Self disappointment - worse than that of others
You have done so well and look at how much you have lost. Just keep thinking of that and this should give you the push to get the rest of your journey done. We are all with you in this Irene xx
Well it wasn't enough to keep me on the straight and narrow - I went to the pub, it was good but as I thought it would be. ALL the blokes were totally into Lucy and her even skinnier mate.... and I mean ALL!!!!(and there place was packed as it had been open all day and the music etc)
Having a rethink now as to whether I want to go there with Lucy any more now.
Probably will, just being a moody mardy mare.
I took the chocs and handed them out. I won a massive easter egg in the quiz and then traded it for a lovely Lily of The Valley set of tealights and wax burner things.. and then won again so chose a box of Dairy Milk and gave it to the couple who traded my egg with me , as a thank you, they then handed the chocs around. I didn't have any but I wanted to trough the damn lot.
Got home just before midnight and went straight to the fridge, ate half the cornflake cake (about the size of a large slice of pizza) gave rest to dog, then cooked all the chicken strips that were in the fridge and a whole red onion chopped that up and added the last of the pickled cabbage and pickled beetroot and shovelled it down and finally rounded the lot off with a cambridge bar!
So. massive failure, utterly ashamed, should have listened to "slippery slope" warnings. This was a complete out of control spiral. I know it could have been worse, I know it's probably knocked me so far out of ketosis that I'm going to regret it the entire fecking week, I know that calorie wise it was probably about 300 for the chicken and lots more for the cornflake thing.
Until yesterday I had never actually felt particularly "deprived" on this diet. I don't know
why yesterday was any different. Although spending the entire evening surrounded by food may not have helped much (there was a BBQ at the pub and literally dozens of large Cadburys Easter Eggs and boxes of chocs.. everywhere!).
I am not going to put the telly on today, I am not going out.
I am going to SS again today. Have texted Zoe to tell her the fate of her culinary skills and begged her (again) to NOT leave anything in the fridge like that - although it is utterly MY fault, MY decisions, MY choices to do what I did. I didn't particularly enjoy any of it either. I wasn't going to spill the beans on here as I know that some of you will be terribly disappointed that I've succumbed now too.
I'll let you into a secret. I'm
totally disappointed that I have too! So please, I don't want to be told that I have disappointed anyone - I already know it.
I feel rubbish about it. I'm glad it's done with and if it helps me stop feeling like raiding the shops today then it's a good thing, I guess.
In the greater scheme of things I think that it's a blip. Or at least I am going to tell myself that. I'm going to try to convince myself that this is not the beginning of the end but a tiny glitch in my food-related-leetle-grey-cells-wiring.
I know I could've gone to the petrol station and bought out their twixes and crisps and anything else I wanted and come home and stuffed myself and no-one would be any the wiser! I did go to the station and bought a paper (at about 11.45pm) but that was all.
I don't want platitudes, I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't want angry admonishings either - they won't help. Not this time. I don't want any psycho-analytical BS either. (told ya - mardy moody mare!!!)
So , please, just know that I have done it, admitted it, and today is a new day. Back to being 100% SSing and wishing tomorrows weigh in was today but hoping I haven't done too much damage and made it so that I have extended my time on CD.
Met up (on msn) with my friend in the states when I came home.. (online) which is why I didn't just come in and go straight to bed (which would have been my normal move to avoid temptation). I was in too bad a mood to chat really and told him what had happened. He was a poppet. I was so tired though so we didn't chat long.
I desperately needed a hug. Went to bed and put in ear plugs - no one else here so safe enough.
Woke up at 7 and went out to sort out a really nasty garden job I had to do.. not going into too many details, but suffice it to say, not impressed that the chap who came and did my garden the other month.. had left all the dog poo in one box at the side of the house and it was MOST unpleasant... so I had to dispose of it and I did so...down the main sewer... only to find that the drains were blocked (bit of luck I was doing what I was really or wouldn't have known until the loo had overflowed!!)
So, neighbour saw me out there scratching my head and he checked his drain and between us we sort of got things moving again but it was
most unpleasant!
Then the dog got out - whilst I was preoccupied with drains the cheeky sod took the opportunity to run off for a little jaunt - who knows where! He came home though and was very pleased with himself!
I decided to come on here and say what I have, because this is, after all, my diary and it was a part of my day yesterday.
I've hurt my right hand lifting the drain cover but it'll be fine if I rest it a bit tonight. My sister will be on her way now, I haven't even hung out the washing, the kitchen looks good though and I have cleaned the cloakroom and bathroom.
Need to do the ad for the festival but not in the mood at all. Not in the mood to do anything and not in the mood to entertain a sister who STILL saw that eedjit and is now upset because he has done another of his miraculous vanishing acts on, well, whaddya know, another holiday where most folks would spend it with the person they love!!! He's a C*** word (and I NEVER use that word!!!) and she's an idiot. I don't think I'll be particularly sympathetic but will have to try as I know she's very upset but honestly, how many times do you let a guy treat you like a right muppet before you actually wake up and make the decision that he is spinning you a line and a liar and a cheat!! (especially given the past few months of his nonsense!!!!) I am so mad at him, and, to be honest, at her. She's older than me. She should know better. I'm crap with blokes too, but never lost money to em or allowed them to mess me around to the same extent. Mind you, in fairness, I've allowed them to treat me pretty shabbily so I guess it must be a familial genetic disorder in the females of our bloodline!!! So I will be sympathetic coz I love her and she's my sis and maybe we will sit and cry together and it just might do us both good!
I had to tell her to bring food as I don't have any. I hope and pray she doesn't bring lush stuff!!
Still brooding over last night and am getting very cross with myself about it.
Going to hang out the washing and try to clear a room for sis to sleep in.. might get her to help me sort out all the old clothes as that will mean we can chat and sort at the same time, and in the sunshine if possible.
Going to put the rubbish by the shed in bin bags and stack them up ready for the bin men to take next pick up (think its Weds but no idea really) am wearing very old baggy clothes which I feel huge in.. might change before sis gets here, I put these on coz of drain thing. Am very tired too. Not good. It's only 10am.
MUST do the festival ad.. it'll take me hours... why can't there be 40 hours in a day!!?????
