ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

[Baby-belle]

I just think that this is something I really didn't need right now. I needed someone to rely on but instead he's just abandoned me and made me feel 10 times worse about everything.

I remember my Dad saying to me a while back that I'd never get married or have kids because I couldn't make a relationship last. Those words are just ringing in my ears now. I feel such a failure, seriously.

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But there is never a right time hunny, you will get through it ! These things test us but we have all been through heartache and all got through it so you will and I know it hurts I hate that feeling there's nothing that eases it apart from time

 

[azwethinkweiz]

please please tell someone how u feel. My best friend is going through a horrible time at the moment with depression. In her head she feels lost. She split up with her cheating fiance 2 years ago and since then has had to fight him so hard through court for their son. restraining orders against his girlfriend. her house has been repossessed because she had no help from him on their joint mortgage and she feels she has nothing to live for.

Depression is so overpowering. Its blurs the line between reality and life. She know that she has a beautiful son who she needs to be there for but sometimes she is in such a dark place that all logic goes out the window. Shes 25 and feels like she had nothing to show for her life. The doctor has given her tablets that she is to take as soon as she feels the darkest moments coming where she feels panicky and lost. They are meant to lift you within about 15 minutes. I am sad to say that she was only prescribed these after she considered taking her life and had written notes and got a belt out. thankfully another friend happened to call to her house and catch her on before she was able to do anything. I believe the doctor should have given her the stronger medication before this had to happen!!

She knows i cant be with her all the time but I will always be at the end of the phone day and night and she has told me that just having someone to listen to her has really helped. please confide in somebody and lighten the load.

we went to dublin for the night on sat just to get away for change of scenery and we had a ball but even getting out of the house for a cuppa and a chat will make a huge difference.

u are not alone. maybe your ex didn't feel strong enough to help you through this and was scared a little or maybe he is just immature and didn't want to be on this journey with u.
Either way you now need to concentrate on yourself. Days will be hard but always remember that u are fighter and u will overcome this illness.

If u fancy a chat please feel free to message me.

xxx

This sounds a bit like me I have to say. Logic goes completely out the window sometimes. I just _can't_ see the light. Someone literally has to come up to me and tell me WHY I'm alive if that makes sense. I am trying so hard, I really am. I have to keep telling myself to get past the next 24 hours. I think it might be the only reason I'm still alive. I don't want to hurt my family either.

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[azwethinkweiz]

hun - i think nearly every woman i know has been in your situation at some point. I had a marriage that lasted 8 weeks.

One day he just walked out....he didn't give a damn and i just crumbled. But i gave myself a few days to cry....and boy was i angry as well as upset. Surround yourself with friends....do nice things and i promise you life will look so much better and in time you will realise he did you a HUGE favour. Better for him to go than hang on in and make your life hell with indifference (another story of mine).

But hun - u will get through this. I promise you.

That's awful. What a loser he is! I just feel very let down. I know I didn't be wallowing. Trying not to cry makes me feel like crying unfortunately. I'll get past this I hope... I just can't imagine being with anyone else right now. I want to be alone for a while I think.

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[x_Champagne_Supernova_x]

This sounds a bit like me I have to say. Logic goes completely out the window sometimes. I just _can't_ see the light. Someone literally has to come up to me and tell me WHY I'm alive if that makes sense. I am trying so hard, I really am. I have to keep telling myself to get past the next 24 hours. I think it might be the only reason I'm still alive. I don't want to hurt my family either.

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At least you have them. And your sisters being really nice too! Appreciate those who care and the fact you can spend more time with them now!

 

[hollyjayneratcliffe]

Your such an amazing person and I know you can get through this.
I have every faith in you.
You don't need anyone to complete you, you need to find yourself first and take some time to be selfish hun.
You should be number one and all that matters now, don't waste your tears on someone who won't be there to dry them for you.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself on and take a long look in the mirror, find 3positive things to say to yourself every day, that will help you realise just what you have going for you, and the list will be endless Xxx

 

[MrsK87]

This sounds a bit like me I have to say. Logic goes completely out the window sometimes. I just _can't_ see the light. Someone literally has to come up to me and tell me WHY I'm alive if that makes sense. I am trying so hard, I really am. I have to keep telling myself to get past the next 24 hours. I think it might be the only reason I'm still alive. I don't want to hurt my family either.

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It makes complete sense. My friend has said she knows how she wants to feel but just can't make herself feel that way which she finds really frustrating.

She like you have been taking it day at a time but on her bad days she says it feels like an eternity. she takes herself off to be early just to get the day over with but she isn't sleeping well either so finds herself awake half the night even with sleeping tablets! then that sets up for a bad day the next day.

I know money is tight for everyone at the minute but try and plans some things with friends and family. now the better weather is coming go out walking with someone an have a yarn and spend an hour away from your house.

Yout friends and family will hold u up when u feel weak but u have to let them in first. and be completely honest with them

xx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

It makes complete sense. My friend has said she knows how she wants to feel but just can't make herself feel that way which she finds really frustrating.

She like you have been taking it day at a time but on her bad days she says it feels like an eternity. she takes herself off to be early just to get the day over with but she isn't sleeping well either so finds herself awake half the night even with sleeping tablets! then that sets up for a bad day the next day.

I know money is tight for everyone at the minute but try and plans some things with friends and family. now the better weather is coming go out walking with someone an have a yarn and spend an hour away from your house.

Yout friends and family will hold u up when u feel weak but u have to let them in first. and be completely honest with them

xx

That's exactly it. I don't want to feel like this. If I could stop or turn it off I would of course.
I lie in bed a lot too. Go to bed at 7 or 8 to try to sleep the day away. Or I stay up really late watching tv or reading trying to tire myself to sleep (i have trouble sleeping aswell).

Letting family and friends in is very difficult. I feel terribly guilty that I'm like this and they have to deal with it. Just today my dad said "me and your brother have to walk on eggshells around you, how is that fair on us?" I felt absolutely terrible and now its playing on my mind. I think sometimes they would be better off if I wasn't around anymore.

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[MrsK87]

Please dont think like that darling.

Alot of people don't understand depression. For example my best friend is my husband's only female cousin.
When the family were told she had depression and was getting treatment his reaction was "what the hell does she have to be depressed about sure her mum and dad lift and lay her and the child so she can go out"
I nearly went through him for a short cut he couldn't see through the typical sterotypes and to be honest he still doesn't.
She went out alot drinking for awhile there with random friends that she wouldn't normally but it was just a front.
The more she went out the worse she felt but she didn't want to worry her closest friends so she closed us out because she knew we would pick up on the changes in her whereas going out partying with people she wasn't that close to she could hide it.

If you feel like your family don't understand you could ask your doctor to refer you to a counseller and possibly bring a member of your family with you and make them aware of how you are feeling and the struggle you have trying to feel any different!

My friend didn't feel that she could speak to a counseller at the moment I think she is embarrassed by how she is feeling and is worried about being judged. Her mum and dad are trying to be there for her but she won't open up to them because she doesn't want to worry them or let them down. And oddly enough her brother has had the same attitude as your dad and brother and is being a bit odd round her. I don't think he knows how to treat her to be honest.

I've told her if she trys anything stupid again I will kick her a$$ lol obviously i am joking but she just wants to be treated normally. Half the time we don't mention anything to do with her depression its more just having someone there to watch a bit of telly with a cuppa and a gossip. nights are her hardest. the wee lad goes to bed at 7 then she is on her own so thats when I try to be there for her.

I hope this if anything lets you know that you are not alone and people will not judge you. xx

 

[WWPrincess]

Aww sweetie! Sorry I've been MIA but that is disgusting! I hope karma is a ***** and fecks him up!

Your worth a million of him, and as Marilyn Monroe says "if he can't handle you with your worst then he certainly doesn't deserve you at your best!" you had a life before him and I know it feels like you don't what to do but if you survived without him before you guys met then you can definitely do it after him!

get your head in the game, get fit, get fabulous and f*ck him!

sorry if this is a little harsh it's not meant that way

Much love and hugs!!!


xxxxxxxx

 

[lydia150970]

Thanks Holly. One minute I think I'm ok, next I'm bawling. I need to pull myself together I know. I'm going to text my friend and tell her what happened now. She usually has words of wisdom for me too.

My sister has taken tomorrow off so she can spend the day with me which is nice.

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I'm really sorry for what you are going through, but please don't be so hard on yourself and think you must "pull yourself together" if you want to bawl then bawl, get it all out of your system, but remember that you have people on this site that care for you and want to help you though this. xx

 

[Dubchick81]

There are nice guys out there my current partner is one of them and to be honest my ex was a nice guy he did end up leaving me for someone else but that was just one of those things it doesn't make him a bad person for liking someone else at least he didn't cheat on me. It is hard to trust and I think as long as you are happy and have fun but still know to be honest anything can happen my boyfriend could leave me I know that or I could leave him you never know!

Just concentrate on you and find some happiness

Completely agree with babybelle here.. There are decent lads out there.. Thankfuly after kissing many frogs I've found my prince but had you told me when Kevin and I finished that I'd find happiness again I'd have laughed right in your face..
At them moment you feel no-one will want you. Love you. Fancy you.
Its true that love finds you when you're not looking..

For the moment tho I dont think you should even think about anyone else ever wanting you.
For now try to learn to get well, learn to love yourself and then the rest will fall into place.. Listen to your Mam. You need some time to clear you're head and get yourself in the right frame of mind..
I think its great advice there to look for a new job while you have this time off.. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone.. You're not happy there anyway so something new will be great.. Hopefully more money And you may never have to look at his mug again.. Perfect!!

I'm sure it comes across that he's not affected and it makes it hurt a million times worse. Him looking like he doesn't have a care in the world while you feel you world have fallen down around you.. I'm sure its not the case tho.. Men are just very good at hiding their feelings..

Try get out and about as much as you can.. even if its just to browse the shops.. Dont give yourself time to sit in and let yer mind wander.. that's the worst thing you can do..

Hope you feel better soon xxxxxxx

 

[Mrsm79]

Hey babes, how you doing this evening? What are your plans with your sister tomorrow? When are you back to the docs?

Hope your ok

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[azwethinkweiz]

I dunno what we're doing tomorrow to be honest. Yes I'm going down tomorrow morning to the doctor. I was ok today. Cried a lot this morning but kept busy all day. Now its night though and they are the worst times for me because I feel very alone with my thoughts and they usually get out of hand.
Anything around my room from him has ended up torn up/in the bin somehow... Hmm...

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[BoS83]

Hey hon. Sorry I havnt been on.
I'm so sorry to hear what's happened.
But you do need to focus on yourself. U are a beautiful amazing woman who has her whole life ahead of her.
Get your new job, get your goal, try and get a handle on your depression (without his help) and make plans-daily, weekly, yearly even.
I know you said you've been with the 'nice' guys but sorry to be harsh but real nice guys arnt spineless when times get tough. So u u wil find better out there.
But I think your right-it's hard to think of being with someone else now and you shouldn't anyway (in my opinion).
This is your time! Be selfish and focus on the most important person in all this-you!
I'm sorry your dad is comin out with very unhelpful comments. Cud ur mam talk to him after being In doctors last week she mite know what to say to bring him round?
Anyway sweetie, good luck in doctors this morn. Tell her everything and get onto that counselling. I found it helped me.
And keep talking-to us, to family, to friends. Xxx

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[Dubchick81]

Hey hunnie.. How are you today?
Hope you have a fun day with yer sister...

PS.. Night time is the hardest I think for most people.. I know it was for me when I lost my Mam and then when Kevin and I split.. There's lots to do n watch n keep yer mind occupied with during the day.. At night there's not too many options.. Just instead of thinking what was.. Try think of what will be.. You WILL be at goal. You WILL get well. You WILL find a new and better job. YOU WILL BE HAPPY!!! Easier said than done I know but seriously... you will get there.. xxxxxxx

 

[MrsLmc]

Hey Sarah, have a good day today with your sister. Maybe tonight when all is a little quiet you could write a wish list. Things that you would like to see happen in your life. A mad holiday, a new job, your weight goal, and whatever....nothing negative and nothing that will only happen through someone else. I wrote one of these years ago and most is ticked off (think its called a bucket list). xx

 

[brien77]

thinking of you Sarah xx

 

[starkissedx]

Hey Hun hope your coping ok today xxx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Hey girls. Thanks for checking in. I was at doctor today and got my certs. She ordered me to be assessed in a hospital... When I went I thought it was all a waste of time. The guy asked a million questions but didn't seem to take me seriously and just kept asking "why, why, why" do I feel like this. I didn't like him at all... Then he said I'd probs need psychotherapy and CBT and that they don't provide that through the health system. Basically I have to go and search for help myself so I've no idea what the point of the assessment was!!? Luckily my sister has been with me today and that was nice. Went for lunch and bought new pjs. We're gonna share a chinese now (I haven't been eating much).
Dunno what the next step is regarding my mental health. Maybe I should go back to the doctor again this week... I don't know??

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[*Claire-Bear*]

Hey girls. Thanks for checking in. I was at doctor today and got my certs. She ordered me to be assessed in a hospital... When I went I thought it was all a waste of time. The guy asked a million questions but didn't seem to take me seriously and just kept asking "why, why, why" do I feel like this. I didn't like him at all... Then he said I'd probs need psychotherapy and CBT and that they don't provide that through the health system. Basically I have to go and search for help myself so I've no idea what the point of the assessment was!!? Luckily my sister has been with me today and that was nice. Went for lunch and bought new pjs. We're gonna share a chinese now (I haven't been eating much).
Dunno what the next step is regarding my mental health. Maybe I should go back to the doctor again this week... I don't know??

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Thats ridiculous, so basically pay or suffer??? cant believe they just leave u to it ................ and its not like you feel you can just crack on with it all, your bloody asking for help, and being told u get it yourself ???? !!!!! Wish i could help Sarah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx