Nikki in ??? IT STOPS NOW!

[great things]

hi all. i've been posting in my diary in the diary section for ages and think that maybe it's time to do a maintenance diary it might just sort out my daft head from thinking lower/higher and anything but STS. just feel that maybe graduating to this section of the forum might be beneficial to my wellbeing.

reference to my diary.... http://www.minimins.com/cd-weight-l...ary-stand-up-finish-what-you-started-bob.html

 

[great things]

well i've had a really disasterous week. keep getting back to it every day and every day this week i would say it's just gone wrong. my head is not in the best of places to STS and i sometimes wonder if it is at all possible.

 

[Surfhunny]

Well done for making the move to the maintenance section!! I totally believe that the diet in the lower stages is the easiest diet in the world, but it's maintaining that scares me! I've already proved once that if I take my eye off the ball I pile weight on quickly! BUT you never take your eye off the ball, you keep a very close watch on what goes in and how much you use in exercise.

I think it's the hardest part trying to maintain, but you can do it!!! It will get easier as things settle, your body will adjust to the levels of exercise and cals and everything will balance. Don't know how long this takes though /

 

[great things]

Might post in 2 diaries for a while. Posted some pics in my diary of my next skirt that I bought yesterday. I love the skirt but it just doesn't love me! It doesn't love my muscly legs see....

 

[*Shanny*]

Welcome Nikki.. maybe being over here might guide you a bit better.

as me Lelly, katie are on 1000 plan so good luck hun.!

and keep the skirt x

 

[herewego]

Welcome to the maintainers board! Once you here you can't ever leave .

There's nothing wrong with muscular legs!! It's the only part of me to ever show muscle! All I need to do is a bit of jogging or a few gym classes and I get thigh muscles like a rugby player - but rather muscles than flab which is what I have at the moment

I think the skirt looks great on you!

 

[LellyCD]

Hey Nikki,
welcome to this bit of the forum, everyone is lovely here and great for support and help.
Hope you are enjoying moving up the plans, its so great to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Love the skirt too!

Have a great day
x

 

[Chelsea Lou]

The skirt looks great. I am so impressed, not only with your weight loss but also the runs you have been on. Go you!!!

xx

 

[Katycakes]

Hello Nikki, welcome to the madhouse bit of the forum... lol! Well done on your success... fantastic. I am moving up to 1000 tomorrow and looking forward to it. Just wanted to call in and say hi!

xxx

 

[*Shanny*]

how u got on today Nikki? x

 

[great things]

plerpst.... that's the noise when i blow raspberries at myself cause i've just been naff all day. i need to keep busy that is my key to not eating. mind diversion. also i must give up cooking nice things for others even though they like them cause my willpower right now is as good as a chocolate fireguard.

good bit - cleaned the house, washed the floors after hoovering, hung the clothes outside as it was sunny, went out to the shops to take my skirt back and didn't eat anything and walked around. also took the dog for a walk - trail style.

food bit - and bad bit - not too bad initially cd mint bar, then i cooked flapjacks and i picked at them enough to have eaten one whole flapjack , had a quorn and loads of salad sarnie for lunch with a few of hubby's doritoes... not many. just had an options hot choc.

it's weigh day tomorrow and i'm full of grief for a bad week. i think the scales are being bad and are showing 6lbs up. i'm feeling guilty of overeating as i found it hard to get a grip all week long and then friday was hubby's birthday so a visit to the cinema, wine, crisps, birthday cake and 2 slices of takeout pizza later show's the scales's damage. clawing it back is what i've tried to do. was good yesterday and also managed to fit in an hours zumba class. arms aching today so i was really going for it. to my maintenance. i'm a real naughty STS person, i feel that i just can't do it. i mean well but i seem to let myself down. then i do loads of exercise but it seems to have the opposite effect and i loose nothing much. i found that when i do no exercise and follow the 810 i loose 4lbs, when i do exercise and follow the 810 i loose 2lb max. i think my body retains water.

so i struggle with maintenance yet don't give up the daily fight. i'm just greedy and like my food too much.

goodness know's what my cdc is going to say tomorrow.

 

[great things]

by the way.... p.s etc this is the first ever time i've decided to go to the maintenance section. maybe my head is needing to be here now.

 

[Surfhunny]

Nikki have you talked to Julie about maintaining at all?? I didn't I just ran away lol, so I never got chance to ask her what she thought was the best way to go about it. I do remember her saying she always goes back and does a week or two on SS before her holidays and stuff. Have a chat with her about it tomorrow xxx

 

[great things]

major freak out alert.

i've got the books and she says to try to stay away from potatoes and bread. the rubbish carbs like biscuits etc.

just find it frustrating as i would like to eat some nice things and hope that my exercise compensates for it. i'm not talking everyday. i'm talking a couple of times a week.

maintenance is not going well. i just can't do it. i think that is why i end up putting on weight then having to loose a stone or so and doing ss then 810 again.

i'm very worried about maintenance as i just really really am finding it so very hard to maintain.

 

[Surfhunny]

The thought of maintenance scares the hell out of me!!! I can't understand how I managed to maintain my weight at 17st for years and years and only managed to stay below 12st for a month and then the weight crept back on.!! So the thought of having to try and maintain that again scares me!!

I think that's why when I get down to the lower 13's I mess about a bit, delaying the trauma of maintaining. Oh my god that's like a lightening strike I've never admitted that before!!

You're doing so well Nikki, I know it's a struggle but you're doing an amazing job!!!

 

[great things]

I'm totally the same. I am messing about somewhat. Scared if maintenance. Don't know why exactly but for various reasons rolled together.

E.G.
Worried that I'll never eat what I want again ever.
Worried that I'll loose control fully and just eat.
Worried that cause I don't have the perfect body and never have had that I'm a lost cause.
Worried that I'm inferior.
I'm always sure that others eat more than me yet STS in the long run.
I worry that I just don't have enough hours in the day to exercise enough to keep my weight off
I've always thought that I've had to work extra hard at loosing cause I don't loose weight easily enough. This point cause of my pcos. I used to be on metformin but since having my 2 kids the doc stopped it saying that I don't need it now but I do cause my blood sugar spikes when I've eaten anything I shouldn't and takes ages to come back down (these were the tests done which implied I needed metformin, I'd not met my hubby then and kids were not even on the agenda).

I used to exercise each day when I was very big before cd and I used the cals to live on. If I burnt 1000 I'd eat 1000. To loose weight from 22st I starved myself. I've never been a cream cake eater and never lived off takeouts. My biggest downfall was always chocolate and when I was sad and upset I used to eat loads of it. Being bullied at school for being fat made me eat more which made the bullying worse.

The turning point was leaving school at 16 then between loosing weight at 16/17 I put so much back on I reached 22st at 22. I don't even know of much happening to me except for my mum's strokes. She had her 1st the day of my 17th birthday. We'd been out for a meal and we thought she had had too much to drink cause she slurred her words. The next day she was taken into hospital with very high bp. She couldn't talk well and we couldn't understand her. She had to learn to talk properly again. I didn't eat. I stopped eating and was made to by my mum and dad.

6mths after my mum's strokes my dad had his first heart problem. His heart was beating strangely (arythmia sp?) and he had to have his heart stopped and was zapped. 17 was a problematic year for me looking at it!

The next 5 years must have just been me eating! I don't think I remember much.

I think I need a counsellor after reading this through.

 

[great things]

Food all cals are aprox

Cd bar 175
Flapjack 250 (such wasted cals)
Quorn sarnie with so much salad I could hardly fit it into my mouth no spread 300 cals.
Cheese 50 cals
Milk 50 cals.
Cottage cheese with carbs 450 cals

Total:-1275 cals aprox

Housework done, dog walked etc. Only exercise for today.

 

[cornishkez]

Well done on the move nikki, sounds like it's prompted some serious head thinking?

Whatever you do, however you do it just remember how strong, determined and motivated an individual you are! Never forget what you have achieved and be proud of yourself!

 

[Surfhunny]

I swear I could've written most of that post myself!! Have you been to the docs about your PCOS recently, because I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be condemned to gain weight etc because you've had your kids now, I can't really see why they can't put you back on metformin?

I was really lucky I made it through school and sixth form fairly untraumatically, my weight problems started at uni. Up until I left home I was always active, gymnastics swimming and netball at school, then gymnastics and swimming at college. But when I went to uni, it all stopped!!! And the drinking started. Also for the first year I lived in catered halls of residence. The food was far from healthy and I ate far too much, and Dominoes delivered!!!

It didn't worry me too much, I lived in total denial about how big I was getting - the last time I'd gone on the scales they said 12st so as far as I was concerned that's what I weighed!! I was sure that I'd lose the weight again when I qualified and started work, but I didn't I carried on gaining!

The day I stepped on the scales at SW and they said 17st 8lbs I thought they were faulty, not me

I feel like it's really unfair, we've worked so damn hard to get the weight off, we should be allowed an easy ride to maintain, not have to struggle twice as much!! I'm insanely jealous of thin people and their ability to keep a level weight!

Anyway I guess I told you all that because I want you to know that you aren't alone in how you feel!! And pretty soon my easy bit is going to be over and I'll be right there with you trying to maintain!!! Just keep fighting Nikki, because it's never worth going back to the weight we were!!! Big hugs chick xxxx

 

[great things]

my doc, pleuft. don't think he understands. he was a bit responsible for my mum's leg. she was suffering with circulation problems for years and he kept putting her on different tablets. i won't move surgeries but i could do with moving docs. the original doc that helped me go on metformin retired then died. he was very old but a good doc. he listened. our doc doesn't listen very well. in and out. a private endo put me on metformin. he agreed with the tests i had done in the states and i ended up being prescribed metformin. he wrote to my doc saying this is what i need. so a visit back to him.

i am accountable for my weight. too much in a way as when i'm on diet i go on 2-3 times a day but i need to OCD type thing. as i've said i record my weight on my iphone notes. i have 4-5 weeks worth of am and pm weights on there. when i'm off diet i tend to try not to go on the scales as i just don't know what to eat so i go wrong and then put weight on then i can't go on the scales cause i freak. when i loose my collar bones i know drastic action is needed. as soon as i could go back on cd from having low iron i did and in the 3/4 months i was off cd totally off cd i put on 18lbs.

i've been investigating with food and have decided that eggs, cheese and quorn as going to be a good mainstay. not so much cheese cause of the fat content but even then if i exercise i'll burn the fat. just need to focus on GI and GL foods. for lunch i've been having a quorn sarnie with masses of salad in it. it's really filling then i should have an apple. i really need a good food diary. i think this is why i get the urge to go to ww as it's very much calculating your intake. sw is too loose. have as much as you want.... i'll have the bag of pasta then thanks. etc etc.