Really strugging...

[Flutterby3]

Hello there all. Just coming on here to vent a bit and try to talk through my tears...

I started off 8 years ago with an eating disorder at the age of 14. I dropped down to a size 6/8 and now, almost 3 years after treatment I'm up to a size 14, 12 if I push it.

I've tried SW which just didn't work for me. Now, I'm drinking this tea twice daily and taking two herbal remedy tablets twice a day also. Found this at herbal inn, and the first month they made me feel less bloated but now I've gone back to feeling rubbish. I work in a clothes store and unfortunately, am very often put on fitting rooms. Today, I was surrounded by mirrors and it broke my heart. I couldn't bear to see what was looking back at me. All I could see were bulges and it made me cry numerous times on the shop floor.

I recently started up yoga. I feel lost and very sad. I can't really explain exactly how I feel, I guess I'm just hoping someone on here will understand what im trying to say. I look at customers, colleagues, other guys' girlfriends and it breaks my heart that I look the way i do. I feel like I've let my bf down, myself down - there was a time where I didn't eat, I had that control. But now,it's an obsession and it s killing me.

I just feel so sad. I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe someone who has been in a similar situation with an eating disorder, just to motivate one another in those times of struggling or just anyone who knows what it feels like to be saddened by what you see in the mirror. A buddy would be great... Someone I could talk to when I know food isnt the answer xx


Anything would be very much appreciated!x

 

[Zest for Life]

Hi, I've had a time when I was able to be super strict with my eating, hardly ate at all, I loved it, but I was in a very unhappy place. I had control over nothing, my life was a mess and I only stayed sane by having control over my eating. I was skinny but insecure. With no direction. But that was 20 years ago.
Now I'm fat, I hate it, But I'm no where near as insecure as I was or as unhappy living on my nerves.
I suppose I'm trying to say is there an underlying cause? What in your life is making you feel so bad? You sound so unhappy, it's such a shame cos your a young girl, is your bf understanding? X

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Flutterby3]

Hi Karen,

My bf is understanding - we got together just after I had been put into a psychiatric unit so he's always known about my struggles, and he's seen me at my absolute worst. BUT I know he gets frustrated because he doesn't understand. I think, if you haven't been there, it won't really make sense to you.

You have been there though.,, I guess just, I somehow want to be able to regain that control you talk about, but I just don't know how:-(

 

[Zest for Life]

Well I've not quite been there, just had very strict control over food. But it ruled my life, not good.
Why would you want that again, your looking to go backwards, you need to go forwards. Not dwell on how you were, which wasn't a good place. I think people with food issues can be fat thin strict binge loose control starve... Blah blah
I've been all of the above, because food is an issue with me, simple fact I'm never going to be ok with food. But wanting to starve yourself like you once could isn't the answer. I haven't found the answer, but I know if I concentrate on fitness and healthy eating I'd be fine, but not managed yet. X

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins