Just need to get it out..

[J.D]

Hiya, just need a bit of a rant really.

I'm 23 and I have 2 Daughters. They go to their Dads every Saturday and I like to go out with my bf or friends when I'm child free. Wether it be for a meal, cinema or a drink.

For a year now my parents have accused me of being on drugs, it's caused all sorts of arguments in the past. Unfortunately I have just had 2 bad weekends, the first being my bag getting stolen in a pub with my phone & only set of house keys inside, my parents flipped their lid, just because that's happened I'm on drugs! The weekend just gone, I was ready to leave for home and I nipped to the toilet before we left a pub and on my way out I got punched in the face by a random girl, think it was a mix up of people because I only went for a wee.. Instead of asking if I'm ok my mum gets all shi*** on Facebook putting up a status about me!

I already suffer with feeling low alot and their lack of support isn't helping. I've deleted my mum from Facebook because I'm meant be her child not the other way round!

My parents go abroad a lot and its always me covering their work as they have their own business, me looking after their house and 3 Akita dogs. My mums also had 3 unfortunate years where she broke her leg, had a blood clot & blocked artery, and now has angina. It's me who's had to get a babysitter & sat up the hospital for hours each time with her, I'm the youngest of 4! Surely if they thought I was taking illegal drugs I wouldn't be trusted to look after myself nevermind all their things while they go abroad.

Told them to find an agency worker and to put the dogs in kennels this time, I'm not doing it no more. Any money I owe to them can be sent through my bank because I've had enough of being treated like I've done something wrong all of the time. I said to my dad I will get a drug test if you like? His reply was "you can fake them can't you"

WT actual F???

I've lost friends over them taking mkat, cocaine etc.. But it's not for me, it's heartbreaking to be accused of something you have made an effort to stay away from. I'm a Mum, yeah I like to have fun on my one night a week off, what would they like me to do, sit home and twiddle my thumbs? I go out to socialise not to get off my head on drugs! It's going to be hard because my kids will ask to go to their house and I don't know what to say, I don't want to be there. I feel as if they are always judging me.

I wish I could afford drugs, but I certainly wouldn't spend money on them, it's hard enough trying to keep slimming world food in on a budget.. Like my friend said, I wouldn't have weight issues if I was on drugs "/

I'm starting an access to care course on Monday to work with elderly dementia patients and I'm taking my driving test in June.. I want to feel happy that my life is looking up after only doing odd jobs after having my eldest daughter at 17, but can't help feeling down & like a failure to my parents even though I've done nothing wrong.

I'm the complete opposite of what they think. My sister & brother have told them I'm not on drugs and they won't listen, I don't know what their problem is. My brother is the one who got them in loads of debt and had to pay off dealers £500 a month for him. I had my phone stolen, lent £80 to buy a new one and gave it her straight back!

I think because my brother is now married with a job it's my turn to get put down or something.

Arghh ANGRY! thanks for reading.

 

[*Emsie*]

Not sure what to say but didn't want to read and run. Do you live with them? If not then a bit of distance sounds like it would be good.
If you know you aren't taking drugs theres not much you can do to prove it to them by the sounds of it so let them get on with it x

 

[AnnaFaraday]

I think you need to tell yourself that you aren't doing anything wrong. You are young, you like to go out and have a good time with your friends while your children are being safely looked after by their father. Nothing wrong with that.

There were a couple of unfortunate incidents - sadly, these things happen more and more these days and they weren't your fauit. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Also, you are taking a course, and your driving test, losing weight, and moving on with your life, putting whatever happened in the past behind you. You are articulate and passionate, and come over as having a really strong character. I think you are going to make a success of whatever you put your mind to!

I don't know what is making your parents behave the way they are. It is irrational, and (worst sin in my book) unkind. Why would parents want to be so unkind to their child? No idea.

And there is nothing at all that you can do about it. You are not taking drugs, but you can't prove that. Impossible to prove a negative! You have told them they are wrong, and have had, as you say, countless arguments about it. This isn't working, is it? They aren't listening to you. You are caught up in an endless cycle of accusations and denials. It must be exhausting.

So what can you do? You can't change their minds, or their behaviour. But you can change your reactions. So - stop arguing, don't respond to their accusations. Don't tell them things that they can turn against you. If they mention drugs, just don't answer. If there is no reaction from you, they might even stop. But even if they don't, you won't be wasting time and energy on arguing.

I do hope that it all works out for you.

 

[J.D]

Thanks for the replies.


No I don't live with them I have lived on my own since I was 17. Makes it easier not to argue with them but also when my 3 & 6 year old are asking to go around its not nice. I know I'm their Daughter and they have done a lot for me but I'm always helping them out when they go on holiday or when my mums poorly, I don't understand why they have turned on me like they have.

I've suffered depression and had a hard time coping as a single mum sometimes and instead of helping they make me feel even worse. I just want to feel happy that I'm taking my driving test and that I could possibly have a new career but I don't think they will ever take any notice.

When my back door had to be kicked in because someone had stolen my keys, my dad had a go just because I had a few dishes on the kitchen side "its drugs that is!" Eff off I'm a single mum of 2, dishes are the least of my worries, my house 9/10 is spotless for having 2 kids running around. I forgot to put a few dishes in the dishwasher before I went out, whoopy do! Anything else they wanna make me feel crap about? I wish I could understand.

 

[AnnaFaraday]

. . . When my back door had to be kicked in because someone had stolen my keys, my dad had a go just because I had a few dishes on the kitchen side "its drugs that is!" . . . I wish I could understand.

Well, there is just no understanding a remark like that! If leaving a bit of washing up is a sign of drug taking I just hate to think what they would say about my kitchen!! Or about the clothes on the bed or the paperwork on the floor!! (I am not a tidy person, I have had meetings every day this week including a breakfast meeting this morning, and I have just started two separate research projects!)

What they are saying is just not rational and I think you should learn to ignore it. It makes no sense, so stop trying to make sense of it.

 

[J.D]

My mum txt me today about some money I owe her, could I drop it off.. Txt back saying I will bank transfer it in the morning. Then they drove past me on the school run, I didn't bother waving but told the kids it was nana and grandad but they missed them... I'll probably be talked about now for the kids not waving back but they didnt see them. Ah well. Got too much on at the moment to care what they think, they will crawl back to me first.

My dad hates Facebook with a passion & if he wants to ask why I don't go round I'll tell him exactly what my mum put about me and that I'm sick of him accusing me of being on drugs. And if they want to start I'll tell my dad about the rolling machine my mum bought to roll her own cigarettes in secret after she was meant to be cutting down & quitting "/ if anyone's got something to hide its her!

My dad goes on about having no family alive, that he wants us all to stay close then treat me like absolute dog crap!

Cuckooooooo!