Am obese and miserable...

[Pigeonia]

Hello all!

I'm a 30 (nearly 31) year old mum of a boy aged five and I've been overweight since my teens. I've weighed myself today and I'm 14st 5lbs and at 5'7" that makes me obese .

I have an active job as a cleaner and I do a good 2 mile walk every day but unfortunately I eat such a vast amount of food that I'm fat.

My body aches, I'm tired all the time, my skin is bad and I look unattractive because being this big doesn't suit me.

My brother is getting married in 16 months time (May 2012) and I want to lose 3 and a half stones by then because I am bridesmaid! The bride is an old school friend of mine and she's skinny so I'll look like a frumpy elephant next to her if I don't change. That's about 3-4lbs per month to lose.

This is going to be my diary and I hope writing in it every day will help me recognise my weaknesses and distract me from eating all the time!!!:cry:

I've binged big time today because we have a family wedding tomorrow and I'm nervous as hell. Last time we had a family party I had a massive panic attack and am worried it'll happen again. I just want to stay home where I feel safe.

 

[SugarMummy2010]

Hello all!

I'm a 30 (nearly 31) year old mum of a boy aged five and I've been overweight since my teens. I've weighed myself today and I'm 14st 5lbs and at 5'7" that makes me obese .

I have an active job as a cleaner and I do a good 2 mile walk every day but unfortunately I eat such a vast amount of food that I'm fat.

My body aches, I'm tired all the time, my skin is bad and I look unattractive because being this big doesn't suit me.

My brother is getting married in 16 months time (May 2012) and I want to lose 3 and a half stones by then because I am bridesmaid! The bride is an old school friend of mine and she's skinny so I'll look like a frumpy elephant next to her if I don't change. That's about 3-4lbs per month to lose.

This is going to be my diary and I hope writing in it every day will help me recognise my weaknesses and distract me from eating all the time!!!:cry:

I've binged big time today because we have a family wedding tomorrow and I'm nervous as hell. Last time we had a family party I had a massive panic attack and am worried it'll happen again. I just want to stay home where I feel safe.

Hey Pigeonia

Just thought I would say Hi
I felt exactly the same as you 4 weeks ago , my skin was awful, had zero energy etc. but in the short space of 3 weeks I already feel better than I did and I am sure you will 3 weeks from now x
Having a diary and lots of support from us here will help you I promise x
I know alot about panic attacks as my mum has suffered with them for years and it isnt a nice experiance , I hope it all goes well tomorrow xx
Wishing you lots of luck on your new journey xx

 

[Pigeonia]

Thanks so much

 

[sugar_lipswales]

I just wanted to share a piece that was on here a few days ago, I can't remember who but it really inspires me and I had to put it on my laptop. It may be about a race but it still applies to dieting so stand up and accept the challenge!


“When you stand on the Start Line, you join the club. When you stand at the Starting Line you earn your membership. Millions dream of being where you are. You are no longer a dreamer. You are a doer.

Thousands more started a training programme but never finished. They started with the same enthusiasm as (or more than) you. They started with more or less the same physical gifts or disadvantages as you did. They had no more and no less reason to be successful than you.

But somewhere along the way, they lost that enthusiasm. Somewhere on the road or on the track or treadmill, they decided that the rewards just weren't worth the effort. They decided that they could live without finding their limits, without challenging their expectations of themselves and without taking a hard look at their image of themselves.

You didn't. If you’re standing at the Start Line, you've not only accepted the challenge, but you've also beaten back the demons. You've conquered your imagination and self-imposed limitations. You've gone further, got stronger and become tougher than you ever imagined."

 

[cloud*]

Just wanted to say hi & wish u good luck. I'm 198lbs & only 5ft 3 so I feel very fat. I've always had skin & weight problems to I can empathise with you. Take care xo

 

[SugarMummy2010]

I just wanted to share a piece that was on here a few days ago, I can't remember who but it really inspires me and I had to put it on my laptop. It may be about a race but it still applies to dieting so stand up and accept the challenge!

"When you stand on the Start Line, you join the club. When you stand at the Starting Line you earn your membership. Millions dream of being where you are. You are no longer a dreamer. You are a doer.

Thousands more started a training programme but never finished. They started with the same enthusiasm as (or more than) you. They started with more or less the same physical gifts or disadvantages as you did. They had no more and no less reason to be successful than you.

But somewhere along the way, they lost that enthusiasm. Somewhere on the road or on the track or treadmill, they decided that the rewards just weren't worth the effort. They decided that they could live without finding their limits, without challenging their expectations of themselves and without taking a hard look at their image of themselves.

You didn't. If you're standing at the Start Line, you've not only accepted the challenge, but you've also beaten back the demons. You've conquered your imagination and self-imposed limitations. You've gone further, got stronger and become tougher than you ever imagined."

That is a really inspiring piece of writing x

 

[Lynn_]

Hi Pigeonia, can i just say first that although you feel terrible, and 14.5 does make you obese, at 5.7 you probably dont look terrible to most people. You have to accept your body as it is to get over these panic attacks. You have to love yourself and make the most of what you have now in order to move forward.

I started at 17.5lb and when i got down to 15st I really loved the way I looked, in fact it was a long time before I removed my 15st pic from my profile. The day the pic was taken, I was happy and relaxed and so happy to finally be on a weight loss regime that was working (im 5.7 as well btw).

The wedding is a good opportunity to get a lovely pic taken of yourself, you will dressed up, hair and make up done and having a fab time, so make the most of it. Get the picture, learn to love it, and then get started on the weight loss for being a bridesmaid! How wonderful and exciting that will be and you will be a beautiful slim bridesmaid.

You will do it, you jut have to get into the right mindset and be determined. But dont do it on the back of self loathing. Every day you can make the effort to make the most of yourself, never go out without makeup, treat yourself to getting you hair looking fab and wear nail varnish! I had never worn varnish before but i started doing my nails all the time last year. Its little things like that, that give you small boosts every day and make you feel good. And feeling good is what will keep you motivated and keep you on the right track.

Wish you the best of luck

 

[Pigeonia]

Thank you so much to you all for such lovely and inspiring replies!

I'm afraid I chickened out of the wedding and so my son and husband went on their own. As it was about 100 miles away they stayed over with family for the weekend and I had the house to myself. I over-ate on both Saturday and Sunday but I didn't binge (there is a difference to me) and had a nice relaxing time watching films and going for walks. It did me good actually although I missed my little boy terribly.

Anyway, today is Monday. I went to work as usual this morning and then I took my son to school. It was horrible because we were a few minutes late and so we had to go in through the reception entrance. The lady there wouldn't let me accompany him to his classroom (for security reasons that I suppose I understand) but my son was crying and clinging to me and had to be peeled off me. I felt awful!

I walked home from his school which is a 40 minute walk but now I'm bigger I'm finding my knee joints are really sore. I have Achilles Tentonitis too and being heavy is not helping! Anyway, I've had a few dolly mixtures this morning which isn't brilliant but when you consider I've usually had a cake and a ready meal by now I'm feeling good.

I've got some almonds and some pink lady apples to snack on for later.

I should go for another walk later too but it's so grey and cold outside that it's hard to feel motivated but I know I'll feel good if I do.

I'm not expecting and replies to all my ramblings by the way but it feels so good to write stuff down. I'm stuck at home alone during the day when my son is at school so it's like having someone to talk to. I'm constantly looking for a term-time job so I can be kept busy but unfortunately they are few and far between!

 

[Pigeonia]

Right, well it's Wednesday and I was really happy this morning to get on the scales and see i am now 14st 3.2lbs! I actually went up to 14st 7lbs (i need to update my ticker) so have lost 4lbs so far. Most of that is probably not fat but simply because I'm not so full of food but it's still encouraging to see a loss .

Had a lovely day yesterday, despite getting a migraine after work! Took some tablets and it soon passed without becoming full blown nasty. Met up with my mum and went for a wander around town. Had a coffee and bought my dad's birthday present. Did lots of walking and housework and ate nothing in the evening after tea which is fantastic for me.

Today, I've been to work and done minimal housework because I'm alone today. Have eaten more than I should but not binge standards by any means. I really should walk to pick my son up from school later; that'll help.

Edited to add: I've been really brave and volunteered to help supervise at the school disco on Friday evening! This is a big step for me because I suffer a lot with anxiety but I know this will give me confidence and also stop me eating Friday evening ha ha!

 

[Katierose]

Hi x
Just to say good luck with your weight loss journey, It sounds like your in the right frame of mind. I just take it day by dayand every day that passes is a day nearer to my goal x
I look forward to seeing how you get on

 

[liisa]

Reading your story is like reading mine. Same age, same weight, panic attacks...
Oh well it's not the worst weight to be in. Realising it from this point is already a win.
Every start is hard. I'm on my 3rd day and it doesn't even feel so bad.
Lost couple of pounds and bought lots of yummy healthy low fat stuff.
I have big problems saying no to someone offering me chocolate. But you can have 1 if you want to. Just one little square. That is how I think. Otherwise I would be grumpy and eat the whole chocolate Oh sorry for rambling here.
Wishing you good luck! Will keep an eye on your achievements! X