Big Boys Need Love Too!

Martyn said:
My mum has suffered from Agrophobia since i was about 10 years old. And my dad has worked night shifts since i was -8months old. So family life has never been to fun for me, as its always just been me and my sister looking after ourselves and mum. Me and my sister usually get by on our strained relationship, so we don't do much together now we are older (especially not with booze involved, fist fights usually follow). I think its done me good tho, made me grow up really fast so now i can take care of myself just fine lol.
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Well you know what...I am sure we have all had bad things happen in our lives. And whilsts they aren't nice or enjoyable in anyway, you learn from them, and they can ( if you learn) make you a stronger person. And makes you appreciate what you have and want to achieve.


elle2585 said:
ooh, interestingggggg... out of interest, how was it when you met up? not like anything similar is going on in my life or anything:p haha
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You mean when we met in person or on the net?
Why have you met someone?
:D
 
i met thomas online too :D

meeting up was weird but we'd been talking on skype for ages so other than being face to face we just continued talking like we had before, ha.

abz xx
 
elle2585 said:
howcome you and your sis dont get on much then? agoraphobia at it's 'best' is probably incredibly hard to live with. i have, like, the tiniest form of agoraphobia in the sense that i can be quite scared of big rooms haha. dont ask. stick me in a big room where there aren't lots of people and i really dont like it. and also i like to be surrounded by loads of people. hate it when theres only one or two people around. however it's gotten better as ive grown up. i know it all sounds ridiculous haha and nothin like your mum but i did read once that it's a form of agoraphobia. maybe i'm just a bit crazy... lol x
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Well I have reverse anoexia....I look in the mirror and don't think I am that fat!!:D
 
yeah. i have that too FFBB. think it's how i ended up so big!! ha. just bought more flattering clothes each time methinks :D

abz xx
 
Lol i am the other way, give me a huge empty room silent room and i am happy lol. But yea, she got the severe one, only left the house. 4 times that i can remember. 2 funerals, 1 doctors visit and 1 wedding.

She didn't even come to the hospital when i was hit by a car (only broke my ankle) Or when my sister was run over.

And me and my sister just have major conflicting personalites lol. I am laid back and friendly, she is very high strung and has more aggression than any woman i have seen. Only common ground we ever usually share is our mum. We don't hate her or anything. But we are really, really tired of her now.

Something has happened in the last couple of months (my sister has suffered it more because i only came home recently) But my mother has stopped doing EVERYTHING. All she does is lay on the couch, and thats it. She won't get up to get her own food/drink. Every morning i go down and have to open the curtains, she wont even do that.

Can't really explain just how i feel most of the time. Mixture of digust, anger, fury, pity. Most of the time i just contemplate not commin back home after september. Makes me a horrible person i know lol, but i have just had enough, then i realise its my mum, she cleaned my shitty nappy when i was a baby, and shes ill. Now its my turn to look after her, no matter how hard it is lol.

Ok... i have no idea why i just told you all something i have never told anyone before... Talk about a downer. Feel free to ignore the post and continue to be happy! lol
 
abz said:
i met thomas online too :D

meeting up was weird but we'd been talking on skype for ages so other than being face to face we just continued talking like we had before, ha.

abz xx
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Well at the time when we met ( in 1996) it wasn't exactly the done thing. But at least to a certain extent you didn't so much have the added worry of people lieing about who they really were. We talked for for 6 months before I met him. And when we met it was just like you said...you kinda just carry on as if you were chatting on line. But you can't help but stare at them. Me...I was talking a mile a sec as I do that when i am nervous. And to top it off I was flying over with another guy I had met on the internet who was a friend of mine, who paid for my ticket. ( lucky for me) and we were coming here to met the people we were chatting to.
 
haha yeah sometimes im the same! lol. and then i have a photo next to thin people and realise haha.

jenn i mean when you met in real life! I may have done, but the situation is a tad bit different. we already knew each other but not very well. our dad's used to play football together and we support the same team and used to see each other most weekends as we were in the same stand, and we'd sometimes say hi etc... and then he moved stands and i saw him on myspace, thought i'd say hi. that was just over two years ago... and since then we've spoken almost every day but havent met since then. we go on webcam sometimes but we're both too shy to meet, especially me. he's told me to go to nottingham to see him at uni but i'm too shy too! haha, check me out. loooooser or what. plus im not sure if there's anything there, just that we get on amazingly well and i find him quite good looking. hmmmmmm.....
 
oh my gosh jenn that's incredible you actually flew to another country! i've met someone who i met online, and i was absolutely fine when i met him, but this is different, not sure why.

tyn tyn! You're mum probably has severe depression, and you cant blame her really. i know how you feel to some extent, my mum had severe depression and she was similar, except sometimes she was euphoric and other times she was just crazily low and had these kinds of fits. was awful, but she got sorted. is there nothing anyone can do to help your mum? how about hypnosis??

there's nothing wrong with feeling like you dont want to go home hun, was the same in first year because of my mum. i dreaded going home for the weekends. dont worry about it at all, it's natural. keep being positive and realise that you need time out for yourself too. xxx
 
elle2585 said:
haha yeah sometimes im the same! lol. and then i have a photo next to thin people and realise haha.

jenn i mean when you met in real life! I may have done, but the situation is a tad bit different. we already knew each other but not very well. our dad's used to play football together and we support the same team and used to see each other most weekends as we were in the same stand, and we'd sometimes say hi etc... and then he moved stands and i saw him on myspace, thought i'd say hi. that was just over two years ago... and since then we've spoken almost every day but havent met since then. we go on webcam sometimes but we're both too shy to meet, especially me. he's told me to go to nottingham to see him at uni but i'm too shy too! haha, check me out. loooooser or what. plus im not sure if there's anything there, just that we get on amazingly well and i find him quite good looking. hmmmmmm.....
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Well...2 years is a long time...too shy if you have been on a web cam then there should be no fear!! what have you got to lose? You'll be friends no matter what right? For me to come over here I sold all my stuff, quit college and left all my mates and family behind...but I thought...I am young...by not...I can always go home and i would have rather lived with ...at least I tried then....I never found out!!That is why I try never to regret...what ever I chose was what I wanted at one time.
So go for it...or have him come to you....meet for a coffee casual like...no expectations....

My huuby had aleady aske me to marry him...and was a bit of a freak...told me he loved me the first time we talked on the phone...and he isn't really that kinda guy, even he admitted that at the time....but I kept my feelings to myself. I waited till I saw him...and I knew he was the one....and I was right. I could never EVER want anyone else. He is the most perfect man for me!! Completes me in every way and makes me want to be a better woman!! He loves me fat or thin, mad and b*tchy, sassy and scared....so who could ask for more!?;)
 
thomas moved to england to be with me. you can't get more dedicated than that (or FFBB for that matter by the sounds of things :))
 
I don't think this time is down to her 'condition' i think something else is wrong, I am almost crying typing this (what a wuff, i know!) But i think there is a chance she has something much bigger going on.

She has lost a ton of weight really quickly, shes hardly eating (living off Custerd of all things) has no energy. She even sleeps on the sofa, lives on the sofa. When any of us go downstairs to get food or even to pass through, she yells and barks at us to go away, i make dinner and the first thing she asks is 'You eating that down here? Take it to your room' And to top it off, one of her arms is atleast double the size of the other. And she has even stopped bathing, i have tried to talk to her, but she just pretends to be asleep whenever i go to do it. I really am scared because i am starting to hate her, and i know thats wrong because she is my mum, and i have always been close to her, but i can't even stand to be in the same room as her anymore without wanting to yell at her.

Its a wonder i am screwed up and wanting to move to the other side of the world isn't it? And i still have no idea why i am dumping all of this on you lot. I will shut up about it now, its far to depressing for a weight loss forum!
 
yeah my friends say that but there's SOMETHING stopping me. it's so weird i just dont know what the problem is!! i met that other guy no problem. I'd drawn him a pic of his face and just decided i was going to drop it round his so i did and we had a chat over a cup of tea! haha. and ive met him a couple of times since. but this guy, i dont know, i just can't do it! He's coming back to the same stand as me this season so seeing each other is inevitable. I wonder if he'll speak to me... haha

by the way, how lucky are you, this guy who you'd never met paid for your ticket? wow! haha. are you still friends with him? did his story end as well as yours? xxx
 
tyn tyn absolutely dont stop, you have to tell someone! have you thought of getting a doctor to her? or ringing a helpline? xxx
 
abz what's FFBB? hehe. Where's Thomas from? he sounds lovely, i wish I knew a decent man, that nice, who was made for me haha x
 
Martyn said:
I don't think this time is down to her 'condition' i think something else is wrong, I am almost crying typing this (what a wuff, i know!) But i think there is a chance she has something much bigger going on.

She has lost a ton of weight really quickly, shes hardly eating (living off Custerd of all things) has no energy. She even sleeps on the sofa, lives on the sofa. When any of us go downstairs to get food or even to pass through, she yells and barks at us to go away, i make dinner and the first thing she asks is 'You eating that down here? Take it to your room' And to top it off, one of her arms is atleast double the size of the other. And she has even stopped bathing, i have tried to talk to her, but she just pretends to be asleep whenever i go to do it. I really am scared because i am starting to hate her, and i know thats wrong because she is my mum, and i have always been close to her, but i can't even stand to be in the same room as her anymore without wanting to yell at her.

Its a wonder i am screwed up and wanting to move to the other side of the world isn't it? And i still have no idea why i am dumping all of this on you lot. I will shut up about it now, its far to depressing for a weight loss forum!
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Hun, you need to call the doctors!! Seriously, you can't just leave her like that. I know it must tear you up seeing her like that, but she needs HELP, and you can do it for her!! She may not like you for doing, but would you be able to live with yourself if you just stoody by and watched. Something may be wrong...I am sorry to say, but it is the truth. It may be a problem with heart or something similar ( not trying to scare you) but I would seek professional advice

But don't you feel guilty ...something like this effects the whole family and whilst you love your mother dearly I am sure, that doesn't mean you have to always like them. But you are doing the right thing by trying to take care of yourself by losing weight and trying to make plans for your future.

 
elle2585 said:
yeah my friends say that but there's SOMETHING stopping me. it's so weird i just dont know what the problem is!! i met that other guy no problem. I'd drawn him a pic of his face and just decided i was going to drop it round his so i did and we had a chat over a cup of tea! haha. and ive met him a couple of times since. but this guy, i dont know, i just can't do it! He's coming back to the same stand as me this season so seeing each other is inevitable. I wonder if he'll speak to me... haha

by the way, how lucky are you, this guy who you'd never met paid for your ticket? wow! haha. are you still friends with him? did his story end as well as yours? xxx
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Yeah i know tell me about it. Doug ( was the guys name) , i have no idea who things went. We drove him to liverpool and that was the last I saw of him. I emailed him whilst he was hear but the girl he was talking to was jealous or something and didn't want to me to go to the airport to say good bye and then he stopped talking to me. But what I did find out was that she was lying and that she had a boyfriend at the same time egging doug on to come over he spent most of his money on her and was staying at hostels. then she booted him...so it was his own fault and the girl was a freak. I do wish I had been able to pay him back...but she just vanished into thin air.
I can't even remember his surname now....shame...oh well...

 
Jenn try to put an avatar up now, it might work! Tyn i totally agree with Jenn, you need to get a doctor in. If you're not sure who to ring see if your dad can help out. In the long run, it's the best thing you can do. As an example, my friend who shall remain anonymous, her mum got schizophrenia and they ended up calling a doctor who had her sectioned under the mental health act. as you can imagine her mum wasn't impressed (to say the least) but she got better and is back at home! x
 
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