Ah, 10stonesize10, I can relate to so much of what you've written!
'Want it to be over' .. I remember feeling that all too well!
And being in a bad mood when you were away .. can relate to that too! While I was on LL we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary - it was awful
Mr Mandana felt really awkward eating and drinking in front of me, and he ended up drunk (well he had my share of wine & champagne!), snored really badly and we ended up with him sleeping in a different room. Not great.
And when we went to Rome - the same thing - me on SS while he was eating. Not great for either of us.
At least when we went on holiday to Egypt with friends he had someone else who ate with us, so it wasn't just the 2 of us that time. That was easier. But to get me through I started smoking again, and have found it hard to kick the habit. I will, but it will take time.
Well done on your fantastic loss. Just brilliant
Mandana x