Negative Self Image

[natpot]

Having done a bit of reading recently I have realised that I am fat because of the way I feel about myself and that I do not hate myself (just) because I am fat. (I inserted the just because now it has become yet another thing to beat myself over the head with on my journey of self-destruction.)

Although there have been a few tough 'life-changers' in my past, I have not had a harder life than anyone else out there and have definitely had a much luckier life than many others. So why do I keep on thinking I am a failure and destined to fail at everything I attempt? Is this negative self-image the reason why everything is destined to fail or is there a part of me which just is unable to finish something I have started?

I don't really know where I am going with this other than to say that I have begun to realise that some of my perceptions of failure are not valid and neither are a lot of my opinions about myself. I really do believe I/we need to learn to love/accept/cherish ourselves before we can expect anyone else to.

 

[Big-Pudding]

Not too sure if I am going in the right way you are thinking either but I shall have a go

I know that the majority of problems of mine go down to my weight issue. At 5"5' I weigh a whopping 18 stone.
I feel a failure with how I bring my children up, I dont have the energy to run around with them or sit and play for hours or hours at anything strenuous(although my energy levels have picked up on this diet). I dont go out with friends anymore unless its a night out at bingo as all my friends are stunning-I would show them up with how I look! Therefore I am a bit of a social freak-spending 99% of my time glued to my husband and kids!
I feel a failure in my marriage, I cook and clean for him but I dont feel sexy anymore so that hampers the sexual side of things. He cn tell I am not confident so neither of us enjoy sex as often as we should.
I was fine until I hit my 20's. I was confident, had a good figure(although at the time I though I was fat! I was a 14) and an amazing social life. Then at 21 I had my older twins who are now 3 and then at 23 I had my baby twins who are now 16 months, taking me up to 5 small kids(elder beautiful son who is now 7). I turned into a social leper and all I had to fill my days with were nappies, baby sick, bottles and food!
I can eat an obscene amount of food-twice as much as my 6"2' 16 stone hubby. I eat and eat until I feel sick!

This is where my problems boil down to-if I was slim I would have more energy for my kids, if I was slim I would go out more, if I was slim I would be more adventerous with my hubby lol

Its all about getting your mind in the right place. Never realised it before but now I do. Weight is the core of my problems and therefore I am more determined than ever to lose the weigh!

Good luck in your journey through life honey

 

[Big-Pudding]

How old fashioned do I sound with regards to the hubby!!! "I cook nd clean for him" lmao!!!
What I meant was-I am an ok wifey, I love him and do lots for him-not ll bad I suppose

 

[garcia24]

im just fat becaues i love my food!!

 

[mags1x]

Its not so much to do with life experience now... a lot of it can lie in your past, even though its forgotten. Lighterlife is great with this stuff, trying to work out our problems etc. There are things I have remembered and noticed about myself I don't think I ever would have discovered if I hadn't done this.

You guys are not a failure at all!!

One of the things they told us at the beginning was the subconscious only believes what it hears, therefore if you are always putting yourself down you will never feel good about yourself. Try saying something nice 10 times when you get up in the morning, even if its something like 'I am a nice person' it should add up, it sounds daft but it can help.

Another thing they encouraged us to do is to start and write down our achievements, no matter how small. Even if its just I started work on time today, or I stuck to the diet today. These maybe things we 'should' do anyway but that doesn't mean they are not achievements. The way she put it was, if you didn't get to work on time would you consider it a failure? If the answer is yes then to make it is an achievement.

Theres loads of things you can list as achievements they may all sound mundane to yourself, but that doesn't lessen them. After all what would happen if no one did the washing? collected the kids? finished the painting? the list can be endless.

Think well of yourselves ladies, I KNOW you are worth it!

Mags
xxx

 

[Diva]

This is a great discussion, guys, and certainly gives the varying perspectives on why we overeat.

Hope you don't mind but I am going to move this into the Bring Your Head Inside forum so that other members can see it and take part in the discussion as well. This the sort of discussion that makes a real difference to how we conduct our weight loss journey's...

 

[pandora]

i certainly have low self esteem, now whether that is because of my weight or why i put on weight i'm not sure.
i may come across as being bubbly & outgoing,but that's just a front. I concider myself quite plain, although i do try to make myself look nice. after having been to Portsmouth this weekend some of my new friends have posted about me being beautiful, but i'm sorry i just can't see it at all.
Will i feel more favourable about the way i look when i've lost the weight ? i really don't know but i can't see a massive shift in the way i think happening.

 

[KD]

Personally, I don't think I look any better, but that was never the issue for me. I just wanted to feel better....more healthy...move easily and get less tired. That I've achieved.

I look at before and after pictures on here and people are so beautiful. I think they are beautiful when they are big and smaller I can see their size has changed, but all I can think about is how much better they must feel. I'm aware that I'm not beautiful. I will never be attractive whatever size I am. To be honest, it's not something that bothers me too much. I am the way I look because I am me.

When I was big I was bubbly and now I'm slimmer I'm bubbly. The whole lot is an act though. I haven't changed. Should I have? I dunno.

As for the self esteem. I guess I don't have any at all I am social inept but probably don't come over that way most of the time as I've tried to learn what is expected of me...how I'm supposed to be. It's not natural and I know I make booboos a lot of the time. Still....I try

People perceive me in very different ways. I'm a different person depending on who I'm with. One set of friends think I'm incredibly shy. Another think I'm very outgoing. All think I need my head tested

So does it matter if you have low self esteem? Does it really? To be honest, it doesn't bother me a huge amount. I know...I reckon I must have skewed thinking or something, but somehow I feel that there are more problems around than how I feel about myself. Okay...that sounds weird.

Refer back to the sentence 'friends think I need my head testing'

 

[sonkie]

Well I always avoided mirrors as they showed me how big I really was.....I thought if I avoided them I could delude myself and kept thinking I was smaller than I was.
Did anyone else behave like this ?

Though when it came to buying clothes reality hit home as it was 32/34 if I was lucky....some where 36

 

[MadamDotty]

It's a very complex issue and although I felt better about myself having lost weight and felt proud of my achievement, I don't know, that deep down it really changed the way I felt about myself. However, I do suffer with depression and often have a very skewed take on life & how I see myself & others so I might not be the best person to give an opinion

A lot of things, go a lot, lot deeper and it's amazing how much "baggage" we can carry around with us, things that you think you've forgotten tend to hang around for a long long time if we're not careful & can shape how we see/feel about ourselves.

The bottom line is that we're not failures, yes there's always someone we can look up to, enviously or admiringly and think - oh compared to them I'm rubbish, but always bear in mind there IS someone doing that to you too.

 

[MadamDotty]

Well I always avoided mirrors as they showed me how big I really was.....I thought if I avoided them I could delude myself and kept thinking I was smaller than I was.
Did anyone else behave like this ?

Though when it came to buying clothes reality hit home as it was 32/34 if I was lucky....some where 36

I always thought I was smaller than I was and got a shock when I realised I fell into the obese category last year, I was still kidding myself that I'd only put on a bit of weight.

Daft thing is that when I got to goal to begin with I could see how slim I was and loved my reflection, but now, I no longer see that slim woman and think of myself as fat again! How daft is that! No pleasing some people

 

[mags1x]

When I get dressed now, I think everything makes me look fat! I used to just shove on whatever fitted and not look too much in the mirror. I am not fat anymore I need to keep reminding myself, I'm not a healthy weight yet but its within grasp.....

I quite often try on lots of clothes now before 'settling' for something that makes me look a bit less fat, whereas I used to go out looking like a sack of spuds and didn't care...

Weird lol
Mags
xxxx

 

[natpot]

Rereading my post today I realise just how negative the vibe is . I really don't feel negative all the time, it is more an occasional thought I suppose. I just know that for me there is more to being fat than simply liking food and eating although that does play a huge part.
I know I am also feeling more positive now because I have started CD, so that feeling of empowerment is back It is so interesting to hear what goes on in other peoples heads and to realise that we are all so different yet so alike at the same time

 

[jemimarobin]

"I just know that for me there is more to being fat than simply liking food and eating although that does play a huge part."


hi natpot, I didnt think your comments were really negative- just reflective and I think doing this diet certainly makes you that! Well if you are to change your habits and feelings about food anyway. I totally agree with what you said above- I have found that the way I have become (which is to pretty much sit around on my ar$e all day!)- not doing things like putting a glass over the otherside of the room because I know I wont be bothered to get it, not picking things up off the floor because its too difficult, not going upstairs for things or walking somewhere because its too much effort... all these small behaviours and more have shown me that youre right- its not just the eating that makes you fat- its your attitude to life and if you're always thinking "thats too far" "I cant be bothered" etc etc then you will always be 'fat'.

Well I know I will anyway, I'm desperately trying to retrain myself to think its not a bad thing to have to go upstairs and get something- now I think of the few extra calories it will burn! So i'm also trying to build regular daily activity into my life as I didnt eat particularly badly before I started this diet (ie not loads of fatty 'bad' food) but my physical activity was practically nil so thats what I'm trying to build up- not becoming an exercise freak (although if someones got a magic wand, be my guest lol) but just moving from 'sedentary' to 'active'. thats my 2p's worth anyhoo- hope you're all ok today! xxx

 

[natpot]

Hi JemimaRobin,

Completely agree that it is the smallest things that can make the biggest difference both physical and emotional. Just acknowledging something is I think the first step in dealing with it.

Fab loss by the way!

Nat.
x