ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

[azwethinkweiz]

Thanks Carly, Frances, Heather x

Good luck for today hunnie.. Let us know how you get on.. And don't forget.. if you dont feel 100% comfortable witht he councillor today, you can try another.. xx

As for Sean.. Its still very early so still raw.. But I promise you will wake up and think "WTF was I thinking wasting so much time n energy on him?!"

Hmm I dunno about the counsellor, I'm still unsure whether it'll help or not. I have another appt. but I'm not 100% about whether it's "for me". I seem to be paying to moan at someone which I don't think is much good.

I do sometimes think "what the heck was I with him for anyway" then other times I remember the snuggles and laughs and feel very sad. I feel very lonely even when I'm not alone... Dunno if that makes sense?

How sad is it that i once googled that to see if it was anyway possible!!

I've googled it too, no luck! I honestly think I would do it if it was possible...

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[Dubchick81]

Thanks Carly, Frances, Heather x

Hmm I dunno about the counsellor, I'm still unsure whether it'll help or not. I have another appt. but I'm not 100% about whether it's "for me". I seem to be paying to moan at someone which I don't think is much good.

I do sometimes think "what the heck was I with him for anyway" then other times I remember the snuggles and laughs and feel very sad. I feel very lonely even when I'm not alone... Dunno if that makes sense?

I've googled it too, no luck! I honestly think I would do it if it was possible...

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Makes perfect sense chic. Sadly there's no quick fix. U just hav to go thru the motions. I take it he's not been in touch. Even to apologise for bein do spineless? Prob good in a way but very mean

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[CarlyLanky140]

I'm sure just talking about it to someone will help... But maybe it's the person - could u find another one?

I often feel alone when surrounded by people! But u aren't alone - u have us x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

No he hasn't been in touch Frances. I know what he's like, he'll never contact me again. He'll just write me off and move onto wooing the next victim. Maybe it's for the best but it's still utterly harsh. I think I hate him right now to be honest.

I wish so much that there was a quick fix. Counsellor said she didn't have a magic wand and that I have to do the hard work... But I just don't feel up to it a lot of the time. Finding it really hard to pick myself up, every day is just merging into the next. I feel like I can't be bothered now.

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[x_Champagne_Supernova_x]

I do sometimes think "what the heck was I with him for anyway" then other times I remember the snuggles and laughs and feel very sad. I feel very lonely even when I'm not alone... Dunno if that makes sense?



I've googled it too, no luck! I honestly think I would do it if it was possible...

No matter how good it was when you were with him, he still left you the way he did. There's no excuse for treating someone you're supposed to love like that. I can almost put money on my prediction that he'll eventually try and get you back and say "i was so stupid....blah blah blah!"
Don't fall for it though 'cause he'll hurt you again, maybe more next time - trust me! I've seen it happen so many people over and over again!!
Honestly, if they could erase our memories we wouldn't need to see counsellors & psych's. I'm 100% certain that if we could erase our past we'd never be anxious or depressed for too long! Sadly we can't though, so after something horrible happens me, i plan my near future to decide what i really want to do, and do it straight away. F*ck everyone else, all you need is yourself!! (and possibly a few euro..!)

 

[azwethinkweiz]

I want to be able to be happy on my own but I'm just very lonely. I have a horrible fear of ending up alone forever... And I think that's where some of my "end it" thoughts come from sometimes.
I don't think he'd ever come crawling back, I've been with guys who did that before. He's not like that. He'll find someone else to focus his attention on and forget all about me. He's quite harsh that way. I'm the one hurting, he simply doesn't care... He'll go about his life no problem as if I was never in it.
I met a friend for coffee (my friend Barry from college) and he said he'd like to knock his block off lol. There's something I'd like to see

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[x_Champagne_Supernova_x]

I want to be able to be happy on my own but I'm just very lonely. I have a horrible fear of ending up alone forever... And I think that's where some of my "end it" thoughts come from sometimes.
I don't think he'd ever come crawling back, I've been with guys who did that before. He's not like that. He'll find someone else to focus his attention on and forget all about me. He's quite harsh that way. I'm the one hurting, he simply doesn't care... He'll go about his life no problem as if I was never in it.
I met a friend for coffee (my friend Barry from college) and he said he'd like to knock his block off lol. There's something I'd like to see

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As satisfying as that would be, it wouldn't ease your pain. I hate the lonely feeling - used to stay in bed for days just because i knew i had nobody - friends included! But eventually decided i was going to go out and get a hobby. Joined civil defense and did a course and made friends that way - though the barwork classmates were never real friends they kept me occupied for a while until i found some real friends. Maybe not the best option as i felt crap after the course ended. No point in suffering because the best form of revenge is being happy!
And if he's going to easily move on with his life- you do the same - even if you're just trying to prove to yourself that you can!!

 

[azwethinkweiz]

I can't do it. I realise that's a defeatist attitude. But right now I can't do it. I don't have anybody that understands. I'm reading entire books every night just so I won't have to think about him. It's easier for him to get over it and that makes it even harder for me and I just know I won't find anyone else. Just so tired of feeling this way and want it to stop.

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[x_Champagne_Supernova_x]

I can't do it. I realise that's a defeatist attitude. But right now I can't do it. I don't have anybody that understands. I'm reading entire books every night just so I won't have to think about him. It's easier for him to get over it and that makes it even harder for me and I just know I won't find anyone else. Just so tired of feeling this way and want it to stop.

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You'll feel that way for a while, but you will find someone - just don't settle for just anyone! I always thought I'd be alone forever. Always aware that i was the boring fat one of the group - yet i still witnessed the shock of my bf (who i thought would NEVER want me), actually asking me out.
Before that i thought I'd only attract dogs in heat, and even they'd find me repulsive.
Trust me, you'll find someone MILES better than that idiot you were with.
You've been conditioned to think negatively without hesitation - just like me. You don't see yourself as other people see you - If you're anything like me, you're just assuming the worst. You won't be alone forever. If someone can tolerate a psycho-biznitch like me, you've got no worries!! Apart from the fact you wasted a year of your life on an idiot - but you'll be glad he's gone eventually!

 

[CarlyLanky140]

Big hugs! Ur a stunner petal and when u are ready u will find a perfect guy. U are do strong! Chin up c

 

[azwethinkweiz]

You'll feel that way for a while, but you will find someone - just don't settle for just anyone! I always thought I'd be alone forever. Always aware that i was the boring fat one of the group - yet i still witnessed the shock of my bf (who i thought would NEVER want me), actually asking me out.
Before that i thought I'd only attract dogs in heat, and even they'd find me repulsive.
Trust me, you'll find someone MILES better than that idiot you were with.
You've been conditioned to think negatively without hesitation - just like me. You don't see yourself as other people see you - If you're anything like me, you're just assuming the worst. You won't be alone forever. If someone can tolerate a psycho-biznitch like me, you've got no worries!! Apart from the fact you wasted a year of your life on an idiot - but you'll be glad he's gone eventually!

But you're not repulsive at all. I have read and reread the line where you say I'll find someone miles better than that idiot. I like that line lol. I should write it down and read it everyday
Yes the negative thinking and assuming the worst is getting on peoples nerves I think... But it's just the way I am!?
I want to be glad he's gone now, I wish time would hurry up a bit so I didn't care about him anymore!!

Big hugs! Ur a stunner petal and when u are ready u will find a perfect guy. U are do strong! Chin up c

Thanks Carly, I'm trying. Just don't think there is perfect guy for me. I need to be alone for a while even though I hate the thought of that right now.

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[azwethinkweiz]

Had a bad night. Went to sleep quite upset and then woke from upsetting dreams (about Sean and weirdly other exes too??) and felt really nauseous. Thought it would pass but it didn't and ended up vomiting from 4am onwards. Eventually got back to sleep there a while ago only to be woken by mum and told I have to bring my brother into work this morning.
I have no idea where the vomiting came from... Could anxiety be causing it I wonder? Tummy is still tender... Ugh. Hope everyone is well x

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[Wishbird007]

Bless u darlin x
U r a lovely lady n wont b alone forever hun, u need to get out n find someone who deserves u!
;-)
Hope u can get sum sleep tonight darlin x it must b difficult coping with ur depression darlin i hope ur cllr can assist u soon x meanwhile we r ur agony aunts!
Take care x
;-)

 

[Dubchick81]

I want to be able to be happy on my own but I'm just very lonely. I have a horrible fear of ending up alone forever... And I think that's where some of my "end it" thoughts come from sometimes.
I don't think he'd ever come crawling back, I've been with guys who did that before. He's not like that. He'll find someone else to focus his attention on and forget all about me. He's quite harsh that way. I'm the one hurting, he simply doesn't care... He'll go about his life no problem as if I was never in it.
I met a friend for coffee (my friend Barry from college) and he said he'd like to knock his block off lol. There's something I'd like to see

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I just want to give you the BIGGEST hug and make it all better for you.. I really do..
Jono is the very same.. Shows zero emotion and carries on regardless.. And I know 110% should we finish tomoro his life woudn't change at all.. people wouldn't even notice he'd just been thru a breakup and to me it'd look and feel like he didn't give a sh!t!! Truth is he'd be equally as devastated but he's far better at coping with it, dealing with and hiding the hurt!!
As the girls have said above.. then best revenge is for you to be happy and getting on with it.. that's when he will realise what an amazing and beautiful person he had and threw away!
It is so fricken hard to get thru.. But it honestly does get easier..

Yes the negative thinking and assuming the worst is getting on peoples nerves I think... But it's just the way I am!?
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I'm sure you're not getting on anyone's nerves hunnie.. If anything they're probably getting frustrated with themselves coz they can't do anything to make you feel better.. xx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Thanks girls. I realise I'm a pain in the hole. I've been leaving my brother to work each day and not going home. I just sit in my car or walk along the beach or read my books. At home I'm expected to be getting over things and stuff but I just haven't been up to it this week. With the not sleeping and then the bad dreams when I do and the vomiting now too... I feel things are getting worse?!
I can't imagine ever being with anyone. I dunno where I'm supposed to find my other half but I'm just not gonna try anymore.

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[x_Champagne_Supernova_x]

Thanks girls. I realise I'm a pain in the hole. I've been leaving my brother to work each day and not going home. I just sit in my car or walk along the beach or read my books. At home I'm expected to be getting over things and stuff but I just haven't been up to it this week. With the not sleeping and then the bad dreams when I do and the vomiting now too... I feel things are getting worse?!
I can't imagine ever being with anyone. I dunno where I'm supposed to find my other half but I'm just not gonna try anymore.

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You're not a pain in the hole! You're a normal human being with a natural (no matter how unnatural it may feel) emotion. Don't beat yourself up, you're allowed to grieve. He's not worth being upset over, but you can't fight it if you are. The vomiting probably is anxiety.

You're right not to try find someone. It'd be unwise to put yourself in another vulnerable position like that when you're still getting over what happened. Plus, trying just upsets you when you don't succeed. Best wait for it to happen naturally and focus on you for now.

Hope you're okay and all fixed sooner than you expect!!

 

[Dubchick81]

Thanks girls. I realise I'm a pain in the hole. I've been leaving my brother to work each day and not going home. I just sit in my car or walk along the beach or read my books. At home I'm expected to be getting over things and stuff but I just haven't been up to it this week. With the not sleeping and then the bad dreams when I do and the vomiting now too... I feel things are getting worse?!
I can't imagine ever being with anyone. I dunno where I'm supposed to find my other half but I'm just not gonna try anymore.

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Why are u bringin yer brother to work?? Yet off to wrest n work things out n get yerself well...

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[LouiseMc]

Hi here to follow I think it's good how your doing so well doing WW from home .. I'm trying from home too & seems harder without the meetings & weight loss seems less been on & off WE since November and gained all my weight back lol hopefully your diary will b my inspirations x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Hugs x

Thanks hon xx

Why are u bringin yer brother to work?? Yet off to wrest n work things out n get yerself well...

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He needs a lift apparently. So I've had to bring him last couple days. I don't mind, I'm just reading a lot the least couple days now lol...

Hi here to follow I think it's good how your doing so well doing WW from home .. I'm trying from home too & seems harder without the meetings & weight loss seems less been on & off WE since November and gained all my weight back lol hopefully your diary will b my inspirations x

Thanks very much. Managed to lose 3st from home. Never been to a meeting so dunno whether I'd have been better or worse off? Haven't been so great lately though. Have 2 weddings coming up so must get my ass into gear and shift these last few pounds! How are you getting on lately? X

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[LouiseMc]

That's really good knowing you've done all that from home I'm sure you'll get there! Only thing with weight takes so long to loose it but so easy to gain it I'm doing okay not the best but just tryna get my head in the right frame of mind x