New member - Returning to LL after major mess up

[sandyblack]

Hi everyone,
Im new to this forum, and thought it might help me to focus and feel more positive on my second return to LL.

I started LL about a year ago and lost four stone. I was 13st 12lb when I started and went on to RTM in August when I reached my goal weight of 10st.

It was like all my dreams had come true, I actually enjoyed shopping, accepting all invitations to go out instead of hiding indoors...

I maintained my weight until Dec 09 when I made the fatal mistake of eating whatever I wanted over the festive period. I know weigh 12 stone on my scales and am throughly embarrassed, horrified and heartbroken over all of my clothes I cant wear and all of the social situations that I now avoid again.

I contacted my LL councellor today and im going to see her tomorrow. Im so embarrassed to see her and feel like my life is over. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like I won the lottery and lost it though my own doing and greed. Any advice appreciated. xxxx:tear_drop::tear_drop::tear_drop:

 

[Gemma79]

all I can say, and I am no expert, starting RTM today, is that you have taken the first steps to making things better. You have not failed, you have realised you were not as strong and ready to be 'free' around food and need to remind yourself of what you learnt and put it in to practice. You know LL works and it will work for you again.

Good luck for the next few weeks x

 

[Star711]

Hello there, this is my first post on this forum! I joined LL last year in March weighing 14stone. During Foundation I lost 3 stone 4lbs and went down to 10st 10lbs. absolutely fantastic - the best feeling in the world! So far so good and then what happened? I failed to go into RTM. thinking I was going to be okay on my own - that and I didn't feel the LLC I was seeing at the time was supportive enough - anyway birthday, Christmas and NewYear happened and 10lbs have gone back on. I have been in touch with another group not far from where I live and am now waiting for a new class to start so that I can get back on track before the pounds turn back into stones. I'm not sure whether I need to go into a Refreshers group or Developers as I now want to lose a total of 2 stone to be at my perfect weight.

We work so hard in Foundation and, like you, I let it all go to pot over Christmas - I will be rejoining just as soon as I can so we can compare notes on how we get on.

All I would say is that whatever group you go to, the support and encouragement we give each other is absolutely fantastic.

Good luck and keep in touch! xxx

 

[nogfromezkebar]

We all take our eye off the ball!

Hi there to you both,

I am fairly new to the 'dieting' game but I do know about LL and I think you are both amazing to lose so much weight - it would be a very difficult, disciplined thing to do. I'm trying to get my head in the zone to try a vlcd myself as I have a few pounds to shed and don't want to hang around takin ages about it.
I do think that it is very easy to put weight back on because we all enjoy food - some of us more than others - it is one of life's great pleasures. Everyone takes pleasure from life so why should we beat ourselves up - your neighbour will be taking guily pleasures too, whether you can see the result of them or not...
I think that we may always have a battle with food but at least we are engaged in the battle and trying. Keep trying is the mosy imortant thing and don't unish yourself for taking your eye off the ball - we are human and, therefore, we err...

Would you recomend LL? Is there anything cheaper?

Anne x

 

[sandyblack]

Update!

Thanks to all of you for your kind comments. I went to see my LL councellor last week and she was great and it really helped to understand that its quite common to have you first 'blip' or 'take your eye off the ball'.
After another week of torturing myself and avoiding to accept the damage I have done I have completed my first full day of packs today.

I must look to the future now and remember how good I felt on packs.

As for reccomending LL I certainly would! But with a reminder that you really have to keep an eye on it when you come off. As I mentioned I was fine before xmas but I saw that as the green light to have a 'break'!!!

I have totally learnt my lesson and I will keep you all updated. Today I weighed 11 stone 13lb. Hopefully I will weigh less next week!!! xxxxx:wave_cry:

 

[sweetfa1]

hi all, starting today wish me luck x

 

[Gemma79]

hey sandy and sweetfa, how's it going? Hopefully the worst part is over now and you should be in ketosis.

 

[Pooch]

Sandyblack - are you really 13' 7" with a BMI of 4.4??!!

 

[size10please]

I also returned this week after 2yrs, i couldnt believe i had gain 2 stone of the weight i losed. I feel so disheartened i wish i had just started a fresh now i feel i have got to lose all of it before i start acheiving. I also didn't go into mngt thought i was fine, slowly it creeped back on. First weigh is tues......

 

[sandyblack]

latest update - sandyblack

Seems ages since ive been on here,things have really spiralled out of control for me. I now weigh 13 stone 1lb so ive put three stone back on.

I'm totally housebound, wont let my boyfriend near me and its affecting my job.don't know what's happened to me,its like I go into a trance from the moment I wake up and binge eat all day.people are visibly shocked when they see me now.

Help help help. ......... :0((

 

[Minerva]

I think the first step is to realise that only YOU can help yourself.

It sounds harsh but it's true. I went into the same cycle that you're describing for two months, but every day I tried to get out. I regained 3 stone. Eventually, I think I'm coming out of that destruction loop now. It takes a lot of effort and most importantly FORGIVENESS. Not once did I punish myself for it. If I did - it would have been much, much worse.

To truly help yourself you need to remember that you are worth saving. I really battled with this one because the cycle of overeating is a destructive one. You punish yourself because essentially, you hate yourself. The food while we eat it (all day - in a trance) absolves us from hearing the bad voices in our heads which constantly scream abuse. But in the end it all only makes it worse because with every mouthful the voices get louder.

I don't want to hear that voice anymore telling me what a failure I am. The only way to make it grow more silent is by taking control of the situation. Take little steps. The change for me was gradual.

At first I could not imagine a moment without some sort of food in my mouth, all the time, I had to be eating. Slowly I introduced breaks - first I had to wait 30 minutes before the next 'binge'... then an hour. Then, I actually made set meal times appropriate again: Breakfast, small snack, Lunch, small snack, Dinner. Then, you work on portion control AT those meal times.

These steps took me about a month and a half to 'fix'. So far, I'm still working on it, but it's going in the right direction. Instead of bingeing every day, I am slowly making them happen less too. It used to be 2 'good days' and 4 'binge days'... then it became 3 'good days' and 2 'binge days'... now it's about, maybe once a week, and even then I try to stick to 'good foods' (i.e. vegetables) or chew many packs of sugar-free gum.

Remember, there is no quick fix. It's a long process.

You are worth saving. But YOU need to know this because only YOU can help yourself.

 

[tictac]

Wow - I have been away for a while as I lost my weight - and then so frustratingly put alot of it on again. Again - like you all - I could kick myself and it is really hard not to go down the self loathing route of not wanting to go out and feeling so ashamed. It is so great to be back here again as it is the only place where I can really talk freely about how I feel and I really know you guys "get it". To know I am not alone in this daily binge battle is such a relief. Thanks so much.

 

[Naina]

Hey there...I guess as a few of you guys pointed out already, you just gotta get back into it and believe that you can do it.

i also gained 3stones from when i was on LL two years ago after losing 5 stones. I am back to see my counsellor tomorrow and begin the program again...

trying to stay positive and in control, otherwise i would have been seriously depressed by now!!

good luck

 

[sandyblack]

Thanks everyone. xx I'm much better and I started exante diet a week ago and am feeling much more positive.

You are all so right,its all in the mind! !

Good luck everyone xxx

 

[MagdaX]

Staring on Monday. Again
Like some of you I have failed to do RTM and failed to deal with it on my own miserably!
I know I have said it before but this time I am determined to succeed.
Wish me luck everyone
And good luck to all of you returning too!
M x

 

[Beeswax]

Seems ages since ive been on here,things have really spiralled out of control for me. I now weigh 13 stone 1lb so ive put three stone back on.

I'm totally housebound, wont let my boyfriend near me and its affecting my job.don't know what's happened to me,its like I go into a trance from the moment I wake up and binge eat all day.people are visibly shocked when they see me now.

Help help help. ......... :0((

Hi Sandy, I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel - I've been through almost the same thing and it's just horrible and feels so soul-destroying at the time.

I think it's just that we haven't finished learning the lessons LL had to teach us, and fallen back on bad habits (self-loathing is as much of a bad habit as overeating, I think...).

But, just by WANTING to be better, you're taking a massive step - one that some people just aren't brave enough to face.

So, go you. And hang in there - this forum is great for inspiration, especially from BlondeLogic, Minerva and SlendaBlenda (among many, many others!).

x

 

[Minerva]

To be honest I also fell into that blind binge mode for about 4 months (April - July this year). I finally put my foot down at the end of July. Nothing fit and I refused to buy Size 14 clothes (except a pair of jeans because I really NEEDED them). I'd thrown all my bigger size clothes out ages ago when I moved house, so on top of feeling absolutely SH*T about myself, ashamed to be seen by anyone around me I'd also started to have to wear ... i don't even know. Whatever fit (tighly).

I KNEW I COULD NOT go on like this the whole time. I knew it. But it just happened. The push came eventually. You have to wait for it. It's a long, hard wait but I've realised I can't force myself. I was forcing myself to take action the whole 4 months but I wasn't emotionally ready.

Get your head in the right place first. The rest will follow. I've readjusted my ideal weight (it was way too damn low previously) and am over half-way back where I want to be now. It feels good to be in control. Slowly and surely I'll get there. There's no rush. xx

I thought of a little motivational slogan today actually:

Never treat failure as an excuse to stop trying. Treat failure as the gift of being able to start again.