Aw it can be so hard to make new friends when you move. Have you moved a long way? Its also very hard to meet new people when you don't have a lot of dosh, so many things cost a fortune.
Its weird you say you aren't very present or engaging. I have only been on this forum a few days but you jumped out at me as someone lovely, caring and helpful, very easy to talk to. Its easier online though, isn't it? I find it far easier to chat to people online than in the real world.
I had to take redundancy about 15 months ago due to some serious and ongoing health problems. I only worked 9 hrs a week but they were spread across the week and kept me pretty busy but since i left my world has shrunk and shrunk and my best friend of 16 years has been gradually withdrawing from me since around October last year. I dont feel i can address it with her as i know her very well and she will just get cross and deny it then draw back even more. We used to see each other about 3 or 4 times a week and now its more like once every 2 or 3 weeks. I think she has just grown away from me and is far more friendly now with 3 other women who are all part of couples like she is. I am single.
My old work mates dropped me when i took redundancy and i just feel i have nothing of interest to say so its no surprise friends dont want to see me. God sorry, i am sounding VERY sorry for myself here!
Ooh what pets have you got? I have 2 cats, both a bit bonkers!
I've moved about 130 miles (Kent to Norfolk). Not that I had many friends in Kent either! I've lived in lots of different parts of the UK - London, Hampshire, Cumbria, Dorset - and it seems the older you get, the harder it is to meet people. A lot of people my age are settling down and starting to have families, so it's becoming increasingly difficult to find people who have the time or inclination to go hiking at weekends or to the cinema on a Tuesday night etc. I've never been into drinking and the pub/club/bar scene, so that reduces the chances of meeting people spontaneously. I don't mind whether my friends are 18 or 80, but it seems that everyone I meet already has a full social life.
Thanks for the compliments you wrote about me. That's really kind. I try to make time for everyone on the board, especially new posters, because you never know what's going on in the background of their life and this might be the only place to which they can turn for friendship and support. Some message boards can seem a bit cliquey and posting is frightening. If you don't get the response you want, it can really trigger feelings of low self-worth. In my experience, a lot of dieters already have low opinions of themselves so they don't need petty forum politics to stick the boot in. There's a "room" on this board called WeMITT (WE Really Mean It This Time), dedicated to people who have significant amounts of weight to lose. When I joined the forum I posted a message on there, chatting about how much I had to lose and how I was feeling. Zero responses! It didn't feel good, especially as I can see them all chatting on each other's threads and replying to other newbies. I don't know if my message was plain boring or what. But if you see the view rate go up and yet you get no responses, if you're already socially conscious and concerned about how you come across, that kind of thing can be really damaging. I tried posting on other people's threads too but I seemed to get tumbleweeds. I'm over it now - I'm sure they're nice people, they just didn't take to me - but it felt very personal at the time. I just don't ever want to be the person who makes someone feel like that. Life is hard and lonely enough, so I'll gladly be anyone's companion or sounding board.
I'm sorry about your redundancy. Has your health improved at all? I can't understand why your friend would draw away when you probably need her most. It's particularly tough that she's favouring attached friends too. Did she work at the same place as you? Last year my best friend, with whom I had lived for 7 years, met a man and three months later decided to move in with him. I expected things to change once they got together but she completely shut down. I had been the most important person in her life for years - we were like sisters - and as soon as this guy came on the scene she just didn't want to know me. I'm not sure if I embarrassed her, or if she felt our closeness was a hindrance to him, but whatever the reason she simply stopped talking to me and including me in her life. Very weird and alienating after 17 years of friendship. When my friend moved out, rather than tell me, she actually disappeared in the night. She took all her belongings and left a note which basically said "I've hated you for the entire time we've lived together and here's why..." then proceeded to write four pages of character assassination. Some of her points were genuine flaws of mine, some were misconstrued opinions about conversations we'd had many years ago, and some accusations were flat out wrong and unthinkable. It was soul-spearing. My confidence hit rock bottom. Fortunately I had my other friends on standby to suggest that she'd written those nasty things to take the blame off her for doing something so cowardly and cruel and to absolve her of any guilt. Her new relationship really changed her and, from experience, I know she can't juggle two close relationships at one time, and ours was the one to be sacrificed. We'd been friends for half my life so it was deeply shocking. It's a year later and I'm only just starting to see that her words aren't true and that I'm not the person she painted me to be simply because her actions needed a villain to justify them. It's the worst feeling in the world when someone deserts you like that. Particularly as we're always told "partners come and go, whereas friends are forever" and "friends are the family you choose" etc. It's the ultimate rejection, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. The only consolation is that you're better than her and you deserve more. Eventually you'll find it.
I have cats too, but there are five of them! I'm very much into animal welfare etc and I've volunteered with several rescues, hence the five. My former flatmate (the one in the paragraph above) and I adopted them together, and it was easier to look after them with the two of us. Easier both practically but also financially. I was very concerned when my friend left that I would have to give up the cats, through not being able to afford their living costs or through being unable to find a rental property that allows cats. That's how I ended up in Norfolk: property is reasonably priced and they let me bring all the animals! My life would be financially richer without the cats but emotionally much poorer. They're great company and, even though we live on what feels like a fiscal cliff edge (I'm also repaying debts that my friend and I accrued under my name... lesson painfully learnt...), we get by. I've had someone I love walk out on me: I'm not doing the same to my furry family!
