Lily *will* be a loser in 2015!!!

[Lily]

Hello!

After saying never again - again - in 2014, here I am in 2015 changing my mind. Again... :8855:

I can't cope with being 17st any more. Enough is enough. I had a successful stint on Cambridge back in 2007/8 when I lost 5 and a half stone in 6 months. If I could do the same again over the next 6 months, I'd be over the moon. I've tried so many things over the last few years, all the while watching the pounds creep back on. I know that the really tough part is keeping the weight off, but right now,the prospect of losing at least 5 stones (hopefully more) at the sad rate of 1-2lbs a week (as would be right and proper, doing a conventional slimming plan) is too bleak a prospect to bear. :cry:

So I've put in an order for two weeks' worth of Lifestyle Plan, and I've told myself I'm doing this for at least one month. Hopefully my packs will arrive tomorrow, but I've already started cutting back today.

Here goes!

 

[Honey-J]

Hello Lilly you sound very positive which I really need to read right now. Just wishing you all the best on slim & save.

I will ill follow your progress.

 

[Sparkswillfly]

Good luck Lily!

 

[Lily]

Ooh, hello Honey-J and Sparkswillfly - thanks for dropping by, and for the good wishes xx

Morning Diary


It's Tuesday, yay! That means a lovely commute into London (commute just spellchecked itself to commit - there's a message in there, I'm sure ). But all the more time to write a post here.


Well, yesterday I ate nothing but SW quiche, LOL. For the uninitiated, that's egg, cottage cheese and assorted vegetables. It actually tastes a lot better than it sounds. For the first time in weeks, my tummy feels normal this morning, although - sorry to bring this up so early, early even for a VLCD diary - I believe I may be a little bunged up already. Egg. In hindsight, maybe not such a great idea. I did eat a big fistful of dried apricots last night though, so we'll see how things turn out today. Readers of my earlier diaries will understand my concern - I have a tendency to have what I call "funny do's" at very inopportune moments and locations. They've happened far less frequently since I discovered I was wheat intolerant (though that doesn't explain Tunagate - nothing could ever explain Tunagate... ).


Anyway, moving swiftly on (unlike my gut)... My S&S order should turn up today, which is good. I'm going to pop into Superdrug to pick up some LL Fast products to tide me over.


Big news - DS is starting a new job today, mainly data inputting student records, from what (little) I can gather, at his old school. This is bigger news than you might think, because he lasted all of 7 working days over Christmas in a picking and packing job that sounds on a par with doing a similar job at Amazon. By day 2, his greatest career aspiration was to acquire a job in which he was allowed to sit down. It turned out that standing up for 8 hours straight, after months of getting up at 3pm and spending the rest of the day pretending to look for jobs but actually playing computer games was quite tough on my 18-year-old's feet. By day 4 I had to buy him new shoes. So him having a new job - for which he can sit down - is excellent news.


All this on top of a last minute UCAS application - said packing job made him decide he might go to university after all. He's still not quite decided which uni's to pick, and the application has to be in by 18.00 on 15 Jan. Lucky me. I don't really want him to apply, as I know he doesn't really want to go, but for some reason, I can't talk him out of it. The only course he can really apply for is Acting/Drama (I tried to persuade him to do a HND in computing or something) and he hasn't acted in anything since last summer (school show - he was brilliant, but still...) and will have to audition to actually get into any of the universities he picks. And has he given any thought to audition pieces? Of course not.


Secretly, I'm hoping they make him feel welcome and wanted in this new job - so much so that he decides not to go to Uni after all. Is that wrong of me? Although we're not sure if this is actually a paid job or work experience, as DS didn't quite manage to ask. It came about when he went to see a show put on by this year's sixth formers, and it just happens that his old drama teacher is now Acting Principal and told him to get in touch if he wanted some work. Which he did, the day he walked out of his Picking and Packing job. There are glimmers of a grown up emerging from my boy - but only glimmers so far.


Ack. Children. They seem such a good idea at the time, don't they?

 

[MinnieMel]

Afternoon Lily!

That's great news on your son. He'll find himself. Help him get the application done, then work on an audition piece. Also, being at a school is nit a bad idea and he can look into teaching drama, as well as, performing. It's too bad he didn't do the Panto season. Next year!

Yay to VLCD (ish) commitment. I'm with you. I've been doing okay - not 100% but better than I have for AGES (since the move/unmove fiasco).

I'm desperate to see the Turner exhibit at the Tate Britain - any interest? I can meet up with you in the big city.

Have you been in the train station in Northampton? It was on the news non-stop a couple of days ago.

WATER WATER WATER - and, perhaps, a FitBit.

 

[Lily]

Afternoon Lily!

That's great news on your son. He'll find himself. Help him get the application done, then work on an audition piece. Also, being at a school is nit a bad idea and he can look into teaching drama, as well as, performing. It's too bad he didn't do the Panto season. Next year!

Yay to VLCD (ish) commitment. I'm with you. I've been doing okay - not 100% but better than I have for AGES (since the move/unmove fiasco).

I'm desperate to see the Turner exhibit at the Tate Britain - any interest? I can meet up with you in the big city.

Have you been in the train station in Northampton? It was on the news non-stop a couple of days ago.

WATER WATER WATER - and, perhaps, a FitBit.

Kate loves Turner. If I arranged to meet you there she'd probably want to come too!

No, mostly I go from Wellingborough these days but I know all about the Northampton cafuffle. Not been from N'ton in a while.

Re DS, yes, hopefully. It always has to be me that sorts these things out though! I get all the stress. And it's usually audition pieces (plural) which he won't let me see beforehand, so helping him is a battle of wills.

Day 1 ok. I've had 2 LL fast bars (that should sort out the egg problem! ) and my S&S order has apparently arrived, so all should be well. I'm just trying not to think too hard about how long I've got to keep going to see some results...

 

[MinnieMel]

Evening!

You should book tickets for you and Kate (it ends the 25th) and her meet up with you after work (if there is a late night) and do see it. Nice date date.

 

[Lily]

Morning all

Day 2 proper. Feeling ok-ish, though had to drug myself up to get rid of the headache last night (ah, ketosis, how I've missed you!). On the train again, of course. The plus side of this time around is that none of my work colleagues are likely to easily spot that I'm dieting - one, because my new colleagues are mostly men, and two, they're used to seeing me eat odd things as they now all know I can't do wheat. I like it that way - it takes the pressure off.

Still a smidgen of that headache this morning but it's bearable for now. Sam's set out for day two of his job/work experience (oh, I so hope it will eventually turn into paid work :cross - grumpier today because he says he didn't sleep well. I feel a bit mean making him walk down to school but it's not a huge distance (about a mile) and I don't want to set a precedent for getting him there on time. Besides, it clashes with getting me to the station.

I'm trying to decide whether I should just steer clear of the scales as far as possible - whether to do once a week or once a month even. Traditionally I've weighed in every day, but not this time, p'raps cos I can't bear to see those big numbers. I'll be very happy to wave goodbye to the 17s and 16s - I don't think I saw a 15 once last year.

This year will be different.

 

[MinnieMel]

Morning Lily,

Congrats on Day 2. The wheat thing is like the dairy thing - makes it tricky. I'm lucky my lactose issue isn't too severe - plus, I could take Lactaid before drinking a shake or having a soup and that'd ameliorate the situation. No pill for wheat issues.

If the current job doesn't turn into a paid position - the experience should help him get one. Does he not drive? And, can't your OH give him a lift when it's required?

I'm glad you're current co-workers are oblivious - makes it easier.

 

[Lily]

No, no such thing as Wheataid. I'm gutted, cos I love bread. It most assuredly does not love me, though.

And OH can't take DS to work - OH takes me to the station. it's that, or pay £9 a day in car park fees... If I could walk I would, but it's 5 miles to the station. Sam's school is less than a mile. It's good for him, right?

Good news on DS's job - it would seem he's done enough to have them ask him to work another day this week, and there was something about talking to the Principal about getting him some pay. Right now, I really don't care if it's much - I just want him gainfully employed. Abandoning the agency job means he's not entitled to JSA for at least 3 months, which is awful, considering it was only a temporary contract in the first place. No wonder Job Centre Plus want everyone to sign up for agencies - you'd practically forced to take the first crappy job there is, and once you do, you're off the books for anything up to 6 months. Unemployment is much higher than the figures would suggest. It's all a con. I wouldn't mind, but the tax I pay alone each month is far in excess of what DS would get in JSA. He was entitled to less anyway because my mother left him some money when she died 9 years ago.

Anyway, another day over. I had a piece of homemade fudge today (my colleague made it) but I refuse to stress about it - even with it, I'll only have had 704 calories today. Hardly a big deal!

This is the new improved Lily approach to a VLCD. I'm making the plan fit me this time.

 

[Lily]

Day 3, woohoo!

On a train (of course) but a bit later today, as my meeting's at a hotel in N London and doesn't start until 10.15.

Woke up with that "hit by a ton of bricks feeling" that signifies for me that I've hit the wonderful world of Ketosis. Ah, I'd almost forgotten how it felt. I then made the schoolgirl error of getting on the scales. For heaven's sake, what did I expect - that I'd have lost a stone in 3 days? Well, I've lost 3lbs, which I know is good. And it might've been 4lbs if I hadn't refilled my glycogen with that piece of home made fudge yesterday. MFP reckons there were 80 calories and something like 20g of carb in it. No biggie really, soon burnt off.

I have mixed feelings about the meeting, well, "event" I'm attending today. I'm not sure where I'd got up to on earlier diaries, but I had two changes of job last year - one in April and one in August. I'm ashamed to admit I got bullied by my new boss while doing the April to July job (ashamed because I'm 45 and should've seen it coming/handled it better) but as I'm actually a person who plays well with others I was rescued by an old friend who almost literally had to pick me up off the floor after a meeting with her, so I got out and into his team - fast. But the job I was doing between April and July was project managing to bring in some more people resource and spend some dosh on IT. And today is the first event for the people we've brought in. I've somehow become re-embroiled because my new job is on the periphery of all this, and my team's skills and expertise are still required to make the whole thing work. Which gives me weird, mixed up feelings to say the least. The biggest blessing is that evil boss (sorry, she was the worst kind - charming to those in power, belittler to those who made her look good) has retired. I think I'd be refusing point blank to go if she hadn't. But a good proportion of what is taking place today is a direct result of what I did to set the wheels in motion, of all the hard work I did (and she took the credit for). Yay.

I sometimes think it ain't surprising I'm fat...

 

[MinnieMel]

Morning,

It'll be interesting to see his things are progressing and to be able to watch your hard work come to fruition. Three pounds is fantastic! As I've not weighed I've got no set measure of my progress. I'm sure I will weigh eventually - I'm going by clothes and will probably take some measurements since Slim and Save has sent me TWO measuring tapes!

 

[Lily]

Morning,

It'll be interesting to see his things are progressing and to be able to watch your hard work come to fruition. Three pounds is fantastic! As I've not weighed I've got no set measure of my progress. I'm sure I will weigh eventually - I'm going by clothes and will probably take some measurements since Slim and Save has sent me TWO measuring tapes!

Interesting - close to the right word, I suppose. But everything I contributed has been airbrushed out of the picture, so I was bombarded with messages abut how wonderful it was that x, y and z had made this all possible. Grrr. I'm trying to care less, but the impossible takes longer. It all just leaves me weirdly unsettled. I almost had a meltdown on my new boss before Christmas because it became apparent I was going to have to get involved with it all again, when all I really want to do is close the door on that part of my life. Luckily he gets it, and has promised to reduce my exposure as far as possible, and to let him know if it gets too much. Sounds stupid, but I think the whole sorry affair has left me with a touch of PTSD. :ashamed0005:

Anyway, on my way home. One other thing discovered today is that said boss is doing Exante! He did LL a few years back and Atkins before that. So, no need to cover up what I'm doing from him!

 

[MinnieMel]

Evening,

That's cool. You have a VLCD work buddy.

Don't be ashamed - I'm pretty sure I've battled PTSD after a difficult situation. Took me years to get over it.

 

[Lily]

Woke up feeling terrible this morning - headache and tummy pain. Taken painkillers and tummy's now sorted (ish) but ack... Not what you need on a precious weekend. My fault for eating dried apricots last night (it worked - what did I expect? ).

Apricots, eh? Yes, I'm already taking liberties with the plan and I don't feel guilty about that. I would've done in the past. But it seems to be working out. I'm tracking everything in MFP and aiming to keep calories below 1,000 and carbs below 100g. That way, if I have to work away from home and lunch is catered I can actually eat with everyone else (most venues seem to be realising that not everyone wants carbs, carbs and more carbs at the lunch buffet). Of course, I'm not going to lose as quickly as I would if I was only having VLCD products, but I don't seem to lose that fast even if I do anymore - age, maybe? It takes the need to think out of the equation - most of the time I'll eat VLCD products but if I need a nibble desperately I'll eat something low in carbs n' cals. It's something I can do for the long term, and hopefully that's what successful dieting is all about. Either that or I'm deluding myself. :silly:

I'm the only one up so far. It's so quiet.

 

[Lily]

Woke up feeling terrible this morning - headache and tummy pain. Taken painkillers and tummy's now sorted (ish) but ack... Not what you need on a precious weekend. My fault for eating dried apricots last night (it worked - what did I expect? ).

Apricots, eh? Yes, I'm already taking liberties with the plan and I don't feel guilty about that. I would've done in the past. But it seems to be working out. I'm tracking everything in MFP and aiming to keep calories below 1,000 and carbs below 100g. That way, if I have to work away from home and lunch is catered I can actually eat with everyone else (most venues seem to be realising that not everyone wants carbs, carbs and more carbs at the lunch buffet). Of course, I'm not going to lose as quickly as I would if I was only having VLCD products, but I don't seem to lose that fast even if I do anymore - age, maybe? It takes the need to think out of the equation - most of the time I'll eat VLCD products but if I need a nibble desperately I'll eat something low in carbs n' cals. It's something I can do for the long term, and hopefully that's what successful dieting is all about. Either that or I'm deluding myself. :silly:

I'm the only one up so far. It's so quiet.

Hmm. Why is it that whenever I write something like that ^ it all goes pear-shaped?

Epic chocolate fail. That is all.

 

[Lily]

Another day.


Well, I woke up after my chocolate fail with the usual feeling of Binger's Remorse, followed by the equally familiar, "Stuff it, I'll just stay fat!" dialogue running through my head, followed by the "There must be another less painful way of doing this" refrain. Bah. I don't want to stay fat, and after many attempts to unearth the Holy Grail of dieting, I can with some authority state that there isn't an easier way. So back to the diet it is.


I had one of those nights where it appeared I was more awake than asleep, so I'm feel pretty damn wonderful this morning squashed on the train. Being squashed on the train is yet another reason why I've got to keep going. I don't bend on the middle very well in the moment, so once my bag's on the floor and some burly man is squished in beside me I can't move very much.


It's going to be a 5 day week in London this week, which is always a bit of a challenge. Another reason why I must lose weight... There are lots of them aren't there?


I couldn't face a shake this morning - too cold - so I've packed some packets for later. Soooo not in the mood for a Monday morning. I need another weekend!

 

[trisha]

Lily have you tried using the meal planner on S&S website rather than MFP? it tells you if you are still in ketosis and tracks your calories/carbs etc. There are also loads of recipe ideas. I have never eaten so much and been on a VLCD, I just have the packs at home, I'm doing lifestyle.

 

[Lily]

Lily have you tried using the meal planner on S&S website rather than MFP? it tells you if you are still in ketosis and tracks your calories/carbs etc. There are also loads of recipe ideas. I have never eaten so much and been on a VLCD, I just have the packs at home, I'm doing lifestyle.

Trisha, hello! :clap: :wavey:

My head's kind of going that way. Focussing more on the low carb thing rather than packets (though still having them where I can) could well be the answer.

The trouble with eating chocolate is that it seems to take a while to stop wanting to eat it again - I cracked again this evening, despite being perfectly on plan all day. So silly. Worse still, I'm not as cross with myself about that as I really ought to be. Or is it a good thing that I'm not beating myself up?

Thanks for stopping by xx. I'll try to pop along to your diary tomorrow!