A quest for the old happy Em

I hope so Jane, it'd be nice to have a few more losses before holiday.

Been 100% again this week and in fact have only had about 950 calories each day as I've not really fancied food - not like me at all! Feeling quite rough today but that's because * week has turned up at last 2 weeks late thanks to the stress of all the hot weather. Amazing how sensitive the body is to outside forces like that. I think the next one may well clash with my holiday now which is annoying. So I'm sat at my desk feeling very grumpy and sorry for myself when I want to be curled up at home in bed.
 
Keeping it going with 1.5lb off this week. I was worried as I had a day off yesterday from the diet and ate 2 white wraps (although they were full of salad) and after class came home and did 2 veggie burgers which I had in 2 white rolls. So much white bread! It didn't affect WI but it might catch up next week if I'm not good as gold all week. I'm determined to get back to it though as it did make me feel guilty. I have 4 weigh ins to holiday and I'm hoping for my 2 stone award so 4.5lb to go. Should be doable if I remain focussed.

I missed out on the slimmer of the month but only by 1lb....but she joined the last week of June so all her weigh ins including the big first week have been in July so that's not comparable I don't think. Like slimmer of the week I don't think you should be able to win it if you've only just joined, no-one can compete wih that. Well clearly I did this month, almost, so in my head I deserved it and I won it! Don't care if I don't have a sticker, in my head I'm proud of my losses this month, 10.5lb in 4 weeks.

Needed that loss last night as I'd had a rotten day at the doctors - again! Incompetant nurse gave me a huge bruise from a botched blood test and I couldn't move my arm without pain. Makes you appreciate things when you can't bend an arm or use it at all. How do one handed ladies put their hair back in a hair clip!?
 
Not happy today. Prepare for a rant! My arm is still bruised from last weeks blood test and surprise surprise the doctor never bothered to ring me up to give me my results like she was supposed to - I had to ring them. My B12 is around the same as before though so they're leaving it for now without treatment. I have been rationing out my prescription B12 tablets ever since she refused to renew my prescription,and topping up with more than the 1 a day it says on the bottle of supermarket supplements so I expect that's why. Just have to keep taking the supermarket ones I guess and see what my levels are like come my next blood test.

I possibly broke my little toe on Friday just 4 weeks before my holiday, nice. I'm still hopeful it's badly bruised and not broken or else I won't be ice skating, roller blading, gyming and walking lots on holiday! All I did was walk into the back of my work mates foot and kick his heel. I had my birkenstocks on which have a lip round the edge that usually protects toes from bumps so I'm not sure how I did it with such force!? About a quarter of my foot is bruised and the toe is purple. But it is at least normal sized now, Friday it swelled up to twice its normal size and was agony. It feels a lot better now the swelling has subsided. The bruise is looking better today too but it's the first day I've driven to work since and that really didn't help. Nor did the long walk/hobble from our temporary car park to the office, I look like I've had an accident in my trousers the way I'm walking! It'll be the first day it's not been elevated too and it is starting to feel painful again now so I think maybe I came back to work too soon. Another couple of days working from home might have been a better idea.


The main reason I'm a grumpy pants though is the scales telling me I've gained 2.5lb this week :-( I'll be honest, I broke my month long 1000 cals a day routine and had a slice of cake on Saturday, and some crisps on Monday - blow out crazy eating right!? No way I deserve not to lose weight this week, no way. I'm really angry at my stupid useless metabolism. It does co-incide with a change in my thyroid meds so I'm thinking that wasn't a change for the better! I realise I've not been as active since Friday but its actually taking a lot of effort to do things so that should be burning more calories, not less. I'll know for sure tonight but I'm not happy, not happy at all :-( I wish I'd just eaten some damn chocolate on Friday now after the toe thing to cheer me up.
 
Thanks Jane. I'm feeling much happier today.

My toe is still painful and bruised and I'm losing hope that it's not broken but nevermind. So long as I can walk slowly on it it shouldn't ruin the holiday. I could probably use a cross trainer at the gym too as that doesn't require toes to bend too much. I'm not sure the skating is going to be ok but maybe at the end of the holiday when I have nothing left to lose if I injure it further!

Wednesday I ate practically nothing all day because of what the scales said in the morning and Tuesday morning. Maybe that helped as the scales at fat club said 2lb off and now my ones at home agree with them. I know this should teach me a lesson about weighing at home....but it won't! It didn't make me go off the rails though, it made me more determined so it's not a bad thing - aside from the grump it put me in of course ;-)

So 5 losses in a row, and amazingly good losses too. Well chuffed with myself :) So 2.5lb to get my 2 stone award and 5.5lb to get back to where I was before I came off the pill and put 2.5 stone back on (that sentence makes sense in my head anyway). I can only assume my body has yet to catch up to the scales or those 5.5lb are really important as I'm still a good size 18 and I was an average 16 when I was 5.5lb lighter than I am now. Perfect timing though if I get back there for winter as I have some great knitted dresses to wear with boots that I couldn't wear last winter. Yay for getting back in old clothes!
 
I was a little bit naughty yesterday as I had a bowl of nachos for my tea. They were gorgeous though and all I'd eaten all day was a wrap with an egg in it. Back on track today though and currently resisting a huge brick of cake waiting to be cut in our department left over from a weekend baptism of someones kid. Need to focus as I'm staring to think 'well only a tiny bit of cake will be ok'....no Emma it won't. Think of the scales this week. I'd be gutted to have a gain after so many losses. I'm hoping things start moving through by Wednesday though as it's been 3 days! I'm not used to being bunged up and I've avoided the scales just in case it makes me loads heavier ;-) Maybe now I've eaten some 'real' food I'll be ok.


My toe was starting to feel a bit better but then I decided I was up to hoovering the whole house and blitzing the conservatory. Bad idea. Now it's aching again :-( Oh well, no plans to do much on it this week so should be fine.
 
Finally cleared the system out yesterday and I felt much better for it!! I'm hoping my scales are right this week as they're saying a loss so fingers crossed for tonight. I think it'll only be a tiny half pound but that's still a loss and after 5 weeks of really big losses it had to slow up eventually. I'm still happy with that though, all moving in the right direction.


My toe is feeling a bit better but still unable to walk on it properly. I'm still keeping everything crossed hoping it'll be better by my holiday. 2.5 weeks to go :)
 
1.5lb off in the end. Now I have 2 WI before hols to get another 1lb off so I can get my 2 stone award at class.


My little victory today was getting back in the trousers I was wearing before I came off the pill and my weight went back up. I'm 4lb away from my lightest weight now, then I can start losing new fat to get back to where I was pre-thyroid issues. When I get my 2 stone award I might have a little trying on session to see what I'll be able to take on holiday with me.
 
I'm definitely thinking a loss tonight but the scales say just half a pound, but a loss is a loss. I wanted to get my 2 stone before I went on hols and I'm 1 pound away so I can do that but next week still. I have been pretty much on plan aside from the little fairy cakes my Mum made on the weekend....3 of them accidentally fell into my mouth. They were the little ones though, not full on cupcakes or muffins! I also had that pudding in Hungry Horse last Thursday but the days calories were only 1800 so I'm still thinking I deserve a loss of some sort, even a wee tiny one. Might not stay to class tonight as I really need an early night. Monday night was great, got loads of sleep, but then last night I just kept waking up :-( My toe is now hurting in places it didn't before which is odd but maybe the bruised muscles finally coming out!? Clutching at straws I know.
 
Ok so this week has proven I need to stick rigidly to the plan and have just 1000 calories a day or I can't lose weight :-( A STS last night. I guess if I was wavering around the half pound loss mark the scales at fat club aren't all that accurate (they only go to a half pound accuracy) then I might have had 0.4lb and it wouldn't have registered. I am a little miffed as a loss would have kept me on the losing streak but equally it's not a gain so be grateful for small mercies. Back to it today, 100%. Need to lose a pound this week. I'm out at the cinema this evening so might miss my tea but then I'm thinking if I just ate a yoghurt or some fruit thats ok as I'd be getting straight into bed then and thats no good on a full stomach.
 
Oh dear oh dear, think my brain has checked into holiday and/or blob week mode a week too soon! Yesterday was rubbish, totally off plan by having pre-packed sandwiches and crisps at lunch which could have been salvaged as it was 15 syns all in, but then I had a 6" veggie delite subway for tea and had some more crisps.....which also would have had me at 1100 calories for the day which would have been fine but then for some reason I bought a bag of galaxy counters on my way home from the cinema (the big bag I mean, but not the massive share bag, I didn't go that crazy!). So that well and truly blew the day. I did feel suitably fat and guilty though. My logic this morning was maybe the craving for choc was blob week on its way as usually I can take it or leave it, plus my skin is getting worse which it always does.

Then I started telling myself that maybe a STS this week might be the better way to go anyway as who wants to get a 2 stone award only to lose it day one of their holiday!? Better to not have it and then when I come back from hols start working back towards it and then when I do gain it it'll be sticking with me and then onwards to the 2.5 stone one. My 1.5 stone doesn't seem long ago (as it wasn't but it was a long time coming after my 1 stone award which made me feel like a failure) so this way my awards would be nicely spaced out. If I gain my 2 stone award, lose it and probably lose my 1.5 stone one too, have to work back to them over the next couple of months or more and then another 7lb to the next one it'll seem like ages since I really achieved anything at fat club. Does that make any sense!? So mentally I'm sabotaging my diet. I think I've also reached that point I always do after dieting hard for weeks, where I start to feel hard done by and all self pitying and think I want to eat 'normal' food. Eating just 1000 calories is bl00dy hard going and makes you miserable quite frankly and I get tired of it. The losses keep me going but then one week where I don't get that 'high' at class just sends me backwards.

Again today I have no suitable lunch in the house so I have some pre-packed sarnies from Tescos low fat range....but using both my hexB's for the bread, syning the rest, plus 4 syns for a shapers bar from Boots (very nice chocolate covered mint nougart bar), I should be ok for today. I'm such an idiot. Just start thinking 'ooh I'll be back in a size 16 soon' and then I go off the rails. I know I shouldn't beat myself up over one day, it's about how you deal with the other 6, but anyone who's read my diary to this point will know what I'm like! And if you have read it to this point then blimey you're doing well to put up with me :-D
 
Oh Emm, I know how you feel but if you manage to maintain until you go on your hols it might make it easier for you. I couldnt help but smile when I read what you have written, I am sure that I am not the only one on here who can 100% identify with your thought processes.

Hope that you have a good weekend EmmyLou. xx
 
Thank Jane :) Glad to know my logic isn't flawed and it all makes total sense to someone else too! So I'm going to stay off the scales this week, be as good as I can be and take whatever comes Wednesday before going off on hols and having fun.

My toe is still aching but I've convinced myself it's muscular damage like a sprain so I'm trying to walk on it a bit today. I don't think tensing my foot and walking on the big toe side of it and sticking my left foot out like a duck is doing me any favours. I'll be forgetting how to walk straight!
 
Been so long since I updated my diary, partly been off plan, partly been busy, but no real excuse! So a catch up: Holiday was great, amazing weather considering it was Iceland and Norway and we avoided the rain too. I packed boots but needed flip flops some days! Some very pretty places round Norway, very picturesque and Iceland is such a tiny place – even Reykjavik their capital was like a small town over here. As cruise lines go I’m not sure I rank Royal Caribbean as being outstanding but the service was excellent, food was nice and the ship was a good size. The ship is due an overhaul next year which it needs – CRT room tv’s in 2013!? It was massive. The gym was missing half its weights and equipment was broken and cheap looking which is probably why. I did get a moment of thinking omg I’m amazingly strong when I picked up a weight with a 5 on it with ease thinking it was my usual 5kg….but being an American ship I soon realised it was 5lb!! I was a bit annoyed the main restaurant (which was lovely with a huge chandelier, very grand looking) had such poor menus every night. Even my other half struggled to like any of it so we often went to the buffet which had far better choice. I’d love to say I took advantage of all the fresh fruit at breakfast and salads at lunch, but I didn’t :) Donuts, pastries and pancakes every morning and fresh bread rolls for lunch and with dinner and lots of cookies and puddings. We did tend to skip lunch most days if we were off the boat and we walked a lot as thankfully my toe was almost recovered (ached after a day of walking but so much better than I could have hoped for given it only had 4 weeks to heal). My weigh in on my return was a 5lb gain which I was pleasantly surprised at….even more so when after a few good days back on plan it had dropped to a 3lb gain by Wednesday WI.

I then had a week away from class being ill :-( and ate nothing but rubbish, then * week had me eating chocolate mid-afternoon again at work and so I gained 2lb last week. I realised that after 4 weeks off plan I’d been very lucky to only gain 5lb and needed to get my head back in the right place which I’ve now done. I wasn’t an angel on the weekend as I had a piece of pizza for my tea at Costco along with a large cupcake plus a sandwich and crisps during the day as I was at the NEC but I was straight back on it after a day off. Scales are showing a 1lb loss so hopefully that shows tonight too :)

I was hoping to find a wedding dress at the NEC on Saturday at the wedding show but no such luck. All the sensibly priced stuff they had last year wasn’t there this year, what a waste of time and money :-( So now I’m going to have to increase my budget and go to a normal shop. It’s hard as I’m not at target so I’m shopping for a dress not knowing how big or small I’ll be!?
 
So pleased to see you back Emm. I think that you have done amazingly well to gain so little! As for wedding dresses, bargains can be found in wedding dress shops. I was 18.5 stone when I looked look for wedding dresses and the dress shop ordered my dress from the states where they are often a lot cheaper than here. They ordered it in the size I was then and altered it when I had lost 3 stone. We had a beautiful wedding but had a strict budget.

Good luck with WI tonight. xx
 
Thanks Jane :) Yes I shocked myself a bit with a gain that small from holiday. I was expecting 8 or 9lb! My thinking was to buy a size 16 dress (a real 16 I mean, not a wedding dress labelled 16 which we all know is actually a 14 or less!) which I will be into within another stone, and then get it adjusted to be smaller. That has to be easier than getting one let out if I bought it too small. I'm planning on getting a lace up back, partly because I think they look prety and partly for the flexibility in the fit between final fitting and the actual day just in case. No chance of me getting to the shops this weekend but hopefully the following weekend. I've mentioned it to Mum but she's not showing any sign of taking an interest in coming along or being part of it which is a little upsetting, but never mind. She'd say I looked fat in everything anyway!
 
Yay. 1.5lb off last night. I was pleased with that and walked home with a spring in my step despite having forgotten my coat (got dropped off in the car!). So my feet were toasty warm in my fleecy DM's but the thin cotton dress with 3/4 length sleeves wasn't the best for 10 degree blustery weather. Ah well, the faster you walk the warmer you'll be.

I'm hoping for another 1.5 next week too as I've no naughty meals out planned this week. I want to get back to cooking a new recipe each weekend and the magazine had some tasty looking things in it to try. Plus it's soup weather again and I like making soup :)
 
Well I did try a new recipe for sausage and bean chilli which was really easy and tasty....but due to a whole load of stressful stuff happening I also ate lots of bad stuff :-( I did lose 1.5lb though! Don't know how but I was well chuffed considering I thought I'd gained. I think half a pound might have been there from last week which helped.

Need to be on plan this week to stop the bad stuff catching up now. 2lb to go to get rid of the holiday gain and the bit I gained while off sick.
 
Oh dear, last weeks loss was clearly a blip as I gained 2.5lb this week. Some of that was last weeks loss that wasn't really a loss so probably went straight back on the following day...the rest is a few days worth of food backing up - nice. The latest lot of B12 tablets I've been given are a different brand and they seem to be giving me terrible constipation. I was at home sick on Monday as I'd not been for 5 days and it was making me feel really ill. I then went once and now not again since. It's making me very sulky :-( So I've eaten bad stuff too. I've put in a request for another brand but they get funny about that sort of thing as if it's the patients fault they weren't able to see into the future and know the tablets weren't going to be suitable! So when I go to collect it Saturday morning I expect an altercation with the pharmacy staff again!

Really motivated to be strict now though as I've got a 2 stone award treat fixed in my head and now I'm a whole 5.5lb away from it!! 3 amazing weeks would do it I reckon.
 
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