age of 12 one family member died a year, first Nan, then Uncle, then Grandad, then in 2005, my Mum. Leaving me orphaned and alone at 16.
I was put into a home and put on suicide watch as i just couldn't cope.
I'm 22 now and i'm not blaming everything wrong in my life on my family's untimely deaths but i had a very hard upbringing and the depression never seemed to lift.

I got engaged at a very young age and obviously it didn't work out. He left me 2 weeks before the wedding as he was having an affair. I had to move into a place on my own with no friends, no job, and rebuild my life. Again.

Now though, i have a wonderful man who I've been with for nearly 2 years, my house is on the market, i have a good job, great friends. But i'm still 'depressed' And i hate it.

Wow. I realise that's a bit TMI but i had to get it out and tell someone...
 
wow sounds like you have a lot on your plate to deal with. It is best to get medication ASAP to deal with your emotional side, can you borrow some of someone? your mental health is way more important then anything else.
I suffer from OCD and clinical depression and have got a CPN which has had a really benefit on my outlook and knowing their is support for me knowing there is someone there to talk to. It has made a hugh difference in my life and really greatful for it.
Stay positive you can get through this and remember all the good happy times in your life. Lots of love to you and take care of yourself!
 
Not TMI at all.

Depression is an illness and illnesses need treatment. You dont fix a broken leg by walking around on it and you dont fix depression by being incessantly cheerful, it just makes you fall harder when you do fall.

The docs should sort you a repeat script out - so thats one thing sorted, but I think given what you have been through, you should also look at perhaps seeking out some counselling via your GP.

It is very hard to understand unless you have been through it yourself exactly how destructive depression is. Even when you do get to a "happy" place, the self-destructive bit of you that the depression controls kicks in, makes you question the happiness, and I would bet in your case, gets you to the point where you destroy it because you dont DESERVE to be happy and besides which, it could just as easily be snatched away from you, so you might as well destroy it before it destroys you again.

No-one should have to go through as much as you have in one life time - but it does happen, we have major life events that do cause us pain and grief and damage us. For you, this happened during your formative years when you were learning all about what being a grown up means. And for you, that message was "you love someone and they hurt you, or they leave you". It is great that you have found your man, but now you have to get some help with working on you - so that you can reason with yourself when the negative kicks in - and that means having to relearn a whole bunch of stuff, and you should do that with professional support.

I always got the impression that you were just a bit TOO cheerful - and now I know why. I think I understand you a lot better now. I hope you dont mind me saying that, I know you appreciate honesty. But what you need to find is inner peace, and the medication and some other support, possibly some CBT and DEFINITELY some counselling will help you to find that, and for you to get to a place where things become easier for you.

You may never beat the depression, but you can take steps to control it, and how it affects you. At rock bottom, the only way is up. You dont like how you are feeling now, and can recognise that its not good for you or those around you. Thats great, because you will find the motivation to deal with it, and find a way forward.

Hugs Britt, and thankyou for the insight and honesty.
 
ilovelife said:
It is best to get medication ASAP to deal with your emotional side, can you borrow some of someone? your mental health is way more important then anything else.
Click to expand...

No, no, no! Prescriptions for antidepressants should not be shared, doctors clearly state this when you're prescribed them, even if they're the same as what you're taking. Besides, if you're taking meds of someone who is using them, they're going to be short at the end of the month. And it's likely you won't be on the same dose anyway.

Britt, you've done the right thing calling the doctors. They can get you a repeat prescription faxed to your local pharmacy. If you don't hear back from them soon I suggest you ring them again, ask to speak to someone and explain the situation. You should be able to get hold of something today.

You'll probably know this but once you start taking it again it'll take a good while for the citalopram to start working. Would it be possible for you to take any time off work? I know when my anxiety is heightened I can't stand to be around many people, I find I'm calmer if I stay in bed and take my mind off things with a few dvds. Don't beat yourself up about feeling this way, your emotions will be heightened from you coming off the medication so suddenly. Remember not to do it in future, you'll need to wean yourself off. I was all over the place when I came off my meds cold turkey, it's not a good thing to do.
 
Britt, I didn't want to read this & 'run'.

Sometimes it helps just to tell 'strangers' how you feel as they don't offer an opionion based on what they think you want to here. Everyone here is your 'virtual' friend & we will offer our opinon based on the information you have told us. I also think by just telling us how you are feeling, that in itself will have helped you a little.

My childhood wasn't the best, my parents split up when I was 6 which in the 70's wasn't as common as it is now as such so much of my childhood was dominated by the lack of money etc. My mum also suffered from depression & as the eldest child I felt responsible for her. But I didn't know any different & we managed.

However, about 15 years ago I too suffered from depression, what helped me deal with it a little was one of my neighbours situation, she was far more ill than I was & it just made me realise how lucky I was. I then bought a number of self help books (at this stage I was still depressed) and started reading them. Yes it took a while but I pulled through.

What I'm trying to say is you will find a way out of this, it will take time but evenutally the depressive state will become less & less frequent. But you do need to ask for help & realise you can't cope with this on your own.

Sending you lots of virtual hugs;)
 
again dont want to read and not post - i hope you take on board all the above advice - xxx sending you some love xxx
 
Hey hon, thanks for sharing, and I hope, in a funny way, you feel better for doing so. I hope the doc will get back to you soon, and I'm sure he'll be able to give you a repeat prescription.

You won't be on the pills forever. I've seen people on them for years, and when the time was right, stopped taking them, my mum being one. I suffered from depression after the birth of my first son and my grandad dying. I don't remember much of the first year of his life, but as soon as I talked about it, that cloud lifted a little and things looked clearer. I still get like that sometimes, but I never "allow" myself to get to that place again.

(((hugs)))
 
sorry meant money to pay for the repat proscription.

hastalavegan said:
No, no, no! Prescriptions for antidepressants should not be shared, doctors clearly state this when you're prescribed them, even if they're the same as what you're taking. Besides, if you're taking meds of someone who is using them, they're going to be short at the end of the month. And it's likely you won't be on the same dose anyway.

Britt, you've done the right thing calling the doctors. They can get you a repeat prescription faxed to your local pharmacy. If you don't hear back from them soon I suggest you ring them again, ask to speak to someone and explain the situation. You should be able to get hold of something today.

You'll probably know this but once you start taking it again it'll take a good while for the citalopram to start working. Would it be possible for you to take any time off work? I know when my anxiety is heightened I can't stand to be around many people, I find I'm calmer if I stay in bed and take my mind off things with a few dvds. Don't beat yourself up about feeling this way, your emotions will be heightened from you coming off the medication so suddenly. Remember not to do it in future, you'll need to wean yourself off. I was all over the place when I came off my meds cold turkey, it's not a good thing to do.
Click to expand...
 
Hey hunny....big hugs xxx
Depression and anxiety are not nice, and even worse when you start to feel your losing control. I really hope by now you have some more tablets, and can start getting them back into your system. You said that you dont want to stay on them for life, my best friend used to say exactly that, but after trying a few times to come off them he has decided that if thats what it takes to give him a settled life then so be it....But that has taken a lot of time, and a fair amount of counselling...He still gets down days but they are now few and far between.
Everyone is here to listen hun and sometimes a good rant is just whats needed x
 
Sweetie, depression is an illness. Work is work. If you had flu you'd take a day off and get the help you need to get well again.
Tomorrow phone in sick and go to the doctors. If they suggest extra time off to give your meds time to get going then take the sick note and blooming well take that time off. Your mental health is really important.

Beccy xx

PS If work ask for details re what is the matter with you when you phone in, just tell them that you'd rather discuss it after speaking to your GP and face to face with a trusted member of senior staff as it is personal.
 
I'm not going to pretend i know the answer or offer any advice because im totally useless at advice lol, but i think you are amazing - a real inspiration. I work in a dr's surgery, people have been on anti d's or w/e for years and years and they come off them. Same as people who have flare up's of other illnesses - its no different. You are fab!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
wow - i think you're really brave for sharing with us as it's such a sensitive issue - thing is by sharing as you have done you find that you are not alone, loads of us have suffered from depression in the past (including me). Get yourself a repeat prescription over the phone and get the tablets into your system. If the time is right sometime in the future for you to come off them then fine, if that doesn't happen and you don't feel able to come off them ask does it really matter??? Ok it might not be personal choice to stay on tablets but if they are helping you then isn't that more important. It's taken me years to come to terms with the whole tablet taking malarky but now I just think there are more important battles to tackle than that one. Don't be hard on yourself just take your own time to get well xx sending lots of cyber hugs xxxx
 
i have those breakdowns that your talking about..... i didnt actually realise that there was anything wrong with me until i started to breakdown quote often and didnt know what to do with myself.

I have a really loving OH who is always there for me and would move the sun the moon and earth for me ihave a lovely daughter and a home and mostly everything that i want.

I fall in and out of jobs though as i dont know what i want to do with my life and every now and again i have those break downs where i cry for no reason, think im dying, feel lost, low and insecure

my problem is everytime i book to go see my doctor i make up a diff excuse as to why im there. I feel stupid tryin to tell him there is something wrong with me as i dont know whats wrong with me if anything at all.

i have lots of good days and very little bad days so i just put it down to stress that i have these breakdowns.

I find that dieting and getting stuck into my excercise helps me to keep a clear head and when im doing this i dont have them
 
Oh Honey (((hugs)))
Just wanted to echo everyone elses advice and reassurances x

I have suffered bouts of depression through my life and the most important thing is to stay on your medication and come off it slowly no matter how good you feel, get an appointment and get back on it asap, Im sure someone could lend you a few quid.
Citalopram as you know is great but takes 2-3 weeks to start working properly so the sooner you get it into your system the better x

Hope you get it sorted today and if needs be take some time off work x
 
Wow.

I'm so overwhelmed by all your kind words, sharing and advice.

I did get a repeat prescription, i've got an appointment in a few weeks on a Saturday to see my doctor. I'm going to request to see a counselor too i think. I know i'll have a long wait.

I'm feeling a lot better today.
I went to my panto rehearsals last night to just take my mind off it and it worked.
I'm back on my pills today too so i'll just wait for them to do their thing.

Thank you again to everyone, you've made me realise that depression isn't a weakness. It's just how it is. And if these pills help me, then why should i be so hell bent on coming off them. I'll stop taking them when the time is right. Not when i force the time to be right, because i'm only doing more harm than good.

I can't change the past, i can't change who it has made me, but i can shape my future, i can change who i become.

Thank you so very much again.

xoxoxoxox
 
Glad you got a repeat prescription and couselling sounds like a great idea, I had 6 sessions when I first got diagnosed and it was good to just let out all the things that were haunting me, it helped ne see what I needed to tackle and what I needed to let go x

Being on ADs is nothing to be ashamed of and you should never push to come off them too early, if you were taking tablets for a physical condition you wouldnt dream of stopping them until it had gone so treat the ADs in the same way x

Hope they kick in quickly but until then take it easy and talk (in rl or on here) as much as you need/want to x
 
The problem with Anti-Depressants is that they mask the actual issue. This is NOT a criticism of them by the way before we start - they are exceptionally useful in terms of improving things - HOWEVER, after taking them for a while, and we start to feel better, we think "Oh, we are better!" and stop them, and as Britt has found to her detriment, this isnt always the case at all. Our symptoms ARE better than they were, no doubt, but removing the treatment can often cause us to revert straight back to how we were before, which is why they are often prescribed in combination with therapy, or exercise or other treatments. As a stand alone, they are good at managing the actual medical side of things, while being used, but if there are more in depth issues causing the depression to exist, then taking the tablets wont fix those, they will only improve the symptoms.
 
MadameLaMinx said:
The problem with Anti-Depressants is that they mask the actual issue. This is NOT a criticism of them by the way before we start - they are exceptionally useful in terms of improving things - HOWEVER, after taking them for a while, and we start to feel better, we think "Oh, we are better!" and stop them, and as Britt has found to her detriment, this isnt always the case at all. Our symptoms ARE better than they were, no doubt, but removing the treatment can often cause us to revert straight back to how we were before, which is why they are often prescribed in combination with therapy, or exercise or other treatments. As a stand alone, they are good at managing the actual medical side of things, while being used, but if there are more in depth issues causing the depression to exist, then taking the tablets wont fix those, they will only improve the symptoms.
Click to expand...
I totally agree with you on this one, counselling and maybe CBT is important, but dont expect a miracle cure from it, my partner has been having counselling for 2 years now and he still needs his tablets or the anxiety just takes over, it took him a long time to accept it but now he knows he is better of being stable rather than trying to cope
 
with cbt and meds, I have found it has made a huge difference but scared when the time comes when i come of them. Good luck your doing the right thing x
 
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