Starting for the 1st time - dealing with disordered eating!

[donkeysaurusrex]

Hello all :wavey:

I've been overweight since I was about 8 and been battling it my whole life. I've lost a lot of weight on the cambridge diet, put it back on and lost some again, many times over. I've never been able to stick to 'normal' diets, it's very all or nothing unfortunately and I got into bad cycles of binging and starving which have made me put on even more weight and I've had many many 'last suppers' through this period so I'm now the heaviest I've ever been at age 25. It runs my entire life and I have no confidence anymore. I know from when I've been (almost) healthy weights my confidence rockets and life is very different but it just seems so unattainable now.

Anyway someone I vaguely knew at uni, who was a similar size to me and had the same problems (I gather from facebook photos, lol) with starving for a while, having decent results but then piling it all on plus more, has been on slimming world for a year and a half and has got to her target weight having lost 5 1/2 stones. She was sponsored for charity and there's no way I would announce my weight loss plans out loud like she did but I was really impressed because I see a lot of myself in her, and if she can do it then maybe I can too!
I get really obsessed though, so weight watchers and their points for instance were no good to me and if I don't see quick and large losses on the scales I get discouraged and feel like I'll never get there. So I looked into slimming world and decided the plan and group atmosphere would help and my group is only 4 minutes from my house so I have no excuse! I went to my first meeting on Tuesday and signed up for the 12 week countdown. It will take me much much longer than that to lose my weight but I have committed so I HAVE to give it a chance and no way will I be gaining having given up if I know I'm being weighed every week!

To make sure I don't get back into bad habits, I decided not to know my starting weight. I have a rough idea of it and really I should lose 6 stone just to feel good again, maybe 2 more I guess to be well and truly 'healthy'. I don't have any scales at home and I will just know the (hopeful!) losses when I go to group.

I have found it a little difficult to allow myself to eat whatever I want on the plan - I still have nagging feelings about needing to speed up any loss and I worry about not losing any weight this Tuesday! Normally if I didn't lose in a week that would be it and I'd be binging but I've committed to 12 weeks to try to avoid this! But the group leader is lovely and confidence inspiring.

I said I'd like to lose a stone - because I feel like that's doable in 12 weeks and weirdly I feel like if I said any more and couldn't achieve it I'd just be a huge failure and the thought of it taking several years just scares me right now. I have a lot of tangled up food centred emotions to deal with I'm afraid lol.

Anyway just thought I'd introduce myself rather than lurk. Perhaps I'm not the only one who feels like their attitude to food and dieting is completely warped!?

Donkey

 

[lougalx]

Hi donkey, welcome! I only started 2 1/2 weeks ago and like you I got the 12 week countdown just to get started, but I'm hooked already so I know I'll be signing up for more when I'm done. Try not to get too caught up in losing a certain amount in the 12 weeks, if you do go off plan don't beat yourself up about it, just get back on plan straight away. Keep a food diary and you can post it on here if you're struggling and you'll get loads of advice. There are loads of recipe ideas on the SW website so you'll not get bored! Also, focus on the mini goals, half a stone at a time, that way it won't seem like you have a mountain to climb.

Best of luck!

 

[LoveMyCat]

You literally could have been describing me in your post donkey - I have been on sw for 12 weeks and although I've had a few weeks of struggles where I haven't seen a loss, I've lost a stone so far and it's going well. Having said that though I am also in therapy for eating problems, but I really think slimming world started some kind of recovery for me. Some weeks it will we hard, especially if you don't see the loss you wanted, but if you keep going and try to change your way of thinking it will really work. If you want any kind of support or a slimming world buddy then let me know I'd be happy to help xxx

 

[janetelizabeth]

Hi Donkey, I wish you loads of success on your journey.
I took myself to SW for the group support and when I met my lovely consultant for the first time I could tell she was a caring lady that would do her best for all her members.
I think the good thing about the SW food plans is that it doesn't matter if you want to do EE on a couple of days and green or red for the rest of the week. It's so flexible so should suit everyone. I like the fact that we can eat 'normal' food, not have to buy special named packets of food that cost mega bucks!!
Sometimes it's good to lose the pounds at a steady pace rather than lots every week because many people have found the weight stays off that way. And yes, it does take patience but the difference will soon become noticeable. :wow:
Glad you were inspired by your friend...soon you will be inspiring others too!!

 

[donkeysaurusrex]

Hi donkey, welcome! I only started 2 1/2 weeks ago and like you I got the 12 week countdown just to get started, but I'm hooked already so I know I'll be signing up for more when I'm done. Try not to get too caught up in losing a certain amount in the 12 weeks, if you do go off plan don't beat yourself up about it, just get back on plan straight away. Keep a food diary and you can post it on here if you're struggling and you'll get loads of advice. There are loads of recipe ideas on the SW website so you'll not get bored! Also, focus on the mini goals, half a stone at a time, that way it won't seem like you have a mountain to climb.

Best of luck!

Thank you! Definitely focussing on the half stone goals - who knew a certificate and sticker could be so motivating?! The food diary is a really good idea for the first 4 weeks I have to say - it makes you far more aware of what you're eating!

You literally could have been describing me in your post donkey - I have been on sw for 12 weeks and although I've had a few weeks of struggles where I haven't seen a loss, I've lost a stone so far and it's going well. Having said that though I am also in therapy for eating problems, but I really think slimming world started some kind of recovery for me. Some weeks it will we hard, especially if you don't see the loss you wanted, but if you keep going and try to change your way of thinking it will really work. If you want any kind of support or a slimming world buddy then let me know I'd be happy to help xxx

I'm glad it's not just me! I've thought about seeking some kind of therapy for it, one of my friends did but couldn't finish and is now heavier than ever but if she'd stuck it out I think it would have helped. I just have some kind of block about it though...I've been in therapy knowing my problems were mostly weight related but could never say it out loud. I think I'm just ashamed :/ But I'm really glad to hear that you feel slimming world is helping you in your recovery! There's hope for me yet! I'd love to have you as a buddy! Need someone who understands the warped thinking I've developed and how I'm trying to combat it. I'm also on the run up to uni finals (taking exams late) so lots of stress I might otherwise eat through! Thanks!

Hi Donkey, I wish you loads of success on your journey.
I took myself to SW for the group support and when I met my lovely consultant for the first time I could tell she was a caring lady that would do her best for all her members.
I think the good thing about the SW food plans is that it doesn't matter if you want to do EE on a couple of days and green or red for the rest of the week. It's so flexible so should suit everyone. I like the fact that we can eat 'normal' food, not have to buy special named packets of food that cost mega bucks!!
Sometimes it's good to lose the pounds at a steady pace rather than lots every week because many people have found the weight stays off that way. And yes, it does take patience but the difference will soon become noticeable. :wow:
Glad you were inspired by your friend...soon you will be inspiring others too!!

Aww thank you My consultant seems lovely too - when I text her before I joined she ended with 'smile and be proud for taking those 1st steps' which did actually make me smile and made me realise how little support I've had before, and she text me again today which was nice. Makes you feel like you aren't alone
Definitely hoping I can get the weight off this time, adopting the mantra that 'if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got' - so it's time to change!

 

[Rae Rae]

Hey donkey, I too have suffered with an ED. It wasn't until I started sw last October, things finally clicked. I had therapy but was still restricting and binging then joined sw....Best thing I ever did. If you want to take a look at the first entry in my diary....Rae Rae's rambles....It'll explain more there. I wish you luck on your journey and remember you're not alone, havin an ED is the hardest thing in the world and takes up too much head space xx

 

[donkeysaurusrex]

Hey donkey, I too have suffered with an ED. It wasn't until I started sw last October, things finally clicked. I had therapy but was still restricting and binging then joined sw....Best thing I ever did. If you want to take a look at the first entry in my diary....Rae Rae's rambles....It'll explain more there. I wish you luck on your journey and remember you're not alone, havin an ED is the hardest thing in the world and takes up too much head space xx

Hey, had a look at that first post - so familiar! It's strange how many people with EDs head for the cambridge diet, the restriction and all or nothing approach must really play into the hands of disorders for a lot of people. I'm so glad you're doing better now, it gives me hope, and I hope too that I'm able to come to terms with slow losses at some point - I know I need to, I know it's the healthy and long term way to lose and to combat my thinking - but right now it's very early on in my journey! I'm also still eating what is more or less 'diet' food, if that makes sense - I'm not eating whatever I fancy and just working it into the plan, I'm making sure my plate is at least 1/3 superfree, usually more actually, but also being wary of what goes with it. I feel like if I wandered into a shop and picked up a chocolate bar with my shopping that would be it - it'd trigger something and I'd be out of control! But once I've got through this first week (weigh in Tuesday) I might calm down a bit!

So pleased to find people that understand! And yes you're SO right, EDs take your brain over, it's definitely time to sort it out!

 

[janetelizabeth]

Donkey I think also any weight issues can take too much brain space! I've been far too obsessed about weighing and eating for a good many years. The only time I gave myself respite was when I ate what I liked and of course the pounds piled on.
In my opinion SW is a much healthier approach and has given my head some peace too. :grouphugg:

 

[gazter]

Hello all :wavey:

I've been overweight since I was about 8 and been battling it my whole life. I've lost a lot of weight on the cambridge diet, put it back on and lost some again, many times over. I've never been able to stick to 'normal' diets, it's very all or nothing unfortunately and I got into bad cycles of binging and starving which have made me put on even more weight and I've had many many 'last suppers' through this period so I'm now the heaviest I've ever been at age 25. It runs my entire life and I have no confidence anymore. I know from when I've been (almost) healthy weights my confidence rockets and life is very different but it just seems so unattainable now.

Anyway someone I vaguely knew at uni, who was a similar size to me and had the same problems (I gather from facebook photos, lol) with starving for a while, having decent results but then piling it all on plus more, has been on slimming world for a year and a half and has got to her target weight having lost 5 1/2 stones. She was sponsored for charity and there's no way I would announce my weight loss plans out loud like she did but I was really impressed because I see a lot of myself in her, and if she can do it then maybe I can too!
I get really obsessed though, so weight watchers and their points for instance were no good to me and if I don't see quick and large losses on the scales I get discouraged and feel like I'll never get there. So I looked into slimming world and decided the plan and group atmosphere would help and my group is only 4 minutes from my house so I have no excuse! I went to my first meeting on Tuesday and signed up for the 12 week countdown. It will take me much much longer than that to lose my weight but I have committed so I HAVE to give it a chance and no way will I be gaining having given up if I know I'm being weighed every week!

To make sure I don't get back into bad habits, I decided not to know my starting weight. I have a rough idea of it and really I should lose 6 stone just to feel good again, maybe 2 more I guess to be well and truly 'healthy'. I don't have any scales at home and I will just know the (hopeful!) losses when I go to group.

I have found it a little difficult to allow myself to eat whatever I want on the plan - I still have nagging feelings about needing to speed up any loss and I worry about not losing any weight this Tuesday! Normally if I didn't lose in a week that would be it and I'd be binging but I've committed to 12 weeks to try to avoid this! But the group leader is lovely and confidence inspiring.

I said I'd like to lose a stone - because I feel like that's doable in 12 weeks and weirdly I feel like if I said any more and couldn't achieve it I'd just be a huge failure and the thought of it taking several years just scares me right now. I have a lot of tangled up food centred emotions to deal with I'm afraid lol.

Anyway just thought I'd introduce myself rather than lurk. Perhaps I'm not the only one who feels like their attitude to food and dieting is completely warped!?

Donkey

I promise you the plan works. If you do have six stone to lose, you will be surprised how quickly it works. But you must be honest with yourself.

Many people who come to slimming world have a very poor attitude to food, and to be honest it can make you more obsessed, as you encountered with WW.

But you dont need to speed it along, just keep to the plan, and you will happily be losing a good amount every week.

 

[solange]

Hi Donkey
As a veteran weight problem person I would say be kind to yourself and do not expect miracles. I am now 63 and have put on 2st on the last 7 years but I fought against weight gain all my life and won. I controlled it in many ways with fad diets and exercise. However a good balance is vital and SW seems to be that. My nephews wife lost a massive amount of weight with SW (I am not sure how much but would say at least 8st). I didn't recognise her last year at a funeral. She is now a consultant.
So many best wishes to you and hope you find your peace with food this time round.
:fingerscrossed:

 

[janetelizabeth]

Solange...I've been up and down the scales and trying all sorts during the last few years too...I'm the same age as you. Keep going, I believe you'll get there with SW...it's the best I've ever found for keeping the pounds off.

 

[donkeysaurusrex]

Donkey I think also any weight issues can take too much brain space! I've been far too obsessed about weighing and eating for a good many years. The only time I gave myself respite was when I ate what I liked and of course the pounds piled on.
In my opinion SW is a much healthier approach and has given my head some peace too. :grouphugg:

I promise you the plan works. If you do have six stone to lose, you will be surprised how quickly it works. But you must be honest with yourself.

Many people who come to slimming world have a very poor attitude to food, and to be honest it can make you more obsessed, as you encountered with WW.

But you dont need to speed it along, just keep to the plan, and you will happily be losing a good amount every week.

Hi Donkey
As a veteran weight problem person I would say be kind to yourself and do not expect miracles. I am now 63 and have put on 2st on the last 7 years but I fought against weight gain all my life and won. I controlled it in many ways with fad diets and exercise. However a good balance is vital and SW seems to be that. My nephews wife lost a massive amount of weight with SW (I am not sure how much but would say at least 8st). I didn't recognise her last year at a funeral. She is now a consultant.
So many best wishes to you and hope you find your peace with food this time round.
:fingerscrossed:

Thanks guys, I feel so much more confident seeing that it's worked for people who have had issues round food in the same way
I really do want to find some peace with food and try to get out of that obsessive cycle so I intend to give it a good go this time round! Gazter, that's a particularly amazing loss you have there! I'm glad I decided to log on here again, such a friendly and inspiring bunch of people!

I should probably have posted this thread in the diary section, it's quite compelling to write and I feel like a log over the weeks would be helpful. Hmm. Maybe I'll start a new thread over there once I've had my first weigh in!

 

[SarahButterfly]

I've experienced very similar issues as you with food- for many, many years now I've been in a starve/binge/starve cycle. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder last year and told by the nurse that if I wanted to get better I was not allowed to 'diet' in any way or try to lose weight!

Obviously I ignored her. I found with SW that initially I got on very well losing a stone then I hit a lull and for the past 3 months have been off plan. However, I haven't binged at all in those three months! I've eaten 'normally' and what I learned through SW stuck with me and I maintained my weight exactly.

Now I'm resuming SW again hoping to lose the last bit of weight.

I tried WW before and hated it as the constant point counting just kept making binge and get too obsessed. I find SW a lot freer, and yes you really can eat as much free and superfree food as you like! Just remember to stop when you feel full in a good way, but don't worry you can eat whenever you feel hungry.

Please don't get too obsessed, take things slowly. It's the fixation on the 'big losses' that can ruin slimming world (from personal experience and reading other people's experiences on here). SW is a life-long journey teaching you a better way to enjoy your food. The weight won't go overnight or even in 1 month but if you follow the plan exactly you'll have no problems

 

[solange]

So well said Sarah. That elusive chase for the big loss is a no no. I did that for so many years and its a long road to nowhere. Long and slow and keep it off.

 

[donkeysaurusrex]

I've experienced very similar issues as you with food- for many, many years now I've been in a starve/binge/starve cycle. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder last year and told by the nurse that if I wanted to get better I was not allowed to 'diet' in any way or try to lose weight!

Obviously I ignored her. I found with SW that initially I got on very well losing a stone then I hit a lull and for the past 3 months have been off plan. However, I haven't binged at all in those three months! I've eaten 'normally' and what I learned through SW stuck with me and I maintained my weight exactly.

Now I'm resuming SW again hoping to lose the last bit of weight.

I tried WW before and hated it as the constant point counting just kept making binge and get too obsessed. I find SW a lot freer, and yes you really can eat as much free and superfree food as you like! Just remember to stop when you feel full in a good way, but don't worry you can eat whenever you feel hungry.

Please don't get too obsessed, take things slowly. It's the fixation on the 'big losses' that can ruin slimming world (from personal experience and reading other people's experiences on here). SW is a life-long journey teaching you a better way to enjoy your food. The weight won't go overnight or even in 1 month but if you follow the plan exactly you'll have no problems

So well said Sarah. That elusive chase for the big loss is a no no. I did that for so many years and its a long road to nowhere. Long and slow and keep it off.

Really hoping to get this into my head this time around Leaving uni seems a good time to embark on a life long journey to get things straight in my head and learn to enjoy food properly. I'm quite looking forward to group tonight!

 

[CCRM]

While I see where you are coming from Sarah when I was starting to recover from my eating disorder (which while it may sound odd but wasn't anything to do with my weight) I knew I couldn't diet or restrict myself as that would have put me back into that control cycle - it was probably 5 years before I could eat without thinking about it but I was still nervous that it would rear it's head again.
This is the first time I've been in a head space to be able to say 'yes I am dieting and it's ok', I think had I tried doing any diet (including SW) just after I was at my worse - when the smell of a richtea biscuit being snapped in half made me vomit - then I would have taken it too extremes. Not saying everyone is the same but I can see where the nurse was coming from