Wishbird007
Gold Member
Aw sorry to hear about ur oh grandma hun xx
ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!
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azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
Well my grandas funeral was a reasonably religious occasion. And far as I remember I didnt have my boyf at the time up front with me. My sisters didnt either. So I'm not sure really.
Fact that we're only together 8 months and not exactly engaged or married might make it awkward. I havent even met his whole family yet (still havent met his sister!!). Hmm. What a pickle! Suppose I'll have to go with the flow here...
Fact that we're only together 8 months and not exactly engaged or married might make it awkward. I havent even met his whole family yet (still havent met his sister!!). Hmm. What a pickle! Suppose I'll have to go with the flow here...
starkissedx
Gold Member
When my granda died few months ago my bf came to funeral and say up front. He also came to wake etc. however I live with him and he had saw my granda most days with me. My cousins gf came and sat up front with family and she had never met my granda. I think it's whatever the family feels comfortable with. I would just ask him if he would like you there and go from there.
At my grandad wake I know my cousins gfs etc helped with the tea etc as my gran obvs wasnt feeling up to it. But when we ha the private service at house around the coffin etc she stood back.
I'm not catholic so idk how that really works with services etc but it sounds kinda same regarding sitting at front with family etc!
Xx
At my grandad wake I know my cousins gfs etc helped with the tea etc as my gran obvs wasnt feeling up to it. But when we ha the private service at house around the coffin etc she stood back.
I'm not catholic so idk how that really works with services etc but it sounds kinda same regarding sitting at front with family etc!
Xx
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
Thanks girls. I'll talk to him later tonight or tomorrow... He's not very talkative today and I wanna give him space to mourn with the family. X
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whoopsadolly
Silver Member
Ahh I'm sorry to hear ur bad news hun. I remember when my hubby's nan died and I didn't know what to do and I'd been with him for 15 years!! Think it's one of those things that no matter how well u know someone u never know how they will deal with death cos it will depend on the person they've lost. I would go funeral and I would sit with him, it's not like uve only been with him for a matter of weeks. Understand where ur coming from though cos it can sometimes feel like ur imposing. Just give him a cuddle and talk to him. Think no matter what he says he will find comfort in u being there to hold his hand. Thinking about u xxxx
MrsLmc
Gold Member
Hiya Sarah, so sorry to hear about your bad news. I hope that you OH is okay. The best you can do is let him know you are there for him.
On the wake question..its hard to know, every county in Ireland is different, in Donegal a wake is usually a chance for anyone who knew the individual OR there family to pay their respect - if your town is like that then you should go and pay your respects to the family, do bring a mass card as well and leave it on the table were the others are put.
The right thing to do at the funeral is also very hard. You have been with your other half for a long time Sarah so in my opinion you should be at the funeral too. He will know you are there if he needs you. You can gauge what to do once you get there. If he looks like he needs a shoulder you will see. Maybe if the family are sitting together with no parners sit in the row behind. But if he takes you with him sit beside him.
Good luck xx
On the wake question..its hard to know, every county in Ireland is different, in Donegal a wake is usually a chance for anyone who knew the individual OR there family to pay their respect - if your town is like that then you should go and pay your respects to the family, do bring a mass card as well and leave it on the table were the others are put.
The right thing to do at the funeral is also very hard. You have been with your other half for a long time Sarah so in my opinion you should be at the funeral too. He will know you are there if he needs you. You can gauge what to do once you get there. If he looks like he needs a shoulder you will see. Maybe if the family are sitting together with no parners sit in the row behind. But if he takes you with him sit beside him.
Good luck xx
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
Yes you see we aren't from the same place. He lives an hour away in another county (monaghan). I haven't heard from him in a few hours now. Its just family tonight I think, he didn't want me there so that's why I was so unsure about everything else. Its just also a case of not knowing his family very well, I've met his brother once and his parents about 3 times and never met any of the rest. Suppose my shyness and social anxiety isn't gonna help this situation is it lol...
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Wishbird007
Gold Member
Hi hun
Yeah like others say just see wot he wants to do for best, he knows ur there for him xx
Yeah like others say just see wot he wants to do for best, he knows ur there for him xx
Dubchick81
Finally Pregnant!!
Hiya hun.. Sorry not been on since Monday.. Sorry to hear about Sean's gran.. Hope he's ok..
As for the funeral situation.. sadly been here both for my Mam and Gran within a couple of months of each other
so here's how I see it... Ask him if he'd rather have u beside him or not.. he may want to be there for his mam/dad and not want to have to b considerate of leaving u out (iykwim?!) so may not want u in the front with him.
Also as u dont know the family very well it may not be very appropriate for u to sit in the front rowes.. (cousins etc might get the hump!!)
I'd definitely go to the church, sign the book of condolences n leave a mass card..
And I'd also see how he feels about u going to the burial.. its a very personal and intimate/emotional family thing and chances are it will be immediate and close family with some close friends maybe..
I know this sounds like I'm making out ur not important and i'm not at all. U clearly are an important part of his life, but as u dont know the rest of his family very well some might not be too impressed.. Obviously depends on how his family are and what he wants.. If he wants u there beside him then that's what u need to do.. Its something he needs to tell you tho..
Its an awful situation n so awkward..
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
He wants me to come to the wake/removal today but says he doesn't expect me to go to the funeral tomorrow. He said it'd be too much hassle for me getting off work etc (we work in the same place). So I'm not sure whether I should back off about it now or whether he actually wants me to go.
Doesn't help that I'm sick as a dog today and was up half the night vomiting. Guurrgghh...
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Doesn't help that I'm sick as a dog today and was up half the night vomiting. Guurrgghh...
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Dubchick81
Finally Pregnant!!
Why dont u mention to yer supervisor about taking a couple of hours off for it.. See how he/she feels about u having time off (they'll understand.. they kno yer together rite?)
And then mention to him that u will go if he wants u there.. And then confirm with yer boss if yer gona take it r not..
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
See thats another problem. My boss isnt even here, he's out on leave and everything is supposed to go through him. I'm just going to have to ask OH later on again if he's sure I shouldn't go... I think he's concerned because I'm quite ill and came in here to see him this morning anyway (he went home again at lunch).
Dubchick81
Finally Pregnant!!
Yea see what he thinks.. that's all u can do.. As long as knows ur there that's all u can do..
And get urself home to bed for a few hours missy!!!
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
Well ya see I just came in to see him this morning and make sure he's ok. The wake/removal is this evening so I said I'd stay and go to that (I live an hour away so no point going home and then coming back). But I think the removal itself is just the family so I'm not sure what to do with myself, wait outside or something?
Dubchick81
Finally Pregnant!!
When u say the wake.. Do u mean the prayer service/closing of the coffin??
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
Yeah. He rang me there and said about how its supposed to be just family between 5 and half 5 today and then the removal to the church. So I said maybe I should wait at the church with the rest of the non-family people rather than be in the way at the funeral home (I dont know my way around this town of his to be honest lol). He's not very demanding of me considering the situation. I feel very awkward because I havent met his family... I dont know what to say either. Hate how I get worked up with my social anxiety about these things. Sometimes I come across as rude when really I'm terribly shy.
Dubchick81
Finally Pregnant!!
No-one knows what to say in these situations hun.. try not to worry. Simply shake his mam's/dad's hand and say sorry for ur loss..Yeah. He rang me there and said about how its supposed to be just family between 5 and half 5 today and then the removal to the church. So I said maybe I should wait at the church with the rest of the non-family people rather than be in the way at the funeral home (I dont know my way around this town of his to be honest lol). He's not very demanding of me considering the situation. I feel very awkward because I havent met his family... I dont know what to say either. Hate how I get worked up with my social anxiety about these things. Sometimes I come across as rude when really I'm terribly shy.
They'll probably be feeling just as awkward as u tbh.. I know I did
azwethinkweiz
Gold Member
Yeah I never liked people saying "sorry" to me. I felt very awkward. I really wish I was a more confident person rather than a recluse for these situations.
