Tilleymonster
Full Member
Is feeling 'itchy', bored, nothing is interesting part of this? Don't remember it being so bad last time. Oh is suggesting cinema to keep me occupied. His treat. But I just feel MEH.
Begin at the Beginning
- Thread starter Tilleymonster
- Start date
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Day 5 and all is well.
Except lots of poo going on at work that is driving me mad - possible redundancies and more meetings. Find out by July end and trying to keep on working in a productive fashion is very hard. Anyway, all the meetings do mean i am spacing my food packs out really well. Just had my porridge and it's 11:51. Had 2l of water already and three cups of tea so the wheel is turning. Very thirsty today but perhaps as it feels muggy?
Went out to the cinema in the end and had a great evening, totally changed my mood. I had a black coffee with sweetners and my first bar which was excellent and yummy to chew. OH had a picknmix, very jealous for a moment then got over it. I had a lovely bar and a nice evening and the picknmix will be my friend when I'm a happily married slender woman and can have a treat. For now, my treat is losing weight quickly and effectively and sorting my head out in the process.
Also, my trousers are HANGING off me! Had a check on the scales (the LL advice says this can be useful in teh first week but I'm going ot have to get over it) and seem to have a lost a good amount. can't wait till tomorrow to find out!
I'm supposed to have another make up trial tonight and couldn't feel more like cancelling. I want to go home and be left alone tonight after today's shennanigans, but I suppose it will take up time and busy me from feelign sorry for myself. End up wanting food so much when I'm home alone with the boy and he's off shift, so he has to hide elsewhere and that's ideal.
Except lots of poo going on at work that is driving me mad - possible redundancies and more meetings. Find out by July end and trying to keep on working in a productive fashion is very hard. Anyway, all the meetings do mean i am spacing my food packs out really well. Just had my porridge and it's 11:51. Had 2l of water already and three cups of tea so the wheel is turning. Very thirsty today but perhaps as it feels muggy?
Went out to the cinema in the end and had a great evening, totally changed my mood. I had a black coffee with sweetners and my first bar which was excellent and yummy to chew. OH had a picknmix, very jealous for a moment then got over it. I had a lovely bar and a nice evening and the picknmix will be my friend when I'm a happily married slender woman and can have a treat. For now, my treat is losing weight quickly and effectively and sorting my head out in the process.
Also, my trousers are HANGING off me! Had a check on the scales (the LL advice says this can be useful in teh first week but I'm going ot have to get over it) and seem to have a lost a good amount. can't wait till tomorrow to find out!
I'm supposed to have another make up trial tonight and couldn't feel more like cancelling. I want to go home and be left alone tonight after today's shennanigans, but I suppose it will take up time and busy me from feelign sorry for myself. End up wanting food so much when I'm home alone with the boy and he's off shift, so he has to hide elsewhere and that's ideal.
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Soooo sleepy waiting for make up lady. Didn't get to second pack till just now and really taken it out of me despite muchos water. Going to get this done, then have a bath and read. OH has dared to ask if after weigh in will be 'treat night'. Irrational heart says YES but answer is no. No no no. I need to do abstain fully, the treat is right here and now losing this weight. I can only imagine how I'll feel tomorrow but I feel fairly forceful on this. It really isn't the time to cheat myself.
Tash0088
Full Member
Hi Tilley,
I've just discovered your diary, and read it from start to finish. I've found it really interesting to read about your journey so far, and I will continue to read as your journey continues!
Like you, I find the evenings difficult, I think it's always best to busy yourself.
Ignore irrational heart, you don't need to treat yourself with food after a good WI (but that doesn't exclude treating yourself with clothes, shoes, bags, etc
).
I think after you've had your make up done tonight, you won't feel that need to cheat, you'll put yourself into the zone, thinking about what you want to, and WILL, look like on your wedding day. And hey, nice make up always makes you feel better.
Let us know how you get on later!
I've just discovered your diary, and read it from start to finish. I've found it really interesting to read about your journey so far, and I will continue to read as your journey continues!
Like you, I find the evenings difficult, I think it's always best to busy yourself.
Ignore irrational heart, you don't need to treat yourself with food after a good WI (but that doesn't exclude treating yourself with clothes, shoes, bags, etc
).I think after you've had your make up done tonight, you won't feel that need to cheat, you'll put yourself into the zone, thinking about what you want to, and WILL, look like on your wedding day. And hey, nice make up always makes you feel better.
Let us know how you get on later!
Tess Matthes
Full Member
Hey Tiley,
I am also getting married this year and am finding all the wedding preparations are keeping me motivated on my goal. The OH will always try and influence us as they love us however we are but keep strong you are doing great!
Tess
I am also getting married this year and am finding all the wedding preparations are keeping me motivated on my goal. The OH will always try and influence us as they love us however we are but keep strong you are doing great!
Tess
Tilleymonster
Full Member
10lbs off!!! Not even a full week as only 6 days! I am a happy focused lady. Counselling was ace too and has really refocused me on the purpose of this mission I'm on.
Have rewarded myself with a few items of make up - realised after trial I could try a bit harder - and some scrummy cherry shower gel. AND because I am a freak, some shiney cardboard and stickers to track every lb, because I WILL need to use up a lot of those stickers as the weeks go on.
Deep breath, week 2 commences and feeling GREAT!
Thanks guys for reading my diary, poor things xx
Have rewarded myself with a few items of make up - realised after trial I could try a bit harder - and some scrummy cherry shower gel. AND because I am a freak, some shiney cardboard and stickers to track every lb, because I WILL need to use up a lot of those stickers as the weeks go on.
Deep breath, week 2 commences and feeling GREAT!
Thanks guys for reading my diary, poor things
xx
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Day 8.
Not much news. So busy at work, quite stressful, but it isn't impacting my need to eat. I feel so positive about everything after the counselling. We talked for a long time about interrupting negative thoughts that lead to food and it was the ideal session for me as that's such a big part of where I lose my control. The feeling that I DESERVE to have what I want after working hard all day, has always been about deserving to eat whatever is most bad for me. Now I am practicing deserving to lose this weight so I don't have to feel out of contorl and binge, and thus I don't have to want to avoid socialising and feel intimidated by everyone in my personal life.
Trying hard not to check the scales constantly, but it's another thing I feel I deserve. The best measure for me is a piece of string that I snipped when it exactly circled my waist two weeks ago. There is so much overlap now it's incredible. All my jeans fit again. Lovely.
Only annoying thing is seeing a pic of myself after my make up trial and just knowing the only reason I had such issue with it was the size I am. My face, the lack of cheekbones, the rosy round cheeks and the pot belly hanging obviously under what I thought was a good 'cover up' t-shirt. Yet more spurring on though.
Been walking the dogs at the sea side everyday for about an hour and a bit. Slowly, not at a fast pace but it feels like the one place where all the thoughts go out of my head and my shoulder literally drop into relaxed stance. It's lovely.
Not much news. So busy at work, quite stressful, but it isn't impacting my need to eat. I feel so positive about everything after the counselling. We talked for a long time about interrupting negative thoughts that lead to food and it was the ideal session for me as that's such a big part of where I lose my control. The feeling that I DESERVE to have what I want after working hard all day, has always been about deserving to eat whatever is most bad for me. Now I am practicing deserving to lose this weight so I don't have to feel out of contorl and binge, and thus I don't have to want to avoid socialising and feel intimidated by everyone in my personal life.
Trying hard not to check the scales constantly, but it's another thing I feel I deserve. The best measure for me is a piece of string that I snipped when it exactly circled my waist two weeks ago. There is so much overlap now it's incredible. All my jeans fit again. Lovely.
Only annoying thing is seeing a pic of myself after my make up trial and just knowing the only reason I had such issue with it was the size I am. My face, the lack of cheekbones, the rosy round cheeks and the pot belly hanging obviously under what I thought was a good 'cover up' t-shirt. Yet more spurring on though.
Been walking the dogs at the sea side everyday for about an hour and a bit. Slowly, not at a fast pace but it feels like the one place where all the thoughts go out of my head and my shoulder literally drop into relaxed stance. It's lovely.
Tash0088
Full Member
Hi Tilley, I was going to ask how you were doing, I'm glad you're feeling positive and motivated since your group session.
The string idea is very good, I wish I thought of that at the beginning! It's nice to see a difference in things like jeans - I find it hard to visualise what I've actually lost.
The dog walk sounds lovely, what dogs have you got? Dogs are great at getting you up and out, they don't care for the weather!
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
The string idea is very good, I wish I thought of that at the beginning! It's nice to see a difference in things like jeans - I find it hard to visualise what I've actually lost.
The dog walk sounds lovely, what dogs have you got? Dogs are great at getting you up and out, they don't care for the weather!
Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Hmmmm, so day 12. Had a blip at weekend. Examined feelings - they were all about reward for being good thus far. And back on it. I don't feel as crippled as I normally would about this as it just feels part of the process on this one. Although, now nervous I'll never fit into my dress! NEVER she says, like there aren't things that can be done if I blow it so much.
People are commenting on how healthy and happy I am looking, and feeling quite normal if not very very tired at random points. Sometimes wonder if it's because I have a little smidge of self-worth and actually it's boredom in situations that I find myself in and not having the energy to pretend to be interested in things if I'm not.
Had a big past thing resurface which I'll explain at some point but at the moment work is just so frantic I need to go. Just thought I'd better report in! xx
People are commenting on how healthy and happy I am looking, and feeling quite normal if not very very tired at random points. Sometimes wonder if it's because I have a little smidge of self-worth and actually it's boredom in situations that I find myself in and not having the energy to pretend to be interested in things if I'm not.
Had a big past thing resurface which I'll explain at some point but at the moment work is just so frantic I need to go. Just thought I'd better report in! xx
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Here I am, beginning at the beginning again.
I'm slightly concerned that even with a dress fitting looming, now in 4 weeks, it hasn't stopped my compulsive need to eat. Having lost 10lbs I have managed to do LL all day and then binge at night. I worry about this constantly and can't sleep for the thoughts buzzing around my brain about how on earth I'm going to cope with not fitting in to my dress. But still, I'm not taking it seriously. Is it just that I can't cope with losing weight, the weddign nerves, the wedding stress (have found planning a very stressful affair), the possibility of redundancy announced end of this month. Basically, the idea of everyone looking at me is scaring me. It's why my OH is the loud one, I hate that I have to take the limelight. But would I feel this way if I was slim? Why won't I even give myself a chance to find out. This is the simplest and most effective diet that's worked for me, so how can it be that I am incapable of doing it, with so much pressure to achieve I should be on it with no doubts.
I kinda wish we weren't getting married this way, and we'd just done it alone and privately. It seems to have turned into a monsterous affair about everyone else and not us. I hate it. I hate the idea of being away from my OH the night before due to some tradition, when we've lived together for years. I hate that I won't have him for support. I don't do girly and show-off well at all and this whole thing is becoming a nightmare. I hate myself for being so angry about the whole thing. I can only assume that it's just because i am embarrassed to be a fat bride. But then the circle comes back around of why can't I just make the change that I set out to make. I feel so pressured by everything. Bad day obviously.
I'm slightly concerned that even with a dress fitting looming, now in 4 weeks, it hasn't stopped my compulsive need to eat. Having lost 10lbs I have managed to do LL all day and then binge at night. I worry about this constantly and can't sleep for the thoughts buzzing around my brain about how on earth I'm going to cope with not fitting in to my dress. But still, I'm not taking it seriously. Is it just that I can't cope with losing weight, the weddign nerves, the wedding stress (have found planning a very stressful affair), the possibility of redundancy announced end of this month. Basically, the idea of everyone looking at me is scaring me. It's why my OH is the loud one, I hate that I have to take the limelight. But would I feel this way if I was slim? Why won't I even give myself a chance to find out. This is the simplest and most effective diet that's worked for me, so how can it be that I am incapable of doing it, with so much pressure to achieve I should be on it with no doubts.
I kinda wish we weren't getting married this way, and we'd just done it alone and privately. It seems to have turned into a monsterous affair about everyone else and not us. I hate it. I hate the idea of being away from my OH the night before due to some tradition, when we've lived together for years. I hate that I won't have him for support. I don't do girly and show-off well at all and this whole thing is becoming a nightmare. I hate myself for being so angry about the whole thing. I can only assume that it's just because i am embarrassed to be a fat bride. But then the circle comes back around of why can't I just make the change that I set out to make. I feel so pressured by everything. Bad day obviously.
I think that you actually think too much!
You have .. 4 weeks? Instead of panicking could you just not start taking this one meal at a time leading to one day at a time? And when you feel a binge coming on just ... Don't ?
I know that sounds very simplistic. But the hand wringing over thinking is just not working right now. Be really stern with yourself. If hunger is not the problem, then the answer isn't food. So, with that in mind, tell yourself you will NOT eat what you have agreed ( with yourself ) that you won't. Even if you have to pace up and down your kitchen screaming at yourself, just don't give in. Who's in charge here ? You or the crisps ? And as you know , one day will become two and so on and so forth.
You have .. 4 weeks? Instead of panicking could you just not start taking this one meal at a time leading to one day at a time? And when you feel a binge coming on just ... Don't ?
I know that sounds very simplistic. But the hand wringing over thinking is just not working right now. Be really stern with yourself. If hunger is not the problem, then the answer isn't food. So, with that in mind, tell yourself you will NOT eat what you have agreed ( with yourself ) that you won't. Even if you have to pace up and down your kitchen screaming at yourself, just don't give in. Who's in charge here ? You or the crisps ? And as you know , one day will become two and so on and so forth.
Was that a bit blunt? Hope not!
You've done this before with success. I know it's difficult - I did it myself and reached goal last September and I'm still here maintaining - but I have the same thoughts as you. I find it so difficult to maintain and sometimes feel panicky that I won't manage it for much longer. And even weighing 9 stone something I still feel .... Dunno. Not right sometimes. Overweight . Uncomfortable.
So I get how feel about it all.
You've done this before with success. I know it's difficult - I did it myself and reached goal last September and I'm still here maintaining - but I have the same thoughts as you. I find it so difficult to maintain and sometimes feel panicky that I won't manage it for much longer. And even weighing 9 stone something I still feel .... Dunno. Not right sometimes. Overweight . Uncomfortable.
So I get how feel about it all.
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Nope, not too blunt at all. Definitely need to grow up about this and stop. Just stop. One meal at a time it is. Meh. Going to take the dogs out and stop churning over wasting my time. X
