Mini rant/a little upset

[BlodynAur]

First of all, I don't want to call this a rant because I feel bad for doing so (you'll see in a minute why) but I don't know what else to call it. I also didn't know who/what else to turn to except here because I can't talk to my family about this, I have no friends who I'd mention this kind of thing to and although my boyfriend is very supportive, I don't think he fully understands since he's always been so skinny.

So, as a little back story I've been gradually gaining weight for years (I'm nearly 20) but in the past couple of years, I've gained much quicker. My Granddad has been really ill recently and has actually lost movement in his legs. He's also started to ramble and he's never too sure what's going on.

Anyway, I don't see him very often because I'm away at university, but I'm home for Summer now so I went to visit him with my family. As we were saying goodbye, he said to us to enjoy our holiday, don't get too drunk etc etc. Then he said to not let me eat too much. Everyone kind of ignored it, but he said again 'she eat too much already, make sure she doesn't eat more. she needs to lose weight'. I laughed it off and mam turned to me and gave me a 'ignore him, you've been doing well' and a nice wink and my grandma just said 'oh let her be, it's her holiday, the girl deserves a break'. And then we got on with goodbyes and left - no one mentioned it afterwards.

Okay, so I know my granddad is ill and I know his head's not in the right place, but it means he's just saying things without realising. Of course, that means he's telling the truth, that I need to eat less, great. I felt awful in the car on the way home. I felt like starving myself, I felt like pigging out. I felt like I have no idea what to do next. I also felt so so bad for being angry at him in my head. I know he'd have never said anything like this when he wasn't ill, but I can't help but just feel crap. I love him to bits, but when he says things like that, I can't help but think angry things. Arghh I'm trying to lose weight for god sake!! sjgjsgsoarhgeur9e mdfg

Sorry, I just needed to let all that out somewhere...

 

[Mini]

You don't need to feel guilty for being a bit annoyed at him as they are your feelings, it is a natural reaction to an unhelpful suggestion...your reaction is how you feel and there is no right or wrong about it...at the same you also know he loves you and that he is unwell and that deep down he cares for you.

Please don't starve yourself as that is only going to make things worse and you will probably end up over eating.

The beauty of the Slimming World plan is that you can eat a lot and feel satisfied and still lose weight.

As your Mum has said you are doing well...which voice in your head do you want to listen to... the negative or the positive one?

It is your choice.

Just think this time next year you could be wearing that 'new Little Black Dress in a size 12'

 

[Jeanne Von Buttonpopper]

Hi, I hope you are feeling a little better today. I'm sorry to hear the visit to see your Grandad didn't run smoothly and you felt upset by his comments. Clearly, you love him to bits otherwise his comments wouldn't have hurt so much. As you said, he didn't mean to be rude or offensive, he has just blurted this out 'off the cuff' without any real thought as he has not been feeling 100% himself. However, I think at the heart of these comments is his desire for you to be happy, and perhaps he thinks that his advice is helping you to achieve that goal. The last thing he would want would be to upset you.

I think your reaction is perfectly normal and nothing to feel guilty about, but perhaps you could turn this around. For a lot of us it is a comment someone made or a picture we saw of ourselves that was our turning point and the thing that keeps us motivated along the way. Maybe you could think, Grandad I didn't like what you said, but do you know what, no one will be able to say anything like this to me again because this is where I take control and start losing weight and get positive comments about how good I look and how well I am doing.

I would try very hard to move on from this, set yourself some mini goals and get cracking and then go visit your grandad again as soon as possible.

Good luck with everything

 

[meadowbankles]

Aaaaargh! Old people! Please don't take his comments to heart, it seems when some people reach a certain age they think it's perfectly acceptable to say whatever they want without it entering their head how hurtful it can be.
"Oooh, aren't you fat?"
"Gosh, you're looking a bit like a beach ball, aren't you, we'll be able to roll you down the street soon."
"Everybody look at our Lesley, do you think she's getting a bit tubby these days?"
This is just a handful of the comments I've been on the receiving end of and that have reduced me to floods of tears and impotent rage.
I hope your rant on here has helped you to get if off your chest. Crack on with Slimming World, you'll get there xxx

 

[Reander]

I know it's easier said than done, but don't take him comments to heart too much. You're already making positive changes to lose weight and IMO that's the hardest bit!

I've been on the receiving end of a few of these comments too, and always from my grandma who has no filter between her brain and her mouth. Just this weekend she poked me in the belly and told me I need to keep losing weight... Thanks for that helpful hint Another weekend she offered me a biscuit, I had one solitary biscuit: 'are you sure you should be eating that?' Yes i'm sure. If I want a biscuit, i'll have a blooming biscuit! lol.

I think there is probably always going to be a comment like that here and there, and I think it's kind of human nature to hear the negative comments over the positive ones but I bet there are actually a lot more positive comments!

 

[Hippopotamum]

Call it a vent, this is a great place to vent!

You know he wouldn't upset you on purpose, and it wasn't really 'him' talking, but it doesn't hurt any less. It's like when a small child says something about your weight, they are simply observing, but it can still be really hurtful. However, you're angry with the words, not the person, so try not to feel guilty that you're angry.

When you're an emotional eater it's really hard to channel the emotions/feelings elsewhere, but if you can in future, try to use it in your favour. Maybe do a workout, or a brisk walk, walk off the anger and by the time you're back you don't want to ruin your efforts with eating rubbish. And don't even consider starving yourself! :nono:

You are doing really well, try to focus on that and where you want to be, and not on the negatives. The majority of weight loss is in the mind and positive thinking is vital, so stay positive and keep up the good work. x

 

[AnnaFaraday]

. . . . . He's also started to ramble and he's never too sure what's going on.

. . . .

I hope that I am wrong, but this sounds rather like the beginnings of some form of dementia. If that is the case, then the sad truth is that you are going to have to get used to a great many changes in his behaviour, especially in the things he says. It is understandable that you were upset, because this is not what you have been used to.

I recently spent some time with an advanced dementia sufferer - I had been rather dreading it, but in fact it was fine. His family had made the conscious decision to simply agree with everything he says, and not to contradict, or tell him anything upsetting. He only lives in this moment - he can't remember anything from more than a minute or two ago (although the distant past is clear as a bell!) and yet he is perfectly happy in the moment he is in, which is all he knows. His wife had to reintroduce me to him several times during the day, and tell him my name, and each time it was as if he had never seen me before. Once I got used to this, it was fine.

And if you can keep this moment happy, he will be happy. He would probably be devastated to know that he upset you, so don't let him know, whatever you do.

 

[BlodynAur]

Thank you everyone for all the lovely words - I'm glad I chose to come here to vent (it really is the perfect word!!) and I definitely feel better. As some of you have said, it's something I suppose I'll have to get used to and I am on the right track now anyway. Maybe one day he'll comment on my weight loss!!

 

[pavschick]

I had the same experience last week on the phone with an elderly aunt I'm very close too. She is as sharp as a knife so dotage isn't an excuse. My daughter and a few of my siblings are doing slimming world and are have had great success and she remarked on this. Followed up by the remark except me who loses weight but puts twice as much back on. I don't know where her eyes are I'm 2 stone lighter than I was last year and now able to wear clothes in my wardrobe that I haven't for 10 years! I live abroad half of the year so she only sees me every 3 months. But will she tell me I look fantastic when she sees me next week no way. My husband thinks I'm looking fabulous and I feel happy and confident but in the instance of her hurtful remark I wanted to punch her. So keep going prove them wrong this is for you not them. Good luck with your on going journey xxxx

 

[BlodynAur]

Thank you! I suppose there will always be people like that. Congratulations, you've done so well - definitely ignore hurtful comments and just keep going! Xxx

 

[sareypoop]

I get this from my nan all the time. She put her hand on my tummy the other day and asked me if i'm still trying to lose weight'. I've lost 2 and a half stone...

 

[BlodynAur]

I hope I don't start saying things like all this when I'm older... Then again, when I lose all the weight I need to, I bloody hope I won't forget how hard it was to do it all!! Well done on your weight loss by the way

 

[Gwella]

You are doing well and already making changes, but probably your granddad isn't 'with it' enough to have realised that. If he knew you were changing already he would probably be proud of you. It sounds like he's not one of those 'spiteful old people' that some people mention - more that he's probably a lovely man as you love him so much, and dementia-type symptoms are making things come across wrong. I'm sure he only has your best interests at heart. I think sometimes as people get older they do worry about the younger generation!

 

[bethlow23]

It can be really frustrating when someone puts you down, but you've decided to lose weight and that's an amazing start! Every pound or even half a pound off is a success, and you should be proud of what you've achieved so far because even half a pound off is less than you were the week before. Don't forget to stay focused and motivated because think of how proud you will be at the end of your journey! If I ever feel down or have a bad day I look at the success stories on the SW website or in the magazine and usually that lifts my mood (and curbs any urge to binge eat some chocolate biscuits!)

Continue to keep up the good work and don't forget you're doing this for you and nobody else xx