Bad bad bad fat! Leave my hips & tummy alone!

[Cee]

Hi everyone!! Week one weight loss was 6 lbs. ! I'm happy with that! Could've been better but I won't complain. I have set my target at 3 lbs for this week to get me into my 12's. I'd better do it or I'll... I'll ... well, I dunno what I'll do yet but hopefully it won't involve food or violence!
My CDC and I have decided the 1000kcal stage might be better for me. I struggle so much with not being able to eat it's depressing and overwhelming for me. I need to eat something and I don't mind having slower weight loss because of it. Ok! That's not completely true. I don't mind slower weight loss as long as it's not slower than 3lbs / week.
My plan this week is to try to start each day on sole source and if I feel like I'm dying (emotionally) I'll have an evening meal and make it 1000kcal instead! I know how everyone says CD makes them think about and overcoming their issues with food Well, I'm not in it for that. I know I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm down, happy, lonely, with people, celebrating, mourning, travelling, name it. Everything in my life is associated with food. The only time I don't eat is when I'm really angry, and when the anger begins to subside I want to binge to cheer myself up. Sigh! Anyway, I am going to freely admit that my journey with CD has absolutely nothing to do with sorting out my issues with food!! It's for weightloss and weightloss only! I'll do something else for my pathological eating. Some group counselling or something maybe. Right now, it's all about looking good and ultimately feeling good as quickly as possible. Patience has never been one of my strong points, so CD it is!
How's everyone doing? Getting results? Getting happier? Getting healthier? Getting fed up?
I never thought I'd say this but... I'm missing working out! Huh? Who said that? ( Sharply looking round behind me)

 

[Cee]

Cee, your posts do make me howl! "Back fat" :8855:

Have a great day, good luck for tomorrow

glad to be of service.
I love hearing back from you guys.

 

[Cee]

Cee, great news about the dress, the bit about church/Mr Bean made me laugh.

Hope you have a great day.

Thanks muchly!

 

[Cee]

Great work getting into that dress, must have felt amazing for you very funny post as well, I was moving along nicely with the story until it ripped in the church and I couldn't help but laugh with you!

It's nice when people start telling you you're looking slimmer isn't it I'm also taking the one day at a time approach and it's definately the way forward I think. GL for the start of a brand new week!

Thanks! How're you getting on with CD?

 

[Cee]

What a naughty little girl I am!! Why does doing CD just make me a food fiend and I want want want to eat everything in sight! OK! I blew it. I had a Cornish pasty today...... among other things which I won't go into. I tried to get back on track today but I couldn't. I think I need to go back to the only thing that ever made me stick to healthy eating. Extreme exercise! When I was doing p90x, (extreme work out DVD system) and waking up at 5.15 every morning to work out till I was sweating like a Turkey on Christmas eve, I ate healthily for almost all of 6 weeks. I couldn't pig out and ruin all the hard work I was doing with the exercising. Eventually I started thinking differently about food and didn't crave anything unhealthy. I stopped it for 2 reasons, my knees started playing up and I wasn't seeing a lot of change in my body. That's my impatient nature again. I was working so hard and couldn't accept that all that hard work would yield such little results. I ignored everything I had read abut being patient and the results would come. I resorted to CD to give me fast results again. As usual, I cannot keep it up for 5 minutes.
So, I'm thinking I'll go back to exercising and healthy eating. My knees are better, still painful but better. I'm going to do a lot of cardio to help me burn the majority of my fat and after that I'll start p90x again to tone up. I'm going to stick to a low carb diet, not Atkins or anything extreme, just something like Slimming World red days.
I'm going to keep up with my diary, and I'm hopefully going to finally get my body sorted! Sick and tired of it now!

 

[Cee]

So, i's been a while! I'm sitting in the living room on my own feeling very down and upset with myself because I have been eating like a pig since falling off the CD wagon AGAIN! I might not have mentioned this before but I booked myself in for an eating disorder assessment. I missed my appointment because I thought I was beginning to overcome it by myself and therefore wouldn't need their help. The week after the appointment date, I relapsed into my binge eating again. I really REALLY want to stop eating like this, but I can't seem to control myself. It's like I'm being controlled by the part of my brain that makes me go and get food ad eat it. I don't know how it feels to be hungry, except when I do CD. I eat so many times a day, I never get hungry. I can now only do CD for a few days before giving up. It's not just that I have a healthy appetite, or that I love food. Many people eat 'a lot' or love food and eat to excess once in a while. I overeat EVERY DAY. I eat until I feel sick and almost throw up. I have actually thrown up a few times from being over full.
Once I intentionally drank a whole cup of 3 week old orange juice and gave myself tummy problems which made me have to go home from work. Once I ate so much rubbish because I was so stressed that I ended up in so much pain the next morning, I had to call a friend to take me to the hospital. I eventually made her take me to the GP instead as I didn't want the embarrassment of being 'found out' at the hospital and wasting their time over my stupid binge of the night before. Apart from all that, it's the way i feel after that's the worst. I hate the fact that I have no control. I want so badly to lose weight but I can't stop eating like this long enough to make a difference.
Anyway, I've been reading up about binge eating disorder and one of the things advised is to STOP dieting! As much as this should be a thing of joy to me, it's the opposite. I am petrified! Stop dieting? I'll surely get fatter and subsequently more depressed won't I? They advised one to eat healthy meals and exercise. I'm so down about my lack of control with food that I can't motivate myself to get up and exercise, even though I want to. My weight gain or weight stagnation is depressing. It's a horrible cycle. I'm not sure if I can let go of dieting or trying to diet. I can't imagine just eating 'normally' and don't think I can. I know I won't eat well because that's my problem so I'm so scared at the thought of stopping the diets! I'm so so scared. So scared...

 

[Cee]

I've been eating 'normally' this week. This means I eat what I like but in controlled portions. I'm not denying myself anything and I've made it a rule to eat more fruit and veg and drink more water. So far so good. I am also planning to eat a healthy breakfast every morning and next week also eat healthy dinner. My lunch is up to me for now but eventually a healthy lunch also is the plan. I know I won't lose much weight this way but I will be sorting out my binge eating problem and hopefully over a long period of time lose the weight. Taking up walking to ease me back into exercising again. Wish me luck.

 

[MaisieMoodle]

Good luck Cee, stick with it, you won't regret it!

 

[Lift]

I've been eating 'normally' this week. This means I eat what I like but in controlled portions. I'm not denying myself anything and I've made it a rule to eat more fruit and veg and drink more water. So far so good. I am also planning to eat a healthy breakfast every morning and next week also eat healthy dinner. My lunch is up to me for now but eventually a healthy lunch also is the plan. I know I won't lose much weight this way but I will be sorting out my binge eating problem and hopefully over a long period of time lose the weight. Taking up walking to ease me back into exercising again. Wish me luck.

To me this sounds like a really healthy and sustainable approach to weight loss - hope it goes well Enjoy those walks!

 

[Cee]

Thanks for the encouragement Lift and Maisey.
I'm managing to stick to the plan. I got tempted do WeightWatchers for a week to lose a few lbs because I remembered we were going away for my birthday. I suddenly started obsessing and feeling depressed and guilty again. Getting upset because I might have eaten too much of this or that. I quickly reminded myself that I was not allowed to do ANY diet for any length of time. Funny thing is that I AM eating less. I AM happier with myself, I DON'T binge like I used to and I stop eating when I've had enough. I'm choosing healthier options and I'm more at peace with the world. Haha! It's obviously not been long and I am prepared for a few lapses but I'm not going to beat myself up about them when they happen.
OH bought Chinese today. I had 2 spoonbills and walked away! I only ate 4 Jaffa cakes instead of the usual 12-18 and I don't feel deprived. I hope this continues to get better. Exercise starts on Monday.

 

[Lift]

Sounds great Cee! How did Monday's exercise go?

 

[Cee]

Sounds great Cee! How did Monday's exercise go?

Thanks Lift, I didn't do any exercise on Monday as I had a killer migraine but I did an hour and 15 mins of working out my upper body and abs ( p90x DVD). I ate really healthy and when dinner time approached I decided we were gonna have pizza. So we did. I enjoyed it and I have been stopping any thoughts of guilt from progressing. This is an portent thing because it means I don't feel like a failure, give up and binge to cheer myself up as I usually do. Instead I can enjoy three slices of pizza and cookie dough with ice cream and that's it. Rather than 1 slice of pizza... feel guilty so eat 5 more, 2 bowls of ice cream and cookie dough and on getting home, a pack of biscuits, 2 packets of crisps 2 ice cream lollies and 3 bowls of cereal!
I haven't list any weight, I wasn't expecting to, but I haven't gained any either. Tomorrow I have another hours working out to do and eat as healthy as I can. I feel great. We took the girls to the park for an hour today and I played just as hard as they did. I had so much fun and surely burned more calories. I wad breathless for most of that hour! Happy times.

 

[Cee]

That should have said 'this is an important thing' not this is a portent thing. Darn predictive text!

 

[Lift]

I feel great.

I reckon that's the most important thing! It's really great to hear you are doing so well

Keep at it and let us know how you're doing!

 

[Cee]

So, just got back from a shirt break at Butlins with the kids and OH. Ate like a pig, felt a little guilty but decided I would enjoy my beak and return to normal eating after. So today I'm back at work. Didn't have time for breakfast so I got some fruit and carrots and a small back of cashews. I'm planning on a healthy sandwich for lunch and I'm happy. I don't weigh myself anymore. I go by how my clothes fit and how I look and feel. U know I must have gained a few lbs but as long as I don't SEE it I'm fine! Lol! I'm keen on getting back to doing some running so, we'll see.
I've gotta think of what we're having for tea tonight so I don't resort to another takeaway tonight. Boy! I need a detox!!

 

[Cee]

I reckon that's the most important thing! It's really great to hear you are doing so well

Keep at it and let us know how you're doing!

Thanks Lift! How're you getting on?