Allan G
Gold Member
As these forums are dominated by females, i will let you in to a few mens secrets, as we are simple beings who like an easy life 
1, Learn to work the toilet seat, you`re a big girl now, if it`s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down, you dont hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2, Sunday = Sports, it`s like the full moon or changing of the tides, Let it be, Shopping is not a sport, and no we are never going to think of it that way.
3, Crying is Blackmail.
4, Ask for what you want, Let us be clear on this one, Subtle hints DO NOT WORK! Strong hints DO NOT WORK, Obvious hints DO NOT WORK, Just say what you mean.
5, YES and NO are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question you ask.
6, Sympathy is what Girlfriends are for.
7, A headache that lasts a week is a problem, Go and see a Doctor.
8, Anything said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after a week.
9,If you think your BUM looks big in trousers, it probably is, so dont ask.
10, If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
11, you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both, if you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
12, Whenever possible please say whatever you have to say during the advert breaks.
13, Christopher Columbus did not require directions and neither do we.
14, All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is.
15, If it itches, it will be scratched, We men do that.
16, If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. we know you are lying, but it`s not worth the hassle.
17, when we go out for the evening, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Honsetly.
18, Dont ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, FOOTBALL, CRICKET, or wether to go to the pub.
19, YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH CLOTHES.
20, YOU HAVE FAR TOO MANY SHOES.
21, I am in shape, round is a shape.
22, No i`m not going window shopping, it is not a passtime.
23, Sleeping on the sofa is not a punishment, men really dont mind, it`s just like camping.
I hope this has cleared up a few things, men like the simple things in life - WOMEN
1, Learn to work the toilet seat, you`re a big girl now, if it`s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down, you dont hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2, Sunday = Sports, it`s like the full moon or changing of the tides, Let it be, Shopping is not a sport, and no we are never going to think of it that way.
3, Crying is Blackmail.
4, Ask for what you want, Let us be clear on this one, Subtle hints DO NOT WORK! Strong hints DO NOT WORK, Obvious hints DO NOT WORK, Just say what you mean.
5, YES and NO are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question you ask.
6, Sympathy is what Girlfriends are for.
7, A headache that lasts a week is a problem, Go and see a Doctor.
8, Anything said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after a week.
9,If you think your BUM looks big in trousers, it probably is, so dont ask.
10, If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
11, you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both, if you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
12, Whenever possible please say whatever you have to say during the advert breaks.
13, Christopher Columbus did not require directions and neither do we.
14, All men see in only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is.
15, If it itches, it will be scratched, We men do that.
16, If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. we know you are lying, but it`s not worth the hassle.
17, when we go out for the evening, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Honsetly.
18, Dont ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, FOOTBALL, CRICKET, or wether to go to the pub.
19, YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH CLOTHES.
20, YOU HAVE FAR TOO MANY SHOES.
21, I am in shape, round is a shape.
22, No i`m not going window shopping, it is not a passtime.
23, Sleeping on the sofa is not a punishment, men really dont mind, it`s just like camping.
I hope this has cleared up a few things, men like the simple things in life - WOMEN
