Barb's healthy start!

[Barb]

Well it was OK. I had a prawn starter with salad, no bread or mayo. Then one slice of duck(no skin of fat), 3 tiny pieces roast potato and some veg. A small slice of banoffee pie and 2 glasses wine. Quite pleased as it could have been so much worse!
Weighed this morning and am a pound down so very chuffed!

 

[Russiandoll]

Yayyy! Well done you!

Now THAT'S control in practice! And results on the scales just hammer the nail home - makes you WANT to do more of the same.

How's your cold by the way?

 

[Barb]

Much better thanks Debbie - haven't needed any inhalers yet today so that is a very good sign. I am pleased about last night, I know i am not good at being the Martyr but last night I wasn't one, I joined in I just didn't pig out. The thing with me is meals are not my big prob - nibbling is. Meal wise I always eat the least out of the family, in fact my DH honestly doesn't think I eat enough. I wish! It's the wasted cals that are my prob, a biscuit, a few peanuts whilst I get dinner, a glass of wine whilst I chop the veg etc.. These cals add up. So I am going to keep a close eye on myself and keep some chopped carrot handy for emergencies. After all, it is not really what I am eating that matters, often it is just the habit of eating something!
Can't wait to hear how that interview went - huuray up and let us know!
Love Barb xx

 

[Barb]

Well another good day today, really feel if I can get the nibbling under control I can beat this weight! I find that the more I eat, the more i eat. One biscuit leads to 2 then 3 etc.. Yet if I don't start, if I can distract myself then I often can go hours without being bothered. Hmmm, weekends coming, always a tricky time but I feel quietly confident that I am not going to go too mad. Watch this space!

 

[Russiandoll]

Actually being AWARE of the potential problem is half the battle Barb. Living in denial is something most of us has done - nibbling in the kitchen, the 'nibbles' don't count of course: they are 'invisible' calories!

But you can see the pitfalls and are preparing for them - you're far more likely to negotiate the danger times more succesfully that way. keep up the fab work Barb!

 

[Barb]

Went out with DH last night for a chinese. Had been good all day and was fairly good for dinner. I stuck with boiled rice not fried and had a good meal but a bit less than I normally would. Had some wine, but hey, it was Friday night, we haven't been out for a month(very unusual for us) and I am not going to be a miserable dieter. If I am careful I can afford treats - which for me will mean I will stick with my plan. If I feel deprived I know I won't. I have got up this morning and straight away filled in my food diary and am ready for a really good dieting day!

 

[Barb]

Ok, not been on here much. Had a funny weekend (strange, not amusing), another difficult night with our son Chris, who continues to have flashbacks following a dreadful experience last year. He came home at 3am this Sunday morning with both our daughters and he had had another major panic attack. Very difficult to deal with as during it he is like a small child again then the next day reverts to the stroppy 19yr old he really is. I find the whole thing really difficult, all my emotions are stretched in every direction and i just feel an exhausted heap. So, I could pretend I have been healthy eating, but I haven't and there is no point in me lying to anyone, even myself! Anyway, feel a bit better today, but focus has slipped a bit. Never mind, it will be back. I have to concentrate on the kids at the moment, all of whom are upset right now. God, it is so hard isn't it? Not possible as a Mum to put yourself and your own needs first ever again. Now I feel guilty for writing that, bugger, could someone come and take this flaming guilt stick away from me to stop myself belting myself with it!!

Right, tomorrow I had better get back on with it! ( Barb limps off hoping to improve!!!!)

 

[cah-ching]

Hi Barb,

I'm sorry to hear that the pervert is still affecting your son. I'm so sorry. (((hugs))))
Is your son seeking therapy?

 

[Barb]

Thanks Cah Ching; no he flat out refuses to get help but I know he needs it. Very difficult thing to push and he really gets cross and angry with me if I bring it up. In fact he is angry quite a lot lately and that worries me too. I think he needs to get the whole thing out of his system but I can;t force him, can I?

Love Barb xx

 

[Russiandoll]

Difficult isn't it Barb ... they grow up but never stop being our children. you're right - you can't force Chris to seek counselling although you know it would help him heal emotionally if he did. Truth is he has to be in the right place himself before he can truly open up to counselling so that it could be of benefit. Tough to see your child suffer though, no matter what age they are. Sending hugs your way (((Barb)))

As for the eating - it's totally understandable that, at such a stressful time, eating cottage cheese instead of cheddar somehow doesn't take priority.

Just take a fresh run at it each day Barb - some days will be better than others but if the general trend is 'good' then ultimately you'll get to where you want to ber regardless of the time scale - this is a journey after all and not a race.

Tomorrow is another day ...
"Here is where your book begins: the rest is still unwritten"

 

[andi]

Hi Barb,

I was just reading your thread - Im also back on the "cutting down the junk" wagon. Im trying (again) Paul McKenna's system and I have bad days and good days. Today is a good ish day - so far!
I read about your son - in the past I have also suffered from panic attacks and they are awful. I have never really had any serious counselling for them but I have learned some techniques to get me through them. There are really good books out there (mostly based on Cogniive Behaviour Therapy) maybe it would be worth getting some and leaving them in his room?


Ax

 

[mrs tweedy]

Oh Barb, I'm really sorry Chris is still suffering the after affects of his ordeal (though totally to be expected) I wonder is he particularly close to either of his sisters? maybe if one of them broached the subject of counselling? I say that because as a teenager I would have found it very difficult to talk about 'sensitive' stuff with my parents and would have rather spoken to my eldest sister about well anything really!
Maybe he doesn't want to burden you with what he's feeling and he could be a bit embarrassed too to say anything too personal to his mum or dad?

Oh hun, I wish i could just wave a magic wand and make it all better for you and him, and don't give your diet a second thought you and your family take priority over how many calories you may or may not be eating!
Also don't feel guilty, when do you ever get a moment to really concentrate on just yourself? I have no kids but I can imagine that the worry is always with you and that they will probably always take priority, but you MUST make time for yourself too!

Anyhow I hope things work out soon for you and your family xx

 

[canireallydothis!!]

Tomorrow is another day ...
"Here is where your book begins: the rest is still unwritten"

Love this quote RD, made total sense.

Barb, I can remember the weekend last year when you posted about your sons dreadful ordeal. It must be hard for you and him to try to deal with this. The idea about his sister broaching counselling is quite a good one, thats if they are close.

Definately one step at a time, for both you and him. I know when I was 19 then if someone told me to jump then I would do the exact opposite.

Maybe he is scared about relieving the whole thing again??

Sending good vibes to you hun x

 

[georgiasmum]

Barb, I've just finished your thread and think you are doing a marvellous job of this dieting lark. I have no words of wisdom regarding your son but second Mrs Tweedy who thinks maybe his sisters could be a way in....

Anyway, i think you are doing a great job! Onwards and downwards (on the scales that is!)

 

[Barb]

Thanks Mrs T, GM, RD, Vicky and Andi, I really appreciate your help.I do think Chris may be able to confide in one of his sisters, probably not his twin as they are almost too close, I will certainly see if Jen is able to get any closer and help. Both girls have been brilliant with him and I know they worry about him a lot. Thanks for the positve diet advice too - specially you RD, I agree if I balance out more good days than bad then a difference will be made. So that is what I am going to do. Watch this space.

Thanks again - you are true friends - there for me when I need you, never judgemental and consistently kinder to me than I could ever be to myself.

Love Barb xx

 

[Barb]

Yeah, Ok balance I said didn't I? I am anything but balanced at the moment - give me an inch and I do take a mile. I have managed to put on 5lbs in the last 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not a happy bunny. What s the matter with me, I know what I need to do, I know how to do it, I want to do it to get the results I want - BUT I don't do it. WHY?
Back to cal counting today, 3.5 weeks till I go on holiday and I am going to go feeling like a blimp if I don't do something fast.
Someone give me a good kick up the jacksy please!

Love Barb xxxx

 

[Barb]

Good day yesterday - 1495 cals, very good. Today already been swimming - 20 lengths and am now tucking in to a dish of banana and benecol toffee yogurt! A healthy and yummy 200 cal treat!

Feel really good. Long may it last!

 

[Russiandoll]

Morning Barb
I've just posted on my diary that I too am tearing my hair out with this whole bluddy losing weight lark - I'm fed up to the gills with it ... but what else can we do?

Our choices are limited and stark: we gain weight, we lose weight or we maintain. I don't know about you Barb, but until I've lost the weight, I don't want to 'maintain'. And gaining is just out of the equation.

Well done for not going into a tailspin over the 5lb gain ... let's face it, you could have easily gone loco and in a few weeks time that 5lb could have been a stone - but you've taken control at this early stage and are back doing what you know works.

Hats off to you at the swimming thing - you put me to shame (I have been SO lazy lately!)

PS
The yoghurt sounds yummy!

 

[Barb]

Thanks Debbie - I must admit the brakes were off and disaster was round the next bend! I know how you are feeling, not happy as you are, not really happy dieting and completely unable to accept gaining again. It really is so hard. I honestly think the only way for me is the cal counting - it gives me order and thats what I need. Yesterday I could have eaten all day, but because I knew I had to write it down and that cal value beside it, I didn't. I am not saying it is easy but it does mean that if I crave something I can have it and because it's counted in I don't get the guilt trip that says ' you are hopeless, you can't stick to anything, you might as well eat the rest of those biscuits now you've had 2'.
This is a battle that can only be won through a series of minor victories and I am not the sort of person who can be rigid and strict, I've tried and all I do is feel like a failure. However, what i can do is cut back on the cals, increase the exercise (which had dropped to a walk a day with Ozzie and no swimming for a month) and be happy with a gradual improvement. I am not going to lose 5 stone in as many months but I could do it by the end of 2007 if I can keep a healthy approach going. My DH has also agreed that we will go alchohol free from Sunday to Friday as that is where a major chunk of my cals stack up.
So, onwards and downwards!

Love Barb xx

 

[Barb]

Another good day yesterday and 2 days in 2lbs down so feeling very pleased! Ready for another swim today and a healthy days eating - I feel very relaxed about it all, I think taking alcohol out of the equation has made a big difference because I am not having to allow caLs for it I can eat well and not exceed my 1500. Here's hoping for another good day.