Age difference in relationships - does it matter?

[tallsarah]

I am guessing from your post that you are using the forum to 'think out loud' about the decision whether you want to get involved in a relationship with this man, but that you already know what you are going to do. There are risks involved in embarking on any relationships, some of the 'problems' you need to think whether you can cope with, but some you will not even know about yet, but thats true of all relationships. The age thing does not seem a hurdle to me, but its what goes with it that can be, e.g. children and ex's. If you take it slowly then these things will become obvious and you can gauge how you feel about them and whether you think this person is worth dealing with the stresses, because of the positives they bring. You should not be over concerned what other people think, but if you are hoping this will develop into a long term relationship be mindful that marriage etc needs the support of friends and family, which as others have said, may develop once they get to know him and you both as a couple.

Relationships work and fail for many reasons, and I would suggest that age as a single factor would not be a reason for things not to work. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well and that the outcome is positive for you and all concerned.

 

[dudette2001uk]

I am guessing from your post that you are using the forum to 'think out loud' about the decision whether you want to get involved in a relationship with this man, but that you already know what you are going to do. There are risks involved in embarking on any relationships, some of the 'problems' you need to think whether you can cope with, but some you will not even know about yet, but thats true of all relationships. The age thing does not seem a hurdle to me, but its what goes with it that can be, e.g. children and ex's. If you take it slowly then these things will become obvious and you can gauge how you feel about them and whether you think this person is worth dealing with the stresses, because of the positives they bring. You should not be over concerned what other people think, but if you are hoping this will develop into a long term relationship be mindful that marriage etc needs the support of friends and family, which as others have said, may develop once they get to know him and you both as a couple.

Relationships work and fail for many reasons, and I would suggest that age as a single factor would not be a reason for things not to work. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well and that the outcome is positive for you and all concerned.

I guess my posts did make it sound like I was trying to justify to myself a decision already made

I think it's more that I lack confidence in my decisions, so I wanted to know whether these type of relationships could work.

All the replies have given me faith that age doesn't have to be a major stumbling block for relationships

 

[Gettingthinnerbytheday]

I'd say if you don't give it a go - you'll never know

My hubby is almost 9yrs older than me & if anything, it probably makes us stronger as he's able to keep me slightly more grounded!!

x

 

[Gemma]

Hi,

Not on SW but am in a similar position myself (18 years difference). I really don't think it is the age that makes the difference its where you are in your life that makes the difference. For instance he has already been married and had kids, does he want to go through that again? How would you feel if the relationship turned serious and you wanted different things?

xxxx

 

[Debridger]

I'm a bit late jumping into this thread, anyhow, I met a fella, which over time developed into a wonderful, platonic relationship, I was married, he was in what had become a brother/sister type relationship with his wife.
One day, when we were both free to do so, our relationship changed - that was 13 years ago ......oh, our age difference... He is 26 years older than me. He is not a father figure (he's older than my dad lol), he's not a sugar daddy, he's skint as a fish, we are just great together.
Initially, well after a period of time when we realised that it wasn't just a bit of fun, he had some difficulties with the age gap... not in general, or what anyone else may or may not think, but he was worried that I was wasting my time with him, that he'd hold me back...we obviously discussed it, reassured each other, and yes, were are still together, still going strong, and very happy. I am 2 years younger than his youngest child - he has 4, and our relationship is not an issue with any of them.
As pointed out, it may be the other aspects that may be problematic - that's may, not will!

For us, he obviously didn't want any more children, but I didn't (read still don't) want children, so that wasn't an issue for us, in fact it was more of one for my Mother!

All I can say, forget the age gap , it's where you are, and what you want in life that is important, the 2 keys things are
Friendship and communication

Good luck, follow what is right for you,
but take it slowly, and talk, talk and talk some more

Deb x

 

[Maximus]

My old ma would have said, "You're only as old as the person you feel"

 

[Debridger]

My old ma would have said, "You're only as old as the person you feel"

Thanks Steve, that suddenly makes me 68 lol

 

[fillymum]

Thanks Steve, that suddenly makes me 68 lol

You can always count on my lad !!!!

 

[Annya]

My old ma would have said, "You're only as old as the person you feel"

Blimey - I am now 64!!

 

[kingleds]

Still 32 but OH saya he feels 50 today so does that count ?

 

[*EB*]

Hey Sian

I would just add in the following things - if you are thinking long term for this guy, i guess you have to think if he want children. I had a friend who got involved with a chap who was older and had children already - she REALLY wanted kids, he didnt. It was the cause of many arguments, and ultimately meant the relationship was going to be rocky unless one person changed their mind one way or the other.

I want you to be happy honey as you come across on here as a lovely person - so just take it slow and see how it goes! Remember, if he is worth it - the dating is going to be simple.

Me and Mr Bear to be, have never played games - and WYSIWYG. Our relationship works, and its easy to be in love with him. We keep it real, and have such a laugh and fun all the time. He makes my heart flutter when he smiles at me. I really cant wait to get married!!!!

xxx

 

[Lucky7]

Sian - it's nearly the weekend. Any plans to bite the bullet and ask him if he fancies meeting for a drink when he hasn't got to be the one working?? GO girl!!! xx

 

[fillymum]

Sian - it's nearly the weekend. Any plans to bite the bullet and ask him if he fancies meeting for a drink when he hasn't got to be the one working?? GO girl!!! xx

She is moving house this weekend Lucky so I suppose we will not see her around for a few days

hugs xxxx

 

[Lucky7]

Oooohh. It's like a romance noveI - and I want to find out what happens now!!

 

[dietgirl24]

Sian - it's nearly the weekend. Any plans to bite the bullet and ask him if he fancies meeting for a drink when he hasn't got to be the one working?? GO girl!!! xx

urgh no, dont ask the guy out! let the guy do the chasing x

 

[Sassia]

My old ma would have said, "You're only as old as the person you feel"

Mine's only 39 but is ready for the knackers yard, bless him.

Sent from my Desire HD using MiniMins

 

[Lucky7]

urgh no, dont ask the guy out! let the guy do the chasing x

Normally maybe, but he might not want her to think he's some kind of dirty old man, chasing after younger women. He needs to know she's interested (in something more than flirting) so that he CAN make a move.

 

[fillymum]

Oooohh. It's like a romance noveI - and I want to find out what happens now!!

Me too

Mine's only 39 but is ready for the knackers yard, bless him.

Sent from my Desire HD using MiniMins

Poor lamb.What have you done to him ?

urgh no, dont ask the guy out! let the guy do the chasing x

If had waited for Paul I would still be waiting 27 years later.

He used to send a drink to me every night and just raised his glass to me and smiled, but didn't utter a word. He was so shy...............

In the end I took matters into my own hands and walked up to him and gave him a huge, smacker of a kiss on the lips, he picked me up ( I was 7st.10lbs then) and sat me down in a quiet corner where he returned the kiss The rest is history. We married 10 months later and this year celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary.
I am not advocating that Sian snogs the face of him but she knows him well enough to suggest they have a drink together.
They might not even like each other after an evening of one on one. But then again they might just :candledinner:

 

[Sassia]

Poor lamb.What have you done to him ?

Lolol not guilty! 13 years as a postman did all that!

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[Shirleen]

Lolol not guilty! 13 years as a postman did all that!

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Yup! Mine's a trunk Driver for RM and people keep asking him if he's got grandchildren. He's 45! Old enough to have grandkids I know. but when he asked one bloke how old he thought he was, the bloke replied 'about the same age as me aren't you'. The bloke is 55!

But don't feel sorry for him because he smokes*, and spends every minute he can lying in the sun, so he's only got himself to blame!

*I'm very anti smoking since my mum got mouth cancer and ended up a wreck, she'll never eat food again, can't leave the house, has no muscle tone so needs a wheelchair! She's lucky...her sister died of the same disease!