Meal out, and i hated it!

[Aimee]

Just need to let some emotions out here

I went for a late birthday meal out with some family today and i wanted to enjoy it, but being nearly 22 stone and surrounded by beautiful slim girls, i absoloutly hated it. I could feel and see so many people looking at me with disgust, staring at the size of me. I just wanted to crawl away in a hole and die at that moment, it really hurt me. My bum hardly fitted on the chair, i was a sweaty fat mess, and urgh god, why isn't there a magic pill to make you slim the next day lol?

I'm struggling so much with trying to lose weight it's extremley hard while trying to fight depression and anxiety at the same time. To those who have lost weight and are happy with the size they are now, how did you find the willpower and keep it going? I look at photos of me at the size i am now and think "disgusting! i'll do something about that" while eating a big fat veggie burger and chips. I'm such a fat failing mess.

Sorry rant over, i'm just feeling sorry for myself, pathetic i know.

 

[Instant_Karma]

Just need to let some emotions out here

I went for a late birthday meal out with some family today and i wanted to enjoy it, but being nearly 22 stone and surrounded by beautiful slim girls, i absoloutly hated it. I could feel and see so many people looking at me with disgust, staring at the size of me. I just wanted to crawl away in a hole and die at that moment, it really hurt me. My bum hardly fitted on the chair, i was a sweaty fat mess, and urgh god, why isn't there a magic pill to make you slim the next day lol?

I'm struggling so much with trying to lose weight it's extremley hard while trying to fight depression and anxiety at the same time. To those who have lost weight and are happy with the size they are now, how did you find the willpower and keep it going? I look at photos of me at the size i am now and think "disgusting! i'll do something about that" while eating a big fat veggie burger and chips. I'm such a fat failing mess.

Sorry rant over, i'm just feeling sorry for myself, pathetic i know.

Hi Aimee,

I have felt like that ^ so many times, I completely empathise with your situation . I doubt your friends were staring in disgust, but I know it can sometimes feel that way and make you self-conscious. That feeling alone is enough to induce anxiety/depression I think! I have only recently started my weight loss regime (2 weeks ago) and I am nowhere near goal yet, but I know how hard it is and feel free to drop me a PM or something if you want to talk about anything . I find the best motivation to keep going is seeing some progress - even the smallest amount. It changes your attitude/food choices - e.g. "I worked so hard to lose that 3lbs this week, I did not do all that walking/swimming/cycling just to eat junk now and put it all back on!".

Make little targets for yourself, like in the April/May Challenge threads, and break it down so it doesn't feel like such a long weight loss journey. I have bought myself an expensive (by my standards ) size 14 evening dress, with the aim being to fit into it by the end of May. If I don't reach the goal, I will essentially have wasted £40!


Amy x

 

[slendablenda]

Hello Aimee
I can relate to how you felt. I was over 21 stone when I started LL. I used to enjoy going out for meals. Actually I now realise that I had come to rely on food and drink for all my comfort.
I would be in a restaurant and choose things from the menu because I knew it would be a big portion - at the same time feeling terrible and wondering if my bum would get out of the chair or if the waitress would be able to get past me.
I decided to do Lighter Life, which is total abstinence. It includes psychology alongside a very low calorie liquid diet. It took me a year to go from size 28/30 to size 8/10 and get to my goal of 10 stone.
My health and happiness have improved
immeasurably. If I told you all the ways life is better for me I would be here all day. The main things are my health is great. I feel good about myself. I can wear any clothes I like and jeans,and heels and boots. I have pretty sexy underwear, nothing digs in.
Last night I went out for a meal to celebrate a friend's birthday.I made sensible choices and had a great time. I wore a lacy black long jumper with leggings and high boots. I had to cut the white label out before I went because it showed through XS extra small !!!!!! It broke my heart.
I wasted 25 years being obese. You are young. Do something now, it sounds as though you are ready to. You'll feel great .It's not worth being unhappy over something you can control.
Good luck​

 

[breadbin]

aw sorry to hear that aimee you're defo not alone with them feelings of self disgust. instant_karma gave you some advice there with the small goals, which really do help. i know myself i am 19st and i really want to lose weight cos of the feeling i get sometimes when i think people are talking and sniggering about me so am trying the small goals. i do comfort eat too and can empathise with the veggie burger and chips thing!! i know what i have to do, i have thought about it so much but i still struggle to do it.

the depression and weight loss is a vicious circle to me, i feel my weight stops me from doing stuff like cycling, swimming etc. which in turn stops me from losing weight but i say find something that you enjoy doing. i promised myself i would never count calories but i am doing that now. that and a little bit of exercise will make the difference.

think about this if you cut out 200 calories a day from your diet (nothing really!!) and do an hour walk a day it adds up to a pound a week which is 4 stone a year!! i recommend this cos it doesn't change your diet so much to cause shock meaning you are more likely to stick with it.

also if your'r gonna start losing weight i'd start taking vitamins just in case too

soryr now you're feeling so bad about yourself but you have the bull by the horns now and again if you need to talk just post or pm i can empathise completely with you

 

[breadbin]

sorry bout double post but forgot to say if you keep a refill pad handy in the kitchen and write down everything you eat and work out the calories it helps alot with the motivation has done for me when i do it that is although sometimes i don't bother and that has its consequences too

 

[Aimee]

Thank you so much for your replys everyone! Well done on all your weight losses! Yesterday was such a bad night just another reminder of how fat i am at the moment. I'm off to a walk in hospital clinic today for headaches but they said on the phone they can also discuss my weight issues. Maybe this is the turning point? I hope so. thanks again everybody x

 

[hbooth22]

Aimee your post really got to me, as that is exactly how i feel, the few friend i have are slim, and so i dont go out due to always being 'the fat one'. i really hope you get the confidence you need, as no one deserves to feel how we do in public xx

 

[Mummoth]

hi Aimee, another one who can really sympathise with you. At my biggest I was 20st & always felt so embarrassed at size 26 when I was out with my much slimmer friends or family. I'd lost a bit, getting down to 19st 3lbs, last year, but then gave up. Last November I started cutting down a bit & exercising & lost almost a stone in 3 months, then 5 weeks ago I joined SW & have lost another 12lbs. It's made so much difference to my self esteem. I know I'm still fat, but that boost I've got from losing almost 2 stone is fantastic. I'm in size 22s, am still bigger than my friends, but it just feels good to be going in the right direction. I recommend SW if you're a big eater (as I am) as there's always something you can eat. And not just a couple of lettuce leaves either!

Whatever you decide, do it now, while you're young. And above all, learn to like the person you are now. You are so much more than what your scales say.

 

[florabell]

Hi Aimee

I can really empathise with what you're saying. I'm a similar weight and have battled depression for years.

A month ago, I started doing WW myself at home and have lost a stone. I've stuck to it 100%, better than I've ever done, and you know why? I finally got the right treatment for my depression and did a lot of work on the issues in my head. I also read The Beck Diet Solution. Now I feel I understand what drove me to eat, I don't eat half as much! I've still got a looooooong way to go but for the first time I believe I'm going to get there.

I'm telling you this cos I really believe that until we sort out our head issues we won't get anywhere.

Also, I see from your bio that you're not sure which diet to do. I'm maybe biased but why not try WW? Then you could save up your Points and you could still enjoy your veggie burger and chips! Tonight I am going to enjoy half an Easter egg
which I have saved up for :17729:

I really wish you all the best and please feel free to PM if you want to talk about anything xo

 

[judith55]

Hi Aimee. Your post could have been written by me! The only difference is that some years ago my sister commented in front of the whole table in a restaurant that I always kept eating long after everyone else had finished (we were eating in an Indian where the food was all in bowls for everyone to share). I was so embarrassed although I laughed it off at the time. I realised afterwards that she was embarrassed in front of her friends and couldn't help herself. So now I do anything not to overeat in front of others including eating before I go out! I still feel that everyone is watching every morsal that passes my lips, judging me for eating anything.

I would echo what florabell says about picking a diet. Being depressed can mean being unable to think about food and that is when the structure of a diet can help. Especially as most diets have some form of low cal/free foods you can have without too much guilt. Alternatively a sole source diet can mean you don't need to think about food at all, although these can be too expensive for a lot of us. I'm using Slimfast as this takes care of two meals a day and if I use a ready meal I don't have to do any planning/cooking/preparing when I'm really down.

Hope you are feeling better soon - keep posting as I find this helps a lot. xx

 

[hbooth22]

i cant believe how many people also feel like this, it is such a lonely feeling, especially if you have lots of slim friends and family. thats why i love this site as you can come on here feeling really lonely and by the time you log off you know there are other people it the same situation x

 

[rugbykirsty87]

I too feel the same, infact eating in public is a phobia of mine. I am trying to get round the phobia but it is so hard somtimes. When I was bigger I would avoid every social situation possible that involved food, even if it ment turning up late to a party, or hiding in the toilets or having to 'make a phone call' if the food was being served after i had showed up. I still do now, sit in the corner of a restuarnt, order what I want and thats it.I hate being sat somewhere thats in full view of everyone else.
I am trying to combat my fears, by going out for a birthday meal, with a few friends.I have though asked for only them and not their partners,as im just not confident enough eating infront of everyone yet .x

 

[hchappyh]

Well, not sure where to start...as I too feel the same. Something that has helped me to stay motivated is getting a glass jar. Every time I loose 1lb I put £1 in the jar, that way when I've lost enough weight to buy clothes, I've already got the money! Likewise, if I put on a lb, I take it out of the jar - seeing the money grow really does help me - it's a visual thing. When I loose a stone, I then add in a bit extra just for good measure!

Doing Go Lower also helps as my meals are taken care of, so I don't have to think about what I'm going to eat - it's just there ready for me when I want it! I used to do SW and WW, and kept the fridge full of carrots, peppers, celery, cucumber and fruit etc already chopped up and ready to eat so when I felt hungry/peckish it's already and again didn't have to think about what I wanted...it does help to be prepared.

I had a discussion at a dinner table with a load of friends about 1yr ago....apparently no-one really noticed that I was/am obese and fat. It was just me! And people staring and thinking how grotesque I was/am, all in my head! So my close friends told me! Believe what you like....I often wonder whether my own insecurities are really in my head and my problem! Who knows.

Good luck with everything and we are all here to help, motivate and comfort.
xx

 

[Aimee]

Wow, i didn't expect so many replys! Thank you everyone. Although it's horrible to go through, it's nice to know you're not alone and there are people out there willing to support you. Thank you so much.

 

[hchappyh]

Your welcome Aimee, that's what we are all here for.

Good luck and keep motivated.
xx