why ?

[sukie sue]

i often wonder why ?
why do we diet ?
what is it that drives us ?
is it a need to be actively doing something 'with'ourselves?
or is it society telling us that we are not good / pretty/ skinny enough (and never will be)
do we ever reach that elusive goal that we are continually striving for ? or do we subconciously sabbotage ourselves because we wouldnt know what to do if we actually succeeded or didnt have our trusty diets to keep us sane
mmmmmmm am i the only one who thinks these things?
my list 2 years ago consisted of
1 be healthy
2 get fitter
3 be more attractive
4 feel good about myself
5 stop hiding behind the 'fat' (hard to admit that one )
6 be able to shop in 'normal 'clothes shops
7 look good in a little lacy pair of shorts
8 most importantly i didnt want to pass my dieting demons on to my little girl , i know where mine come from ... a lifetime of being told that i wasnt quite , good/ skinny/pretty enough and believing it.my demons go soooo far back that i dont ever remember being 'allowed' to feel good.

mmm i wonder ,yes i do :0) will i ever be 'good enough '????

 

[KD]

i often wonder why ?
why do we diet ?
what is it that drives us ?
is it a need to be actively doing something 'with'ourselves?
or is it society telling us that we are not good / pretty/ skinny enough (and never will be)
do we ever reach that elusive goal that we are continually striving for ? or do we subconciously sabbotage ourselves because we wouldnt know what to do if we actually succeeded or didnt have our trusty diets to keep us sane
mmmmmmm am i the only one who thinks these things?
my list 2 years ago consisted of
1 be healthy
2 get fitter
3 be more attractive
4 feel good about myself
5 stop hiding behind the 'fat' (hard to admit that one )
6 be able to shop in 'normal 'clothes shops
7 look good in a little lacy pair of shorts
8 most importantly i didnt want to pass my dieting demons on to my little girl , i know where mine come from ... a lifetime of being told that i wasnt quite , good/ skinny/pretty enough and believing it.my demons go soooo far back that i dont ever remember being 'allowed' to feel good.

mmm i wonder ,yes i do :0) will i ever be 'good enough '????

Very good points there. I know that for dieting was my lifestyle. Perhaps deep down, I sabotaged to keep it so.

Not sure really. That might have been one of the reasons.

Though I'm not sure on whether than was my main reason, I am absolutely certain that I binged/dieted/binged for different reasons than I thought at the time.

I know was I mean anyway

 

[*AnnaMaria*]

Interesting points there Sukie! I've only ever dieted once before, I just got fatter and fatter instead. The reason I started is because I realised that society treats 'fat' people differently. Doors are closed in your face, turned down for jobs, men are not interested, clothes look at best, ridiculous with extra lumps. As a society we shun fat, nobody likes to be fat, and truth be known, nobody honestly admires a fat person. I think fat equates to lazy and greedy (in people's minds, not mine) and they are not nice traits. I didn't want to be stereotyped fat, lazy and greedy, nor have doors shut in my face, nor be turned down for jobs that I know belonged to me. We have little choice with something so ubiquitous, other than to try and conform, or be unhappy and badly treated.

 

[sukie sue]

Interesting points there Sukie! I've only ever dieted once before, I just got fatter and fatter instead. The reason I started is because I realised that society treats 'fat' people differently. Doors are closed in your face, turned down for jobs, men are not interested, clothes look at best, ridiculous with extra lumps. As a society we shun fat, nobody likes to be fat, and truth be known, nobody honestly admires a fat person. I think fat equates to lazy and greedy (in people's minds, not mine) and they are not nice traits. I didn't want to be stereotyped fat, lazy and greedy, nor have doors shut in my face, nor be turned down for jobs that I know belonged to me. We have little choice with something so ubiquitous, other than to try and conform, or be unhappy and badly treated.

youre so right tt 'fat' is seen as lazy , useless ect . i remember at my biggest i saw a job advertised managaing one of the centre parcs spas , and i said to my staff theres a job id be really good at given my work history and as usual i was looking for something'more' so they said why dont you apply youve got everything and more they are asking for , you know what , i didnt even apply , ive been in this industry for all my adult life and i knew how id be pecieved so i didnt even bother , how sad is that , i even said to my girls id apply if i was smaller !????? insanity really isnt it .

 

[sukie sue]

Very good points there. I know that for dieting was my lifestyle. Perhaps deep down, I sabotaged to keep it so.

Not sure really. That might have been one of the reasons.

Though I'm not sure on whether than was my main reason, I am absolutely certain that I binged/dieted/binged for different reasons than I thought at the time.

I know was I mean anyway

but WOW look at you now !!! isnt it funny that something so visually superficial runs soooo deep for so many!

 

[donedoingthis]

couldnt have said it better

Interesting points there Sukie! I've only ever dieted once before, I just got fatter and fatter instead. The reason I started is because I realised that society treats 'fat' people differently. Doors are closed in your face, turned down for jobs, men are not interested, clothes look at best, ridiculous with extra lumps. As a society we shun fat, nobody likes to be fat, and truth be known, nobody honestly admires a fat person. I think fat equates to lazy and greedy (in people's minds, not mine) and they are not nice traits. I didn't want to be stereotyped fat, lazy and greedy, nor have doors shut in my face, nor be turned down for jobs that I know belonged to me. We have little choice with something so ubiquitous, other than to try and conform, or be unhappy and badly treated.

 

[Sarah_P]

Good thread Sukie! Your list of reason to get slim are pretty much the same as mine.

I have tried many times before to lose weight, but always lost interest and chosen to hide away rather than go through it and get to where I want to be. This time something different happened in my brain and I really want it for me. I know that society treats fat people differently and my weight destroyed my confidence and I know that was all due to what other people might have thought about me. I can't tell you how many shops I just wouldn't walk in, for fear of the assistants thinking "like she can wear any of this".

I do think that losing weight makes you feel liberated and that feeling alone is enough to bring back bundles of confidence.

So for me, the only answer the why I diet question has to be that I want to be slim and feel good about myself.

OK, enough rambling!

 

[KD]

but WOW look at you now !!! isnt it funny that something so visually superficial runs soooo deep for so many!

Yeah It's strange though because my size never bothered me much visually. From an appearance perspective, I couldn't care too much if I was fat or slim. It was more about how it was making me feel physically and the annoyance of not feeling in control of what I was eating.

I do feel that some overweight people assume they are being judged for their size, and it effects their self esteem. So whether people are judging them or not, the hold themselves differently, act differently. Deep down, they expect less respect, and so they get it.

Personally, I don't think I was ever treated differently for being big....because it didn't bother me visually it never occured to me that it would bother others. So maybe I didn't come over as an overweight person, so wasn't treated like one?

I do think things are different the older you get though. So maybe I have a poor memory

 

[Jim]

The reason I started is because I realised that society treats 'fat' people differently

Sadly I think that is only true for women, I applied for and got many high flyer jobs, even at my fattest!

The reason I needed to slim down was that my Dr told me I was going to die. High BP, dreadful blood readings, shortness of breath. I'm ashamed to say that at my fattest, I couldn't put my own socks on! It was a major problem when I was away from home for the night, and that was often.

 

[donedoingthis]

jim it is very true that it seems to apply to women only

 

[alibambino]

What a good thread this is !! I dont think im unfit because im overweight, i go to the gym 3/4 times a week, im fitter than any of my skinny friends, my diet is better too, some of my friends just eat crap or eat loads and dont put weight on lol( ******* ).
Ive battled with my weight all my life in fact someone put an old pic on facebook of me at secondary school and i looked normal, even though i didnt feel it i was constantly watching what i ate. But at the time i dont remember feeling normal lol. As a child i had issues around food e.g we werent allowed to eat certain bisciuts as they where mum or dads etc and had a hard time with my mum and not feeling loved, so for me food is sometimes about sticking fingers up at people and saying "see now i can eat what i want and you cant stop me " lol, which sounds daft saying out loud. Food also makes me feel better, when im upset, angry, happy etc, but im learning now how to try to deal with that in a different way, and understanding that its a battle but i can win it, for me losing weight is also about me having to meet someone new and getting naked, that scares me lmao xx

 

[IslandBreeze]

I'm not sure the idea that fat prevents women getting good jobs is true. I wonder if women are just more likely not to apply when they're lacking in self-confidence due to weight issues.

I've always gone for whatever jobs I wanted (heck, I needed the money - don't we all, just cos I'm fat doesn't mean I can live off fresh air) and I've always been fortunate enough to get them even at my fattest. My last job was Global Finance Director at a multi-national. I interviewed for that at 18st and got it no problems. In fact I had other offers at the time and found myself in a bidding war between 2 companies. I'm not saying there aren't employers who discriminate but I think the anticipated discrimination in our imagination is often much worse than what's really out there.

I know it varies according to industry but as an accountant I've mostly been FD in "media" firms - like advertising, PR, Music management etc. They're full of young slim lovies and I've got every single media job I've ever gone for. I even worked in the pop video sector at one point. I firmly believe that if you go for what you want, you'll often be amazed. The biggest limitations on us are those we put on ourselves.

I hope I've not offended anyone, I'll get off my soapbox now....

PS - I'm female by the way - probably should mention that!

 

[sukie sue]

I'm not sure the idea that fat prevents women getting good jobs is true. I wonder if women are just more likely not to apply when they're lacking in self-confidence due to weight issues.

I've always gone for whatever jobs I wanted (heck, I needed the money - don't we all, just cos I'm fat doesn't mean I can live off fresh air) and I've always been fortunate enough to get them even at my fattest. My last job was Global Finance Director at a multi-national. I interviewed for that at 18st and got it no problems. In fact I had other offers at the time and found myself in a bidding war between 2 companies. I'm not saying there aren't employers who discriminate but I think the anticipated discrimination in our imagination is often much worse than what's really out there.

I know it varies according to industry but as an accountant I've mostly been FD in "media" firms - like advertising, PR, Music management etc. They're full of young slim lovies and I've got every single media job I've ever gone for. I even worked in the pop video sector at one point. I firmly believe that if you go for what you want, you'll often be amazed. The biggest limitations on us are those we put on ourselves.

I hope I've not offended anyone, I'll get off my soapbox now....

good post ib , i totally agree with you , it really does vary from industry to industry , but as i said in my post , i didnt apply because i felt to fat , youre right when you say so much of it is our perceptions/ expectations so no offence taken at all :0) i had actually trained the staff years before as a company trainer so i was aware of the companys 'usual 'type of spa director and this did put me off massively coupled iwth how i felt at that size.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Glad I didn't offend you Sukie. It seems pretty universally accepted that men are more confident than women and take more risks. When you sift through job applications you find more men "chance their arm" and go for jobs they're underqualified for whereas women rarely do. Thing is, those risks sometimes pay off!
It's also a case of what you can live with. I've often been the largest person in the office, given the sectors I've chosen to work in. But it's never been a problem for me and I've never been bullied or mocked for it - at least, not that I'm aware of!!!! It helps a bit that I'm tall so I carry it relatively well and I always have huge boobs which tends to distract attention from the rest of me (certainly with men !) Maybe if it had been a problem, I'd have tackled my weight sooner but then again, maybe I'd have just hidden away with a huge chocolate bar...

 

[Jim]

I always have huge boobs which tends to distract attention from the rest of me

Sorry, what was that you were saying? I got distracted for a moment.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Sorry, what was that you were saying? I got distracted for a moment.

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