A Weigh of Life

LittleSausage said:
Did you make it to the pool?!
Click to expand...

No. *blushes*
But i have a good excuse. I had to listen to the Budget speech ahead of work or I'd get slaughtered by the editor.

If it makes up at all I have spent the last 30 minutes dancing round the bedroom in my grundies to lots of summer music as our one day of London sun arrived today.

Curtains closed obviously :p

Zxx
 
Excellent! I'm enjoying the same sunshine, albeit from inside the office. Actually, the sun showed its face briefly yesterday which wasn't too shabby! X
 
Well done on your loss this week! :)
 
Big Girls Don't Cry

I wasn't sure what I was going to write about today so I was going to give you all a day's rest from me but I was just having a read/post on LittleSauasage's diary (which is here: http://www.minimins.com/slimming-world-weight-loss-diary/185047-diary-not-so-little-sausage-25.html and it's great).

It's made me feel a little weepy to be honest. So if you're here expecting me to be amusing I'm afraid today's not the day for it.

I've been whacked in the face by the challenge I'm actually taking on here. Not just the diet and the changing of habits but the mental battle I'm facing with myself to overcome the Me that I've been for years. The Me that scoffs a whole bag of mini eggs because although I know when to stop I don't want to. The Me that actually thinks I can hide the truth of my weight from myself. The Me that thinks I'm so brilliant that overeating won't harm me because I'm such a good dieter I can shift the excess in a week.

I was the annoying kid at school. Top of the Class without really trying, always picked first for sports, had the lead in the school play, friends with all the cool kids. So I have to admit to myself that I grew up pretty over confident (despite being an overweight child) and always told and believing I could do pretty much anything without a lot of effort.

But I'm not a cocky 12 year old any more. I've lost confidence due to weight, I find it hard to mix socially due to my weight and I rarely think it's worth making the effort with clothes etc as people won't see past my weight. That's ME now.

Me now hasn't had a fella in years as I truly believe that anyone who would want to go out with someone like me isn't the type of person I want to go out with. Yeah, I'm a complete b*tch.

Yet in the back of my head there's still the person that does stuff effortlessly who hasn't realised that as a grown up my world has changed. That to achieve anything as a 30-something I have to work my ass off.

I've done it with work. I'm as high up as a woman of my age has ever been in my department and although I no longer want to go further up the chain, I probably could if I wanted. But I have really worked my backside off to get there. Worked it for 18 years and won.

Now I need to give the same focus I give to work to ME. I have to work my backside off literally. It won't just happen by itself. I won't wake up one day and be perfect. I stand a much better chance if I take one little step towards perfect every day.

Zxx
 
Made me a little weepy, too. It's heartbreaking, the feeling of being held back (not professionally, but personally). At work, I'm good. Excellent, in fact. There are very few women in my industry, and even fewer 26 year olds. I'm moving up, due to a LOT of hard work.

But, as it stands right now, I don't like myself. I have been single for about 3 years, and am probably now a virgin again. At work, I hate complacency, inadequacy and general incompetence. But that truly is me, outside of work - lazy and always making excuses. I'm just hoping that this positive step is going to help me change things. While having a lot of weight to lose is a hugely daunting task, I am quite glad that I have a lot more time to sort myself out.

x
 
Gosh. I can really relate to the last 2 posts.

I feel that over the years of gradually putting weight, my confidence gradually got lower and lower. However only the people that know me well would have realised. I also have a very professional, responsible job and can be quite assertive and outwardly confident (although I sometimes don't feel it inside). Before I started this there were a few things that I had slowly stopped doing (or stopped being prepared to try) which mostly I didn't acknowledge to anyone (because that would have made me very miserable and as much as my weight had affected me and made me miserable in one way, I am pretty happy with my life).

I loved your list of 'Me' things that you need to overcome. However, by being here and starting this journey, you can be the Me that you are and always have been, and yet a different Me as well (I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense). I wish you all the very best and thanks for writing some really interesting and thought provoking posts.

Gail x
 
Thanks Gail. Kind words always appreciated here. Trying my hardest to work out who Me is and get to know her again.


Not had time to update diary for a few days but I'll be back with you all tomorrow.

Staying up late watching Jennifer Aniston in The Break Up. Not my favourite actress but, WOW, what a figure. Tiredness has made me consider cheating and having a late night snack but now I'm dreaming of the day I'm anywhere near her size.

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Another day further down the line - Bread of Life

Well, it's been a while. I've not been ignoring you, I've been desperate to get back here and witter on some more but my work/life balance has taken good shaking this week and I have had zero time to do anything at all except count syns and weigh myself constantly.

It's been ups and downs which is how I generally feel when work shifts move so much. I had the misfortune to be on an early shift on Sunday which normally means getting up at 5am. With the clocks going back that was 4am. I coped pretty with sticking to plan food wise then just before I was due to drive home I decided I needed a wake me up so had an energy drink (zero cal - so still being good). Sadly this meant that by the time I made it home I was then wide awake. And I stayed that way until 3am Monday morning.

I'm pretty whacked I can tell you. I do think though that I've managed to combat my normal problem with working the early shift. It used to mean I'd wake up hungry and no matter how much and what I ate during the day I stayed hungry. Now I'm eating the right things (porridge instead of a sausage sandwich) the hunger goes.

I can't get over the tea drinking thing though. By 9am I'd used up my entire milk allowance (both HEx As) and went back to my old habit of deciding I deserved tea even if it meant extra milk. I mean, sweet heaven, I'm consciously cheating and it's for milk. MILK!!! And yes, it was a cheat as I didn't measure or syn any of it. Dagnabbit: a girl's got to have a cuppa, right?

I also had a slice of bread with my dinner (only the 3rd slice I've had since I started) and it totally bloated me out. And within minutes too. It was like I'd swallowed a bowling ball. And it was still there this morning. I've genuinely never noticed how much of an effect it has on me before. Probably because I ate bread with everything and would just assume I'd overeaten in general and not link it to the bread.

On the upside I'm faithfully continuing with my cup of hot water & lemon every morning. For anyone that's not tried it take my word for it: give it ten minutes and it will shift anything out of your system.

I've also continued to weigh myself everyday. I can't help it. The scales are there, in the bathroom, and they beckon me over with a little teasing wink and say "use me, use me". Now, I'm not getting that kind of come on anywhere else in life so I'm going to fall for it every day.

After WI in this week I 100% promise to give them to The Mother to hide from me. I can't cope with the fear that what I'm weighing in at every day is going to be my result for the week (as you can guess it's not been good).

So, two days to my Wednesday WI. Not feeling too confident. Determined to keep going no matter what the result is as the other option of staying like this for the rest of my life isn't an option. It's a failure. Bottling out. Being a quitter.

Winners never quit and quitters never win. And no matter how long it takes I'm going to win this battle.

Zoe xx
 
#WINNING!
You've got such a great attitude. I know all about the scales beckoning... I'm not quick enough to weigh myself at home straight after weigh in (to get an idea of how my scales differ from those at group)... noooo... instead, I weigh myself every day, at different times, just so that I can have a panic attack/heart attack/convulsions when they say that I've gained 5lb IN THE LAST HOUR.

As for synning the milk... ha! On my first ever day on plan, I had to syn a soup. A soup whose ingredients included, and were limited to, edamame beans, cabbage, leeks, spinach, peas, potato and mint. 11 SYNS.

Have a great day! xx
 
Not being funny but that soup sounds gross, sausage!!!

I would actually love it if my weight on my scales went randomly up and down because I could reassure myself somewhat that it's just time of day etc. Sadly they say the same thing every time I do it and it's a bigger number than I had at WI in last week give or take an ounce.
 
I'm such a scales addict myself! After a rather big loss (for me) this Sunday I vowed not to weigh till class tonight and then not again till next Sunday as I knew it'd flicker back up again.....um, yeah, weighed this morning. But I took 1 day off!! I don't think we should fight our habit - just learn not to react to them like 'oh I've gained, sod it' or 'yay I've lost, I'll have a treat' which is what I used to do. Good luck!
 
Seriously, it is REALLY nice! Very green, but really nice. Hmmm... your scales sound mean. Maybe a good kicking would be a good idea. Also, have you thought of weighing in at the same time on the same scales in, maybe, your local Boots? Then you can tell the scales to eff off, whatever they say! x
 
What a great thread! I have sat here reading through and laughed and almost cried! It's amazing when someone else writes things down that I am feeling as well. I stumbled across this app on my iPod so don't really know if it's ok for me to just write on ur thread or if I'm doing it right! I have lost 8lb with sw so far and have 37 lbs more to go and if I'm honest about another 10lb on top of that but I can't bring myself to admit that bit!! Every day is a constant battle with food as I have always turned to food in my hour of need it's been my best friend and worst enemy at t same time! Anyway better stop writing now feel like I could go on for ages!! Xx
 
Hi Shigby and welcome to the forum.

Of course it's okay to post!!!

Some days I do like to think I'm talking to myself as it's just a stream of consciousness and I look back and think "Oh no, I actually did say that..... and people have probably read it".

BUT, the majority of the time I like to know people are reading me and if they can nod along and not feel alone any more because I've managed to put into words what's in their head that's fantastic.

If I can help others at the same time as helping myself by writing all my emotions down then I'm not as much of a useless lump as I feel most mornings.

Zxx
 
Whilst I'm here - and in hope that someone with a bit more SW experience than me is looking in.......

I have a big girlie day out on Saturday. Once a year all the female volunteers at my local football match sponsor the game and we eat all day, get horrendously drunk and then party into the night. There's a pink theme and everyone brings pink food along which is generally cupcakes, percy pigs, marshmallows etc etc

I think I can conquer the eating thing as I'm taking strawberries, raspberries and plums with me (kind of pushing the pink a bit to the extreme , but heck) and I'm going to make up some of the low syn recipes from here e.g. the lemon cupcakes and the lemon fingers.

Unfortunately I can't replace the drink. Well, I could just drink softies all day but that's not the point of us all not working for the day and having a knees up.

I weigh in tomorrow (Wednesday) and my theory was if I limit my syns on Weds/Thurs/Fri to maximum 10 then that's at least 15 spare which would be 6 vodkas. Plus my allowance for Saturday as well.

Does doing this as a one off affect weight loss massively? Or does my body think "starvation" for first 3 days, and then "binger" for the big day, and put on/sts?

I'm not keen on blowing a whole week but I've been looking forward to this day since the season started back in August and don't want to be the party pooper. I can probably get away with one virgin drink for every alcoholic one without anyone noticing (I'm a vodka and diet coke girl so they'll look the same) but I kinda of do fancy being a little tipsy. I'm just dead scared of blowing a week when I'm not even a month into it.

What's the general consensus on storing up syns for a blowout?

Zxx
 
Ok, well, I haven't but there are loads of people who have! (I just haven't had the time or the occasion to do so). I think that, as long as you are conscious about your syns, give yourself a maximum number of vodkas and stick to it, you should be absolutely fine. It shouldn't affect your weigh in if you stick to those allocated syns. Don't forget, though, that there will be all those other treats there. If you manage to steer clear then good on you!

Alternatively, you could flexi-syn the day. Allocate a max syn number, say, 40 and have your blowout. Making sure that you draw a line under it and get back on plan the next day.

Personally, I don't think your body will say "help! I'm starving!" if you just cut back on the syns for the few days prior. And one day of debauchery should be fine. Again, it's all within reason - do you have 5 lemon cupcakes before the vodka? Or stick to free/superfree foods and then not feel guilty because you have a plan?

An idea for something to take: you could do some frozen yoghurts (fat free yoghurt, sweetener, crushed raspberries - when you put the tub in the ice chest just remember to give it a good stir every hour for the 1st 3 hours!)
You could also mix some crushed red fruits and sweetener in to some quark for a sweet.
Or, slow roast lots of tomatoes, some onion, garlic, red pepper and chilli, squish with a fork and mix that with quark for a dip (don't forget some celery/carrot/cucumber crudités!)

If I think of any more pink food ideas I'll let you know.

Xx
 
"I wanna free myself from all this misery
I wanna taste the love but life’s against me
But I am … My own worst enemy

Today’s the day I turn myself to set me free
Wanna fly away And change my ways"
Stereophonics
​

Day 22 - Weigh to go


Well, it's WI again. 1lb off - which keeps me dead on target for an average of 1.5 per week but it is slightly worrying that my losses are steadily dropping each week. (1) 2lb, (2)1.5lb and now (3) 1lb.

I've read over my food diary and as I appear to be getting better at sticking to plan it's even more worrying. Maybe I'm just good at being fat and should accept that as my lot in life. I mean we're encouraged to pursue most thing we're good at, aren't we?

I could be a bit better at eating superspeeds to help shift wieght quicker maybe. I could be a million times better at exercising. Even one quick walk round the block would probably double my weekly steps in a few minutes. I think I have to face up to it that although changing my food lifestyle is a brilliant step I'm going to have to find the time for activity. I don't know where that's going to come from though. Perhaps I should ditch my morning of sitting in bed on the laptop. Twitter can probably cope without me for an hour a day. But can I cope without twitter?

I'd like to think I can keep it at 1lb per week. That would see me hit target by February next year. If I can do 1.5lb per week I'm there by October.

I foresee problems with this as I know I have days coming up where I'm going to go off plan. And other days where I'll be too drunk to even remember there's a plan or what the word plan means.

This Saturday is sorted - I know what I'm doing in my head.

Then there's this Sunday when I'm out for Mother's Day dinner at my nan's.
Easter weekend will be a struggle as I have a night out with some old football boys Saturday followed by the Sunday when we have 16 of my family for dinner. Easter dinner sees the annual inter-family pudding eating competition.
End of May is my 'Big Do' and I fully intend to overeat, get horrendously drunk and spend the next day eating junk to get over it.
Two weeks after that is my Mum's 60th.
End of July is annual football pre-season away weekend (again. it's all about the booze).
Start of September is my birthday..... it goes on and on

I know I shouldn't be allowing myself these excuses in advance as I'm just giving myself permission to fail. I've always been work hard, play hard. Now that I work harder (50 hour weeks minimum added to 10/15 hours commuting) the times I get to play I want to play harder too.

It's a toss up between play harder or play sexier though. My boys and my girlies love that I can match them drink for drink. We have fun. Can we have fun semi-sober? I don't know. We'll see this weekend.

If I can still be one of the boys when I'm only half drunk I've won. Because half drunk = half syns = more weight loss = twice as sexy. I think that will have to be my mantra when I get the peer pressure on Saturday.
Half as drunk, twice as sexy.

Zxx
​
 
Excellent mantra!

I honestly think that it's just going to be a case of being prepared, and willpower! Mother's Day dinner should probably be written off, if you have no control over the meal. Maybe, though, you can call your nan in advance and ask her to make some extra vegetables? Or you can take some of the pre-prepared veg in a bag, just stick-in-the-microwave ones? That way you can fill your plate with extra veg and have less of the other (naughty?) stuff. The alcoholic evenings just need a bt of self control and forward planning - cut back on the syns the week before, and then allocate yourself a maximum number of drinks. Maybe you could forgo the pudding eating competition? And, on your mum's birthday, you could eat before the party so that you're less likely to pick at naughty things...
 
Mum will be good to me at her party and we'll have lots of SW type options. Nan's is a roast (it's the pudding I'm worried about). The pudding competition I'm leaving to the boys as I'll never beat them anyway. Alcohol is a struggle of mind over matter, and learning that I don't have to prove I can outdrink the boys.

Anyways, I just tried to make the lemon fingers ahead of Saturday and I am possibly THE worst cook ever. It's bloody lucky that I'm good in the sack as a man is never going to marry me for my culinary skills. They are burnt, tasteless and instead of 27-30 fingers I managed 14. I can't get them off the baking tray.

I've written that option off and will just hit the fruit real hard.
 
Dips and crudites are the way to go!
 
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